Inconsiderate Men on maternity ward!

[busylifebusywife]

I've had a placenta abruption and I'm currently on bed rest on the maternity ward that women go to for induction and when the are poorly during pregnancy.

My hospital has new rules where partners can stay over night which is fine I don't really mind, what I do mind is that some of the men especially seem to be so inconsiderate! Having their mobiles going off on loud constantly playing there devices at full wack, getting there male friends to visit. Yesterday two guys in the cubical next to me decided to lift the curtain completely up and go underneath it exposing me and just laugh about it.

Now I'm not a midwife but I do know for a women's labour to progress nicely they need to feel secure and relaxed. How is this creating that environment?

I really don't mind male visitors or males staying on the ward over night I just wish they would be more courteous of others.

I'm starting to get really upset by it as I'm in a lot of pain and supposed to be on bed rest.

AIBU?

There is no need for partners to stay overnight. There should not be more than 2 visitors to a bed. Visitors should be gone by 8pm and no food allowed on the ward.
Why is all this poor behaviour allowed to happen? Why are there no standards?

We really should have private rooms then people can invite the whole street in for a chat.

But we don’t, we have wards. When I had my DC this wasn’t the thing luckily, I struggled enough with random loud men in the day being a curtain away.

I was on ward with 3 other ladies and in each room is a bathroom with a note on the door to say it's for patients only.

I needed the toilet but before I could get up one of the husbands went in there leaving me waiting a good 5 minutes.

When he came out my husband told him not to use the toilet and it was for the women only...he apologised and said he had been using it for a few days!

Not only did I nearly have an accident as I had only given birth a few hours before but I had also left my wee in there for the midwives to check.

I sent my dh home knowing I had midwives there to help.

Must be a huge infection risk apart from anything else.

My maternity ward was locked and only buzzed in when they knew who you were there to visit.

Sounds like this isn’t happening.

Men in the delivery suite - fine.

Men and their random mates in and out of maternity wards and not regulated - not at all fine. Maternity wards should be a haven of calm and order.

If hospitals make this decision staff should have the training, authority and resources to deal with any behaviour that impacts on the actual patients.

"What if your husband hadn't been able to be there Hulk?"
Then I would have had no one to hold my hand and tell me it was on they couldn't get colustrum after some strange woman squeezed my tits for an hour.
I would have had no one able to get up and go talk to the insurance providers because our insurance hadn't been run yet cause I was 2 months prem. (Again not in the UK).
I would have had no one able to go find my doctor when the nurse refused to give me medication to stop breast milk that my doctor prescribed.
I would have had no one to catch me when I fainted getting up to pee.
That is just premie number 1.

I needed someone and DH was my someone.
Every woman giving birth should have a someone, partner, male, female whatever. That person needs to be allowed to be with them.
But they should be respectful. If they aren't they should be tossed.

You’re in the wrong place. I absolutely see the need for women to have their partners with them while being induced.

But someone on bed rest should not be in an induction bay. That’s ridiculous. It’s a very weird place to have left you for bed rest; induction wards are the opposite of restful!

OP I have been there!! For me the worst part of being in hospital was other people’s visitors! Can you use for a private room? Particularly if you’re going to be in for a while. I found the doctors, rather than the midwives, were more sympathetic to my need for privacy. And if the doctor requested a private room on my behalf I usually got one.
I had placental abruption at 21 weeks, and managed to hold on until 32 weeks. I’m currently sat feeding my beautiful DD. Hope you also get a positive outcome.

It is disgusting that men treat the space as their own. Typical misogyny.

As for a man using the showers in the maternity ward, men shouldn’t be allowed to use them.

That's awful but to be honest I don't think it's just men, that's the general public.

This.

Sorry to hear about your terrible experience OP. Not what you need in this difficult time when rest is paramount. Wishing you all the best for a speedy recovery.

Your experience sounds horrible Hulk. But if your husband had been there for visiting hours, he could have done all that. He didn't need to stay over, making other women in the ward feel vulnerable and unsafe. And I'm sure your husband is lovely but if I'm in the next bed, I have no way of knowing that.

Where is my right to rest and feel safe after my emergency c-section?

YANBU in the slightest.

Fucking selfish, entitled shits.

Wow I had no idea this was a thing. No men allowed overnight on ward when I had my DC 15/20 years ago. What’s the point of all the arguments against mixed sex wards when men are allowed overnight onto a ward where women are at their most vulnerable

I agree with you. I can tell without having even read the whole thread though that the “I need my man and that comes ahead of the rights of other women to privacy and dignity in a female only space” will have pitched up.

YANBU, That's disgraceful behaviour! Sorry to hear you're in hospital OP, good luck with the remainder of your pregnancy

YANBU no it's not all men, and yes it's nice to have partners there for support but only those partners - not those partners and their mates! And if those partners cannot behave themselves, not use the women's toilets, be quiet, have respect for all the other women around them then they should be sent home immediately. It is disgusting that your comfort is worth less than other women's - we should all be treated equally! I understand that midwives have now become so stretched that the care is nothing like it was years ago, but unfortunately some men cannot behave and those few will ruin it for the many who do.

I personally was extremely uncomfortable in the ward after my c-section being the only woman without her partner there and I spent 3 days in the HDU watching other couples come and go with my curtains wide open because I had to be seen at all times; I had more than a few men staring at me while I was trying to establish breastfeeding, caring for my newborn, with a catheter in and hooked up to continuous IV medication. My partner couldn't be there he had to look after our eldest. My opinion is partners should be allowed in private rooms only not on wards with other women.

There is no need for partners to stay overnight. There should not be more than 2 visitors to a bed. Visitors should be gone by 8pm and no food allowed on the ward.

In Dublin this is the norm.No more than 2 visitors[apart from the partner]no food is allowed in apart from the usual.And its so much better fr it.

Wards are hard enough to get to sleep in at the best of times anyway.

Where is my right to rest and feel safe after my emergency c-section?

Where's mine? My kids were born by emergency C-section after visiting hours. My husband had to sort the insurance at midnight. The breastfeeding mafia were around 24/7. I couldn't get up.

He had to leave to get baby clothes and things for our DC's (both times) and in my DD's case, when I was in hospital from 28 weeks till 36, he and one of the other women's DH's who was in a similar situation, would run out and get us all McDonald's & books.

There is a place for respectful partners.

Partners belong in the delivery suite and during normal visiting. Not 24/7 FGS. That’s ridiculous. They’re not the patient. The woman and her child are. The ward is there for them. In what other scenario do opposite sex partners get to kip with their partner overnight on a ward?

When I was in early labour with my youngest I was told I’d be admitted and my husband could stay til the end of visiting and then he’d have to go home until such time as I was in active labour and moved to the delivery suite. I understood the rule completely, I wasn’t the only person on the ward and why should my husband be there when visiting was over. As it happened I went to delivery before visiting ended so he didn’t need to go home - but another hour or so later and he would have

@CareOfPunts I was in labour within 20 minutes of having the induction pessary. Your post makes no sense.

Would like to share that I work on a maternity ward! Is there any way we can put in a serious petition to stop this behaviour in general and also stop anyone sleeping over? I think all maternity wards need to go back to being like every other hospital in ward and have visiting times. I don’t think the birth partner should be kicked out asap however there could be like an agreement in place that dads etc can stay and bond with the baby for 2 hours and then visiting times will kick in.

Trust me when I say 99% of men/visitors are awfully behaved however they and the new mother think that their lovely husband is perfect. Not understanding that they use the patients toilets so that the patients themselves can’t, or have to queue, argue and demand food and drink etc, just walk around the ward topless.... waltz around like they own the place. Why are they even there to be fair they are getting in our way. They need to leave and yes that means more work for the staff... good! The government need the push to hire more of us and give us the time to look after our patients. Also the partners are mostly sleeping and aren’t very helpful... they don’t know much about baby's and they ask 100 questions. They literally don’t seem to understand they are a visitor not an inpatient, even if they are the dad = still a visitor = no rights or demands. We are here to care for the women not the big baby of a husband who thinks it’s a weekend hotel stay with free toast and tea. Some of them acting get jealous of all the attention the mum and new baby are getting and it definitely shows in their behaviour.

This would never happen in a hospital ward. Actually had enough im looking for a new job at a tryst where there is no sleeping over and visiting times are controlled at the door. Our staff receptionist just buzzes anyone in or out... god knows who’s coming or going. Daily I encounter some women with 6 visitors.... god forbid you ask them to leave... the abuse you get. The thing is we physically can’t force them to leave... security are scared and intimidated especially if the visitors are men... all this is going on while the poor woman has just given birth it’s totally selfish of the visitors.

Fucking Men, is there no where safe from the fucking selfish tosspots.

In what other scenario do opposite sex partners get to kip with their partner overnight on a ward?

Cancer wards? ICU"s? Pediatric's? Is this a UK thing?

I think the only way for women who want their partners to stay is if they pay for a private room.

That way their need doesn't trump the needs of every other woman in the ward right to privacy, safety and dignity.

My opinion is partners should be allowed in private rooms only not on wards with other women.

This.

Private rooms, yes. My nearest hospital allows partners overnight, subject to rules, because the postnatal ward is entirely made up of individual rooms with ensuite facilities so they are not disturbing anyone else.

The next nearest hospital still uses shared bays so does not allow partners to stay overnight and rightly so. They did consider trialling it but they received so many complaints and so many patients asked to change hospitals that it was cancelled before it even began as a total non-starter.

Maternity care is often the clinic afterthought and the policy of allowing overnight partners reflects this, partners overnight is an excuse to keep staffing numbers low as the partners are providing care that should be done by qualified staff.

FWIW, I'm having surgery next month and DH is not allowed onto the surgical ward to sit with me before/after because - and I quote - "you'll be in a women's bay. There will women in hospital gowns, staff discussing intimate procedures with them, and women recovering from the effects of anaesthetic so there are no partners or visitors allowed at this vulnerable time in order to protect patient privacy and promote rest. Visitors are allowed once you have been moved to the general ward". I'll be on the surgical ward from 7am the morning of my procedure until rounds the following morning (approx 9am).

I had my last baby in 1989 so a while ago but this absolutely would not have happened.
Strict visiting hours and definitely no overnight stays.
Men on the labour ward yes if they behave. On the maternity ward no.
Wouldn’t stay overnight any where else, except children’s ward.