Inconsiderate Men on maternity ward!

[busylifebusywife]

I've had a placenta abruption and I'm currently on bed rest on the maternity ward that women go to for induction and when the are poorly during pregnancy.

My hospital has new rules where partners can stay over night which is fine I don't really mind, what I do mind is that some of the men especially seem to be so inconsiderate! Having their mobiles going off on loud constantly playing there devices at full wack, getting there male friends to visit. Yesterday two guys in the cubical next to me decided to lift the curtain completely up and go underneath it exposing me and just laugh about it.

Now I'm not a midwife but I do know for a women's labour to progress nicely they need to feel secure and relaxed. How is this creating that environment?

I really don't mind male visitors or males staying on the ward over night I just wish they would be more courteous of others.

I'm starting to get really upset by it as I'm in a lot of pain and supposed to be on bed rest.

AIBU?

[AlexaAmbidextra]

My husband had to sort the insurance at midnight.

Presumably he could have done this at home.

[DoesItGetAnyBetter]

This is disgraceful.

I was on a high dependency ward when I had ds1. Partners were only allowed to visit 10am to 10pm, allowing doctors to visit and examine in privacy (which I feel was perfectly adequate).

On another note I am sure that if my DH could have stayed to support me he he would have done. However, there is no way he would have acted in this disgusting way. He would also not tolerate me feeling vulnerable and would have done his upmost to ensure other women’s dignity was respected. He would have been mortified if he though he’d made someone feel uncomfortable.

You need to take this further with hospital staff.

Good lucks and best wishes. X

[GCAcademic]

Awful, but not all men are like this. My husband wouldn't dream of that.

Here we go with the “not my Nigel”.

The fact is that there are enough men who are inconsiderate arseholes, and who like to intimidate women, that as a sex class they represent a major problem on maternity wards. And yet the NHS’s response to this is to act as if they have as many rights, by virtue of impregnating someone, as the actual patients do.

[HulksPurplePanties]

Presumably he could have done this at home.

No he had to do that before they agreed to cut the baby out of me.

I'm realizing this conversation is a very UK bubble and I need to back out.

Y'all have massive issues you need to sort in regards to privacy & basic human rights.

[HoneysuckIejasmine]

Basic human rights like free healthcare, you mean? Or even just healthcare that doesn't make life saving surgery dependent on an insurance companies say so.

[ToTheRegimentIWishIWasThere]

Men do not belong on postnatal wards overnight, ever.

I'm sorry you're having a shit time OP.

[McCanne]

I would have hated men staying overnight on the ward. Eff that. Hospital is not a restful place and midwives shouldn’t have to be dealing with men who just don’t get it. Private rooms fine, fire away, but visiting hours were bad enough on the ward never mind their presence overnight.

[LeosMamma]

YANBU, OP. Complain and/or see if you can get moved.

But - the broader issue is, surely, that women in labour, giving birth and post-natally should, absolutely should, have their own space. I actually had no idea this was not the case in the UK. When I gave birth (in a continental European country), I was in my own delivery suite immediately after arriving in the hospital and then recovered for three days in a very nice post-natal en-suite room, which had a fold-out bed for the partner. My birth was uncomplicated; for complicated births/post-natal situation, I believe new mothers stay longer. To me, this was just standard.

I'm struggling to find words; but is there no movement or political party or something that is advocating on this particular issue? If not, women of the UK - rise up!

[Clymene]

My basic human right is not to have a man on the other side of a thin curtain while I'm trying to sleep naked under an open backed gown in a room with people I don't know.

This isn't a UK problem - it's an issue that affects women worldwide. It's why women need separate toilet, changing and hospital spaces. To protect our privacy, keep us safe and allow us dignity when we are at our most vulnerable.

It's not about the rights of one woman. It's about the rights of all women.

[maddiemookins16mum]

We’ve gone too far in trying to ‘accommodate’ everyone for fear of offending. Labour/maternity wards need to go back to the days when Matron was in charge and men only visited at set times.
Call me old fashioned, I am.

[TheBitchOfTheVicar]

@MyDcAreMarvel and my induction began on a Wednesday lunchtime, ending in the birth of my DC on Friday evening. Your post makes no sense to me. My DH couldn't have stayed that whole time and he didn't.

[Gizmo79]

Paediatric wards- one parent overnight. PICU- they have separate sleeping rooms.
Yes, occasionally end of life adults have partners staying, but they are in cubicles and borrow the beds from Paeds.
I work in Paeds, and having the fathers there is sometimes harder work than the mothers when they stay over. The snoring, wandering around in boxers- yes I do have serious words, but there is an entitlement factor that doesn’t even resonate until pointed out to them. And no, not all, some are great. There are also some rather random mums out there so it isn’t just men. I have been lucky with all three of my kids, never stayed in post one night. And the one I’d did stay in overnight had a no partner rule.

[weehoo]

The attached pic shows the view from my bed late at night when I had DD2. I was a few hours post C-section, DD had been taken away to NICU and I was having some sort of horrible skin reaction to the drugs which made me want to tear off my own skin. I can't even remember if I was was decently covered up (probably not) and remember another patient's partner would occasionally appear at the shared sink. I remember seeing his face in the mirror above the sink and just feeling so furious that I had no privacy. The man didn't do anything offensive but it's not really the point, is it?

I remember the MW on duty was cross because I kept complaining about the itching. Every time someone came in to my cubicle, they would leave the curtain open when they left!

[Aroundtheworldin80moves]

Everyone should have an option for a single Sex ward.
If there is a medical need for a father to be there overnight, they should be accomadated in a private room or ward, not with other vulnerable women- who often have their own need for a single Sex space, be it medical, religious or just social.

And women on bed rest should be in a quiet restful space, not in a busy ward with numerous visitors. I'm very glad now that my 'bed rest' was at home because I couldn't leave my toddler.

[weehoo]

What I found interesting about my experience was that although I'd just had major surgery, I was expected to make my own way to NICU (different part of the hospital) several times a day and return to ward for food and meds. If I missed any, then that was too bad, and you just kind of accepted it.

A year on, I was in hospital several times for cancer treatment. It was a bit of a novelty to actually be fed and looked after! I know cancer is different to childbirth but I found maternity care pretty brutal in comparison

[AG29]

Oh god that’s horrible. My local hospital didn’t allow partners to stay. Which I get is kinda annoying when you want them there for support and if you don’t live close but I was in and out if hospital before my first was born and in for a while afterwards. I was so glad they aren’t allowed to stay. It was more peaceful.

Have a word with the staff. It’s not on.

[Lulualla]

weehoo
That reminds me about the food! We had our food brought to our beds after ordering in the morning. I was in the shower when lunch was brought round! But when I came out, another mum had taken my lunch and eaten it after she'd eaten her own! At least, she said it was her and not her husband but she bad my plate. I was so angry! They did bring me more food, and she apologised... but I still think her husband took my lunch.

[Clymene]

It was more than 32 hours until I first got something to eat - nil by mouth before and no food by the time I got onto the ward. If anyone had stolen my breakfast I think I would have punched them!

[Doilooklikeatourist]

This makes me so relieved to be old

Having had my babies before men were allowed to stay overnight ( DH wasn’t even allowed to use the loo on the ward in case a Mum / mum to be needed it

Mobile phones weren’t invented , and even now , no one needs to be speaking on one through the night

I hope you’re allowed home , and feeling better soon OP

[RumbleDoll]

I'm in my 60s but when my dc were born, both here and in Denmark, men were welcomed during birth then for visiting hours only. what the hell is happening.Give women some peace.ffs

[Enidcat5]

@weehoo they should have given you antihistamines for the itching! It's a side effect of morphine if I remember correctly? I had same thing after my c section and wanted to claw my skin off. Antihistamine fixed it.

When i had my son it was a busy hot postnatal ward in the hottest summer. Partners were allowed 24 hours but I sent my dh home. The bay next to me was full of people day and night and I remember men kept walking past my open curtains and looking in as i was feeding my baby. Because it was so hot I had no top on or it got too sweaty and uncomfortable. I felt so vulnerable. A guy visiting his partner kept pushing his bag into my curtains and bay, taking up space and meaning I felt he was encroaching. How is that conducive to healing, bonding with your baby or establishing breastfeeding?

Every time I needed the loo I had to painfully and slowly make my way to toilet with my baby in the wheely cot, my gown gaping open and boobs leaking, bleeding heavily and feeling awful.

Yuck. They shouldn't be allowed overnight unless woman is in labour and in that case there should be separate areas so that both labouring woman and others can rest and feel safe.

[KatharinaRosalie]

Had my babies abroad, in 2 different European countries. Want your husband to stay overnight - no problem, pay for a family room. Otherwise no.
But even otherwise, the rooms were for max 2 people. How can anybody rest and bond with a newborn in a massive ward with half a dozen other mums, plus their extended families??

[KatharinaRosalie]

Oh should add though that the hospitals were also adequately staffed with hot and cold running nurses, midwives, doctors and lactation consultants. You didn't have to bring people with you not to starve or for someone to hand you the baby.

[EstebanTheMagnificent]

The issue is that where partners are allowed to stay, the impetus too often is to plug gaps in care rather than for the benefit of mothers or babies.

No need for any pontificating from elsewhere in the world, either - a healthcare system where a surgeon won't lift their scalpel until a bureaucrat has faxed over approval is just as horrific in a whole other way.

[Londongirl86]

Yanbu. I stayed on a ward like this for two nights with pre eclampsia. There was nothing I could do about my snoring neighbour. I got no rest whatsoever and that was an innocent women near me. I don't think this fair men staying on that ward. It's abit intrusive when you want to sleep or get up and go use the toilet in private etc. That said when I had my DD I ended up with a women next to me talking on her phone so loud at ,10pm the midwife told her off. People are inconsiderate at the best of times. Hope you get some rest x