Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to share windfall with siblings?

115 replies

StartupRepair · 13/12/2019 20:20

DH rather than me. In his teens, in the 70s, his great aunt gave him something that had belonged to her grandfather. I'm being vague but it is specific, like a particular stamp. I've just googled its value and it could be tens of thousands or more.
DH is keen to sell it if possible.
I'm wondering if it does turn out to be very high value, if we should share the proceeds with his siblings?
Irrelevant but they are both in a stronger financial position than we are. No one is struggling but they are in a different league.

OP posts:
Pinkarsedfly · 13/12/2019 20:22

I wouldn’t. The great-aunt gave it to your dh.

Do they even need to know?

AmayaBuzzbee · 13/12/2019 20:24

Great aunt gave it to your DH, so it’s his alone to sell. Just make sure you keep this to yourself, nobody else needs to know.

JoanieCash · 13/12/2019 20:30

I’d share it, and say that as the ‘poorer’ sibling too. There’s no point risking good Relationships over cash.

Original poster
StartupRepair · 13/12/2019 20:30

Just not sure about the impact of having it as a secret in what is a pretty warm and open relationship with his sisters.

OP posts:
Amys136 · 13/12/2019 20:32

I’d sell it and wouldn’t mention that I had it how much for. The aunt gave it to him. If you’d bought it in a charity shop then sold it you wouldn’t share with siblings o

BuffaloCauliflower · 13/12/2019 20:33

Why would you share when it wasn’t given to them collectively, it was given only to your DH?

Frankola · 13/12/2019 20:37

Just dont tell them. It was given to your dh

rhubarbcrumbles · 13/12/2019 20:41

Just make sure you keep this to yourself, nobody else needs to know.

Except for the Mumsnet millions!

It's not your choice OP, it's up to your DH

beautifulxdisasters · 13/12/2019 20:43

I'd share it as the "poorer" sibling, but as the more comfortable sibling I'd want my poorer sibling to have it?

What do you think DH's siblings would want him to do?

LoonyLunaLoo · 13/12/2019 20:44

If it would improve their lives I would but it doesn’t sound like it would so I wouldn’t even mention it to them.

rattusrattus20 · 13/12/2019 20:47

i certainly wouldn't if the others are much better off, certainly not. i'd have to think quite hard about it if this wasn't the situation, though.

BackforGood · 13/12/2019 20:51

I wouldn't even mention it to them either.
It was given to him, and he has kept it and looked after it and taken care of it presumably. It is his to do as he wants with.

Depending on what it actually fetches, if he wants he could say he had win on the lottery or something and treat them to something (meal out? Weekend away??) if it makes him feel more comfortable.

hifolks · 13/12/2019 20:54

I'd sell it and give half to charity.

Italiangreyhound · 13/12/2019 20:57

It's his to do with as he wishes.

But if it were me, I'd share.

Straycatstrut · 13/12/2019 20:58

I'd keep it and I wouldn't tell them. It was gifted to your DH, it is rightfully his and they have no claim to it. Take your luck where you can.

Everythingmagnolia · 13/12/2019 20:59

I wouldn't mention it

Sceptre86 · 13/12/2019 21:00

No it was given to him as a gift so he can do what he likes. I wouldn't mention it.

Bluerussian · 13/12/2019 21:01

The aunt gave the item to your husband, he doesn't need to share out the proceeds with his siblings but do keep quiet about it.

lovemenorca · 13/12/2019 21:01

Wait until you actually get a valuation. Online valuations are usually, lets just say, ambitious.

DeathStare · 13/12/2019 21:09

Do his siblings know he was given the "stamp"? And that he still has it? And would they have any idea it could be valuable?

Kahlua4me · 13/12/2019 21:10

Was it given to him as he was the only boy in the family?

If I was in that position I would give some to my siblings, maybe not a complete divide but I would give some...

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 13/12/2019 21:12

Was it given to him as she was giving stuff to each sibling and just didnt realise the thing she gave him had a much larger value than the things she gave the others?

If not does he know for sure that they didnt get anything similar?

Did he have a better and closer relationship with this aunt?

This would make a difference to whether it should be shared

Notthetoothfairy · 13/12/2019 21:12

I don’t think it’s any of their business and I doubt they have shared finances with your DH or have ever given him part of their work bonuses etc.

Babybel90 · 13/12/2019 21:13

I probably wouldn’t but I suppose it depends how much and if it would make a difference to them, so £5,000 and they’re well off I wouldn’t bother but £100,000 and they’re still paying off their mortgages then I’d probably give them £10k each.

My childless aunt gave me something valuable(ish) because it was something we shared an interest in, she hasn’t given any of my 10 cousins anything like it, and I would consider the item to be mine, I wouldn’t share the proceeds with my cousins if I sold it.

Lampan · 13/12/2019 21:14

I guess if it’s his he can do as he likes. Would it be worth considering, if he sells it, to give them each some money but not a whole ‘share’? Say if he sells for 10k, he could give them 1k each - a nice bonus out of the blue for them, and hopefully less guilt for him while still making the most of his windfall?