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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to want to divorce my DH over general election?

464 replies

SafferUpNorth · 13/12/2019 00:09

Feeling sick to the stomach at the predicted result. Have always assumed DH and I were roughly on the same page politically, but turns out he voted Tory 'because it's best for the economy' (WTF).

Just had a massive row... I actually cannot get him to acknowledge that by all indicators child poverty and food bank use have skyrocketed under the Tories and things will get even bleaker when the Uk 'gets Brexit done'. And let's not even mention climate change. I am terrified and DH thinks it's a great result. Is this where we part ways??

OP posts:
PrincessHoneysuckle · 13/12/2019 08:00

Yabu it's his right to vote for who he wants although maybe he shouldn't have mentioned it if knows how you feel.
My dad and brother have totally opposite political views,neither can understand the others reason for voting for their preferred party.They'll still see each other though just probably wont talk about politics!

TigerJoy · 13/12/2019 08:02

I understand why you're upset. DH and I share political views and it's underpinned by our values - what we think is important in life so to find your DH is not on the same page must be heartbreaking. Have a proper chat when you're calmer about what it means to you.

Marleyisme · 13/12/2019 08:02

Not as distinctly as Con/Labour. 20 years ago maybe but not now.

Yes you can. You can want the same things but disagree on who will deliver it.

Corbyn and labour didnt gain peoples confidence that they would or could deliver their promises.

catwithflowers · 13/12/2019 08:05

My dad admires Farage. My daughter and brother voted differently to me yesterday. Does that mean I should disown my family because of their political beliefs? I think you are being incredibly unreasonable and unnecessarily dramatic.

Borderterrierpuppy · 13/12/2019 08:06

I once finished with a newish boyfriend because of his right wing politics but you are married and he is entitled to his opinion, so on balance Yabu sorry.
It doesn’t have to stop you trying to convert him tho :)

Coffeetoffees · 13/12/2019 08:08

This is ridiculous. Even if you know someone's political preference when you meet them that can change. My dh voted differently and each of us thinks we are right. We have had discussions about it but if it gets heated I suggest we change the subject as we're never going to agree but that's OK. Would you stop being friends with someone if they voted differently to you?

Vulpine · 13/12/2019 08:08

You dont live with your brother marleyisme. V different scenario

Marleyisme · 13/12/2019 08:10

You dont live with your brother marleyisme. V different scenario

Dont think I mentioned my brother? Unless it was early and before coffee and cant remember Smile

PhilCornwall1 · 13/12/2019 08:16

So OP, if the party you voted for got in and your husband turned around and said, I'm thinking of leaving you, because you don't share my political values, would you have posted on here bleating that he is being unreasonable as everyone is entitled to their own view?

honeyloops · 13/12/2019 08:16

I wouldn't marry someone whose political views were opposed to mine, because it shows that their values aren't aligned with mine and that's important to me.

I don't know if I'd get a divorce over it because I wouldn't have got the point where it was a surprise what my husband was voting, if you see what I mean - my OH and I have been together for years, and I knew his political views before we'd even had the first date.

If he's generally a good, giving, caring person then this isn't the end of the world, but it would certainly be something I'd struggle with. People who say they don't need to bring politics into their relationships baffle me - everything is political, our entire lives are moulded and affected by the things decided by our government. Someone who has the luxury of being able to not engage with that or see it was irrelevant is very lucky indeed.

PeggySuehadababy · 13/12/2019 08:17

The issue of voting for the historical values of one party is that you are not taking into consideration what the party is at the present moment, and, most importantly, what its representatives are like.

Seriously, you feel so much more superior because you voted for an anti semite like Corbyn? Is racism a reflection of your values by chance?

I couldn't vote as I'm not British, but plenty of naturalized Brits I know voted Tories. They aren't stupid or repulsive for sure, and aren't champagne socialist either. Current members of Labour party are detatched from reality. No clue what the average person lives on, what their struggles are.

It's the lack of empathy and respect that made working class vote for Tories not their IQ. Calling them idiots will only increase the support in the party, you cannot shut discussions with :"Poor selfish bastards" and expected people to vote Labour.

BeanTownNancy · 13/12/2019 08:18

I agree with @MereDintofPandiculation

If your core values are the same (you both want what's best for the country) but you disagree on who is best to implement that then that's fine. I'd be disappointed but I would understand.

If your core values are different though (that you believe in supporting the poor financially whereas he thinks the big cornflakes should rise to the top and the crumbs should get chucked in the bin) then I don't think I could stay married to someone who doesn't believe what I do.

Swirls1111 · 13/12/2019 08:20

As soon as you cross the line of knowingly voting for a party whose policy results in the deaths of children - all bets are off.

allezallezallez · 13/12/2019 08:26

Responses to this are more revealing than most of the previous election threads.
That this election was just more ‘politics’ according to many voters.
From the outside (not in UK) it seemed much more significant than a typical election, it has demonstrated something more about values than any other election. The British have aligned themselves with ways of thinking that are fundamentally about personal protection/greed/maintaining an absurd and frankly imaginary status quo.
‘It was about the economy’.
No, it really wasn’t.
From this point of view I see what you mean OP, and YANBU. Of course he can vote how he likes. But the lack of judgement about the motivations of political parties and the lack of critical thinking about the way campaign and associated media have presented information would make it difficult for me to continue in a relationship.

AlexaShutUp · 13/12/2019 08:27

I wouldn't disown my child if she voted Tory. My love for her is unconditional, whereas my love for DH is not. However, I would wonder where I had gone wrong as a parent and how I had raised a child so lacking in basic values.

Justanotherlurker · 13/12/2019 08:29

As soon as you cross the line of knowingly voting for a party whose policy results in the deaths of children - all bets are off.

And the hyperbole continues... today should be a day for self reflection and yet here we are...

lightbulbshade · 13/12/2019 08:33

Such a shame you're so controlling your dh not allowed a different view to you.

motorcyclenumptiness · 13/12/2019 08:34

You're off your head
You're blithely ignorant of the ideology of the very party you endorse, thus illustrating beautifully the point I made earlier. Many thanks.

Marleyisme · 13/12/2019 08:36

As soon as you cross the line of knowingly voting for a party whose policy results in the deaths of children - all bets are off

That would be boring for labour as well. My friends child meningitis was missed. The child sadly died. In her complaint it was noted that trying keep in line with the targets of getting people in and out very quickly, contributed to symptoms being missed. That was under labour.

Swirls1111 · 13/12/2019 08:37

I’m a doctor. I have been for 25 years. Over the last 3 years we have seen off the most talented surgeons in the world. Our losses have increased as a direct result.
Anecdotal maybe. But it’s certainly not hyperbole.

NameChangeNugget · 13/12/2019 08:38

You sound very controlling OP

fairybeagle · 13/12/2019 08:39

Utterly ridiculous! He can't have another opinion to you or exercise his democratic vote?
Honestly I've never seen anything like the hatred and intolerance of the left in this election.
Someone's voting preference/choice does not make THEM a bad person, whether you agree with them or not. Unless he's out beating puppies to death or something.

partyhatsoff · 13/12/2019 08:40

My Fwit BIL voted for Trump, I still speak to him etc. but I don't have to live with him I suppose. And I do think that he's a reckneck, self centred, not-very-smart man who needs to travel more...

Thinkingabout1t · 13/12/2019 08:41

Saffer*, you have my sympathy. You could ask him to give an example, any example, of the Tories’ brilliance with the economy during the past nine years. But what good would that do?

I have, and love, several relatives and even a few friends who probably voted Tory. I love other things about them. I couldn’t cope with talking to them today, but I have to remember those good non-political things — kindness, or working for animal welfare, or generosity, or friendliness towards newcomers.

It’s very hard to remember the things you love about someone who has just voted for a future we dread. But life will go on in the same old grind we’ve got used to. Good things will also happen, unrelated to the political scene. Somehow we just have to make the best of it and take care of ourselves and those who depend on us.

To be fair, and I’m really trying here, the media (including social media) took part in a massive propaganda campaign for the Tories. I’ve never heard more blatant lies, in the many election campaigns I have lived through. Corbyn was made to look like the devil, Johnson at worst like a harmless joker.

Please accept some love and sympathy. A lot of us are holding your hand here, for our own comfort as well as yours.

Pinkblueberry · 13/12/2019 08:43

I think the fact that you’re considering a divorce because of this means that you probably should get one - not because political differences have to matter that much in a relationship, but because you clearly can’t love him that much to start with if you’re having thoughts like that...