Inconsiderate Men on maternity ward!

[busylifebusywife]

I've had a placenta abruption and I'm currently on bed rest on the maternity ward that women go to for induction and when the are poorly during pregnancy.

My hospital has new rules where partners can stay over night which is fine I don't really mind, what I do mind is that some of the men especially seem to be so inconsiderate! Having their mobiles going off on loud constantly playing there devices at full wack, getting there male friends to visit. Yesterday two guys in the cubical next to me decided to lift the curtain completely up and go underneath it exposing me and just laugh about it.

Now I'm not a midwife but I do know for a women's labour to progress nicely they need to feel secure and relaxed. How is this creating that environment?

I really don't mind male visitors or males staying on the ward over night I just wish they would be more courteous of others.

I'm starting to get really upset by it as I'm in a lot of pain and supposed to be on bed rest.

AIBU?

[Honeybee85]

@Hearhoovesthinkzebras

I think it’s a really shitty and difficult dilemma.
And this dilemma just shouldn’t exist!

More resources should be made available for caregiving at maternity wards, but if I read the news, I highly doubt that it will happen, sadly.

A solution might be that the hospitals could encourage women to ask their mums, sisters, female friends, aunties, lady neighbors etc. to help them instead of having their male partners there or perhaps some lovely female volunteers would be available to help women on the wards for those who don’t have any females in their circle to help them.

[changeling82]

I think that's a great idea Honeybee - I'd really enjoy that kind of volunteering myself. It would feel really good to help at such a significant time.

[Honeybee85]

@changeling82

Thank you.
I think many women, I guess esspecially elderly ladies, would love that kind of voluntuary work.
I think for those who don’t have a mum around at this time it could also be lovely to have some sort of motherly figure around. When I had given birth to DS in a strange country there was one midwife who was very caring when after a few days I started to get teary and emotional. She was there for a hug and understanding words and her help was priceless. As a female she could understand what I needed at that time, DH tried but couldn’t because as a man it’s impossible to really imagine women’s feelings at that time.

[EnlightenedOwl]

But how do direct entry midwives with no nursing training care for the patients needing help ? Standards of training need to be addressed too

[Honeybee85]

I don’t think they should carry out medical procedures. After all the partners of the women on the wards don’t do that either normally, do they?

I mean simple stuff like bringing those who are poorly food, help them to hold the baby when they want to use the bathroom etc. So staff can concentrate on doing all the medical stuff.

[knitnerd90]

Not long after I had my first, Panorama filmed the midwives in a nearby hospital asking an untrained volunteer (the undercover reporter) to do medical procedures so be careful with that...!

women have been complaining for years about inadequate care on maternity wards--government has never properly funded the staff. Their answer has been to push women out of hospital faster. I think we had 1 or 2 midwives covering all of the postnatal ward. They couldn't have offered proper care even with the best of intentions and the most assertive of patients.

[Dangerousminds]

After I had my DT’s I was kept in hospital for a week due to me being pretty unwell. I was hooked up to drips, catheter in, recovering from c section, anaemia, kidney failure etc etc. I also had two newborn babies to look after. There were not many staff around and whilst I did often buzz for help with breastfeeding, otherwise we were left to our own devices. There was no nursery to take them overnight, we were just left to it. Luckily DH was allowed on the ward to help me look after them, give them to me to feed, to go and get the breast pump, change nappies etc. And get my breakfast as it was ‘self serve’ in the corridor. I literally have no idea what would have happened if he hadn’t been allowed to stay over night. There’s no way I could have done it on my own, the thought terrifies me. I don’t know the answer though as it is also awful being that vulnerable with strange men around.

[DoTheHop]

Hi Op, just wondering how you're doing? It would be great if you have a second to pop on and let me/us know that you're still well and resting.

[Cauliflowerpower]

Well I had DTs and dh was not allowed to stay, nor was any other visitor. 9pm all out 10 pm main light off. I had them at 10/and 10.30 c-section and he stayed till nearly 5am that first night , however after that they were strict.

It WAS hard but I managed!

I even told the lady next to me to get off her phone and that we all needed sleep including herself!

[MrsP2015]

Gosh I hope you are ok.

I had to go in in the late stages a few times to be monitored and DH was with me but when the lady the other side of the curtain was about to have some kind of examination he left to go for a walk saying he shouldn't be hearing that kind of talk about anyone other than me.

Toilets on the ward were for women only but the men used them and the midwives didn't say anything- but I'm on the fence as I 100% think the toilets should NOT be used by men but the midwives do have enough to do and probably fear being told to f off if they say something.

Before baby (I was induced) all women were encouraged to bring someone and I believe that's because there are few midwives but loads of birthing women.

After baby there were about half the partners staying and thankfully my experience was ok.

But agree with a lot of what's been said already. Especially all the perverts, criminals etc who will use these times of 'supporting their partners' to take advantage.

Take care.

[cherish123]

Why would husbands be allowed to stay on the ward? It's not a hotel!

[GunpowderGelatine]

No there is no policy saying we can’t make men behaving inappropriately leave however if we ask them to leave we have no support from the managers and when they make a complaint the managers will tell us we should have let them stay etc. They only care about minimising complaints. They don’t care how hard it is for us to do our jobs or how uncomfortable it is for some women etc. As long as no men are complaining about being made to leave all is well with the world. The women affected by this need to start complaining to the managers but when you are tired, vulnerable and caring for a new baby very few women do.

So sad that this is the case that they're not interested in people but the number of complaints.

But then we should use this as our weapon - every woman tolerating shit behaviour from a man and having a midwife Donald all should officially complain. Then they might care! As you say very few do, but we have been conditioned to put up and shut up our whole lives so it's no surprise.

[GunpowderGelatine]

If a woman is incapable of ringing the nurses bell and asking for pain relief etc, then I'd question her ability to function as a normal human being in society

I agree. And those saying "what about the women who haemorrhage/faint/have heart attacks" - there are VERY few women who are initially low risk who suddenly burst into a haemorrhage or have a heart attack. If they are susceptible to these possibilities a doctor will know 99% of the time and even if they are on a general ward they will be monitored very closely. Let's face it, the vast majority of women can push a buzzer just fine and ask for what they need without Nigel doing it for them.

The problem arises with the attitude they receive, because misogyny. Maybe some HCPs are more likely to do what Nigel asks them the patient - but the answer isn't ever to allow men on wards 24/7 putting every other women at risk and discomfort. It's to start a culture shift, where women and their needs are centred.

The days that follow birth, and the birth itself can have a HUGE impact on the mother's mental health. Men being around (and most of them are not helpful, they're useless lumps getting in the way) will exacerbate that - why should so many women have to tolerate this shit and be at higher risk of PND because someone may or may not one day be incapable of pressing a buzzer?

[GunpowderGelatine]

Also I can't believe some hospitals make women go to a dining room!! We had to walk to the corridor for our food but we could bring it back to bed. That's barbaric!

[GunpowderGelatine]

Also I think people need to remember that if everyone has their Nigel distracting the skeletal staff every minute of every day what happens to the single women or women with crap partners who are too busy watching the football to help their wife in pain? I'll tell you what - they get put even further to the bottom of the heap.

[gingersausage]

@joyfullittlehippo, I think (almost) everyone here accepts that standards of hospital care for ante- and post-natal mothers range from inadequate to bloody appalling, but the answer to that is not to have random men wandering around maternity wards.

[Honeybee85]

@joyfullittlehippo

Your story is one of the worst I’ve ever heard re hospital care. Awful at best and terrifying (not being able to even call an ambulance by yourself) at worst. Hopefully you’ve gotten over it

[Hearhoovesthinkzebras]

Let's face it, the vast majority of women can push a buzzer just fine and ask for what they need without Nigel doing it for them.

I'm not disputing that most women are capable of pushing a buzzer. I'm saying that ime, and that of a lot of posters on here, the buzzers just aren't answered.

[breastfeeding]

The worst bit is just then men using the bathrooms
They aren’t meant to but they do ...
It smells or then the bathrooms are always busy preventing women using them it’s w big infection risk

[LittleMissTeacup]

I like @Honeybee85 ‘s suggestion of women volunteers - think this should be trialed - it would be support, but support that all women would feel comfortable with.

[busylifebusywife]

Looks like some other people have started to notice this as a problem.