Is it me or him?

[TellMeMore2020]

My mum is seriously unwell. She has terminal cancer and is currently battling an infection.

Me and my partner had a row today because he thinks I am spending too much time with my mum at hospital.

She's been in hospital since September when she got diagnosed.

According to him I don't divide my time well enough. He wants me to spend more time with him over my sick mother?

I went part-time temporarily to be able to spend more time with mum and he thinks this is a stupid move because I'm not considering my future.

He came from a foreign country to be with me and keeps saying to me that I don't care that he's alone at home while I'm at the hospital with my mum. I do ask him to come but he doesn't.

Is he right?! Or being difficult? Please help 😔

Yep. He's being foul. What's the point of a partner who doesn't care for you in such awful times, who won't come to the hospital with you, and who is jealous of the attention you pay to your dying mum?

Let him go back.

Fuck him of.
Spend as much time with your mum as possible and if this selfish cunt wants to leave let him.

Bloody hell. Kick his fucking, selfish, rotten, manipulative, cruel arse back out of your life and concentrate on your mum. Please stop letting him have a millisecond of your time, energy, or affection. He's not worth it, and you will regret it if you don't.

It’s him. When my Mum was dying (Then my boyfriend) DH dropped everything to be with me but supported me spending time with my Mum. He’s a selfish man. I would seriously have reconsidered my relationship if my DH had questioned the time I spent with my dying Mum. (Obviously I married him!).

I'm very sorry about your mum, Op.

Does your partner have a job? Or are you supporting him financially? He sounds manipulative at the very least.

When I try to reason with him he tells me 'we always go back to the point of your mother'... Then I just get upset and walk away.

He told me I have a duty to be next to him. And if it was the other way round (his mum) he would be putting me first as I'm his future.

He even called my mum selfish because she calls us to go to the hospital (when she's awake)

Spend the time with your mam, you will regret it otherwise. The boyfriend needs to be told to take a long walk off a short plank. Hes not on your side, he is thinking only of himself.

He’s a selfish prat. I’m sorry for all you’re going through OP, it really is the most awful illness your partner is being really awful and should be supportive and loving and not acting like a child!

omg - i have just read your update, that ass is emotionally blackmailing you, get rid of him now!!!!
Try and think logically with a clear head, how long does your mam have left? Would your mam be encouraging you to stick with a boyfriend who is speaking to you and treating you like this?

You know which one between the pair of them would hand you an organ without a second thought should you need it. There is your answer!

He called a dying woman selfish for wanting her daughter to visit? Get rid.

One thing I bitterly regret is not spending as much time with my terminally ill mum as I could (work/kids/no babysitter). I too had a manchild as a partner at the time who used to shout at me because I used to take myself off to have a little cry.

I also bitterly regret not kicking the manchild piece of shit out there and then.

Please spend as much time with your mum as you can. And I'd have his plane ticket and his worldly possessions in black bin bags on the doorstep tonight.

Oh god just please dump him right now and save all the agonising over it!

I'd have spent every waking moment with my mum if I could have. Be there for her and you. If he can't handle it or understand your needs that's his look out. Mums are precious x

Thank you all. I knew in my heart and head I was right ❤️

My dad passed away in March this year after a long fight against prostate cancer. I miss him terribly. I was totally supported by my dh allowing me to care for my dad when his treatment intensified. My dad chose not to, but there was no question that he could have come to live with us if he wanted to.

My dh made our ds and home life were sorted so I could take my dad to his hospital appointments, and just time with him. I have a lot of lovely quality memories with my dad from the year before he died.

I get that you are spending a lot of time with your mum at the moment, but this time is precious and hopefully you will have years of quality time with your dh. Choose your mum, your dh should be supporting you and making things easier. Not adding pressure to an already hard time. Sending hugs op to you and your mum - cherish each other xx

Sorry to hear about your mum.

It is 100% him. I'd leave him. He's not a nice person. Someone who truly loved you the way you deserve would not begrudge you time with your seriously ill mother.

LTB then spend all that extra free time with your mum

I’m so sorry that you are going through this, with the added difficulty of an unsupportive partner
You must spend as much time as you wish to with your mother
It sounds like you need to get him out of your life but that might not be something you can face doing right now

I've sadly been where you are this year. DM was diagnosed with cancer in April and died in July. If, for one moment DH had said what your partner has, I would have told him to fuck right off. He never would have been so heartless. Your time with your DM is limited and precious. I still can't quite believe I'll never see mine again.

It's him not you. Sorry your mum is so ill, she is your mum, she needs you and you need to be with her. Your bloke is a pathetic excuse of a man, and as a previous poster pointed out, he is showing you who he is, please listen.

What a selfish prick. He’s showing you his true colours here, take him at his word. He expects to be put first, ahead of your dying mother?! He can fuck right off!

Whereas he does sound unsupportive, I agree with @OoohTheStatsDontLie

6 - 7 hours every day for months, is a lot.

Yes, before I'm asked, I have lost my Mum. Yes, she was in hospital for weeks beforehand, but we all recognised that I had to look after my own health and wellbeing too. My Mum included. I spent a lot of time with her, but not to the exclusion of all else, extending over months. I don't think that is sustainable.

I've just read your update. Leave him. Please leave him. This man is not your support. He does not have your best interests at heart. Being with him long-term would be very damaging to you. He is showing you who he is and that person is selfish and doesn't care about you or your mum's wellbeing. He is also trying to manipulate you - don't let him.

I’m so sorry about your mum
I lost my mum last year and she lived with us for her last 3 months at my DH’s insistence (she lived alone over 200 miles away and couldn’t cope on her own). He did everything he could to support me, including all the childcare, cooking and most of the housework while I balanced a full time job and god knows how many 40 mile round trips to the hospital. I will never forget that and will always be grateful for the time he gave me with my mum.

Your ‘partner’ sounds likes he’s a selfish (possibly abusive) twat and I think you deserve better.

Show him this thread and let him see that 99% of women think he's a prize catch! Then kick him out. No need to import a twat like this from abroad, we grow our own.