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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

He wont have tory voting grandparents over for xmas

830 replies

Smilebehappy123 · 14/12/2019 23:35

As it says in the title
DH refusing to have my grandparents for xmas dinner, says he cant stand to have xmas dinner with them as they shared with us yesterday that they voted tory , we are both very left wing and have always voted labour
Not only does he not want to have xmas dinner with them he doesn't want to socialise at all with them.
What can I do ? Grandfather is very political so this topic will be brought up
Dh says he cant stand the selfish old bastards and doesn't want to know them

OP posts:
Marmitepasta · 15/12/2019 07:17

Agree with general that how they just voted is a red herring.
I would not want to spend a day with there people. However, it sounds like despite the fact you knew this, you invited them anyway and now dh wants to withdraw the invitation a week before Xmas so I think hibu

Marmitepasta · 15/12/2019 07:17

General? I meant fenella!

leckford · 15/12/2019 07:17

Unfortunately this is how we none ‘woke’ what ever that means see people who have been brainwashed into leftist thinking. Unreasonable and totally unwilling to understand other people’s point of view.

I assume the virtue signalling husband lives in London. There is a whole world out there with different points of view and their children should learn that, after all by the time they are able to vote the whole Corbyn hysteria that amounted to nothing will be a small blip in history

tttigress · 15/12/2019 07:19

Tell him to grow up

mathanxiety · 15/12/2019 07:21

Indeed, DeathStare, and all of that while eating a free meal.

BlaueLagune · 15/12/2019 07:22

They don't sound very nice - politics or not politics - but if that's the case why invite them in the first place? I don't think you can uninvite them now other than pretending to have D&V on Christmas Eve!

Howlovely · 15/12/2019 07:23

@Howlovely how dare you talk to me in what is coming across as quite an aggressive manner. I bet you wouldn't speak to me like that face to face

Umm, yeah I would. Because I'm a grown up.

For your information (not that I need to justify myself to the likes of you) I actually do help out in the community for those less fortunate and I'm sure it's lot more than you do. However even if I did have such a mentality, it's got bigger all to do with you and certainly doesn't give you the right to speak down your nose to me.

I'm the aggressive one. Sure.

You know nothing about me so to suggest you 'do more' than I do is a bit absurd.

Did you have wasps for breakfast?

LookingforLemons · 15/12/2019 07:24

If they leave you any inheritance, doubtless he’ll turn that down too.

Family is more important than politics. He’s a dick.

PhilCornwall1 · 15/12/2019 07:27

I could be wrong, but I'm sure people aren't fully reading the thread. The things that stick out most for me are:

  1. Laughing at people doing an Xmas shop at Iceland.
  2. If you are homeless it's your own fault
  3. Laughing at the shoebox collection.

I just couldn't have anything to do with them. I can tell you now, if my own parents were like that, I'd drop them immediately and make no apology for it. They aren't like this.

I'm ashamed to say, in the past, I've never given homelessness or poverty much thought (but never laughed about it!) I carried on day to day and that was it. What changed for me? From out of nowhere, becoming very ill 3 years ago (mid 40s) and being told it's an illness for life. At the beginning I struggled to work and still struggle, but I'm lucky as I work from home, so can adjust a bit. I still have many years where I need to work and have a family to support. My overriding worry is not being able to work and then where will we be? Certainly not where we are now.

A significant life event opens your eyes and makes you stop in your tracks and think an awful lot more and the old phrase "there but for the grace of god go I" certainly applies.

Sorry OP, I just couldn't be in the same room as them.

HigherFurtherFasterBaby · 15/12/2019 07:28

Your DPs are NC with them
Your DSis can’t stand them

It sounds like this is the straw that broke DHs back. He’s obviously been putting up with their vile behaviour for quite some time now and has finally had enough.

mathanxiety · 15/12/2019 07:28

The more this thread goes on, the more of the rabid libertarian right it seems to be flushing out.

A good few posters are more intent on political mud slinging than actually taking on board the fact that these people have managed to alienate everyone else in their family apart from the OP and her patient H.

Mummadeeze · 15/12/2019 07:28

He might be feeling particularly raw because of the disappointment of the election. Maybe in a day or so, appeal to his kind nature and explain that you don’t feel right uninviting them to Christmas or leaving them on their own at their age. Old people can often have difficult views to digest. I hate some of the views my parents have, but I still love my parents and just keep to safe topics of conversation and safe activities with them which generally don’t bring out their narrow minded or racist views. If they do say something off, I might nicely say one comment back like that is a strange thing to say, but usually I just change the subject as quickly as I can. There is absolutely nothing to be gained from entering into political debates with close family as it ends in tears.

Goldenchildsmum · 15/12/2019 07:28

Sorry I feel like I'm drip feeding now

You think? Confused

Imo this thread is bullshit. You know EXACTLY what your grandparents are like. This is nothing to do with them voting Tory on Thursday.

They are racist etc etc and you KNOW that and have known it for a long time

I think at best you are being disingenuous at worst this is a very goady thread Biscuit

DingDongSchadenfreudeOnHigh · 15/12/2019 07:31

Yeah they have very extreme views about poverty, apparently if you are homeless it's your own fault ! They are in no way frail , the opposite very outspoken

DS's in-laws are very similar - he tolerates them and grits his teeth. As do I and DH.

StepCatsmother · 15/12/2019 07:32

However, it sounds like despite the fact you knew this, you invited them anyway and now dh wants to withdraw the invitation a week before Xmas so I think hibu

I agree with Marmitepaata.

The OP asked only if the OH was being unreasonable because the GP voted conservative. No other context. That is what guided some of the initial responses.

Then came a drip feed of increasingly nasty stories about GPs views. If those anecdotes are true, it does beg the question as to why you invited them in the first place.

I figure you're responsible for the entire situation to be honest.

Treaclepie19 · 15/12/2019 07:32

Reading your updates I'm not sure I'd want them there either. I couldn't listen to people talk that way.

tempester28 · 15/12/2019 07:32

Your husband needs to learn to "agree to disagree" with others.

It is best not to talk politics on Christmas day when everyone has had a drink.

LookingforLemons · 15/12/2019 07:33

I’m focusing on the OP because that’s what she asked.

The fact that she then chose to drip feed all the other stuff suggests that she just wanted to be a GF. Otherwise why on earth would you focus on them voting Tory when everything they do is (apparently) so bad?

What she’s hinting at is: Tories mock those who are less well off, Tories are racist etc. And frankly, fuck that sort of insidious goading.

mathanxiety · 15/12/2019 07:33

So for her DH to say no they aren't coming over, ban them, due to mainly political views, is cruel.

It's due to their insufferable, unstoppable rudeness.

What sort of people talk politics in someone else's house, mock the poor, and shout at others when a lull occurs in the conversation, when eating a meal someone else has cooked for them?

They are terrible guests and nobody else in the family has anything to do with them.

SunsetBoulevard3 · 15/12/2019 07:33

Your husband sounds appalling . So much for kindness and inclusion. Perhaps he could think about his family as well as the homeless.
Self righteous intolerant man.

WendyMoiraAngelaDarling · 15/12/2019 07:35

how dare you talk to me in what is coming across as quite an aggressive manner

What aggression? Confused Sounds like you just don't like being disagreed with tbh.

MarshmallowMuggle · 15/12/2019 07:38

Bearing in mind this is an OP who said not so long ago: “sad bastards on here all won’t vote Labour”, her intention in starting this thread is pretty clear. There are no “Tory voting” grandparents, are there OP? Hmm

Mlou32 · 15/12/2019 07:38

@Howlovely I respond to people in a fitting manner based on how they have spoken to me. I find it quite sad that you would speak to me in real life as you have spoken to me on here, with your condescending attitude, "because you're a grown up". Very sad.

Note that I haven't had any problem with other people who have replied to me, because no one has been quite as rude and aggressive in tone as you. Perhaps you are just a rude, aggressive person in real life. Perhaps you don't have the emotional intelligence to regulate how you come across. Perhaps you associate with people of the same ilk in every day life so think that your unpleasant attitude is normal/acceptable. I have no idea. Quite frankly, I don't care.

You have yourself a lovely day.

Strongmummy · 15/12/2019 07:38

Your grandparents’ views are abhorrent and I wouldn’t want to sit and listen to them in my own home at Xmas either. However your DH is putting you in an awful situation. I think there needs to be a prior agreement that nobody mentions politics and if they do they get fined £2.......to go to Help The Homeless

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 15/12/2019 07:39

They sound horrible, tbh. I could stand to have a Tory voter in the house but not somebody who mocked and belittled the poor, no matter what their political convictions.

I’m reluctantly with your DH, though I don’t know how you go about it. I just can’t see your GF agreeing to button it for Christmas Day.

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