Inconsiderate Men on maternity ward!

[busylifebusywife]

I've had a placenta abruption and I'm currently on bed rest on the maternity ward that women go to for induction and when the are poorly during pregnancy.

My hospital has new rules where partners can stay over night which is fine I don't really mind, what I do mind is that some of the men especially seem to be so inconsiderate! Having their mobiles going off on loud constantly playing there devices at full wack, getting there male friends to visit. Yesterday two guys in the cubical next to me decided to lift the curtain completely up and go underneath it exposing me and just laugh about it.

Now I'm not a midwife but I do know for a women's labour to progress nicely they need to feel secure and relaxed. How is this creating that environment?

I really don't mind male visitors or males staying on the ward over night I just wish they would be more courteous of others.

I'm starting to get really upset by it as I'm in a lot of pain and supposed to be on bed rest.

AIBU?

’Awful, but not all men are like this.’

FFS

Men do not belong on maternity wards. Ever.

Yes they fucking do. Partners whose children are being born do belong. They should be there 24/7. I'd have been lost after my premie c-sections if DH wasn't there. He stood up for me when I was too vulnerable to do it myself.

I don't mind them being here for support but I did just feel very vulnerable getting dry and changed after my shower when the guy less than a foot away from me (I can literally see his feet) I shouting down the phone to his mate about how he's changed the break pads on Robby Ds car and bless something

I've had 3 speculums in the last few days and been crying in pain. I've got these men less than a meter away at the other side of a curtain while these happen and the consultant is telling me how much risk me and my baby are at.

I just want to go home so bad!

That's awful, there should at least be a separate room for examinations. I'd feel pretty vulnerable too.

They do belong. But they should be held to structure standards. Anything which interferes with the women actually going through the process should have them removed. There should be dedicated staff to ensure the safety and comfort of women on the wards now that men can stay overnight.

Women will want their own man there, but they need to remember that the primary purpose of that place is the healthcare of women. If their behaviour begins to impact then they need to be removed.

Welcome to second world Britain where incredibly, we still have the terrible system of wards.

Welcome to second world Britain where incredibly, we still have the terrible system of wards.

This!

They do belong. But they should be held to structure standards

Exactly. Jesus. It's a hospital. Library standards should apply.

That was meant to say strict standards!

@HulksPurplePanties
Not sure whether you're being sarcastic or not. But they should absolutely not be allowed to lift curtains and stare at other women or play devices loudly or disrupt anyone else's peace and recuperation.

I think you have just shown why men should not be allowed on the wards tbh.

lululla
Not being sarcastic at all. Strict rules need to be applied in hospitals, especially mixed wards.

Not living in the UK & didn't give birth there, so shocked at this.

I live in the Middle East, and husbands are allowed to stay with wives in the wards, but they are held to strict rules. Lifting the curtain is a no-no. Talking loudly, hell no! Friends visiting!!!!! No!!!

It should be treated like a library.

Oh OP, that sounds so awful.

I think you need to ask to speak to whomever is in charge, tell them how vulnerable and unhappy you are, and that a formal complaint is coming down the line with their name and title on it.

That is just disgraceful.

No they don't. Men are not patients. Women giving birth or with pregnancy complications should be supported through adequate nursing care, not reliant on men who may or may not be decent partners and/or who may not be perverts, alcoholics, thugs or just selfish arseholes.

Good quality care should not be down to whether or not a woman has someone to advocate on her behalf.

Oh and I would be loudly demanding they quieten down.

Awful behaviour.

YANBU I would be telling them myself to fuck off and be quiet.

I have mentioned this before but the day after my c-section, I was staggering to use the last working shower on the maternity ward and another woman’s husband rushed in before me. To make matters worse he was only wearing boxers with a towel slung over his shoulder.

Poor you OP. The trouble is, another woman's DH is quite capable of being the sleazy pervert from up the road that women avoid at all costs. No wise advice other than to complain, complain, complain to PALs. You are entitled to be treated with safety, privacy and dignity in hospital and if visitors impact on that then you have every right to complain.

Good quality care should not be down to whether or not a woman has someone to advocate on her behalf.

Lovely in a utopia. I had to make desicions for my premies in seconds that I was not going to be able to give without my DH's input. My choice not to breastfeed was not respected either. H

If the woman is in labour enough to need the husband there and be at the hospital then they should be in a delivery suite.

As someone (as in one of very very many) who has been raped and sexually assaulted, there's simply no way I could have a speculum exam whilst a strange man is literally a metre away. That would directly impact on what care I could receive unless there was an examination room somewhere (with no strange men). I feel sick right now even thinking about it.

I really feel for you OP because there's nothing worse than being ill enough to have to be in hospital and feeling unable to complain about things that you know are unacceptable..it only heightens the vulnerability. I hope you have some improvements and will be able to get out soon.

OP.

I can't see why, if they insist men are needed on wards, that there can't be an area where women on their own and on bed rest and needing quiet can be separate.

It must be like being in Piccadilly Station.

Bring back Matron!!!

What if your husband hadn't been able to be there Hulk?

@Clymene

*No they don't. Men are not patients. Women giving birth or with pregnancy complications should be supported through adequate nursing care, not reliant on men who may or may not be decent partners and/or who may not be perverts, alcoholics, thugs or just selfish arseholes.

Good quality care should not be down to whether or not a woman has someone to advocate on her behalf.*

^bloody hell, This!

Why do women have to suck it up? Ffs. I'm so sorry op. Disgusting behaviour. I felt so vulnerable when I was post delivery. My useless ex didn't come in much so I was there queuing for food with all the men, bleeding heavily, leaking boobs, feeling awful with high BP and worrying that nobody was with my baby in the incubator because he had jaundice. Awful time.

I can see why men might stay after a baby is born especially if the baby is born at night or the mother needs help (ideally the midwives would provide this but let's face it there isn't enough to) but there should be strict rules around this and certainly they don't need to stay before the birth! On the ward I was recently on they had a separate bathroom and strict guidelines. But tbh it was the man visiting during the day snoring in the next cubicle and the woman opposite on her phone all night that were the problem not those staying overnight.