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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not sending dd to school..

157 replies

ArthurMorgan · 12/12/2019 09:53

My dd is 5, on Monday night and all day tuesday she had diarrhoea all day, on Tuesday evening she was also sick, just the once though. Yesterday she was OK but a bit under the weather, no sickness or diarrhoea though.

Today I made the decision not to send her school, apart from the fact they have a 48 hour policy, she was awake a few times in the night with a tummy ache.

My partner is cross with me for not sending her to school. I've explained the policy and the tummy aches etc but he still thinks she should have gone in. I feel like I've done something wrong now when I'm only trying to do the right thing.

Also a lot of schools are shutting for deep cleans and due to staff and teachers having norovirus around here and I wouldn't want to spread anything else unnecessarily.

Am I really being unreasonable for not sending her in today? Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
ArthurMorgan · 12/12/2019 11:21

She was sick on Tuesday but you sent her in yesterday?... No Confused

OP posts:
Willow2017 · 12/12/2019 11:21

Your partner is an idiot.
48hr is there for a reason.
He would be part of the reason these bugs hang around for ages reinfecting kids.
If he hadn't got the guts to read this ask him why he think he is so important that his dd should go to school unwell and have a miserable time never mind passing her germs to everyone when the rest of us keep our kids off to avoid this? He doesn't see the results does he?

Print off he school policy on this. Put it on the fridge/memo board and every time he mentions it just point and walk away.

Parents like this make it hard for everyone. We have to take time off work with poorly kids but your dh thinks he can send in an ill child and swan off to work without facing the consequences himself.

Selfish, ignorant arse.

lovemenorca · 12/12/2019 11:22

Was he ok with her having yesterday off?

ShinyGiratina · 12/12/2019 11:23

She's not fully recovered and needs the rest.

I've got both off with colds. We're normally pretty stoic but there's been a lot of vigourous night coughing, we have conjunctivitis, and they're both on empty. Mine's been going nearly 3 weeks, not particularly bad but just draining and I feel empty. One DC slept for 15+ hours and clearly wasn't going to be on good form for a day in a noisy, stuffy classroom.

Better to rest and recover this week and enjoy next week/ Christmas more (and not share the love!)

OrangeZog · 12/12/2019 11:24

I was scrolling down and accidentally hit YABU 🤦🏻‍♀️. You were right to keep her off and it would have been wrong and irresponsibly selfish to have sent her in. I hope she feels much better soon.

Cheeseandwin5 · 12/12/2019 11:24

You were correct not to send her, not only so she can fully recover but also so she doesn't pass it on to anyone else.
I am sure no one wants to be suffering in this way over christmas period

Memoriesmemories · 12/12/2019 11:24

OP you have done the right thing
Hope your little girl is better soon

TheOrigFV45 · 12/12/2019 11:25

Has he told you his reasons for disagreeing with the school policy?
If not, then you can't make an informed decision as to whether he is being a twit -he is--

Original poster
ArthurMorgan · 12/12/2019 11:26

Yes yesterday he was fine but today he thinks she should have gone in. He's read the thread but still thinks she should have gone in. All I really wanted was for someone to tell me I've done the right thing and I've been overwhelmed with people commenting and voting that I have. After all, like I.. And pps have said, I'm just following procedure and what the school actually told me when I phoned up for her on Tuesday morning. I just felt like I was completely in the wrong about it.

I mean really... What kind of parent wants their fit and healthy children at home with them for no reason if they're supposed to be school anyway? Grin

OP posts:
Snowpatrolling · 12/12/2019 11:27

I agree with you.
Some woman sent her kid to school after he was sick in the night, 15 out of 28 pupils were off for the rest of the week Cos of her actions.

Awkward1 · 12/12/2019 11:28

The pp about the cold/flu and snot is being ridiculous though. I never would have been at work or kids at school if you had to be off for that. Dc2 has a cough at the momemt. Coughs last around 2w.

I do think it is crazy giving the flu spray (live) in winter and further exhausting them.
I would say there is a chance ops dc had a version of hfm or an adenovirus which you just catch and then become immune to which i think explains why mostly the parents escape the d&v (which i dont think would happen with actual norovirus - only 6?m immunity

TheOrigFV45 · 12/12/2019 11:29

Does he often make you feel you are wrong even when policy states otherwise? How about driving speeds, does he not agree with them either and just do his own thing?

Does he also not agree with completing a course of antiBs because the infection has seemingly cleared up?

Littlemeadow123 · 12/12/2019 11:33

Has your DP considered children with serious conditions affecting their immunity who could be hospitalized by your daughter going in while she is still infectious? Or maybe there are no children who suffer from such conditions at your daughter's school. That doesn't mean that they can't catch the bug and pass it on to a newborn, a family relative who is battling cancer, an elderly person.

Glad that you haven't sent your daughter in today.

Petrichor11 · 12/12/2019 11:34

Tbh she’s still not right if she’s having stomach aches, she’s only tiny, there’s so much going round, I’d keep her off tomorrow as well, let her go back on Monday fully recovered.

But absolutely she should be off today at least because of the 48 hour rule. Wish more parents stuck to it!

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 12/12/2019 11:38

It's standard school policy to follow a 48 hour rule, you as her mother agree with it, we on this thread (most of whom I'm assuming have experience of ill DC) also agree with the policy and yet he still thinks he's right Hmm

Equanimitas · 12/12/2019 11:41

Burt why does he think she should go in if the school operates the 48 hour rule? Does he really think it's OK for her to go in and infect all the other children? What does he think she's missing that actually matters?

Original poster
ArthurMorgan · 12/12/2019 11:48

But why does he think she should go in if the school operates the 48 hour rule?

I have no idea. "He's entitled to his opinion"

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 12/12/2019 11:49

Why does he think that he should be able to not follow procedure and procotol and send his child in against the school rules.

The fact that he is making you feel that you did the wrong thing against the clearly set out advice (that most schools follow) is a damning indictment of him as a person and your relationship full stop. He is making you doubt something that you were clearly suppose to do - for what purpose? Does he not believe that he should follow the rules.

MintyMabel · 12/12/2019 11:50

You are correct to stick to the policy. Her father needs to understand that.

I strongly believe that when you've been poorly you need a day at home feeling well to actually rest and be ready so I agree with you

This is rubbish. If you are well you go in to school/work. Rest can happen at weekends.

Shesalittlemadam · 12/12/2019 11:50

TO OP's HUSBAND

THEY WOULD HAVE SENT HER STRAIGHT HOME WITH A STERN LETTER!!!!!!!!

sonjadog · 12/12/2019 11:52

Has she been off a lot this term so far?

pencilpot99 · 12/12/2019 11:53

Haha! I love the "he's entitled to his opinion" comment. Classic response from someone who secretly realises they've been an idiot but doesn't want to admit it and back down and has no reasonable/logical come back.

Quartz2208 · 12/12/2019 11:57

I think your partner needs a quick lesson is the difference between opinion and fact:

The fact is described as the statement that can be verified or proved to be true. Opinion is an expression of judgment or belief about something. Fact relies on observation or research while opinion is based on assumption. The fact is an objective reality whereas opinion is a subjective statement.

So it is a fact that the school have a 48 hr rule that is an objective reality that has to be followed. It isnt subjective there is no room for an opinion.

He can indeed have an opinion about the validity of the 48 hr rule, whether it is actually proven that having it decreases the spreading of the virus, what other factors might be at play. The oxymoron between school coming down hard on attendance yet making parents keep children at home for 48 hours after the illness has stop. He of course is entitled to have an opinion and discussion about that. But still it wont change the fact that if you had taken her into school they would have refused her and told you off.

Original poster
ArthurMorgan · 12/12/2019 11:58

Has she been off a lot this term so far?
She's had 2 days, once on a Friday when she was sick, back on the Monday and once a couple of weeks ago when she had a fever (39.) and was really tired. she wasn't actually sick so went in the next day (school were fine with that)

OP posts:
Warmfirechocolate · 12/12/2019 12:00

He’s just being stubborn.

I am a health professional. 48 hours is there for a very good reason.