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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To fear for my disabled DS future in the UK now?

161 replies

Livingtothefull · 14/12/2019 16:12

Just that really.

Despite disabled people bearing the brunt of Tory austerity policies and being criticised by the UN for failing to uphold their rights - www.theguardian.com/society/2017/aug/31/un-panel-criticises-uk-failure-to-uphold-disabled-peoples-rights

  • a whole lot of my fellow citizens, knowing this, have gone and voted for a Tory government all the same.

I am scared for my DS future now, I don't trust either the Government or the people of this country to look after him when I am no longer able to. He is profoundly disabled, will have as good a life as his country is willing to give him & I have to say it is not looking good. Is it?

OP posts:
Original poster
Livingtothefull · 14/12/2019 21:10

Well the silence and the YABUs I have received have made me feel sadder and more isolated than ever. It was a mistake coming on here. If you think IABU at least have the decency to post why.

OP posts:
pigsknickers · 14/12/2019 21:16

YANBU OP, and I'm pretty stunned at the poll results so far. I'm worried for anyone in our society who's ill, disabled or vulnerable in any way. We seem to be growing meaner and harder as a country and that breaks my heart. I have a couple of good friends with disabled children and I know these last couple of days have been full of anxiety for them, both wondering how much the practical and medical support they need is going to continue, and also having to come to terms with the fact that so many apparently don't give a shit about them or their children. I'm sorry.

AlrightyyThen · 14/12/2019 21:16

YANBU Flowers

My DS is disabled, although not profoundly. But i am very worried about his future here, to the point where i am considering moving somewhere else.

Those saying YABU i have no idea why, but take no heed if they aren't brave enough to explain themselves. In fact it's probably just because they're against anymore political posts in AIBU and nothing personal to you OP.

I thought me and my son would always be supported by this government and i feel like the rug's been pulled from under our feet. Especially as my DS is autistic and there's been mention of those funds being slashed.

Unfortunately i don't have a clue what's going to happen from here but i am very worried

SuperLoudPoppingAction · 14/12/2019 21:20

I think a lot of people are either so desperate and stuck in their own bubble that they can't manage to be compassionate or they're genuinely selfish and not wanting to support anyone vulnerable or to be associated with vulnerability themselves or they don't understand why the state is needed to care for those who are unable to survive without help.

I know a lot of people with disabilities and autistic people who have grown up in places without this support.
They're generally much happier to live somewhere with laws protecting human rights and structures supporting access to civil society.
It makes me sad we might lose that.

But they did all survive in those places. Loved ones generally bridge the gaps.
And of course some people don't make it.

I think it's very cowardly to click 'yabu' and slink off tbh

ThatssomebadhatHarry · 14/12/2019 21:20

Be prepared to be massively gas lighted by the numerous Tories on here who can only justify voting for this by convincing you that you are paranoid and catastrophising the impact of their decisions. Welcome to Boris Britain, where women need a pat on their bum and sent on their way (but not the black ones though with their watermelon smiles or those letterbox wearing ones.

I’m sorry you have to worry about this op and that so many people don’t give a shit.

Original poster
Livingtothefull · 14/12/2019 21:21

Thank you pigsknickers and Almightyythen for posting. It is so hard to struggle to be understood...they think IABU to worry about my DS future, presumably you worry about your own DC? We have a government who demonstrably gives no f**ks about the disabled and you expect me not to worry? I have seen it all now.

OP posts:
AnneShirleysNewDress · 14/12/2019 21:23

I'm with you OP. I'm horrified that we have at least another 5 years of this. You are in no way unreasonable.

Original poster
Livingtothefull · 14/12/2019 21:26

Thank you all for posting.

OP posts:
FFSFFSFFS · 14/12/2019 21:27

I genuinely think that you can take real comfort from the fact that Johnson is very aware that his win depended on traditional labour voters who will be very easily turned back to labour by a strong labour leader. Johnson will now be obsessed about winning his next term and his legacy. I therefore think a lot of the Tory policies will be softened because of this because he will want to keep this sector with him.

Corbyn would have crippled the whole economy and the greater money for the disabled would have been a greater portion of an empty unicorn pie.

This is the best of not great options for the disabled.

I know this also won't be great comfort and not to underestimate the challenges you and your son are facing - but the welfare safety net in this country does remain extraordinary compared to other countries and is part of broader social expectations. Long term this will not change.

UnderwearInfernoOfLies · 14/12/2019 21:28

While I don’t know enough of the political side and its real effects on care, it is not the only defining part of our culture or country. There are many big hearted people who care, you and your son are not alone.

YouTheCat · 14/12/2019 21:30

Op, I feel exactly the same.

colouringinpro · 14/12/2019 21:31

YADNBU OP. My ds has significant health conditions including mental health, for which we get zero help whatsoever from CAMHS. I'm really worried about him in the long term as Adult Mental health services are even worse than CAMHS.

user1471449295 · 14/12/2019 21:33

I’m with you op Flowers
YANBU

TSSDNCOP · 14/12/2019 21:33

YABU I know for a fact my Conservative MP stepped forward at my (Conservative voting) request to help a single parent with a disabled DS. Granted, that’s his job, but he got straight on the case to help. Not all Conservatives have cloven hooves.

NewNameForMeNewNameForMe · 14/12/2019 21:34

I feel the same way OP. I have 2 disabled DD & am petrified for their future in such a selfish society that we live in.

PinkiOcelot · 14/12/2019 21:34

YADNBU OP.
People who voted Tory on here (well some) admitted to voting Tory was because they would have to pay a bit more tax wise. I’m all right Jack mentality. Fuck everyone else regardless!!

Original poster
Livingtothefull · 14/12/2019 21:34

My DS will be cared for as long as I and DH are able to care for him. After that....I can only hope he is in the hands of good people. There are many wonderful people in this country; but every country has its wonderful people. How do we show we are civilised? By how we treat our most vulnerable...so I hope as a country we prove we can measure up. We are not doing it well enough now.

OP posts:
RaiseaGlasstoFreedom · 14/12/2019 21:35

Living I've had severely disabled family member under labour and that was fucking horrific.

Awful. We had disgusting forms and questions about his level of ability. We had stasi like cult think to deal with and frankly dangerous new ideas pushed forward that put his life in danger and his family were treated like shit when they tried to protest.

So yes op, I totally understand how awful it is at the very bottom of the pile. But to me it's not an tory, Labour issue. Infact rosa Monckton did a program about it whilst Labour were in power and she said with brown in power who had disabled son and shadow Cameron also with disabled child things should be improving for disabled people. Obviously not.

It's something we can all lobby for but it's not a tory thing at all and in fact after my experiences I felt revulsion when I saw corybn man handling a little boy with downs syndrome. Utterly disgraceful.

SuperLoudPoppingAction · 14/12/2019 21:38

Tss the problem is it's not about individual cases nor only for people articulate and confident enough to ask for.help.

It should be the case that the help is there automatically and not just doled out upon request if your face fits and you vote the right way.

All MPs should help their constituents.
It isn't particularly laudible when they do.
It's their literal job

For a situation to get to the stage where an MP can justify their time and effort to support you, I think the system isn't good enough

RaiseaGlasstoFreedom · 14/12/2019 21:39

And to be clear I and my family lobbied the the labour government and got generic crap back, my then tory mp however was extremely sympathetic and did all they could for us.

After what we went through it triggers me to hear this.

TSSDNCOP · 14/12/2019 21:41

Did I not actually say it was his job? He had no idea of my politics. I asked, he did. Sorry that doesn’t fit your narrative but it is a fact. Perhaps if we collectively pile on the pressure matters will improve. The truly hope so.

PrettyPurse · 14/12/2019 21:42

I truly fear what will happen to my DS who is autistic.

As much as it would devastate me and upsets me even now to think it, but l hope in one way that he dies before me as he has absolutely no-one apart from me and ds2..... and l can't put that "burden" on ds2 as he is entitled to his own life.

He is so vulnerable and we get no help despite asking for it.

NewtonPulsifer · 14/12/2019 21:42

I also have a disabled DS, and I too am worried. He moves to PIP when he is 16, and that in itself will be a nightmare. Services we rely on are being cut to nothing, waiting lists are getting longer, specialists more difficult to find and one of his medications is on the shortage list for any issues with imports during Brexit.
Flowers for all those also worried

Babynamechangerr · 14/12/2019 21:42

I'm not saying this to gaslight you, I'm saying it to try and reassure you. I have an older sister with very complex disabilities, we've lived through Tory governments and Labour governments and there really hasn't been any difference in the provision made throughout her life, in fact its better now than when Labour was in power. It's not perfect, but she really is fine, provision is made, which costs hundreds, if not thousands a week.

It might reassure you to speak to the relevant charity for your child and see if you can speak to parents with adult children of your child's condition about the provision that's made and what issues you may face.

RaiseaGlasstoFreedom · 14/12/2019 21:44

Super I agree.. It's the same in school, when a child starts to present with learning difficulties. A systematic should click into place, all SENCO across the board should be properly trained, Ed physiologists should be readily available within certain time frames etc etc.