Is it me or him?

[TellMeMore2020]

My mum is seriously unwell. She has terminal cancer and is currently battling an infection.

Me and my partner had a row today because he thinks I am spending too much time with my mum at hospital.

She's been in hospital since September when she got diagnosed.

According to him I don't divide my time well enough. He wants me to spend more time with him over my sick mother?

I went part-time temporarily to be able to spend more time with mum and he thinks this is a stupid move because I'm not considering my future.

He came from a foreign country to be with me and keeps saying to me that I don't care that he's alone at home while I'm at the hospital with my mum. I do ask him to come but he doesn't.

Is he right?! Or being difficult? Please help 😔

Sorry about your mum, it must be a very difficult time for you.
Your partner should be supporting you through this but instead it sounds like hes being an difficult arse.

How much time do you spend with your mum?

He's being a selfish arse, consider your future by removing him from it.

Please don't let anything stop you from being with your mum.

Is he having to work overtime to make up the shortfall from you working part time?

@tordevan I will go to work 9-2, then the hospital until 8-9 then go home. Some nights I will stay over of she is really poorly but me and my siblings share the stay overs.

He knows she's terminal but keeps saying if I'm going to keep putting my mum as a priority then he will go out clubbing or go back to his home country

@towelnumber42 no! The part time starts in January. I've been getting my full salary from work for the past three months..

I'm sorry that you're going through this. Tbh if it was me I'd say bye, leave your key under the mat. You're obviously close to your mum and if regret it for the rest of my life missing her last lucid moments just to appease such a man child.

Tell him to fuck off back to his own country then the prick

What a selfish arse he is.

Have you been doing 2-9 with your mum since September? Do you spend any time with him at all (I'm not excusing his ultimatum btw...just trying to work out what's happening)

He's not a keeper

Tell him the door is that way. You will not get back this time with your mum and she should be your priority right now. He sounds like a petulant child. I'm sorry you are going through this, we didn't know my mum was terminal until the week she went into the hospice, take this time to do what you need and to be with her.

@saraclara

Yeah I always make sure we eat together and spend at least a few hours a day together. Some days I may be tired after being at the hospital but I think I'm trying my best?! Ive never had a father so my mum has been both. I feel as if now she's so sick we should be taking care of her

Oh he can fuck right off.

It is 100% him. What an absolutely selfish prick he is. He should be supporting you, not kicking off like a child as you're not spending enough time with him. Boo fucking hoo for him.

This time last year I was in the same position as you, only it was my Dad who was terminally ill. Nothing and no-one would have kept me from spending as much time with him as I could. The point is though, no-one decent in your life would ask this of you.

He's telling you who is he - a selfish, unkind man. Listen to him and get rid.

Tell him to not let the door hit his arse on the way out.

Selfish git. I would be the same if I were you. How can he not see past himself?

Sorry about your mum it must be so hard for you all.

@TabithaConstanceWilhelmina
Wrong thread?
He does sound selfish op, it's very sad news about your mum
I'd be inclined to tell him to go home

How is your boyfriend looking after you in this your hour of need? My DH would have dinner ready when I got back home, would have my favourite TV lined up, etc.

LTB.
Sorry about your mum

Im sorry about your mum. I dont know how to ask this OP but do you have any rough idea of how long she has left? Are you spending literally all your free time there? How long have you been together with your partner?
If she could have years left but you've committed to spending literally all your free time with her and he has just moved country for you, I can understand him wanting to see you a bit more.
In any other circumstance (which I suspect is the case) he is being extremely unsupportive.
I generally think it's how people act when things get shitty that shows how they really are. So he is probably a selfish arse. I'm sorry.

My dad died 3 years ago, and because the selfish arse I was with at that time kept nagging me for lifts and to help him with stuff I didn't spend my Dads last night with him and it's something I'll regret forever. Selfish arse is now gone and I'm left with regrets.

Put your mum first.

He knows she's terminal but keeps saying if I'm going to keep putting my mum as a priority then he will go out clubbing or go back to his home country

Let him. anyone who begrudges you spending time with your dying mother is not a partner and is definitely not someone who is going to be there and support you in the long-term.

I don't think he even sees a long-term future in your relationship (though I'm sure he says otherwise). If he saw you being together for the rest of your lives he would not mind at all you spending this time with your mother now.

Whatever you do, don't change what you are doing to please him. I can promise you that if he leaves you over not getting enough attention when your mum is so ill you will not regret it. If you spend less time with your mum you will regret it.

Sorry cross posted. Ignore the above, you are seeing him every day. He is an arse

Just seen your update. As she's been your only parent then you should be able to spend as much time as you want/can with her.
He's one very selfish fucker, he'll get worse so maybe send him back to his home country now.