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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

People arriving unannounced at your house

131 replies

SellMySoulForMoreSleep · 14/12/2019 17:36

I am wondering if AIBU but a neighbour knocked at my door this afternoon and asked herself and her daughter in. I hate this, my house is often messy and it was no different this afternoon as I was trying to sort some Christmas stuff. I couldn't say no because it was cold and they were waiting for someone with keys to arrive at their house plus I'm not that rude to refuse them.

Just for the record if this was a close friend or family they would be totally welcome.

OP posts:

spingly · 14/12/2019 22:33

@Readthisearlier maybe de ideas my if you keep yourself to yourself on knowing what your neighbours do because it's a small village are two different things... maybe work on your keeping to the same story skills?

Readthisearlier · 14/12/2019 22:35

Your post makes absolutely no sense.

PepePig · 14/12/2019 22:36

My biggest pet peeve. So rude. I always answer the door looking grumpy . I also hate when people ring and say they're coming to yours and they'll be there in 10 mins when it hasnt been arranged. My living room is a mess. I have an 11 month old. Her toys are everywhere. So it's a panic to tidy and fucks me right off.

spingly · 14/12/2019 22:36

@Readthisearlier neither do yours! You don't socialise, keep yourself to yourself but know the neighbours business? How odd and contradictory!

Readthisearlier · 14/12/2019 22:40

Goodness me. This is the last I'll say because clearly you don't understand simple English. We are a very small village. Although I don't socialise, my husband, friends and family do. They are also aware that my closest neighbours do not socialise with each other. As they can communicate with me, I am therefore also aware. It's not that difficult to understand.

My point still stands. Some people wouldn't be comfortable letting others into their homes and that's absolutely fine.

spingly · 14/12/2019 22:49

My point still stands. Some people wouldn't be comfortable letting others into their homes and that's absolutely fine.

And my point in simple English is that's not for YOU to decide. We "keep ourselves to ourselves" round here doesn't mean they do.... no matter what your husband and family tell you, they may just not include you! I socialise with some of my neighbours and not others, based on how I feel about them. In fact neighbours four doors up asked us to be their child god parents, neighbours next door I'm only on nodding terms to. Being on nodding terms means they do not know who we do socialise with. Your post is so contradictory it's a untrue. Your only on nodding terms but your family know loads of stuff about them....

And my point still stands, your unsociable for whatever reason but that doesn't mean you decide that the whole village is!

SirGawain · 14/12/2019 22:51

A few years ago we spotted an elderly neighbour trying to shelter from a sudden heavy shower in her bin store. She had locked herself out. Naturally we invited her in and rang her daughter to come and let her in. Over the years Lady Gawain and I have helped many people in all kinds of difficulty. It’s what decent people do. Perhaps you should try it OP it give immense satisfaction it might put some life into your joyless soul.

emmetgirl · 14/12/2019 22:56

I fucking hate the pop in.

spingly · 14/12/2019 22:56

@SirGawain us too! The most memorable being two young lads, walking home from the pub a bit tipsy and had climbed over a barbed wire fence, one ripped his arm to the muscle. He collapsed outside our house (after looking at it), cue frantic knocking at our door at around 10pm. We helped them, got blankets for the collapsed one (999 said do not move him), they were desperate and frightened. A lovely bouquet was delivered two days later, bless them.

crazycatgal · 14/12/2019 22:59

@spingly I think your comments towards @Readthisearlier are a bit unkind. They said that they have severe anxiety and they wouldn't let anyone in. They also said that in their area people keep to themselves, NOT that their neighbours would have left anyone outside. I don't think there's much to get worked up about.

CherryPavlova · 14/12/2019 23:01

I find it incredibly odd that people wouldn’t answer the door.

We often have neighbours, the vicar, cyclists with punctures, lost DofE groups, hikers desperate for the loo or water, people who have lost their car, the shepherd warning us they’re moving the sheep, the mobile fishmonger. The idea of leaving someone unable to summon help because of no phone signal, of leaving someone injured and not offering help or giving someone directions is inconceivable.

spingly · 14/12/2019 23:07

@crazycatgal thanks for your comments but I'd be seriously pissed off if my neighbours who don't socialise with me decided that I wanted to "keep myself to myself". It's not their business and not theirs to comment on. It may be that @Readthisearlier had issues but it's not right for them to decide for others.

Branster · 14/12/2019 23:07

I don’t see anything annoying about this. Besides, you wouldn’t want them waiting outside in the cold.
Am I the only one who doesn’t get the concept of needing to be ready to receive unannounced guests? In what way exactly? Even if it’s late or very early you can wear a dress gown over pyjamas and it’s still OK otherwise surely most people are washed and dressed throughout the day.

spingly · 14/12/2019 23:08

@crazycatgal I think that you'll find that most "small villages" are much more sociable and community minded than a large city, so it just doesn't ring true.

Hepsibar · 14/12/2019 23:10

I think, unless you dont like your neighbours, then it was a good thing you did in being a good neighbour and helping them whilst they were in difficulty. Well done for being a good person.

Readthisearlier · 14/12/2019 23:12

Imagine being this worked up and invested over someone saying their neighbours all keep themselves to themselves. How embarrassing 🙈

spingly · 14/12/2019 23:16

Oh you back @Readthisearlier I thought you'd said the last thing...... very contradictory again

Tigger001 · 14/12/2019 23:26

We used to have people knocking on our door a lot, we lived in a tiny village but had a lot of people knocking on, some lost, some broken down, the neighbour insisting on mowing our gardens while he was driving his mower and doing his own, giving us local produce or asking if they could pick from the tiny orchard. My mum embraced it.

I now don't answer the door to anyone in our home unless they are invited or in need.

Butterfly98 · 15/12/2019 09:53

@Tigger001 it's nice for someone to offer to mow your lawn though just because he had the mower out for his own!

cushioncovers · 15/12/2019 09:55

I'd hate it but I would let my neighbours in anyway and offer them a drink and to warm up, there's no way I would let people stand in the cold.

beautifulstranger101 · 15/12/2019 09:59

For the people saying they wouldn't answer the door to someone who needs help, I wonder how they would feel if one day, one of their kids felt they were being followed home by a creep, forgot their key and knocked the neighbours door for help who was in but decided not to because "they never answer the door". I dont agree with people just dropping by for social reasons unannounced, but if you can't help someone in an emergency then I think thats really selfish and unkind (and perhaps you shouldn't expect help yourself when its YOUR turn to need it).

sofato5miles · 15/12/2019 10:03

People are fucking batshit.

People would seriously prefer a neighbour to be stuck out in the cold?

beautifulstranger101 · 15/12/2019 10:08

*People are fucking batshit.

People would seriously prefer a neighbour to be stuck out in the cold*

Right? I see a lot of threads bashing others for voting Tory and being selfish and not caring about others in society. Now someone knocks their door in an emergency situation for help and its "no way- I dont answer my door, you can stand out in the cold". Tad hypocritical I think.

VenusClapTrap · 15/12/2019 10:17

I’m more than happy for anyone to knock on the door, and would have the kettle straight on.

I do find these threads (and they come up with such alarming regularity) quite depressing.

HeronLanyon · 15/12/2019 10:34

I’m hoping a lot who say they wouldn’t have helped didn’t read that it was a neighbour in a pickle. I too am very sad if people really wouldn’t help someone in need (even if, like me, they generally hate random non- emergency droppers in! )

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