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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

He wont have tory voting grandparents over for xmas

830 replies

Smilebehappy123 · 14/12/2019 23:35

As it says in the title
DH refusing to have my grandparents for xmas dinner, says he cant stand to have xmas dinner with them as they shared with us yesterday that they voted tory , we are both very left wing and have always voted labour
Not only does he not want to have xmas dinner with them he doesn't want to socialise at all with them.
What can I do ? Grandfather is very political so this topic will be brought up
Dh says he cant stand the selfish old bastards and doesn't want to know them

OP posts:
FoamingAtTheUterus · 15/12/2019 01:51

In fairness they do sound like arseholes........ obviously he's wrong but I can see why he doesn't want to socialise with them. If they aren't willing to meet in the middle and not bring up.politics or share their nasty views then he shouldn't have to share air space with them.

QueenOfCatan · 15/12/2019 01:51

The more you post about them the more I agree with him tbh. They can't stay quiet about politics and he doesn't want it to ruin his Christmas, don't blame him at all, I am currently avoiding my nan for similar reasons and she's not even half as bad as yours by the sounds of it! It's no wonder the rest of your family don't bother with them! They sound horrid.

Shesalittlemadam · 15/12/2019 01:56

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joystir59 · 15/12/2019 02:00

If he is very kind and loving he won't be excluding them from eating in his house will be? I'm assuming they haven't actually committed any crimes against humanity? He needs to grow up.

FoamingAtTheUterus · 15/12/2019 02:05

And he's a nicer cunt than me, because I wouldn't go to the funeral of a racist. 💁🏻‍♀️

Thestrangestthing · 15/12/2019 02:05

Strange that with every post your GPS get worse and worse.

DBML · 15/12/2019 02:10

Wow. There’s your vile husband banning your grandparents from having Christmas with their family and you, their grand daughter, slagging them off post after post on the internet.

I didn’t vote Tory, but it’s not the homeless and poor that made me not want to vote labour...it’s people like you two.

TobyParker · 15/12/2019 02:10

I get the vibe it’s not the actual vote that matters, it’s the fact that they are unpleasant insecure people who insist on imposing nasty views on others which is upsetting your DH

and he doesn’t want to have a fight with them in his own home on Xmas day so he is not being unreasonable?

I wonder if the fact that their “wealth” isn’t actually earned through actual
skills or business acumen or a long term respected vocation or career may have something to do with it - many humble and self-effacing people I know are wealthy. The vote is irrelevant.

I mean Sajid Javid might not be everyone’s favourite person right now (Tory and very rich) but you couldn’t really imagine him sitting there casually making snide snobbish comments about poor people?

I went for a coffee with someone who is a (self made) banking millionaire - he’s taken very early retirement, makes large profits on new investments for fun, and is fixing bikes this Xmas at a charity (basically a career technical geek). He doesn’t shop at Iceland but mentions Waitrose is expensive so prefers Aldi or Lidl.

Similarly a business millionaire who is slightly related to me likes nothing more than going to give free talks on business to encourage schoolchildren within his old community.

It’s just the vulgarity of getting money not through work but randomly through inheritance etc then playing ”I’m considerably richer than you and you could be where I am if you tried harder” which is winding your DH up - and perhaps rightly so.

MutedUser · 15/12/2019 02:13

Your other half is the twat here judging people for having a different opinion to him. Refusing to spend time with elderly relatives he sounds horrible. I’m sorry you are married to someone so controlling.

oabiti · 15/12/2019 02:17

I wouldn't be Christmas-dining with family who were gloating over others' misfortunes and being pompous about it, either.

AFemale · 15/12/2019 02:20

Why is finding out they voted Tory that last made him want to go no contact and not their views they've been very vocal about beforehand?

From your description of them he's known their views for a very long time now and surely they'll given massive clues of not outright said who they vote for? Why is it finding out how they've voted that last made him want to uninvite. I wouldn't have invited them regardless of how they vote. Your dh only saying he's not going to see them anymore because he found they voted differently to him is going to make him sound like a brat.

I've cut my Dad out of my life for similar attitudes, my dh was no contact with him for years before I made the same choice. My Dad votes labour. Doesn't make him any more pleasant to be around though and doesn't make me change my mind.

oabiti · 15/12/2019 02:23

Okay, at this one I’d tell her not to be so bloody stupid. Or maybe ponder out loud that she really does seem to be losing her marbles.

Grin
Sashkin · 15/12/2019 02:29

Your other half is the twat here judging people for having a different opinion to him

Did you read the bit where they were laughing and mocking deprived children who were receiving charity parcels at Christmas? I would judge the fuck out of anyone I witnessed doing that.

BellyButton85 · 15/12/2019 02:30

Are they 'selfish old bastards' generally. If so then I don't blame him

HereForTheHelp · 15/12/2019 02:34

@Smilebehappy123 tbh, I agree with your DH...we're only seeing PIL once over Christmas and we've not spoken to them directly in over 6 months. The last thing we actually said to FIL was, 'Well thanks for voting to cut all funding for your disabled Grandchildren!' They voted leave which meant DS's EU funded respite care has tripled in price because they're trying to claw back costs for when we leave the EU.
It's very difficult.

DH and I also earn twice as much as they do and are much better with money and budgeting for our SEN children. Yet when DS got awarded High Rate DLA till he was 16, FIL said 'Well it better not be me who's paying for his mobility car!' Like?? How utterly vile. He apologised for that one but it still showed his true colours.

I don't want to be in the company of ANY goady tories. I don't want my Christmas ruined by smug people who think they're superior because their party won the election. If they don't want fair discussions where they acknowledge the issues within the Conservative manifesto and policies (the same way I do for labour!) then I agree with your DH whole heartedly.

Shesalittlemadam · 15/12/2019 02:35

They're vile, vile people who need a verbal slap across the face! In fact @smilebehappy I'm a bit Hmm that you're agreeing to see them tomorrow??

Shesalittlemadam · 15/12/2019 02:41

@sarahH is also clearly a red hot tory!

Love, have you not read the updates as to some of the blood chillingly vile words that these people have said?!?!?

They would never, ever be setting foot in my house - ever

Fr0g · 15/12/2019 02:49

since your husband has brought up their funerals, I'm presuming that he will refuse any inheritance that comes your/his way, to uphold his socialist principles?

I have a v. hard left socialist friend, who is obsessed with inheritance for her and her children, which I find highly amusing.

jillowarriorqueen · 15/12/2019 03:06

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jillowarriorqueen · 15/12/2019 03:07

I hope they leave their money to impoverished cats to be honest. More worthy than you lot.

timeisnotaline · 15/12/2019 03:07

I think I’m with your dh. They sound downright nasty- If they are going to be rude and nasty to everyone surely your dh doesn’t have to let that in his home at Christmas?

mathanxiety · 15/12/2019 03:09

I think it's exceptionally rude to bring up politics, especially in someone else's house at Christmas. Or to roar at people if they are not full on chatting all the time.

I agree with your husband. Don't invite them.

Their own child and spouse don't even talk to them, let alone have them for Christmas, nor their other grandchild.

You are going far and above the call of duty by seeing them tomorrow.

mathanxiety · 15/12/2019 03:11

I have a v. hard left socialist friend, who is obsessed with inheritance for her and her children, which I find highly amusing.

Maybe it's the only way she will ever afford a house or a retirement income? This is the position many people are in.

MilkLady02 · 15/12/2019 03:11

It sounds like you knew they weren’t very nice people, regardless of political opinion, but you invited them. It seems a bit odd to uninvite them on the basis that there has been a general election. If the result had been different it sounds like they would still be racist/say things you don’t agree with. So if you don’t want to spend time with them, why invite them in the first place?

BritWifeinUSA · 15/12/2019 03:12

So it’s ok for him to have his opinion but not ok for your grandparents, who have many more years if life e petite from than him, to have theirs because it’s different from his?

Wow. Just wow. I assume the grandparents are reasonable people and mature enough to accept that we all have differing opinions on matters.

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