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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not sending dd to school..

157 replies

ArthurMorgan · 12/12/2019 09:53

My dd is 5, on Monday night and all day tuesday she had diarrhoea all day, on Tuesday evening she was also sick, just the once though. Yesterday she was OK but a bit under the weather, no sickness or diarrhoea though.

Today I made the decision not to send her school, apart from the fact they have a 48 hour policy, she was awake a few times in the night with a tummy ache.

My partner is cross with me for not sending her to school. I've explained the policy and the tummy aches etc but he still thinks she should have gone in. I feel like I've done something wrong now when I'm only trying to do the right thing.

Also a lot of schools are shutting for deep cleans and due to staff and teachers having norovirus around here and I wouldn't want to spread anything else unnecessarily.

Am I really being unreasonable for not sending her in today? Sad

OP posts:
Riddleofthesands · 12/12/2019 10:40

You are completely correct. Hope your DD feels better soon. No idea what your other half is thinking!

needsomehelptoday · 12/12/2019 10:42

Of course you're right. I've no idea what your partner is thinking?!
Does he often disagree with you over things like this?

Areyoufree · 12/12/2019 10:43

Is he her dad?

Is he out at work? If so, wtf has it got to do with him?

Because he's her father, and therefore he also gets a say in parenting decisions?

OP: I think you did the right thing. I would also have kept her at home.

Serendipity79 · 12/12/2019 10:46

Some kind soul sent their child into school last week only a day after they'd been vomiting with norovirus. Half of my sons class is now off and this parent is not popular! There is a 48 hour rule for a reason, no ones going to thank you for making their child poorly too.

hope little one feels better soon

LolaSmiles · 12/12/2019 10:46

YANBU she should be off.

There's so many bugs in schools at the moment. It's one reason why I'm glad I'm on maternity leave as colleagues are telling me people are dropping like flies.

It's not helped by parents sending students in after being sick because it was just once etc.

Quineothebroch · 12/12/2019 10:47

You are quite right keeping her off for 48 hrs.

By the way in similar instances when mum is not a SHM, and there is a dh, why is dh not off with her instead? Why should it always be the woman who takes time off for childcare? (not a critisism of you personally)

Probablythatone · 12/12/2019 10:48

Of course you did the right thing. A regular head cold where they’re otherwise ok apart from snotty is one thing but stomach aches after a noro type virus is completely different. Firstly you feel grim and secondly the 48 hr rule is there to try stop the wretched thing spreading throughout the entire place.

Schmoozer · 12/12/2019 10:52

Your partner talks twaddle !!!

Quartz2208 · 12/12/2019 10:56

This isnt a parenting decision - most schools now have a 48 hour rule (which given the current sick bugs going around is much needed) and she will not complete that until tomorrow - it is 48 hrs clear of sickness and diarrhea which she hasnt been. That coupled with your DD still not feeling well there is just simply no decision to make. You are following procedure

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 12/12/2019 10:59

Well I hope when he's ill, you get cross with him and force him to go to work I bet he's the type who does the dying swan act when he just has a piddly cold

Yanbu, is there background to this? Is he resentful you're taking time off work? Usually harsh/unsympathetic to your DD?

marchingonwithmother · 12/12/2019 11:01

Why wouldn't he read it? Because he can't bear to be told he's wrong?

48 hours after last episode. For a reason

LeekMunchingSheepShagger · 12/12/2019 11:03

Of course you’ve done the right thing! If she goes to school today and tells her teacher she was sick yesterday they’ll just send her home again!

Justgivemesomepeace · 12/12/2019 11:04

I wish our school was a bit more understanding and used common sense when the kids are ill. Some PPs schools here seem to have a much better approach than my sons.
The pressure they put on us a parents for them to achieve 97%attendance is a joke. I never keep him off unless i have to, but got a lecture at parents evening and a letter as he had time off with hand foot n mouth, impetigo and a bad reaction to anibiotics. They are now asking for doctors notes for absence over 3 days. Hes had a horrible cold fluey type thing and a temp that hit 40.2 yesterday and im feeling panicky about the schools reaction to him being off. I went to assembly and couldnt hear over the state of half the children coughing and spluttering. I felt so sorry for some of them. Im sure their attendance would be better if parents werent so pressured to send ill kids in to spread it to 10 more. I was just waiting for him to catch it.
Its also stupid that they calculate the % of individuals attendance from Sept rather than a rolling year like everyone else in the real world. Any absence increases the % when you are measuring it over a small timeframe but you still get the letters and lectures. My kids school doesnt care about the welfare of the child, the 97% target is the priority.
Is your husband worrying about the schools reaction? I admit I am but theres no way I could've sent him in yesterday or today. You are right to keep your child home. They wont fail their GCSEs because they had time off with a cold when they were 5. Hope she feels better soon and dont feel bad about it.

voddiekeepsmesane · 12/12/2019 11:04

She is 5 not 15!! Rest and cuddles is what she needs.

Justgivemesomepeace · 12/12/2019 11:05

Sorry that was a bit of a rant

Equanimitas · 12/12/2019 11:05

What, realistically, does your partner think she's missing academically at this time of year? They're too tired and excited to learn much, and are probably doing rehearsals for a nativity play or carol concert. You can always do a bit of reading and writing practice with her at home.

Original poster
ArthurMorgan · 12/12/2019 11:07

This isnt a parenting decision - most schools now have a 48 hour rule (which given the current sick bugs going around is much needed) and she will not complete that until tomorrow - it is 48 hrs clear of sickness and diarrhea which she hasnt been. That coupled with your DD still not feeling well there is just simply no decision to make. You are following procedure

Thanks you hit the nail on the head there. I am just following procedure, the school told me that she'll need to be off 2 days after the last bout of illness and that's all I'm doing.

OP posts:
Ellie56 · 12/12/2019 11:09

Yes you are following procedure just as any responsible parent would. But your partner is still a twat.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 12/12/2019 11:10

Tbh all the local senior schools in our part of the borough have recently been closed for days for norovirus so I'd keep her off for 48hrs.

qazxc · 12/12/2019 11:11

Another for the Chorus of YANBU.
She hasn't been clear for 48hrs and you are following the policy of the school. It is there for a reason.

ScabbyBabby · 12/12/2019 11:11

Sorry to hear you're little girl has been unwell. it's such hard work with sick bugs- I literally dread them every year.

You've taken action that is sensible, responsible and also kind. Can't understand the a reason to send her in when she will be contagious still (according to NHS guidelines).

What is your DH like generally as a parent?

ScabbyBabby · 12/12/2019 11:11

your

Lizzie0869 · 12/12/2019 11:12

YANBU definitely, especially as the rule of thumb is 48 hours since the last episode of diarrhoea/puking. And at your DD's age, her body needs time to recover fully.

I made the mistake in the past of sending one of my DDs into school when they hadn't quite recovered from a virus, and the following day their temperature spiked again. They hardly ever get ill now.

lovemenorca · 12/12/2019 11:19

She was sick on Tuesday but you sent her in yesterday?

NorthernBirdAtHeart · 12/12/2019 11:19

I made exactly the same decision for my DD this morning. You’re absolutely right OP.
Hope your little one is feeling better soon.