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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

He wont have tory voting grandparents over for xmas

830 replies

Smilebehappy123 · 14/12/2019 23:35

As it says in the title
DH refusing to have my grandparents for xmas dinner, says he cant stand to have xmas dinner with them as they shared with us yesterday that they voted tory , we are both very left wing and have always voted labour
Not only does he not want to have xmas dinner with them he doesn't want to socialise at all with them.
What can I do ? Grandfather is very political so this topic will be brought up
Dh says he cant stand the selfish old bastards and doesn't want to know them

OP posts:
Mamamia456 · 15/12/2019 07:40

Goldenchildsmum - Completely agree, the drip feeding on this thread is becoming more unbelievable with each post.

People believe everything they read on the Internet!

Deathgrip · 15/12/2019 07:42

Well isn’t this interesting. So many of the Tory supporters I’ve seem throwing around abuse in the last month are here, calling OP’s DH vile and a cunt, even well after OP explained that they regularly spew disgusting views, and the rest of her family have already cut them out for this.

It’s almost as if your views align with the GPs... surely not (insert faux shocked face here)

OP, there’s no way on earth I’d spoil my Christmas listening to people denying poverty and homelessness while eating my food, especially super privileged arseholes who’ve never had to worry about money.

MIL’s partner is never ever coming to us for Christmas, after we had a night of listening to him rant about being “a minority in his own country” (yes, he’s a white man) and all manner of other Britain First bullshit.

Lgxo · 15/12/2019 07:43

How pathetic is your husband?

Christmas is about family and time spent together. I dread to think about how many families have been torn apart this Christmas over this election.

It’s a democracy for a reason. The older generation are well known for voting conservatives.

I’d be spending Christmas with the grandparents and letting your “DH” cook for himself.

DeathStare · 15/12/2019 07:43

My point is that the OP clearly wants the grandparents over or she wouldn't have even asked peoples opinions in the first place, she would have just not invited them over. So for her DH to say no they aren't coming over, ban them, due to mainly political views, is cruel

So what's the answer then @Mlou32 ? These people are rude and judgemental and refuse to keep their opinions to themselves. They create an atmosphere where other people feel awkward and uncomfortable and they continue to do so even when asked to stop and even when arguments are created. As result other family members are NC

The choices are:
invite them and have them been rude, nasty and argumentative, making the DH (and the OP) feel uncomfortable in his own home (while eating the dinner they have provided)
not invite them

Why should the OP and her DH have their day ruined because the grandparents won't keep their opinions to themselves?

MarieG10 · 15/12/2019 07:44

@Smilebehappy123 If you look at how your lovely DH is being, his intolerance of others having a different view is like that of the Momentum cult in Labour that can not abide by anyone having different opinions to their superior informed self. The reality is he should look at the map of the U.K. now of where Labour have what seats they do remaining and realise that Labour will never ever regain power unless arrogant self opinionated idiots like your husband realise that there is no right to have the government you want unless your fellow country men and women also do.

The reality is that your husband (and yourself) are now in a significant minority and will almost certainly be for the next 10 years. Your grandparents voted with an awful lot of other people to ensure that this country is governed properly and not by some anti semitic horror show that would bankrupt us.

Perhaps when he has learnt the art of tolerance he should become a labour activist and suffer what an awful lot of them did by hearing exactly why the vast majority of people could not vote Labour. He might then feel differently about having lunch with your older and wiser grandparents for Christmas and you never know they might impart some wisdom on him that would benefit his intolerant outlook.

WendyMoiraAngelaDarling · 15/12/2019 07:45

@Howlovely

I've read all your posts. It's NOT you. Honestly it isn't.

DeathStare · 15/12/2019 07:45

How pathetic is your husband?

@Lgxo Why is pathetic to not let someone be rude and nasty in your own home while you provide them with Christmas dinner?

londonrach · 15/12/2019 07:46

I take it your dh is two. Tell him to grow up and behave like an adult. I remember my neighbours growing up next door to each other..one vvv much a strong labour voter (doubt she would now due to whats happened to the party etc) one very strong tony voter. At elections both had boards out etc. Every xmas day without fail for all of my childhood they had xmas lunch today, they also had sunday lunch every week. Politics were separate to their relationship. They respected each others view point even if they didnt agree with it.

dottiedodah · 15/12/2019 07:46

Well our Dear Aunt and Uncle,friends of ours who we are staying with when on holiday .And assorted people who have assured me they voted Tory because of Brexit and "getting it done", are presumably Persona Non grata now then? This is on top of yesterdays message from someone who feels differently about her DH as he voted for Boris! Surely we live in a democracy. Tell DH they are coming ,and if he feels so strongly about it he wouldnt want any future inheritance from them !

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 15/12/2019 07:47

If you haven't already invited them, don't. Your DH is entitled to enjoy Christmas Day in his own home without having to deal with rude guests. However, if the invitation has already gone out then I think you are stuck with the arrangement and it would be rude to rescind.

The suggestion of a no politics rule is a good one. Be firm. They are welcome but you want a peaceful Christmas with no arguments.

Same goes for your DH though. He needs to rise above it and be the perfect host.

DeathStare · 15/12/2019 07:48

@MarieG10 So her DH is arrogant and self-opinionated for not wanting people to be spouting nasty and judgemental opinions in his home on Christmas Day?

GaaaaarlicBread · 15/12/2019 07:48

Why don’t you and DH spend the day together and then see your grandparents Boxing Day or Christmas night ? You could just go see them and leave your husband at home ?
It’s an awkward situation and although i think you’re husband sounds like a nob , he’s your husband at the end of the day and if you are wanting to spend the rest of your lives together you need to come to an agreement x

Lgxo · 15/12/2019 07:48

@DeathStare

I think it’s very pathetic to let political views get in the way at Christmas time.

Goldenchildsmum · 15/12/2019 07:50

Thank you @Mamamia456

I was starting to think I'd walked into a weird parallel universe.

OP - if you are for real, which I don't believe, but if you are - then you really should think things through carefully before you invite people to your home.

Oh and grow up

DeathStare · 15/12/2019 07:51

They respected each others view point even if they didnt agree with it

@londonrach RTFT

The OP's whole point is that her grandparents refuse to do this. They continue to make nasty and judgemental political comments even when asked to stop and even when it creates the kind of arguments that have caused other family members to cut them off.

It doesn't matter what the issue under discussion is, nobody should have to put up with that in their home on Christmas Day

BigFatLiar · 15/12/2019 07:54

I doubt the OP's husband is that bothered by them being Tory voters, more by their extreme views. There is no arguing or debating with them.

If they come for Christmas dinner let your DH take your child out for a walk in the buggy for a while to get away when it kicks off. If the pubs open let him have a walk to the pub for a break. Let him remove himself from the trouble, through to the bedroom with the computer and watch a film. Sorry no similar option for you, you'll have to host - your GP's.

Swirls1111 · 15/12/2019 07:55

For those saying YABU - would you really want to spend your time with people knowing they’re only there because they’re obligated to be?

Mlou32 · 15/12/2019 07:56

@DeathStare I would say a third option is probably the best one. For OP to visit her grandparents before Christmas Day. Explain to them that she understands that they have their own political points of view and she fully supports people being able to vote for whoever they like. However explain that DH is also strongly politically minded and she doesn't want any hassle on the day itself, so could they please refrain from talking politics on Christmas Day and that she will also be having the same talk with DH. Explain to them that she wants a nice, chilled day and if they know that politics is something that they wish to discuss on Christmas then perhaps it's better all of them to just have Christmas Day apart and for OP herself to visit them separately on Christmas Eve. But that she really wants them there on the day so would prefer if they could all agree to a solution.

That would be my preferred option. Instead of just outright banning them from spending Christmas with their granddaughter

Aragog · 15/12/2019 07:56

Your Dh is not the kind and loving man you think he is if he will push you to not have your grandparents round at Christmas. Quite the opposite.

Just set it out from the beginning. No politics talk at all. If either of them start, or your Dh starts, with the political talks just put a stop to it and refuse to engage. Walk away, change the subject and just say no.

It amazes me how people seem to be able to demonise one another is such ways due to differences in opinion.

DeathStare · 15/12/2019 07:56

I think it’s very pathetic to let political views get in the way at Christmas time

@Lgxo And the OP has already said that the grandparents are the ones who won't be quiet about them. Even though not being quiet about their views has caused family arguments and has caused their own child to go no contact with them. The OP has already said that if asked to keep their opinions to themselves for the day the grandparents won't do it. Why should anyone have to repeatedly subjected to any views that make them feel uncomfortable (whether politics, religion, racism, homophobia, a personal character assassination, views on their parenting) in their own home at Christmas?

milveycrohn · 15/12/2019 07:57

Never talk politics with family members you know vote differently from you, especially at Christmas.
Research a few topics to talk about instead.
Of course this will be difficult, when the election was just before Christmas, but not impossible,
Maybe, their planned holiday for next year?
Who won Strictly?
Takes some effort, but get the grandparents on side by warning them in advance not to talk politics at all

DeathStare · 15/12/2019 07:57

@Mlou32 I agree too that would be the best option. But the OP has already said that her grandparents will not do this.

Barnseyboyo · 15/12/2019 07:58

Your DH needs to tell them he wants no inheritance from them. If he is true Labour, he will
Do this.

He sounds like a massive dickhead though

Howlovely · 15/12/2019 07:59

Note that I haven't had any problem with other people who have replied to me, because no one has been quite as rude and aggressive in tone as you. Perhaps you are just a rude, aggressive person in real life. Perhaps you don't have the emotional intelligence to regulate how you come across. Perhaps you associate with people of the same ilk in every day life so think that your unpleasant attitude is normal/acceptable. I have no idea. Quite frankly, I don't care.

Ha ha ha! OK.

@WendyMoiraAngelaDarling - thank you. I think some people just go out of their way to misinterpret, see things that aren't there and think the absolute worst of people. Thank goodness I'm not one of them.

Aragog · 15/12/2019 08:00

Oh and the grandparents sound unpleasant too.

But two wrongs don't make a right, and all that.