He wont have tory voting grandparents over for xmas

[Smilebehappy123]

As it says in the title
DH refusing to have my grandparents for xmas dinner, says he cant stand to have xmas dinner with them as they shared with us yesterday that they voted tory , we are both very left wing and have always voted labour
Not only does he not want to have xmas dinner with them he doesn't want to socialise at all with them.
What can I do ? Grandfather is very political so this topic will be brought up
Dh says he cant stand the selfish old bastards and doesn't want to know them

I am with your DH. This is not about how they voted or even discussing a bit of politics (can be a good thing to exercise the blood pressure occasionally), but they sound like awful people.

I think the election and their vote is a red herring.
They sound like nasty bullies. Are you as a family willing to tolerate their comments in order to have them round for Christmas?
As someone with a family member that is rude and says horrible stuff I try to avoid spending Christmas with them but tolerate lunches occasionally.
Try the no politics rule and if they break it they leave.

For goodness sake. I have no grandparents left. Me and DH both lost our fathers. His mum had a stroke and is now in a nursing home. I’m 35. What I would give to have Christmas dinner with them. Tell your DH to grow up and be thankful for family. Isn’t that what Christmas is about, surely?

This thread ( like the election) has deteriorated terribly and instances of intolerance are everywhere . Yesterday someone had a go at me because I don’t want Indyref2 and it really upset me so I found myself thinking of Voltaire (!)
“ I disapprove of what you are saying but I will defend to the death your right to say it “
Some people on here should reflect on that .

@Cam77

I did. I read everyone of op’s progressively deteriorating posts about her gp and was not impressed. Funny how they got worse and worse, until she started getting the replies she was looking for.

To those who clearly haven't read the thread think the DH is U, what would their advice be if it were a female posting saying that her in-laws made comments that made her feel uncomfortable, kept bringing up topics which they know upset her and refused to alter their behaviour to keep the peace? Probably don't have them in their home.

Why should the DH be made to feel uncomfortable in his own home, on Christmas day with his own family, after spending time and money on cooking a lovely dinner?

Oh the delicious irony of all the outraged Tories on this thread piling in without reading all the OPs updates, which actually reveal the truth of the matter that these GPS are truly toxic individuals, regardless of their voting habits,

Why oh why is this reminding me of something?

Between my brother 1, brother 2 and husband there were votes for Cons, Lib Dem and Labour. I personally didn’t vote. I cannot imagine saying we won’t be seeing them at Christmas over it.

All the rest of the stuff about comments your grandparents make is irrelevant. You and your dh knew they made these types of comment prior to inviting them this Christmas so you cannot use that as a reason to uninvite them because that isn’t something that has changed.

You would be uninviting them on the basis of the election only and really, that makes your dh sound like he does not approve of democracy.

I would uninvite them - tell them the whole family is going to volunteer at a homeless shelter and they are welcome to join you there

Yes to this!

I would suggest you all go your own ways...If I was your grandparents I wouldnt want to spend time with your husband He seems to be so wrapped up in his thinking he has forgotten the spirit of generosity and what christmas is all about. Who needs sulking and petulance on christmas day? Tell you what though I bet they would be coming if Labour had got in so the spiteful DH of yours could well rub their noses in it....Oh the joy must be sucked right out of him poor man....Family usually over rides politics...obviously not here...thats sad in its self....

@Sewfrickinamazeballs Just because someone is blood-related, does NOT make them family or family worth knowing. Not everyone has amazing parents. So you and your DH no longer have your parent/s. Does that mean you should have a rose-coloured view of reality? How far does it go? Telling abused people they should spend Christmas with their parents who abused them, just because they are 'parents'? You seem quite sheltered if you can't understand that some people in society are rotten and family members are justifiably non-contact with them.

Their vote is a red herring.

From what you have said they are arseholes. Entitled, snobbish, rude.

Your DH is using the vote (wrongly) to tell you that he doesn't want to spend Christmas with them.

What he should have said is that he doesn't like your bigoted grandparents and doesn't want them anywhere near him. At Christmas or any other time.

Well, when they pass, I do hope he will also refuse to spend any of your inheritance! He wouldn't want any of that Tory money now would he?

Well, when they pass, I do hope he will also refuse to spend any of your inheritance! He wouldn't want any of that Tory money now would he?

OP said that they didn't earn their 'fortune' themselves.

I think the election and their vote is a red herring. They sound like nasty bullies

Yep, this. I am with your DH on this actually, initially I thought he was being a bit stupid but the more you posted about them and their views, the more I thought 'fuck that, I wouldn't want to spend Christmas Day with these people either'

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing"

@DBML is your brother single? He sounds a dream (no sarcasm)! 😂

From all you’ve added they sound like vile people regardless of who they voted for and I’d agree with your husband having people who’d make such nasty and judgemental comments all through the day would spoil Christmas.

@Christmasgravy but it’s their money now, however they came by it. I hope they leave it to the baby direct or maybe donate it to a cause of their choosing.

MNHQ Can we please have a ‘Bingo’ function as well as a vote for these threads?

So far I have x against casual ageism, “my grandparents are dead I would give anything to have them so YABU”, any more?

OP: answer the door with a big ladder in your tights: problem sorted.

@DBML
“There is plenty about him that is kind and thoughtful and more to him than his extreme views, which incidentally are not that uncommon.“

I don’t find his views that extreme at all, and I am firmly on the left of the politician spectrum. My main bugbear with the Tories isn’t their policies per se - it’s the fact that the moniker “nasty party” is well earned, for example, attested to by the fact that their current leader is well known for his derogatory remarks about everyone including but not limited to single mothers, black people, Muslims, homosexuals, Chinese people, working class people .... basically anyone who isn’t like him and his immediate circle. And there are far too many people on the British Conservative Party who have a similarly insular privileged outlook, usually cultivated by an early life of extreme wealth and privilege in which they’ve never had to spend more than 5 minutes in the company of any of the above and have never faced a moment of genuine financial difficulty in their lives. They then love to lecture about aspiration - which for them is the process of inheriting stocks and shares and an eight bedroom mansion at the age of 15 and then turning that into more stocks and shares and another mansion.

I’d consider voting for a centrist or even right wing party in another country that hasn’t been infested with centuries of classism, but I could never vote for the British Conservative Party as so many of them seem lacking in two simple but very important qualities: empathy and compassion. Often through no fault of their own. There are some decent Conservatives with their feet on the ground too of course, but they’re generally fighting a losing battle. The roots of a political party are deeply imbeddded.

A poster up thread said, rightly, hate begets hate. But it takes two to beget anything so if somebody says they are not joining in hate becomes sterile or, at the very least, finds it much more difficult to breathe. Surely it is up to everybody to be as tolerant in discussion as possible even if it does mean gritting teeth. I am not suggesting tolerance of hateful acts or speech designed to hurt or wound but the mere expression of opinions we find hateful should not beget hate in us.

I know the usual thing here is to bash the man.

But these people's views are in a different category than toryism. I know lots of tories (I'm of the opposite persuasion) - we get on well and have largely good-natured conversations about politics.

Based on the OP's description they sound vile and hateful. They sound more like fascists. I would not let them in my home and the OP's partner should not be forced to do so either.

@rhowton

Are you a handsome fella? 😉

Your dh isn’t bing unreasonable Op. I wouldn’t want racists in my house either.

I read all your posts OP. Tell your DH to get over himself.

Husband is the most kind loving man and to be honest he just cant abide their views

No he isn't. If he can't put up with your selfish bigoted opinionated granddad's views on Christmas Day then he's a poser.

Look, you invited them, knowing what they're like. You don't get to un-invite them now. You don't have to invite them in future, when they might say something cruel to your children.

This once, let them rant and don't take it personally. The phrases you both need are "really?" and "my goodness!". Traditional British ways of saying "FOAD you vile bigot". Think of some distractions for them, other topics of conversation to fill a silence, time spent out on a walk or watching a Christmas film on telly etc. And make a different plan for next year.

(Never voted Tory and probably never will)