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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To fear for my disabled DS future in the UK now?

161 replies

Livingtothefull · 14/12/2019 16:12

Just that really.

Despite disabled people bearing the brunt of Tory austerity policies and being criticised by the UN for failing to uphold their rights - www.theguardian.com/society/2017/aug/31/un-panel-criticises-uk-failure-to-uphold-disabled-peoples-rights

  • a whole lot of my fellow citizens, knowing this, have gone and voted for a Tory government all the same.

I am scared for my DS future now, I don't trust either the Government or the people of this country to look after him when I am no longer able to. He is profoundly disabled, will have as good a life as his country is willing to give him & I have to say it is not looking good. Is it?

OP posts:
thenightsky · 15/12/2019 22:59

I spend a lot of time wondering if my DS will end up sleeping on the streets when me and DH are gone. My DD has said she will look out for him, but I don't want her to feel resentful. I wish there was a sheltered place for him Sad

Kittygirl47 · 15/12/2019 23:04

YABU. We live in a civilised society and your son will be fine.

For all the people posting recently re “selfish tories” we get these threads pop up where people are just posting things relating to their own personal circumstances and how worried they are because the Tories got in.

Who’s “selfish” now?

happyandsingle · 15/12/2019 23:08

Have to say I applied for counselling on the NHS and got an appointment pretty quick. Or maybe I was just lucky?

AgeShallNotWitherHer · 15/12/2019 23:10

YABU to make it a Conservative v Labour issue. But of course you are not BU to fear for your son's future.

My own DS needs a degree of support and I worry like you do. Your situation however seems far tougher than mine - and my heart goes out to you.

midnightmisssuki · 15/12/2019 23:12

YABVU to make this a Tory bashing thread.

clairethewitch70 · 15/12/2019 23:14

Aside from the politics here, he has diarrhoea (possibly a bug) and you are dropping him off somewhere tomorrow?

PickAChew · 15/12/2019 23:27

On a practical point, we double cover DS2's mattress with a waterproof protector and disposable bedmats.

In the name of austerity, the tories have done everything they can to run local authorities into the ground to the point that many (of various persuasions) are now running deficits. One of the ways they have done this is preventing them from increasing council tax to meet need. Remember the year when they were bribed with a one off payment not to increase CT?

MidnightCircus · 15/12/2019 23:32

Well, I don't disagree things are tough, and know nothing about child services. I do know however my disabled mother is actually better off with PIP than she was with DLA. She bought her own wheelchair as it was a better quality one than the hospital could provide, plus as she could buy online rather than set places like they have to, she got a chair at well over £200 less than the hospital. If she buys her own grab rails, she saves the hospital over 3x the amount they would spend. It's bonkers the cost to the NHS for these things, which does not help stretch the funding. I know she voted Tory though, as she was disabled under a Labour government and was way worse off.
So, it may not be all bad, is what I'm trying to say. Sure, it's one person, but it's a personal story, and I will be honest and say I don't claim to understand anyone else's situation.

Oswin · 15/12/2019 23:32

How can it not be a politics thread when the torys have been making disabled people's life hell for the last ten years.

Kittygirl how can you say he will be fine. Disabled people are not fine. We have been screaming this for fucking years.
Then you get people like kitty who ignore it and pretend the government isn't responsible for disabled people dying and being pushed into poverty.

caringcarer · 15/12/2019 23:43

I care for child who has moderate learning disability and attends a special school. He gets a generous amount of DLA. I think he is being well looked after. I agree as a parent I have had to push to get him into a special school, but most parents would do this for their child.

Livelovebehappy · 15/12/2019 23:48

YANBU to have valid concerns for the future of your DS, as I too worry about what the future holds for my DCs and future DGCs - even though they’re not disabled, the world is a pretty scarey place right now for lots of reasons. But YABU to make it political. There’s no evidence that things would be better under Labour. Maybe short term when Corbyn would be making good on his socialist promises, throwing money around like confetti. But long term, when the pot eventually runs dry, your adult DS would have nothing because the money would be gone. And then we’d all be screwed.

justhetwoofus · 15/12/2019 23:55

Livingtothefull
I know exactly where you are coming from...it is heart breaking.
My lovely son is 25 now,he has quadriplegic cerebral palsy and needs 24 hour care given by me in our home. When he was in nursery at a special school he had physio and speech therapy everyday, Fast forward to now and he has nothing.....he is totally forgotten by this shite of a system...
And I despair for his future..... sending hugs and strength your way x
Ry

HopeClearwater · 16/12/2019 00:12

Our labour run council has been slashing services for both children and adults with disabilities as far back as I remember

FGS this is because Tory central government has slashed the grants to local councils!! And they deliberately cut grants to Labour-run councils even more.

BillHadersNewWife · 16/12/2019 05:12

Hope and that's a clear representation of why people who would usually vote Labour, voted conservative. There's a lack of understanding...the way the government is structured is confusing for many people. Me too...I don't understand half of it. Not that I'd ever vote Tory.

MiniGuinness · 16/12/2019 05:23

YANBU at all OP. It is the most vulnerable people in our society that should be the most protected, but I honestly dread to think what is in store. But you are also right that there are such good people and these people will be there.

malificent7 · 16/12/2019 05:38

Yanbu...anyone of us could be hit by a bus and become disabled. Tbh the electorate are twats snd this country is self serving and insular.

Sockwomble · 16/12/2019 06:04

"I agree as a parent I have had to push to get him into a special school, but most parents would do this for their child."

I have recently been supporting someone who has had to go to sendist Tribunal to get a school place for her disabled child. Not a place at a better school but any school place. Her LA were prepared to leave the child long term out of a school with a few hours inadequate tuition a day because all the maintained special schools were full. There are several thousand other disabled children in the same position.

My own child has a school place but there is no provision for when he leaves. There is nowhere locally that is suitable for him to live as an adult and nothing in the way of meaningful activity for him to do.

Zampa · 16/12/2019 06:21

YANBU. I burst into tears when the exit poll was released.

Austerity has cost our local council dearly. Staff aren't replaced when they retire or resign and support for my disabled child has dwindled from weekly to half termly to termly. If local government funding continues in this way, I'm deeply worried.

GinisLife · 16/12/2019 06:48

Sorry if this comes across as harsh but has any one of you lobbied your MP ? Told them exactly what your life is like ? How hard it is to look after a child or adult with disabilities. It's all very well coming on here and wringing your hands but people need to shout up. People who aren't dealing with this day in day out don't realise what some families are putting up with. It's not all down to the torys. Labour councils are just as bad. As a society we need to start making our MPs accountable to improve the lives of the disadvantaged.
@hoorayforharoldlloyd where's your links for your assertions ? I've never heard someone say that.

Poorolddaddypig · 16/12/2019 06:51

YANBU Flowers Sorry OP

Sockwomble · 16/12/2019 07:00

Tory MPs know what families are putting up with. They don't give a shit.

bluebells1 · 16/12/2019 07:01

" I'll be lurking at the pearly gates to catch anyone who failed him, and drag them into hell."

Hmm That really helps.

Just stop with the melodrama and question the government and hold them accountable. You have a very genuine concern and this is something that ANY government should prioritize. I am with you and I will fight for you.

Calledyoulastnightfromglasgow · 16/12/2019 07:02

YANBU Flowers

But I would agree this government will realise it has to become compassionate if it is to retain its vote

Speckledhen10 · 16/12/2019 07:05

YABU. I’m sure you claim all the benefits you are entitled to and have a very good standard of living (if you’re using the money wisely and not on frivolities) The Tory government has a fair and most importantly realistic economic policy that will provide the money to care for your child. Labour’s “we believe in Father Christmas” economic policy would have bankrupted the country and there would have been no money for your child’s care.

Sockwomble · 16/12/2019 07:10

Lobbying also takes time and energy that many families don't have.
A lot of people are fighting individual battles about immediate needs - dealing with school issues, chasing up services and provision, taking individual legal action ( which can consume your life for months on end) as well as caring for the person and in some cases trying to hold down a job.