Is it morbid to tell your family which music you'd want at funeral?

[doadeer]

If anything ever happened to me, I have important pieces of music to me I would want at my funeral. I've told DH these on a few occasions just in case - he refuses to listen and says I'm morbid. (Just to note I don't have anything wrong with me)

Does anyone else have these discussions or am I very strange?

I think it is so important to discuss these things and it does make life easier for those left behind. But I do think its important to talk . The funeral is not actually for the dead person but for the mourners so if you were to choose something they felt uncomfortable with , or some family members dont want, then you have the potential to upset them. People need to grieve in their own way. Younger people may need a little nudge to have an open conversation. Our culture has it all wrong making death such a taboo. We should all be unafraid to think of these things

Not morbid at all.

My mum and I are very practical about stuff like that but my sis hates discussing things like that. I think she finds it too emotionally loaded.

I agree with others. Write it down, stick it in your will. Done. Family can find out then.

Some people just don't like discussing it though, I think it's important to respect that. They're perfectly entitled to feel that way.

No, not morbid just sensible while you are well.
My dad gave me his funeral song requests when he was dying and it was a difficult to cope with conversation as it brought it home i was going to lose him.
My mum now gives me her requests when i go round for lunch. Or in Asda.
Much easier when you are well to have things explained to your family

Imagine them playing something awful because you didn't tell them though.

Why would it matter? You would be dead.

I don’t care what happens at my funeral as long as it gives my family some comfort.

I had the Countdown conundrum music playing during part of my grandmas funeral. She loved countdown and I hope she was laughing as much as we were as her coffin disappeared to that music.

No it's very helpful when you come to plan a loved ones funeral. But don't make him listen to them, take it seriously, write your wishes out for him to read in the event you die first.

We used to tease my mum about her writing down the hymns she wanted at her funeral but when the time came it was very comforting to know we were choosing what she wanted. Seems sensible to me.

I'm having The Jam....Going Underground.

Of course it’s not morbid. I have chosen the hymns and bible readings for my own funeral, and keep them written on a sheet with my will. The DC are not practising Christians and would not know otherwise what I wanted.
My choices are very meaningful to me. I picked the hymn “In heavenly love abiding” because my DH died 28 years ago and I hope to be reunited with him. There is a lovely line in that hymn: “My saviour has my treasure and I will walk with him” - well, DH was very definitely my treasure, and I long to walk with him again.
I picked the very comforting reading from Revelation about God wiping away all tears, and there being no more sorrow, neither death nor dying.
Bereaved relatives are stressed enough without having to plan your funeral service - crack on and do it for them, OP!

It was so much easier knowing some of the music Mum wanted at her funeral. There is so much paperwork around death, so many things to organise, any decision already made just made it that bit easier.

Tell people about it when it doesn't matter so much, when it's a while off. Just talk about it. It really is easier for those left behind. Also talk about your views on organ donation - I hope I never need to use the knowledge, but my sister and I both know we carry donor cards, and we had discussed it over the years as a family, so that when Mum was in hospital and it was a remote possibility that an organ donation might be an option, we were in agreement about how she'd feel about it (as it was, she never regained consciousness, so it wasn't ever possible anyway.)

It's important to talk about these things. If you don't care what will happen, it's still helpful for people to know you don't mind. It's much easier to talk about when it's theoretical and hopefully years off.

Lifecraft

I was thinking of getting the crem to st up a voting button - Stairway to Heaven or Highway to Hell ?

Not morbid! I have a list for both my mum and dad on my phone 🤷‍♀️

I remember my DS when he was about 6 telling me he wanted 'Who let the dogs out' at his funeral! I think we'd just buried one of his guinea pigs in the garden and sung All Things Bright and Beautiful. He's 23 now and has changed his mind although he's not come up with an alternative - but hopefully I won't be arranging his funeral.

I don't see anything morbid about discussing what you'd like - it saves a lot of angst for the relatives arranging the funeral - although acknowledging that the deceased won't actually hear what is played so any wishes can be ignored!

Not morbid at all. When the time comes it will be a relief for those organising to know they are doing what and how you want and also it will be easier on them rather than having to find music etc that they feel is appropriate.

I think it's good to discuss some details and give ideas, but I don't think it's fair to be absolutely insistent on certain music and the likes

I have a friend whose husband planned his own funeral to the letter.

She can no longer listen to her favourite song that was special to them because it reminds her of his funeral. Same with a poem they'd had at their wedding because it now reminds her of his funeral

It's made his loss harder for her rather than easier. Whereas pre-dementia really setting in FIL gave MIL a list of 5/6 songs that he likes, a few poems, plus has written specifically that whatever she wants to do is absoutely fine by him and it has made planning his funeral these last two weeks much easier because she's had guidance, but also can do the things she wants to do.

It makes no difference to the person who has died what song is played, but can make a massive difference to those left behind

When my husband was terminal and we knew we was down to the last few weeks. We spent a very tearful afternoon on you tube so he could choose his funeral music. Ok it was not an afternoon I wish to remember in too much detail but when the time came it did bring me comfort to know he was getting what he wanted.

Of course it’s nit morbid. I think putting your wishes down on paper and letting your family know that it’s your funeral wishes is a really good idea, so there’s no worries about picking the right music, etc when your time comes. It’s the last kind act you can do for your family. No one has any idea how difficult it is to organise a funeral until they’ve had to do it themselves. My dear husband told me his choice of chapel, music and even where he wanted to after tea to be in the months following his terminal diagnosis. Arranging his funeral was very difficult but knowing what he wanted and that I was following out his wishes was a tremendous help.

I’m in good health but plan on organising my own funeral, right down to paying for my coffin, so that’s one less thing for my adult children to stress about.

Not morbid in my mind, you're showing that you care to make things as easy as possible when you're gone. my dad died suddenly when he was 36 and he hadn't said anything about his funeral but the ones i've been to since people have at least given an idea of their wishes before they died and that makes things that little bit easier.

I haven't decided exactly what i'd want to do for mine as I'm an atheist and would like to be cremated but I want my family to have a bit of a service as I know that would help them with some closure. I m not a drinker but always loved pub grub so a family meal at a pub afterwards i think.

agree with what's already been said, if anything it's a gift. organising a funeral fucking sucks shit (especially when it's unexpected) and having a ready made plan or guidelines makes a massive difference

Not at all morbid, in fact very sensible. I too have something I would like played at my funeral.

@Confusedbeetle
I agree with your sentiments exactly, having lost a parent at 9 no one had a clue at all what to say to me and it made the grief much more difficult for me because its something that people never imagine can happen.
I'm very open about talking about death with anyone regardless of their age and I hate that its something people aren't made to feel comfortable to share their experiences of.

My family know I want The sound of music, so long, farewell to play as they leave the crematorium.nnotmsure what I want on my entrance.

I don't think it's morbid it's one of life's certainties, sadly. I had a dear friend who died a few years ago and he was singing a particular song one day which I thought I must remember that for his funeral (he had terminal cancer) when he died I could not remember the song. Luckily he had lots of favourites so it wasn't too difficult.

It's so hard for those left behind to sort the little things when a loved one dies so this makes it a little easier.

Not morbid at all. If you don’t write down and tell people what you want you’ll get what they think you’ll have wanted , decided in a rush whilst grieving.

I had no idea what my mum and dad wanted so planned for the rest of us. We had a couple of lovely send offs and they’d have said “ you did well “ but they probably would have chosen differently.

Talking about death seems to be a taboo subject but I can speak quite openly about it. I’ve got all my funeral plans written down documented and in a folder with my will.
Only about two other people I know have a will, the rest think oh I’m not getting that I don’t need it.
Having to plan someone’s funeral without any idea of their wishes isn’t pleasant

Not at all morbid. After my aunt died my cousin and I found a letter addressed to the two of us (she had five nephews and nieces and clearly knew which two would be organising everything 😀) with hymns, readings, a poem and a plan of the service. Wonderful. At such a stressful time it was so good to be confident we knew we were doing what she wanted. It was a lovely service too.