Inconsiderate Men on maternity ward!

[busylifebusywife]

I've had a placenta abruption and I'm currently on bed rest on the maternity ward that women go to for induction and when the are poorly during pregnancy.

My hospital has new rules where partners can stay over night which is fine I don't really mind, what I do mind is that some of the men especially seem to be so inconsiderate! Having their mobiles going off on loud constantly playing there devices at full wack, getting there male friends to visit. Yesterday two guys in the cubical next to me decided to lift the curtain completely up and go underneath it exposing me and just laugh about it.

Now I'm not a midwife but I do know for a women's labour to progress nicely they need to feel secure and relaxed. How is this creating that environment?

I really don't mind male visitors or males staying on the ward over night I just wish they would be more courteous of others.

I'm starting to get really upset by it as I'm in a lot of pain and supposed to be on bed rest.

AIBU?

Bloody hell, reading some of the posts, why even bother having single sex wards!!

Most women who want the baby’s father in hospital do so because of failings in care.
That is like allowing food banks to shore up the destitute and hungry. And the not so destitute.

And sorry but to be frank in my experience and many others the men on postnatal and maternity wards are not doing the work of a midwife or a HCA.

They should not be allowed overnight.
What happened to the rights of women per se as opposed to the individual circumstances of one?

YANBU. Sadly, very sadly, I think this is why men should not be on the maternity ward all the time and overnight.

Of course they want to see their partners and new babies etc but they obviously cannot think of the other women who are there.

I am a midwife. And visitors in general are the bane of my working day!! Which may I add is a 13 hour long hard day usually with no break.

Our postnatal ward doesn’t allow partners to stay unless they have a side room and also have special circumstances such as disability/ mental health etc etc ...
and I’m glad for it. On a day shift when visitors come ( at set visiting times we are strict) and more visitors come then allowed (4 to one bed) and you tell them to leave they look at you like you’re stupid. So unfair for the women that have just been brought up after an emergency section etc etc

Our ward can have partners only from 8-12 midnight. Which I think is generous. After they have a baby on the delivery suite they are usually down there for two hours. I allow them to come up and help their partner and baby settle down then I tell them they have to leave.

On our antenatal bay the same rules apply. No one can stay unless there’s a side room. If someone is in active labour we would allow them to stay. If they’re in early labour they have to leave. The amount of partners I’ve seen that have slept on the benches down stairs on the corridor because we didn’t allow them to stay is ridiculous ... go home and wait for a call!

YANBU. They are behaving appalling and should be removed from the ward.

I still find the memories of the disgusting men on the postnatal ward very distressing. I cannot believe they are allowed to stay and this must be stopped.

I am still so upset by it all that I am seriously considering spending £10k on a private birth next time around, just so I don’t have to deal with other people’s inconsiderate husbands.

Why do men have to be there overnight at all? Women have managed without sleepovers with their partners on maternity wards for years - for god sake send them home!

Men take over and dominate every space they have access to. Even maternity wards. They need to have much reduced visiting unless things are desperate in which case there needs to be a seperate room for fathers to help their partners.

OP I hope you’re doing ok. Best of luck.

It sooo hacks me off - once upon a time we had pretty intimidating ward sisters (my aunt for one) who took no nonsense from anyone. Where have they gone?

YANBU and actually you have a legal right to be cared for in a single sex environment on a hospital ward. This is really important for those with some on religious grounds or because of previous trauma, but you don’t need to give. reason. Most hospitals deal with this by having Some single sex bays where male are not allowed to stay outside visitors hours. At my hospital they did not provide this. I complained and was given a single room instead.

To think that the Women's Equality Party had men's rights to stay over on maternity wards as one of their flagship policies. Thankfully they seem to have sunk without a trace - it's hard enough choosing between the myriad of useless fuckers who hate women on the ballot paper as it is.

Midwife here.

I absolutely bloody HATE men staying over on maternity wards. While some are considerate, many are not and behave inappropriately, walk round in underwear, sleep in the mother’s bed while she’s on the fold out etc. However we have no choice in the matter as this is what the women asked for.

We are also not allowed to ask them to leave even when behaving in inconsiderate ways so we are powerless to do much about it.

It’s awful but apparently it’s what new mothers want!

I’m going in for a planned induction and will need minimum 24 hour stay post delivery I’m told.
Just checked my hospital policy and partners allowed 24/7, also the policy is to keep bed curtains open at all times to allow staff to monitor patients.
Quite scared by this, 1st pg I was in a side room for 3 days by accident cos it happened to be free, I was in a daze of pain and fuzzy headed ness from labour and surgery, remember having boobs out a lot trying to harvest colostrum, needed a lot of help to get breastfeeding going, had catheter etc.
Never realised I could have been going through all that with strange men glancing over from the next uncurtained bed!!!!
Worried now about this delivery...also how do I get in the zone for induced labour in this kind of chaos?

I had my babies in Australia and I am very, very grateful. I had two EMCS, the second was twins. I found out the hard way that I am allergic to morphine with the first - anaphylaxis. Luckily, I have no memory of this, but my DH was very traumatised. My health insurance covered a private hospital, and I had my own room. It was pretty boring, tbh. I had Cabin Fever pretty badly after the first couple of days and just wanted to go home. On the third night I was there, there was a football grand final, so I took advantage of it, put DD on DH’s chest and did laps of the ward (not the rooms) like a circling goldfish. The nurses were concerned because they thought he had commandeered my bed, until I explained that I had chucked him on it, and was gleefully explaining how it was killing him to sit there quietly during the game. (Absolute torture for the poor sap!) They got the giggles and I made them all cups of tea because I needed something to do.

shock at the two fellas lifting up the curtain!

Best thing you could have done was to shout loudly dirty perverts get away from me

I mean I know it won’t be uncurtained if I’m actually feeding or being examined but still I’ll be going through all that on basically a mixed sex ward which I had not realised was a possibility
I don’t mind my dh sticking to visiting hours, wish this was the norm

We are also not allowed to ask them to leave even when behaving in inconsiderate ways

How?? how can you not ask someone to leave who isn’t a Patient and is behaving inappropriately? How is there a specific policy that prevents you doing this? Did someone seriously sit down and say “we want to make sure people who behave badly can’t be made to leave”?

It doesn't make it right but you just have to look at how terrible the care has become for women on post-natal wards in recent years.

MN has an entire campaign dedicated to awful treatment and neglect that women and babies are subjected too.

In many cases, husbands and partners are having to step in and take over the basic care of their wives. Even if it's to make sure they have access to food and pain relief.

I remember being terrified of being brought up to the ward when I had DS2 after the way I was treated when DS1 was born. Thankfully I was well enough to go home the same day but I don't blame some women for needing their husbands there.

I also don't blame the women who feel vulnerable and want privacy.

The whole thing is a mess.

No reason at all for the men to stay all night.

It's not what women want at all, Indella, given all the similar threads I've read. But this is what is presented to them upon being wheeled onto the ward. I can understand, when in such a vulnerable position, and surrounded by strange men, many women would also want theirs around for protection if nothing else.

As for lifting up the curtain...no words. I'd fucking ring the police. What possible would motivation someone have, other than to sneak a peek? Dirty bastards.

I have never heard such balderdash as this policy, unable to ask men on a maternity ward, behaving inconsiderately around female patients, to leave the ward. Thank god I worked most of my career in Australia, because I simply would not tolerate this situation in any way. I have been known to call the police if visitors were causing problems, but then I suppose some people would call that bitchiness.

As staff or patient, I would complain loud and long to the relevant office holders, I would go to the press. Sometimes nothing changes until you make a big fuss

Wow I haven’t read all the threads but beginning to be glad I had mine at the only allowed during labour and then visiting hours only from 70’s -90’s.

I think women need to take back some of their rights.

OP I feel for you and hope you are better soon.

Feel sorry for the midwives that have to put up with it too.

Try and get a side room, Pink. With my first, I was told off for closing the curtains whilst trying to establish breastfeeding. In the end, the midwife stopped speaking and just kept snatching them back open. I felt very exposed and violated.