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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

He wont have tory voting grandparents over for xmas

830 replies

Smilebehappy123 · 14/12/2019 23:35

As it says in the title
DH refusing to have my grandparents for xmas dinner, says he cant stand to have xmas dinner with them as they shared with us yesterday that they voted tory , we are both very left wing and have always voted labour
Not only does he not want to have xmas dinner with them he doesn't want to socialise at all with them.
What can I do ? Grandfather is very political so this topic will be brought up
Dh says he cant stand the selfish old bastards and doesn't want to know them

OP posts:
derxa · 15/12/2019 10:43

There are no grandparents. OP just wanted to have a go at the “silly bastards” who wouldn’t vote Labour, as per her earlier thread hmm I suspect that's the case.

CrossingTheAlpsInOtley · 15/12/2019 10:44

@LookingforLemons. You are right there!

But if it is true-astonishing that someone could exist with so small a brain cell-then I bet the grandparents are wondering how the hell they can get out of spending time with such sanctimonious, silly twats.

ElsieMc · 15/12/2019 10:45

Your DH does not have the monopoly on righteousness in his voting here. Why does he think that he is a better person than your grandparents? I mean if he thinks he is so much more caring than them, ask yourself when did he help a homeless person in the past seven days or help out in a food bank this week. If I am wrong, then he is a better person than me and I congratulate him.

Don't Judge others by their vote; you Judge them by how they live their lives. If he is the kind person you say he is, then he is hardly demonstrating compassion towards elderly people. You need to tell your petulant, self righteous man child to grow up and demonstrate in real life a kind, non-discriminatory and non-judgemental attitude towards others. God, he must hate a whole lot of the UK at the moment.

FWIW, both my dd's and partners voted Labour and I did not. Yet my son in law recently told me how lucky he was to have me in his life. Glad your dh is not my son-in-law for my daughter's sake. What cruel position to put you in op.

Jenpop234 · 15/12/2019 10:45

So intolerant! God forbid someone has a different view to you! I also think you're bullshitting about half of this because you started of saying they were Tory so he didn't want them over. Then when comments didn't go your way you added in the homelessness bit and then the racist bit later. Surely you would start your post by saying about the racism?! Or is that less important than voting conservative?!
I'm lucky because my family have different views but we are all tolerant of each other. However, we have always had a rule that there are 3 things which are impolite to talk about at the dinner table: politics, religion and football!

MintyMabel · 15/12/2019 10:50

OP: AIBU?
Everyone: yeah, pretty much
OP: but look, they also do this and this and this.....

LunchBoxPolice · 15/12/2019 10:52

I’m with your DH, they sound like twats. If they couldn’t keep politics off the table for Christmas Day then I wouldn’t have them over.

Mrskeats · 15/12/2019 10:54

I'm with your husband
Actions have consequences

millimollimandi · 15/12/2019 10:57

what Jakeyboy1 said. He is going to be a very lonely guy if he will only speak to Labour voters. I don't know how old he is but he sounds like a petulant teenager. He's an arse. If you allow him to dictate this where next? No friends for you if they vote Tory? What about your children? Will he chuck them out when they are old enough to vote and have different views to him?

EntropyRising · 15/12/2019 10:59

How is it that they are very wealthy without doing much work? Is their wealth inherited?

SarahNade · 15/12/2019 10:59

@LookingforLemons
@CrossingTheAlpsInOtley

Yeah because it's so outside the bounds of normality for a left-leaning couple to have tory-voting grandparents that bring up politics every Christmas. That is so rare, it just doesn't happen. You are so right. Hmm

And yes, it is the left-voting people who care about others that have a 'small brain' and are 'sanctimonious twats', not the person who says there is no poverty in the UK, people are poor because they take drugs and don't feed their children, and won't go to lunch with a friend because she has a ladder in her stocking.
You are so right, that sounds so totally sane. Like, totally. HmmHmm Confused

Hoppinggreen · 15/12/2019 10:59

Change the thread title to “DH doesn’t want horrible nasty people who’s own children are no contact with them over at Christmas”
I’m with your DH

Malbecfan · 15/12/2019 11:02

Keeping the politics out of it...

I would inform your GPs that you are having a vegan Christmas this year, there will be no crackers as it's dangerous for your LO and will be making your own party hats. You need a copy of the Morning Star (Guardian will also do) for this, and a copy of the Fail/Express to use as bog paper.

If that doesn't put them off (so no need to uninvite them), tell them that in the spirit of Christmas you have asked along the nice new Polish/Romanian/Syrian/whatever family from up the road to join you for lunch.

NoSauce · 15/12/2019 11:04

I’d only read the first posted when I posted.

I’ve read a few more from the OP. My god, how anyone is siding with the GP is beyond me.

Sorry OP but they sound like absolute twats.

Racist, laughing at the poor, thinking everyone wants to hear their political views.
Totally with your H.

CrossingTheAlpsInOtley · 15/12/2019 11:08

@SarahNade.

"Care about other"...MY arse in its entirety!

Care about how much they would get for free. You only have to look at the threads posted after the result, bewailing their own personal situations.

This is what happens when free, free, free is promised to slow of thinking people. They cry bitter tears when they don't get it.

Most of the people I know who help others are Tories and they don't care who needs it. The only people who judge are Momentum supporters. Time they fucked off.

Bacciferous · 15/12/2019 11:13

I'm sorry but your grandparents sound vile. I wouldn't be spending any time with them, post-election or Christmas.

TARSCOUT · 15/12/2019 11:13

Between your DH and Dappled I am.so glad I voted tory, you all sound awful.

Planesmistakenforstars · 15/12/2019 11:13

OP, as others have stated, your DP doesn't want them over not because they voted Conservative (which would be a very unreasonable stance,) but because behind that they hold hurtful and offensive beliefs which they insist on expressing. His nto wanting to engage with that is understandable, but uninviting them would be rude and unresonable.

You need to have a blanket ban on discussing politics and make that clear beforehand. When they do bring it up, have some stock phrases and subject changes ready. "Politics is off the table as you know. DP and I saw a brilliant film last week..." and things like that. If they carry on then don't call them out on their politics, because that's what they want to engage you in, but rather call them out on their rudeness for bringing it up again.

cakeisalwaystheanswer · 15/12/2019 11:13

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NorthernLightsInWinter · 15/12/2019 11:15

Based on OP's updates, I'm with her DH. They sound nasty and completely deluded for what life is actually like for so many. I wouldn't have them round for a festive meal if they couldn't keep their awful views to themselves.

AtrociousCircumstance · 15/12/2019 11:19

cake sounds like you’re just cherry picking what you decide is true to fit in with your beliefs. Don’t worry, it’s an extremely common, human thing to do - a very common human failing.

DeeCeeCherry · 15/12/2019 11:21

If theyre very political as you've said and going to talk politics at the dinner table, I wouldn't want them over for Christmas either. Why should your DH be obliged to listen to that?

You can insist they should come but if they do it's not going to be happy families round the table is it. Are you going to do a 'no politics talk' pact thing...? I doubt elderly will stick to that.

I don't like politics talk either, BIL has form for goady politics talk and I asked him to leave my home one Christmas. Do that in your own house, I don't have to host it.

Your DH has a say over what goes on in his home, same as you do. Your grandparents are guests in your home, it's not as if it's the other way around and your DH is going to be Xmas guest in their home.

No politics around the table actually would be best.Good luck.

LittleSweet · 15/12/2019 11:26

I'm in a similar situation. On the face of it, I have blocked my aunts, uncles and cousins for voting conservative. But the reality is most of them are far right, like Britain First, racist memes and Tommy Robinson. I had no idea until the election just how racist they are. It was hard to believe as my favourite uncle, when I was growing up was the worst one! So it turns out that I will never want to see them again.

There is a difference between being a conservative and being a racist for most people. Not for Boris Johnson though.

ddl1 · 15/12/2019 11:27

Unless there is a lot more than you are saying, he is definitely being unreasonable. Especially as they are your relatives, so he should not be giving you orders. And talking in this way about their funerals sound vindictive. As many families do, you could, however, quite reasonably have a rule of 'No politics or religion at the table!'

Figmentofmyimagination · 15/12/2019 11:28

You’d better take care, as men with rigid hard right views about foreigners tend to have Type A personalities. You don’t want to end up with an Abigails Party moment.

WhentheRabbitsWentWild · 15/12/2019 11:28

What a wanker your husband is