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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to share windfall with siblings?

115 replies

StartupRepair · 13/12/2019 20:20

DH rather than me. In his teens, in the 70s, his great aunt gave him something that had belonged to her grandfather. I'm being vague but it is specific, like a particular stamp. I've just googled its value and it could be tens of thousands or more.
DH is keen to sell it if possible.
I'm wondering if it does turn out to be very high value, if we should share the proceeds with his siblings?
Irrelevant but they are both in a stronger financial position than we are. No one is struggling but they are in a different league.

OP posts:
KitKat1985 · 13/12/2019 22:03

Well it belongs to him now so it's nothing to do with his siblings. I'd sell it discretely and for the sake of family harmony you may be better never to mention it to his siblings.

Franklyyes · 13/12/2019 22:05

She gave it to him 40-50 years ago!!!! It’s his to keep and do whatever he wants. Unless it was a relative signing over the whole of their estate, it’s fine

BlackSwanGreen · 13/12/2019 22:07

Either sell it quietly and keep the proceeds or tell everyone and share. I can't see any benefit in telling his siblings if he's not going to share.

jayho · 13/12/2019 22:07

I would sell it and share a 'reasonable' sum with siblings and really like £1k to £1.5k so that they could enjoy your windfall too. If I was the sibling this would be perfect for me particularly as they are not lacking

FiveShelties · 13/12/2019 22:08

What would you want his sisters to do if they had the 'stamp'?

and

What does your husband want to do?

Swirlygirl · 13/12/2019 22:08

His aunt gave it to him. She knew it would be worth something. She wanted him to have it

carly2803 · 13/12/2019 22:11

sorry no.

i would keep it and enjoy life. she gave it to him,wanted him to have it - he needs to enjoy it with hisfamily!

Xyzzzzz · 13/12/2019 22:11

It depends on how much the windfall is as mentioned £5000 no but £500,000 yes.

katy1213 · 13/12/2019 22:16

It's not keeping a 'secret' from them, it's discretion about your own finances. Would you discuss a pay rise with them?

.

kateandme · 13/12/2019 22:24

do you know she never gave them anything though.

messolini9 · 13/12/2019 22:31

DH's heirloom, DH's siblings, DH's decision.

Disfordarkchocolate · 13/12/2019 22:35

Did she only give things to your husband? It could be they have been in the same situation.

Branster · 13/12/2019 22:35

It is his stamp, if it so happens that is very valuable then that value is his, if he wants to sell it, the proceeds are his.
I assume he’d rather share the money with his immediate family (yourself, children). And he is within his rights to spend the money on himself only.
I don’t think his siblings should get anything.
Not sure about inheritance tax if we want to be very pedantic.

BlouseAndSkirt · 13/12/2019 22:36

My sister was given a ring that had been handed down from Some great aunt that we never met. My sister has the same name. Rings can’t be carved up, my grandmother gave it to my sister when she was a baby. It is a really valuable diamond. I wouldn’t dream of expecting her to share it out.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 13/12/2019 22:38

Family heirlooms ae in no way comparable to a work bonus. I would 100% split the money.

Jux · 13/12/2019 22:56

I have no idea what I'd actually do in your dh's position. My advice to you is not to share it.

ICouldBeVotingTactically · 13/12/2019 22:57

Do the siblings know he has it? Is it possible she gave each of the 3 siblings a valuable 'stamp' or similar?

Maybe the other 2 sold their heirlooms off years ago, invested the proceeds ... et voila, they are now better off than your DH.

Depends a lot on relationships. Does he think he owes them something, for some reason? Did they sacrifice anything for him when he was a child for example?

Time40 · 13/12/2019 22:59

Wow OP, you're a much better and nicer person than I am! I can't even imagine worrying about this. It was given to your DH half a lifetime ago. You're not in as good a financial situation as his siblings. Sell it and keep quiet - it's a no-brainer in my opinion.

Lifeinaplasticbox · 13/12/2019 23:15

Do the siblings know he has it? Is it possible she gave each of the 3 siblings a valuable 'stamp' or similar?Maybe the other 2 sold their heirlooms off years ago, invested the proceeds ... et voila, they are now better off than your DH

This is exactly what I was thinking. Maybe they’ve sold theirs and haven’t said a word.
I wouldn’t say anything to anyone

Mumtotwo82 · 13/12/2019 23:18

I don't understand the problem. If it was given to him, it's his. If he wants to share it it's up to him entirely. If it was my sibling, I would feel happy for them, not entitled (it was a great aunt after all not a parent so it surely should make it even easier) If my sibling wanted to share, I would remind them it's theirs and was given to them so they keep it. If they gifted me some, I may accept but only if they absolutely insisted and really wanted to.

BillHadersNewWife · 13/12/2019 23:19

I would....

Original poster
StartupRepair · 13/12/2019 23:36

Yes of course it is Dh's decision entirely. He is also allowed to continue keeping it in a drawer.
We don't know for sure if is saleable or to what value. I just thought it was worth getting our thoughts clear before we got that information. The item is directly linked to DH's great great grandfather who was a person of historic interest.

I don't know if the great aunt gave anything else to the siblings. Except a lovely diamond ring which DH's sister had and gave to DH to give to me as my engagement ring. So there is a precedence of sharing things.
I think secrets around money can be quite toxic in families. Trying to work out if this is natural financial privacy or actual secrecy.

OP posts:
Shinnoo · 13/12/2019 23:41

What a total non issue

I googled something and then started thinking about it and posted on Mumsnet.

Facepalm

sweeneytoddsrazor · 14/12/2019 07:18

Given your further information then yes if he decides to sell it should be shared. It is their family as well and you have a family heirloom engagement ring.

Appletreehouse · 14/12/2019 07:27

My grandma gifted me some antique jewellery for my 21st birthday. I sold it a few years ago at auction for £300 and never considered giving any to my brother who wasn't given anything equivalent by our grandma. If it had been worth over £1000 I would have thought twice and shared it. So depends how much it's worth at valuation (and how much auction fees are if it's a specialist piece as I hadn't realised how much they were!)

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