He wont have tory voting grandparents over for xmas

[Smilebehappy123]

As it says in the title
DH refusing to have my grandparents for xmas dinner, says he cant stand to have xmas dinner with them as they shared with us yesterday that they voted tory , we are both very left wing and have always voted labour
Not only does he not want to have xmas dinner with them he doesn't want to socialise at all with them.
What can I do ? Grandfather is very political so this topic will be brought up
Dh says he cant stand the selfish old bastards and doesn't want to know them

@mathanxiety - she has two houses & a good pension

leave it to impoverished cats - yes completely agree with you

I completely understand his viewpoint, I have a tory relative who I don’t particularly want to see right now. I suspect I will feel differently in a week or so though. I think a lot of us are still in shock about what’s happened and are feeling very vulnerable and frightened. I felt like that after the referendum but over time have gained perspective, it’s likely he will too.

Well said @Span1elsRock

Even having read your drip feed updates I agree with PPs that your husband sounds a massive twat.

Re: inheritance I assume if you go NC with relatives you write that off.

It’s pretty telling that the children and other grandchild have both decided their current peace of mind is worth more than the future cash boost and the ability to not shop in Iceland.

They sound dull and socially inept too - do they have ANY topics of intelligent conversation apart from making sneery bullying comments?

If they haven’t worked then I suspect they aren’t that intelligent, live in their own heads a lot, occasionally get sycophantic service from people impressed by their wealth, and mistake strange comments for scintillating wit.

@Legomadx2 - why is he a 'massive twat' though?

You both invited them so clearly you were both ok with spending Christmas with them.

The fact that your DH wants to uninvite them now he knows they voted conservative is very telling. He must have known how they vote if they are so opinionated so it is clearly something he just wants to do so that it hurts them so close to Christmas. Now ask yourself if that is a nice trait in someone?

I would be onboard with anyone not spending time with people they don't like at Christmas but you simply do not accept invites or send invites out. To un invite people to prove a point is nasty no matter which party you align yourself with

My PILs voted for Brexit, my DH lost his job because of Brexit. None of it is personal though!

Will having them potentially ruin Christmas for you? Either by not being able to stay silent about politics or because you’ll be on eggshells the whole time waiting for it to kick off?

Would your DH force you to spend time with someone you felt this strongly about?

I think you’re being quite mean to rescind the invitation. You knew all of the downsides of spending time with your grandparents before Thursday and still planned go have Christmas with them. Their vote shouldn’t be the deciding factor. Lots of elderly people hold views that are unpalatable nowadays. You might find that your own grandchildren think the same as you one day.

Ultimately your DH can’t purge all Tory voters out of his life and it is an extreme thing to think he can do (he’ll be surrounded by them). If you don’t like your grandparents and don’t want to spend time with them then that is different.

You should serve them a vegan Christmas with no crackers, no plastic waste etc - really go full left wing on them. Really play up to the left wing image. No presents either as you are concerned about the planet - and tell them you have donated their present to a food bank

This^. Also say you're spending a good chunk of the day helping out at a homeless shelter and they're welcome to join you. Also make a big show of 'saying grace'/giving thanks before your meal and include those in the UK less fortunate than them.

They sound like incredibly awful people to be honest.

I think your husband is being a bit of an idiot though- I mean, why on Earth haven’t you both scrapped them already?

“watermelon smiles”
“picannnies”
“letterboxes”
articles of feeling “threatened” by black youths and books written featuring Jewish conspiracies.

Why did they vote for an unapologetic racist, though? What a good lesson for our children.

Your DH doesn't sound like "the most kind loving man" with this behaviour. He sounds like an intolerant petulant git. Imagine wanting to leave two old people on their own at Christmas just because he's having a tantrum about them not voting the same way that he did. What would he do to you if you found some Tory policies that you liked and subsequently voted for them?

He sounds absolutely awful and I'd be telling him that they are coming over and he's to be civil (and have a word with grandad as well and warn him no politics talk) or DH would be getting left on his own while you go to grandparents house.

I'm confused....
You KNOW their views and have done for years , but somehow, NOW its become a problem?

i don’t have any Tory voters in my life. If you work in public service, your work colleagues tend to think the same as you. It’s natural to spend your time predominantly with people who hold similar values. Family is a little different - however, all of those thinking this is horrific - why on earth would you want to spend time with people who think you’re unpleasant?! Vote for whomever you want but at least own it. The ‘free to choose’ works both ways.

“What would he do to you if you found some Tory policies that you liked and subsequently voted for them?”

Most decent people don’t vote for a party led by an unapologetic racist. Abstain or vote for another party - plenty of them. All I can say in their defense is perhaps they were ignorant of his remarks.

I think some people who don’t have close friends/family etc of other races tend to overlook racist remarks. While to people who do have close friends/family of other races they are unforgivable, especially when the person who made them A) is unapologetic about them & B) has lived an extraordinarily privileged life and has absolutely no excuse for not knowing better

@DappledThings that song is absolutely awful. How intolerant, hateful and just downright sad.

The bigoted liberal. How awful.

I'm currently staying with my parents who are both Tories. My Dad cannot help himself making snide comments about the election. I've not responded even once but it's fucking annoying. The idea of spending Christmas with them with alcohol and minor boredom/restlessness involved makes me feel unbearably stressed. I don't blame your DH tbh and don't think he's a nasty man or dickhead at all. Interesting that so many are saying he is yet the poll is showing that the majority of posters looking at the thread think it's OP who is unreasonable.

I don't think the OP's DH sounds petulant or like a massive twat. I think he sounds sick to the back teeth of this vile pair of Daily Fail Reading, Tory voting, Brexiteers. They're welcome to their opinions however they should keep them to themselves.

My parents and PIL are the same and I refuse to spend time in their company atm. My dad said he's never seen any evidence of poverty in this country and MIL, who is usually quite placid, went off on a huge rant about there being a box for the food bank and period poverty in Morrisons. They refuse to believe that the NHS is underfunded, it's all the fault of the immigrants, DS2 works as a nurse in A&E but he's wrong about it all. The icing on the cake for me was when I was told I'll have to learn to live without my medication if/when Brexit goes tits up.

If I knew that I could go to their houses for a nice chat, I'd go, but they can't help themselves and I don't need that sort of shit so I'm staying away. I'm firmly on the DH's side here

@MrOnionsBumperRoller
I think all bigots are awful. Do you prefer the right wing variety?

Mlou32 - these 'old people' are not feeble, helpless people with no means to feed themselves a Christmas dinner. They display some quite frankly abhorrent views and actively support a racist, homophobic elitist who has burned £20 notes in front of homeless people. They think he is the epitome of what this country stands for/should aim for. There is absolutely nothing petulant or gittish in not wanting that kind of hate in your own home at Christmas or indeed any other time.
Politics aren't always just discrete beliefs, for some people it is a lifestyle choice. It is clearly important to OP and her husband to live in a way inkeeping with what they believe is right, fair and just so that would include not marrying someone who has opposing political beliefs that make them laugh at poor children and call people racist names. So it would be unlikely that OP would suddenly decide to start voting Tory so asking what her husband would do in that respect is moot. Also, why on earth would OP leave her husband out of Christmas and go to spend the day with her bigoted grandparents?! Absolutely baffling.

I wouldn't want them in my house either, not because of their political persuasion though, everyone is entitled to their own view. The more you posted about them, the more you convinced me they are utterly vile people who, to put it extremely bluntly, I wouldn't piss on if they were on fire.

As I've always said, I don't care about others political views, as long as they don't ram it down my throat. As far as I'm concerned, the election is over, the result is what it is, I can't change it, none of us can change it until the next election and there are no guarantees then. Time to just get on with life the best we can.