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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

He wont have tory voting grandparents over for xmas

830 replies

Smilebehappy123 · 14/12/2019 23:35

As it says in the title
DH refusing to have my grandparents for xmas dinner, says he cant stand to have xmas dinner with them as they shared with us yesterday that they voted tory , we are both very left wing and have always voted labour
Not only does he not want to have xmas dinner with them he doesn't want to socialise at all with them.
What can I do ? Grandfather is very political so this topic will be brought up
Dh says he cant stand the selfish old bastards and doesn't want to know them

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 15/12/2019 03:15

It's his house. And it's not just a political opinion that he happens to disagree with.

Nobody should have to put up with mockery of the poor under their own roof.

mathanxiety · 15/12/2019 03:18

I assume the grandparents are reasonable people and mature enough to accept that we all have differing opinions on matters.

Maybe read the OP's posts again, BritWife

Their own child and that child's spouse are No Contact with these people. The OP's sister can't stand them either.

The GF shouts at everyone if there is a little silence in the conversation.

Straightrhymes · 15/12/2019 03:19

They sound like horrible, callous, people. Why should he be forced to spend time with them?

Bibijayne · 15/12/2019 03:28

YABU to phrase your OP so. It's clear your DH doesn't want Christmas ruined by toxic views and arguments with your grandfather who will insist on talking about his views on the poor etc.

Straightrhymes · 15/12/2019 03:28

It's interesting to see the vitriol levelled at your husband because he's dared to have an opinion about the kinds of people he wants to spend time with (the absolute gall, eh?!). I wonder how many of these Conservative voters are worried that they too will be rejected socially for their lack of empathy and ignorance of social injustice?

Starheart · 15/12/2019 03:47

This is your baby's first Christmas. Personally I wouldn't be inviting them if it's going to cause upset . Their views are appalling. I do think you want to set some boundaries now because as your child grows they will be exposed to these views.

Llioed · 15/12/2019 04:07

OP, I have only read to the end of page 2 of the comments here, but if I was in your shoes I wouldn’t invite the GPs.
Even if you DID invite them the no-politics rule would quickly end up like forgotten about. If this was a wider family social occasion then yes, invite them because your DH could avoid them. However I’m guessing there will only be a few of you on Christmas Day so so no being able to avoid GPs in your house?
Don’t invite. From the comments you have said after your initial post it sounds like even YOU are not that keen on them.

SinglePringle · 15/12/2019 04:15

I like the sound of your husband.

Your parents? Not so much.

madeyemoodysmum · 15/12/2019 04:20

He is pathetic

Swirls1111 · 15/12/2019 04:23

My mother holds similar views. I won’t cut her out of my life, but I don’t seek to spend time with her either. Of course everyone is entitled to their views. I am equally entitled to spend my time with who I wish.

rockingchaircandle · 15/12/2019 04:31

I think it's the grandparents that are awful, and the more you say about their views the more I think your husband is justified. Not because they voted Tory but because of the reasons why.

It's a huge privilege to think people should get over politics, Brexit and overlook shitty views like this. It's devastating for some people. Your husband isn't a dickhead for not wanting to hear it.

As Christmas is apparently a time for goodwill, they could laugh about the homeless in their house I think.

NameChangeNugget · 15/12/2019 04:31

Your DH is a sanctimonious twat

Littlebean0506 · 15/12/2019 04:31

I've told my partner that when we go to his parents just before chirstmas that we won't be talking about politics if they do then we leave (it's also our daughters first Christmas, I want happy memories not memories of arguing.) His parents voted for the tories we didn't, every time we have seen them recently they have bought up politics and then refused to listen to a different point of view and will argue about why we are wrong etc however I couldn't imagine not seeing them. It sounds like you all need to make a compromise that ever will stick to

PerspicaciaTick · 15/12/2019 04:32

You both clearly loathe your grandparents and their opinions. You don't have to socialise with them.

MiniGuinness · 15/12/2019 04:35

You are massively over-egging the pudding now OP.

bogginmacaroni · 15/12/2019 04:47

Naw they sound awful.

FudgeBrownie2019 · 15/12/2019 04:55

It's not the fact they voted Tory, really, though. It's the fact they're arseholes. You can vote Tory and not be an arsehole, the two aren't inextricably linked.

I wouldn't spend my Christmas with arseholes. Your DH isn't willing to spend his Christmas with arseholes. The rest of your family aren't willing to spend their Christmas with arseholes. You can keep the peace all you like but why would you want dickheads spouting bullshit over the dinner table on a day that should be set aside for kindness, family and goodwill?

Weenurse · 15/12/2019 05:10

@FudgeBrownie2019 I agree with you

DoTheHop · 15/12/2019 05:20

I couldn't give a shite what way they voted but I applaud him for not having them over because of their views on homeless people. It is not someone's design nor plan nor fault if they become homeless. Life just throws you curveballs now and again.

For that reason, I'm with your DH. They could vote for the spaghetti monsters if they liked, once they weren't obnoxious twats.

ButtercupGirI · 15/12/2019 05:27

There must be a lot of people to hate. How are you going to live like this?

Howlovely · 15/12/2019 05:30

It's really interesting that so many people on here think that OP's husband is stupid, horrible, a cunt, vile, etc, for not wanting outspoken, gloaty, smug, sneering, goady, bigoted people who laugh at poor children in his home on Christmas day. Being older doesn't magically make people tolerable and nice to be around, neither does it mean other people have to pussyfoot around them and put up with their hateful views. Some comments just saying things like, 'Your husband is vile', make absolutely no mention of the vile nature of the GP's views. This can only mean that they agree with them. Very telling.
It is not at all unreasonable for your husband to not want to invite hate into his home over Christmas. He clearly won't be able to relax and enjoy the day because everybody will be waiting for your GP's sneering attack on the less fortunate. Even if you ban political talk I doubt they'd take any notice of it at all and may even make snide comments about it. Regardless, it will become a huge elephant in the room as it appears your GP's will not behave themselves. Apparently, they're allowed to have this extreme views because 'they have more life experience'. Good grief. It's the OP's husband who is the vile cunt is it? Just why is OP's husband horrible for not wanting his wealthy, healthy, fit and competent but actually extremely nasty GP-in-law to ruin their daughter's first Christmas?!

AllideasAndNoAction · 15/12/2019 05:30

We never see DH's leave-voting, Tory grandmother more than about once every 3 years. We call her Racist Nan in discussion about her and have no interest in the views she spreads on Facebook.

Yes, all Tories and Leave voters are racists with absolutely nothing more than Racism on their agenda. What a charming thing to teach your children.

There's a funny song about this by Johnny and the Baptists about grandparents being refused access to their grandchildren because they read the Daily Mail.

Well it would be funny, if there were no chance that it might actually be the truth in some families. Is there no end to how smugly self-righteous some Labour Voters can be? And no, I am not a DM reader.

We are seeing Racist Nan this Christmas. We both have our Remain tshirts ready to wear without further comment.

Well aren't you the clever ones? Luckily for Racist Nan, she'll be able to ride out your deliberate provocation and obvious distain with calm dignity because at the end of the visit she'll go home knowing Brexit will get done and JC is back in the political wilderness where he belongs. Merry Christmas.

Howlovely · 15/12/2019 05:33

@BritWifeinUSA
Wow. Just wow. I assume the grandparents are reasonable people and mature enough to accept that we all have differing opinions on matters.

May I ask, what on earth has given you this impression? Can you quote any of the OP's posts that suggest this?

Howlovely · 15/12/2019 05:37

Well aren't you the clever ones? Luckily for Racist Nan, she'll be able to ride out your deliberate provocation and obvious distain with calm dignity because at the end of the visit she'll go home knowing Brexit will get done and JC is back in the political wilderness where he belongs. Merry Christmas

So there! 😝 Just read that back and see if you can see how pathetic and childish that sounds.
Gosh, some people really don't like their views being called into question, do they?

Mummyoflittledragon · 15/12/2019 05:37

My mother has similar views. Is also very comfortably off. Racist, Misogynistic views etc. She sent me a gushing text after the result of the referendum. My dh is European and I spent a decade living in various European countries. She was most surprised by my response.

I get it. I really do. My dh would gladly never entertain her again. My brother and wife have the same views as her. She’s a narcissist and he’s the golden child. But hey ho my dd loves her a lot. We only have dhs father on the other side and he doesn’t really know how to interact with people let alone dd.

My mother has somewhat toned down her behaviour since I learnt to stick up for myself and no longer take her crap. It took some doing. I like FrancisCrawfords suggestion very much. Otherwise you do the “This is our home. Respect our boundaries or leave” type discussion.

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