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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

He wont have tory voting grandparents over for xmas

830 replies

Smilebehappy123 · 14/12/2019 23:35

As it says in the title
DH refusing to have my grandparents for xmas dinner, says he cant stand to have xmas dinner with them as they shared with us yesterday that they voted tory , we are both very left wing and have always voted labour
Not only does he not want to have xmas dinner with them he doesn't want to socialise at all with them.
What can I do ? Grandfather is very political so this topic will be brought up
Dh says he cant stand the selfish old bastards and doesn't want to know them

OP posts:
Helmlover1 · 15/12/2019 00:49

Your grandparents sound horrible and I can totally understand why your husband doesn’t want them in your home.

Also, just because it’s family doesn’t mean you HAVE to invite them and socialise with them. I’ve got some racist and sexist people in my family that I have no intention or interest in seeing this Christmas. And people who do force themselves to socialise with these types of family members are usually the ones who complain that their Christmases have been miserable and depressing.

HeddaGarbled · 15/12/2019 00:49

I am so upset about the election result, I haven’t read or watched the news since getting the gist on Friday morning, am avoiding discussing with anyone, and am avoiding all the political threads on here (though even the thread titles in Active are giving me the rage), but this one intrigued me, so I’ve ventured in. I couldn’t bear to be in the same room as anyone who would say anything about any of it right now, particularly anyone who’s going to be smug and triumphalist and nasty.

In a couple of days, I’ll have got over it (a bit).

Leave it for now.

BingoLittlesUncle · 15/12/2019 00:50

Your DH is a childish twunt. Tell him to grow up.

LexMitior · 15/12/2019 00:54

What do they say? “take control”

Disinvite them. It’s your Christmas. You can spend it how you like. And if they are wealthy, resourceful and not arseholes, they will find other more agreeable company for them where they can discuss matters to their hearts content.

QueenofPain · 15/12/2019 01:00

I agree with your husband, your grandparents sound absolutely vile.

FiveShelties · 15/12/2019 01:01

@mindproject how would you know how they voted?

Morgan12 · 15/12/2019 01:06

I'd uninvite them.

DeathStare · 15/12/2019 01:11

I think your DH is getting a really rough ride on here.

We see posts all the time from women who say their ILs have nasty, judgemental viewpoints that they won't shut up about and that it ruins every family occasion and makes them (the poster) feel uncomfortable in their own home. They always get told not to stand for it and they shouldn't have anyone making them feel uncomfortable in their own home with nasty, judgemental comments. They get told that if their DH doesn't back them they have a DH problem.

Well your OP is following the accepted advice. Your grandparents by the sounds of it have some horrible, nasty opinions and you say yourself that asking them to keep those to themselves will do no good. Why should your DH be made to feel uncomfortable in his own home at Christmas? He has set an appropriate boundary. He's not being controlling - he's not stopping you seeing them if you wish. He is just refusing to have nastiness shoved down his throat in his own home and I don't blame him.

I'm going to reflect the standard mumsnet wisdom (which suddenly seems to have changed when its a man being made to feel uncomfortable): back him or he has a DW problem.

SarahH12 · 15/12/2019 01:11

Sorry haven't RTFT. I got confused by your AIBU, voted and then read your second post. You WBU to uninvite them just to keep the peace. He is being extremely unreasonable and acting like a child.

Gammeldragz · 15/12/2019 01:12

I can empathise. We're due to visit my laws on Christmas day for a few hours and neither DH nor I can face it at the moment. MIL's Facebook is full of gloating or nasty memes about Corbyn and remainers and we're currently avoiding her in case she brings up the subject and it turns into a massive argument... I am happy for her to have her own views, but we have very differing values and it's a struggle to accept that and try to see the good. We can put it aside for a few hours, but if it comes up I can see things turning nasty! Unfortunately we've been guilt tripped into it because MIL is very unwell (we thought last Christmas would be her last, this one likely is). I'm probably better at putting these things aside than DH, he would happily never see his mother again I think!

Hoolahlah66 · 15/12/2019 01:13

Forgive me OP but why are you posting in AIBU if you have already decided you hate them and want nothing to do with them? Not just DH opinion then is it?

Readthisearlier · 15/12/2019 01:17

Fully with your DH.

Peregrina · 15/12/2019 01:19

I'm with your DH too. Why should he put up with ill-mannered boors in his own home? The fact that your own parents are non-contact with them also speaks volumes.

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/12/2019 01:19

He's not uninviting them because they're Tories. He's uninviting them because they're horrible. I get that.

I have a lovely Tory friend and her delightful police officer Tory DH. I don't agree with her views or his in the slightest. But we talk respectfully, they have come through in hard times, including for vulnerable people we know. They're just old-fashioned small c conservative. Christian. I'd have them for Christmas.

My racist, Brexit voting, vitriolic, xenophobic great aunt who ignores the pleas of her children and grandchildren to protect their jobs? Who 'hates' Europeans. Yes all of them. She isn't eating my food. I'll give her share to a refugee. That'll learn her.

SarahH12 · 15/12/2019 01:22

Okay have just read your whole thread and I have to ask, do you actually want them there?

Also why are people making assumptions about who voted conservatives? Plenty of working class and/or young people voted for them too (inc DH and I).

Todayisontheup · 15/12/2019 01:23

Hi @Smilebehappy123,

I am with your DH, it would be a no from me. I will not tolerate anyone ruining my Christmas. I would see them another time.

Good luck.

scousadelic · 15/12/2019 01:27

If they were to die tomorrow would your DH refuse to benefit from any inheritance from them? Bet his left wing principles wouldn't be so strong then

Beautiful3 · 15/12/2019 01:31

Wow. You're husband is being unreasonable. They're still your grandparents. If he is adamant about it, then tell them that you cannot host christmas dinner this year. So that they have time to go elsewhere or shop for a home based one. Your husband has to learn that he cannot control other peoples views, and to not get too passionate about politics.

Myyearmytime · 15/12/2019 01:32

I finding this thread so interesting as someone said up thread there are lot of new tory voter on here that i think have just realise what they done .
And how their friends and family will related to them when they find out .
Nobody has to have anybody in their house the won't shut up about their views where or not they agree with views.
And at Christmas if they can't behave well why do think they should around your kids

SilverySurfer · 15/12/2019 01:34

Are you happy being married to such a stupid aeae?

StarbucksSmarterSister · 15/12/2019 01:36

they have very extreme views about poverty, apparently if you are homeless it's your own fault

Bloody hell they sound awful. I wouldn't have them round either to be honest.

If they're so awful and aren't at all frail, why did you invite them in the first place?

Chloemol · 15/12/2019 01:38

Your dh needs to grow up. Not everyone in the world has the same views as him. And your grandparents are elderly and obviously set their ways.

I would speak to them and ask them not to say anything political, and if they do say anything just say sorry we agreed to no politics

Hi sorry comments about attending funerals but no other attempt at contact is just horrible, how would he feel if a family member said that about him and his views

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/12/2019 01:42

There is a difference between people who are politically different and those who are unpleasant arseholes. One is fine, the other isn't.

LovePoppy · 15/12/2019 01:42

Why on earth do you want to ruin Christmas by having people who disrespect you so much at your house?

user1473878824 · 15/12/2019 01:44

DH says he will only attend their funerals now

Husband is the most kind loving man

Well he’s not, is he? He’s a horrible cunt.