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Original poster

He wont have tory voting grandparents over for xmas

830 replies

Smilebehappy123 · 14/12/2019 23:35

As it says in the title
DH refusing to have my grandparents for xmas dinner, says he cant stand to have xmas dinner with them as they shared with us yesterday that they voted tory , we are both very left wing and have always voted labour
Not only does he not want to have xmas dinner with them he doesn't want to socialise at all with them.
What can I do ? Grandfather is very political so this topic will be brought up
Dh says he cant stand the selfish old bastards and doesn't want to know them

OP posts:
madcatladyforever · 15/12/2019 10:23

Lay the law down and make it crystal clear that no talk of any kind with regard to politics will be discussed at xmas or you will go to your room and not come out until new year and they can get their own dinner AND that you regard it as the height of bad manners. Sometimes people just need to be told.

Bumfuzzled · 15/12/2019 10:24

It sounds like you all have been putting up with your grandparents and their pretty vile views on life for too long. Your DH is wrong in using how they voted as a way out though. He is possibly clutching at straws in a misguided attempt to not to have to have another Christmas ruined by them.

We have started being more selective in who we spend Christmas with. People with bigoted views plus alcohol plus too many hours together in one house never works well.

ElfAndSafeKey · 15/12/2019 10:24

Your DH is being a dick. If his issue is with the views on homelessness, etc, then that is different, and unrelated.
if your DH wants to live in a bubble, fine.
But they are your grandparents, and its up to you what you do about it.

beautifulstranger101 · 15/12/2019 10:26

The grandparents sound like absolute dicks and I would never put up with bigoted/racist views. My H isn't white so obviously I wouldn't have that kind of toxic attitude in my own home. That said, something about this story doesnt quite add up- if they're vocally bigoted and outspoken, then surely you must have had an inkling they were like this years ago??
It can't have come as a shock. What I would do is invite them round for a VERY limited time only and make it clear that they are in MY home and they need to be respectful. If both parties can be respectful of each other then politics really doesn't have to become a barrier. If they are unable to be polite and respectful and drop the bigoted rants then yeah, I'd tell them to piss off too.

rhowton · 15/12/2019 10:27

@DBML sadly no 😂

Lou898 · 15/12/2019 10:30

Religious or not ...you are celebrating a Christian festival (season of goodwill to ALL men) and you are considering not inviting a close relative due to their political standings....really??? Is your DH going to stop associating with every Tory voter or is this an excuse to exclude your grandparents. What would he do if he found out a close friend had voted Tory?? Cut them off?? I definitely think he is been unreasonable and so are you in allowing him to.

SarahNade · 15/12/2019 10:30

@madcatladyforever We're not 'assuming' all tories are racists. The OP herself said they are racists. RTFT

SarahNade · 15/12/2019 10:31

*her GPs are racists.

Idratherbeonquora · 15/12/2019 10:31

If he didnt want them round because of their racist views, it would be more acceptable.
If he didnt want them round because of sexist views, it would be more acceptable.
If he doesnt want them round because he thinks they are selfish and put themselves before the rest of the country then i think he has that right still.
There probably is a back story (im not reading 22 pages ! Sorry!) Where the grandparents are rich, care about inheritance or they own property and dont want to give their tenants better conditions to live in, or they own a business and would prefer it if they didnt have to invest in making changes to reduce carbon emitions etc.

My grandad amd my dad voted tory and i am upset with them too, they arent rich though so i dont mind as much. If they were i would!

Howlovely · 15/12/2019 10:31

Lay the law down and make it crystal clear that no talk of any kind with regard to politics will be discussed at xmas or you will go to your room and not come out until new year and they can get their own dinner AND that you regard it as the height of bad manners. Sometimes people just need to be told.

Do you know if OP does the cooking in her house? Or is it just that you believe it's the woman's job?

pugparty · 15/12/2019 10:32

Interesting thread Hmm

Notonthestairs · 15/12/2019 10:34

I agree that the Tory voter elements is a red herring. It's about how they discuss poverty and the homeless that your DH finds difficult.
And the election being so close to Christmas will no doubt cause a few heated discussions if a "no politics" rule isn't implemented - would that work?

I'm a Lab member and my lovely kind FIL is a Conservative member and ERG lover. He's been campaigning to leave the EU for twenty years. But there are enoug small things that we do see eye to eye on to make things work and I am very fond of him. I go to the loo/utility/tidy something when politics comes up - I acknowledge that we are both quite fixed in our thinking and won't persuade the other! Although I think he thinks I'll change my mind when I grow up a bit - I'm nearly 50 so I'm not sure when that will happen!

Oldbutstillgotit · 15/12/2019 10:34

@ NearlyGranny I stand corrected ! I have always believed that to be a real quote . Well, we live and learn!
Having said that , I think my point remains - people need to be more tolerant of other people’s views ( not talking racist , homophobic etc). The person who criticised me yesterday about not supporting Scottish Independence point blank refused to listen to my views . I was called anti Scottish , Tory lover etc etc . It is so depressing, especially as it was a family member ....

SarahNade · 15/12/2019 10:35

Even if you don't want to read through the entire thread, you can scroll for the OP's posts. Even do Ctrl-F to find only the OP's posts. That's what I do if I don't have time to read a massive thread. Just read the OPs posts only, and respond to that. Then go back up and read some others.

macaroniandpizza · 15/12/2019 10:35

So they voted for a different party to your "d"h? So what? Everyone is entitled to vote for who they want to. He is being ridiculous acting the way he is

PhilSwagielka · 15/12/2019 10:36

The most peaceful solution is to declare a moratorium on politics. Just don't bring it up.

cdtaylornats · 15/12/2019 10:36

Go to your grandparents for Christmas, let DP be alone in his lunatic bubble of leftist intolerance.

thatdamnwoman · 15/12/2019 10:37

What's so unreasonable about this? I wouldn't invite anyone I knew was a Tory and likely to be spouting politics to any event that I was looking forward to.

Grandparents come in all shapes, sizes, ages and types, from sweet and charming to absolute poison: from and frail to eerily robust: from liberal and easy-going to racist, sexist and controlling. Why would you have a man who's likely to talk politics at your dinner table, knowing he's entirely at odds with his hosts, for Christmas?

crankysaurus · 15/12/2019 10:38

I'm with your DH. I wouldn't want people I dislike (for their views, not their voting) round to my house for Christmas. Bizarre that there have even been suggestions on here that he could head out for the day (Christmas Day, having to leave this own home) while they're round.

OP, you've been quiet on whether you actually want them round.

LookingforLemons · 15/12/2019 10:40

There are no grandparents. OP just wanted to have a go at the “silly bastards” who wouldn’t vote Labour, as per her earlier thread Hmm

derxa · 15/12/2019 10:40

MN is usually very keen to say that you shouldn't have to have anyone on Christmas that you don't want and that you should be able to celebrate with your "little family" not have to include racist uncle Brian, snarky MIL etc. Mn doesn't reflect the real world in any way.

TheFaerieQueene · 15/12/2019 10:40

If they are as political and outspoken as you say, I’m sure their voting choice wasn’t a surprise and they will have voted Tory for years. Why is it a problem now?

Emmapeeler1 · 15/12/2019 10:40

My FIL is a very vocal Tory. It used to upset me til I realised I was being a bit childish. I now just politely change the subject and respect that he is different to me.

KurriKurri · 15/12/2019 10:40

I don;tsubscribe to the view that just because it is Christmas you shouldput up with people you actively dislike in your home. Your Grandparents won't be alone - they'll be together. From what you have said they won't keep their obnoxious opinions to themselves they'll want to debate.

I don't think your GP's desire to talk about politics and be nasty about poor people trump your Dh's desire to have a nice pleasant Christmas with his family.

I think it will be a much nicer occasion all round if they don't come. Yo can see them on another day - it's not as if your DH is saying you can never see your GP's, just that he doesn't want to see them. Fair enough - we're allowed to choose not to have anything to do with people we dislike.

BringPizza · 15/12/2019 10:41

The problem is the General Election timing. Some people are truly devastated by the result, with very real feelings of heartbreak and grief, usually not for themselves, but for people less fortunate

This ^^

We're due to spend Christmas with my daily hate mail reading ILs who voted Tory only for Brexit because all those nasty foreigners come over here taking our jobs and women.

They will bring it up for sport, knowing full well we voted Remain, and I will walk out (closely followed by, or outpaced by, DH) rather than remind them how many families rely on food banks etc it's too soon and it bloody hurts. There's no way I can debate this and stay civil.

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