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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to share windfall with siblings?

115 replies

StartupRepair · 13/12/2019 20:20

DH rather than me. In his teens, in the 70s, his great aunt gave him something that had belonged to her grandfather. I'm being vague but it is specific, like a particular stamp. I've just googled its value and it could be tens of thousands or more.
DH is keen to sell it if possible.
I'm wondering if it does turn out to be very high value, if we should share the proceeds with his siblings?
Irrelevant but they are both in a stronger financial position than we are. No one is struggling but they are in a different league.

OP posts:
BeanTownNancy · 13/12/2019 21:14

I would probably keep the majority, but maybe buy them something nice with some of the money. So, like, a UK holiday together or something. But we are that close with all of our siblings.

Hugsgalore · 13/12/2019 21:14

I would give them something but not share it equally. So if I got 10k for it I'd probably give them a grand each.

Havaina · 13/12/2019 21:15

No way.

therewerefour · 13/12/2019 21:16

Do the siblings even know it exists?

Lampan · 13/12/2019 21:16

@Hugsgalore Great minds!!

Elodie2019 · 13/12/2019 21:16

Just sell it and enjoy the windfall.

amusedbush · 13/12/2019 21:18

It was given to him as a gift. I’d sell it and keep quiet - his siblings don’t need to know. It’s none of their business.

Lockheart · 13/12/2019 21:19

I'd wait until you have a proper valuation from a professional (not Google) and an active market to sell it to before you start worrying about this.

FabLaura · 13/12/2019 21:21

Wow really surprised at the number of people saying 'say nothing'. I would definitely say something for lots of reasons. It's a lovely thing to discover and great news to share as a family. I would get a true value and then split equally with family after toasting Auntie with a glass of fizz together.

Alicesweewonders · 13/12/2019 21:21

Sell it and say nothing. Money can make people funny.

NailsNeedDoing · 13/12/2019 21:26

I’d share with siblings, although how equally would depend on the financial position you are in now.

If the aunt was giving it now, with full knowledge of how much it was worth, then would she really have only given it to one sibling? Probably not.

MooseBeTimeForSummer · 13/12/2019 21:30

How do you know she didn’t give something valuable to each of the sisters too?

It was her bequest. She didn’t give it to them. She gave it to your DH.

CoolCarrie · 13/12/2019 21:31

Dh should sell it and say nothing to his siblings. As pp pointed out it’s not as if they would share their work bonuses with him, and it should like they don’t need his financial help any way. Least said the better imho.

Lulualla · 13/12/2019 21:31

It's his. It was given to him as a gift. Do you go through life sharing out any proceeds from selling any gift you ever received from family? No. Because it is yours.

WWlOOlWW · 13/12/2019 21:32

I'd share. For no other reason than it would make me feel bad if I didn't. Both my siblings are in a better financial position than me.

justasking111 · 13/12/2019 21:32

Three of us shared out some antiques when FIL died. We each got to choose in turn what we wanted. OH particularly wanted something the others were not interested in. A few years down the road it needed a bit of restoration. We took it to an expert who did the work and asked if it was insured. We said no why. When he told us the value we had to sit down. At that time the money would have been very useful but it was a cherished memory of FIL so we never sold it.
One inheritor would have expected us to sell it and share the money out so we kept very quiet about it. The other one would have said keep it for sentimental reasons.

Only you can decide, but rather like the lottery if you do take the money I would keep very quiet about it.

ChristmasSpirtsOnTheRocksPleas · 13/12/2019 21:35

If you do decide to sell Make sure you account for CGT before giving them a share.

Creepster · 13/12/2019 21:36

The sisters are more likely to be happy for him than jealous of him.

MyNewBearTotoro · 13/12/2019 21:36

Is it something of sentimental value his siblings are likely to ask about? If it was a valued family item they all liked but which was for a not entirely reasonable reason given to him (Eg: because it was a Male’s war medal and your DH was the only boy) I would share. Doesn’t seem fair for him to profit if his sisters would have liked, wanted or cherished the item equally.

If however it was an item without any sentimental value or which only your DH showed an interest in (Eg: because he collected stamps but the sisters thought that was very boring) then it would be different. If the sisters are unlikely to ever think or ask about it I would sell it and just not mention it. But if it’s a family item they’ll ask about you have to tell them and I think share it.

StoppinBy · 13/12/2019 21:38

I would keep the value of it to myself but tell them I sold it and it was worth a reasonable amount so I was gifting them some money as well. I would keep most of it though.

HerRoyalNotness · 13/12/2019 21:40

No I wouldn’t share, it’s his!

If he decides to sell I’d get a photograph of the item taken to keep just for posterity.

Mrsmadevans · 13/12/2019 21:43

Not 1p , nothing , Nada.

heidbuttsupper · 13/12/2019 21:47

I would share it. No other reason apart from l love my sister and I would want her to have it

B0bbin · 13/12/2019 21:50

I voted YANBU not to share it, as it was given to DH so no need to share, but it might be nice to share it

ILearnedItFromABook · 13/12/2019 21:59

It was given to him and they're comfortably well off. I think I'd keep the proceeds if I were him. It's not like it's an heirloom that they'll miss if/when it's sold off.