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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to share windfall with siblings?

115 replies

StartupRepair · 13/12/2019 20:20

DH rather than me. In his teens, in the 70s, his great aunt gave him something that had belonged to her grandfather. I'm being vague but it is specific, like a particular stamp. I've just googled its value and it could be tens of thousands or more.
DH is keen to sell it if possible.
I'm wondering if it does turn out to be very high value, if we should share the proceeds with his siblings?
Irrelevant but they are both in a stronger financial position than we are. No one is struggling but they are in a different league.

OP posts:
cptartapp · 14/12/2019 07:29

I wouldn't share. His siblings may have been given things he knows nothing about.

motherheroic · 14/12/2019 07:35

Would his siblings share their windfall with him? There's your answer.

Anotheruser02 · 14/12/2019 07:36

In light of the ring thing I would either keep quiet and keep or share. They can't know you are keeping the whole amount.

AJPTaylor · 14/12/2019 07:38

I think if it is part of family history then there are other factors.
If great aunt have it to dh in the expectation that he would keep it then maybe he should share the proceeds. But in that case are there cousins?

singtanana · 14/12/2019 07:42

I think your update changes things. His sister willingly gave up her gift from the aunt. Seems mean not to share your DH’s gift too.

WendyMoiraAngelaDarling · 14/12/2019 07:45

I'd sell it and give half to charity.

Grin honestly the shit people come out with on here.

Gardai · 14/12/2019 07:49

@WendyMoiraAngelaDarling 👍🏻

IdiotInDisguise · 14/12/2019 07:50

I wouldn’t, but I wouldn’t be telling anyone about the windfall either.

If it was a lot of money, I would earmark an amount to help other members of the family when and if they need help.

christmassausages · 14/12/2019 07:55

Reading your update about the ring your SIL gave your DH then I would definitely sell it and share the proceeds equally.

saraclara · 14/12/2019 07:55

If this was a recent gift, I'd consider sharing (if I knew that no-one else has been given anything) but something I'd owned for up to fifty years, probably not.

ThursdayLastWeek · 14/12/2019 08:00

I wouldn’t but only because I know my sister wouldn’t share with me!

I might be inclined to buy her a nice gift.

FiveShelties · 15/12/2019 01:14

Your DH accepted the gift of a ring which became your engagement ring and you are considering not sharing the money with his sisters who he has a warm and close relationship with?

HeronLanyon · 15/12/2019 01:47

He doesn’t have to share it - it was given to him and long enough ago it wasn’t part of her divesting her belongings so that the siblings would feel an unfairness that she may not have been aware of (or was it).

However I think he should share with his siblings as a family heirloom has been Flind to be worth much more than realised. How awful to say nothing about it with sisters he is close with !

MargeryB · 15/12/2019 10:28

The ring changes it totally, you should be open and then offer to share.

BlouseAndSkirt · 15/12/2019 10:43

Except a lovely diamond ring which DH's sister had and gave to DH to give to me as my engagement ring. So there is a precedence of sharing things

That wasn’t ‘sharing’ , where is her share now?

If the item was an heirloom your DH should consult with his siblings before flogging it off, and certainly share the proceeds if it is flogged off.

Your drip feed here changed my outlook.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 15/12/2019 10:51

I was in the say nothing camp until you said about the ring! I'd definitely share with the new info.

Betterbegoing · 15/12/2019 10:54

I was of the opinion to sell it and keep the money, not mentioning it to siblings, until you said about the ring. Share for sure.

OceanSunFish · 15/12/2019 10:58

Massive drip feed! Don't you think you should have mentioned that in the OP?

Bluerussian · 15/12/2019 11:10

First thing to do is have the ring valued and find out what he would get for it. You'd be surprised at how little similar things are worth - it could be £300 or less in which case I would say not to share. Anyway if it is your engagement ring, surely you want to keep it (not sure if you have actually suggested selling it, apologies if I'm confused).

The other item which was what prompted the thread is your husbands and he doesn't owe anyone anything out of the proceeds, it's purely a personal matter.

ssd · 15/12/2019 11:12

I'd share. It's only fair.

BackforGood · 15/12/2019 11:13

Massive answer changing drip feed there OP.
Didn't you think that might be relevant information to put in the opening post ? Hmm the

MrsJoshNavidi · 15/12/2019 11:31

Do you know that the aunt didn't secretly give the other siblings something of value too?

TheFaerieQueene · 15/12/2019 11:33

Do you discuss all your financial decisions with his sisters?

Clafairymon · 15/12/2019 11:41

Wow really surprised at the number of people saying 'say nothing'. I would definitely say something for lots of reasons. It's a lovely thing to discover and great news to share as a family. I would get a true value and then split equally with family after toasting Auntie with a glass of fizz together.*
*
This!!!

dontgobaconmyheart · 15/12/2019 12:23

Given the update then yes YABU- perhaps one of them would like to have it rather than it go to auction to a stranger- it pertains to their grandfather so I think selling it at all without offering them it is very poor form. Doubly so when they were gracious enough to gift you an (expensive) family heirloom which you are keeping.

I'd get it valued first anyway, as these things often are worth less than we think- but I can't imagine the amount would be worth the bad taste this will leave between siblings and I would keep out of it yourself entirely OP. It isn't a good look.