Inconsiderate Men on maternity ward!

[busylifebusywife]

I've had a placenta abruption and I'm currently on bed rest on the maternity ward that women go to for induction and when the are poorly during pregnancy.

My hospital has new rules where partners can stay over night which is fine I don't really mind, what I do mind is that some of the men especially seem to be so inconsiderate! Having their mobiles going off on loud constantly playing there devices at full wack, getting there male friends to visit. Yesterday two guys in the cubical next to me decided to lift the curtain completely up and go underneath it exposing me and just laugh about it.

Now I'm not a midwife but I do know for a women's labour to progress nicely they need to feel secure and relaxed. How is this creating that environment?

I really don't mind male visitors or males staying on the ward over night I just wish they would be more courteous of others.

I'm starting to get really upset by it as I'm in a lot of pain and supposed to be on bed rest.

AIBU?

I'm neither attacking nor berating women.
I'm saying I don't want men on my ward.

I'm in two minds about this!

I am currently four cm dilated waiting for my son to arrive and my partner has not left my side today. He has the precious 7 nights I have been here as he has felt it is appropriate to stay until necessary.

The ward is so under staffed that I am so thankful that he is here, due to SPD I can barely get out of bed, cannot move easily to refill my drinks or fetch dinner nor would I be able to go and check where the paracetomal I asked for 2 hours ago is - all these things he has been doing in a very respectful way. He doesn't snore, keeps our curtains drawn at all times and doesn't leave our pod until he knows there is no one about. He does provide me with moral support and a level of care that I would not have received had he not been here, I cannot even get out of the bed on my own and the midwives have too many women to help.

On the other hand a lady in the cubicle next to mine's husband (eek grammar) was swearing, eating smelly food next to us and turning the light on at all hours in the morning.

People are assholes sometimes but I am more swayed by the fact on this particular ward I am receiving a sub par level of care and my partner makes sure I dont go thirsty whilst I am in labour.

Maybe try reading your posts back hop

Here's just 1 example

If a woman is incapable of ringing the nurses bell and asking for pain relief etc, then I'd question her ability to function as a normal human being in society.

I think that's belittling, insulting, berating and victim.blaming.

Ban men from staying on the post natal wards overnight. Please explain your plans for how the needs of the women will be met following your ban.

And if you call people bitches who tell you that there other options, then I ain't engaging anymore.

No one called you a butch 5 pages ago when you started your rantings.

If someone isn't capable of ringing a nurses bell, either they're not capable of being left alone, or they're too incapacitated to be on a ward.
If you feel such a woman should just invite a man in, then fair enough.
I don't think that though.
Fight with your MP, not me. You're wasting your time calling me a bitch etc.

Rantings? I.e. telling you that what you're experiencing is sub-standard? That men on wards is not a solution to a lack of staff? Fair enough.
Enjoy your next birth.

cannot move easily to refill my drinks or fetch dinner nor would I be able to go and check where the paracetomal I asked for 2 hours ago is

And you think your husband is the solution to such failures?

This thread is about a woman with a life-threatening condition (this is why I had a c-section) who opted to go home rather than receive treatment in a hospital due to the presence of strange men on her ward.

That’s so rubbish. My partner went home the night our son was born as he is a very loud snorer and for my own sanity included I didn’t want to subject any other poor human to it! He didn’t mind at all, last night of full sleep for him - yay!

If someone isn't capable of ringing a nurses bell, either they're not capable of being left alone, or they're too incapacitated to be on a ward.

That isn't what you said though is it?

You said

If a woman is incapable of ringing the nurses bell and asking for pain relief etc, then I'd question her ability to function as a normal human being in society.

Quite different.

You're wasting your time calling me a bitch etc.

I didn't.

telling you that what you're experiencing is sub-standard?

We know. But no.one is willing to.do anything about it other than let partners stay to.make.up.the shortfall.

That men on wards is not a solution to a lack of staff? Fair enough.

Enjoy your next birth.

That ship.has long sailed.

As I've said to the OP, my baby nearly died due to placental abruption.

My friend's baby did actually die when at term she had a bleed, and it took them 20 minutes to drive to the hospital by which time her baby was dead.

I was 5 minutes from hospital.

The OP should BE IN HOSPITAL. She shouldn't be intimidated out by partners of others. You do realise what's at stake here? This OP went home, despite medical advice, as she couldn't be in a ward with disruptive men?

This thread is about a woman with a life-threatening condition (this is why I had a c-section) who opted to go home rather than receive treatment in a hospital due to the presence of strange men on her ward.

And i had a life threatening condition, 2 in fact, pre eclampsia and severe post partum.haemorrhage and I discharged myself due to.lack of support and lack.of care. I would have stayed if I'd been able to.have someone stay with me to do what the midwives weren't doing.

As I said, my baby was saved, but my friend's baby died (a 20 minute 30 mile race to the hospital). That's what at stake here.
Not someone who likes having a bit of emotional support from their DP. It's a baby's life.

And yes the op should be in hospital and the.ithernwomen should be receiving good enough care that there is no need for their partners to be there.

Presumably op was on the antenatal.ward so why where partners staying anyway?.is it because the women were in labour.or were the men causing.problems during normal.visiting hours?

I’m surprised that women are expected to be semi naked in front of not just men who are strangers to them but men with phones that can take photographs.

I can't really imagine that though. Evening men aren't allowed to stay on the wards they can still visit during visiting hours so.why are women being left semi naked without covers or the curtains around them? I wouldn't want to be semi.maked without curtains drawn even if there were only women patients. I wouldn't want to be semi naked and uncovered even with curtains pulled either though with the chance of anyone walking in at any time.Where has patient dignity gone?

I also have to question how you managed when your partners were at work if you're now incapable of reaching for a drink?

What about a woman (the OP) who has gone home and could potentially lose her baby?

I think it's incredible selfishness and naivety on the part of some posters. I also think it's a British acceptance of sub-standard care in the NHS (put up and shut up).

No.

I also have to question how you managed when your partners were at work if you're now incapable of reaching for a drink?

What are you talking about?

I've said many times that my husband wasn't allowed to stay so I had to manage best way I could when he wasn't there is I didn't manage for the most part. This was 25 years ago so clearly I can now.reach for a drink!

Why are you so disbelieving that many women are unwell post delivery, just as many.patients are after other operations, and require extra help maintaining their own activities of daily living let alone caring for a newborn also? This is why they are in hospital - because they require medical.and nursing care. If they didn't they would be at home.

And.many of us aren't accepting of this sub standard care. Many of us are and have been campaigning to improve things, along with hundreds of other people trying to.improve the NHS.

Our local hospital has suffered severe cuts over the years. What was 3 hospitals has now been reduced to 1 hospital. Far less beds against a backdrop of huge house building so more people with less hospital capacity is just 1 of the challenges being faced locally. The fact is that the funding just isn't there to implement the changes needed, especially coupled with the huge debt from the PFI taken to.build the hospital I.dont know what will happen.

Given the results of the GE yesterday i.doubt we will have to worry about the NHS for.much longer anyway.

ONG I would have hated that - I couldn't stand the long visiting hours listening to the rabble from a hoard of visitors and when you've had a
C section or a zillion stitches in your fanny, and have to shuffle to the loo its awful with visitors sitting gawping at you!
I really feel for you and I think you should complain complain complain and ask to be moved, say its making you really anxious etc.

I'm not talking about you hooves.

Having men staying over in maternity wards or any women’s wards is totally ridiculous. I would be fuming if even someone’s phone was waking me up, let alone everything else you have described OP.

Men don’t need to be In a ward of vulnerable women. If anyone wants a man to be with them they should pay for a private room.

Good luck @Ilovethekitties. I’m glad someone is supporting you

When I was staying in the hospital after the birth of DS, DH was allowed to stay one night, before they induced me with me in a private room.
After next day he was welcome to stay with DS and me in our room from 10 am til 9 pm.
After 9 pm there was less staff so they didn’t want visitors wandering around, so DH had to go home every night.

There was also a breastfeeding room for those who wanted to breastfeed, where only patients were allowed. If I needed help, I could buzz for a midwife to come help me and if I was feeling unwell or wanted to rest, the nurses took DS to the nursery and took care of him.
This really helped with my recovery because after the first night, they did the caretaking/ night feeds so I could get my 8 hours of sleep.

No need for men to be around to help with meals either because nurse would come to your room to explain the menu and ask what you’d like for meals / snacks and catering staff delivered it to my room.

Now I appreciate that this is a different country but IMO this is the way every woman should be treated after birth! Giving birth causes fysical trauma and women need rest, privacy, help and generally feel that it’s OK to just focus on their recovery and bond with their baby in a safe environment where they’re taken care of in a proper way.

Honeybee85

I agree, but that isn't happening in hospitals in the UK so what do you think women should do?

Should they just go without food, leave babies unfed and unchanged and not go to the toilet because the staff aren't assisting them to do any of this? Do you think that's preferable to having partners stay on the ward?