Inconsiderate Men on maternity ward!

[busylifebusywife]

I've had a placenta abruption and I'm currently on bed rest on the maternity ward that women go to for induction and when the are poorly during pregnancy.

My hospital has new rules where partners can stay over night which is fine I don't really mind, what I do mind is that some of the men especially seem to be so inconsiderate! Having their mobiles going off on loud constantly playing there devices at full wack, getting there male friends to visit. Yesterday two guys in the cubical next to me decided to lift the curtain completely up and go underneath it exposing me and just laugh about it.

Now I'm not a midwife but I do know for a women's labour to progress nicely they need to feel secure and relaxed. How is this creating that environment?

I really don't mind male visitors or males staying on the ward over night I just wish they would be more courteous of others.

I'm starting to get really upset by it as I'm in a lot of pain and supposed to be on bed rest.

AIBU?

Sorry, I was on a ward of 6 by the time the lady next to me came to help, I’d lost the private room by then.

Buzzer wise, I was so off my face that morning I don’t think I’d have even thought to press it. I probably wouldn’t have realised I even needed it. The bed was just congealed blood when I eventually did manage to stand up alone, I remember that. DH was back by then.

C-section mums usually get a private side room in our hospital, room permitting so that's a moot point.

And I'm sick of a certain poster with a certain agenda, always, ALWAYS making every thread about themselves and it ALWAYS comes down to women being horrible and unreasonable and men being essential even when they pose a threat. Always.

This seems to be a universal and simple thing then - that at least new mothers are fed at their beds. I'm wondering whether it's unique to England?

Sagradafamiliar I asked for one with my 2nd as the family next to me had 3 family members stay overnight and they kept kicking my baby’s cot as they walked around their bed. Was told c section mums aren’t allowed because there is a chance you may be forgotten on the rounds. I offered to pay as well and was told no.

I know that nurses notes (or doctors coming around on wards) will note in Ireland whether a patient is eating. If they come around and see an uneaten breakfast, they note it - I've had a telling off before a few times for not having eaten - but baby was feeding. How do the British hospitals monitor that, since half of you seem to be incapacitated enough to not actually be able to get to food?
I have to say it sounds a little barbaric.

That's really crap, pickle. If the rooms aren't taken, then there should be the option to use them. The chance you may be neglected, is a shit excuse!

since half of you seem to be incapacitated enough to not actually be able to get to food?

Well a spinal does leave you incapacitated, that is the very point so not everyone seems to be incapacitated by it, they physically are by the very nature of needing to remain still for an op. A spinal wears off in 4 hours, and I was on the main ward in 1 so please do explain how to beat medical science, I am very interested to hear how you did it

How do the British hospitals monitor that, since half of you seem to be incapacitated enough to not actually be able to get to food?

They don't. That's how we've had elderly patients die from malnutrition because no one realised that they weren't eating, even when food was put near them. They weren't able to feed themselves or the food wasn't suitable but because it was catering staff and not nurses removing the trays no one realised that the food was being taken uneaten.

Mostly, women are in only hospital for 2 or 3 days, even post section so they aren't getting to the stage of malnutrition.

And Sagrada I'm not saying that men should be allowed to stay on the ward. I think that as a matter of urgency staffing levels should be increased so that there is absolutely no need for partners to stay.

What I am saying is it is the hospitals fault that women felt they needed to have partners stay and that I can understand why women still feel the need for partners to be there. They feel that they need them.because the reality is that they are needed. Increase the staffing and make sure that the staff are actually looking after the women properly and then stop partners from staying absolutely.

I doubt I defied science. I'd say I wasn't left on the ward alone until I had capacity. It's a blur so I can't answer for sure.

I remember crying when I missed out on lunch--I assumed that someone would be able to bring me something as I couldn't get up; my anaesthetic had worn off but my catheter was still in. They didn't. Luckily my DH turned up and was able to get me something. My hospital was exceptionally shambolic but I am fairly sure no one was monitoring whether patients were eating.

Sagradafamiliar Yes it was terrible, by the 3rd baby I had a contact at PALS that I regularly spoke to and the personal phone number for the head midwife. I am a massive complainer usually, it’s just really hard to do that when you have a blood pressure of 180/200.

hop you seem unable to comprehend that not everyone had your experience. Many of us are saying the same thing here. We were on the main wards unable to get up or move independently. No.one got our food for us and no one was around to help.or answer buzzers yet you simply keep replying with what happened to you.

A good number of us on here had much worse experiences than you did.

Was told c section mums aren’t allowed because there is a chance you may be forgotten on the rounds

I’m sure that filled you with confidence!

Oh so it seems you were at a well functioning hospital rather than an iron man. That’s good to know because it seemed before that you were suggesting that because you could overcome anaesthesia faster than any other known human, that all other women could too. Not everyone is put on a ward after they can stand like you were lucky enough to be.

You might want to consider that hospital conditions and recovery times differ then, in further reponses.

Do you not even get the first toast and tea in bed?
I have to say that food was far from my mind really, it was all a blur.
But I can quite well imagine skipping meals if they hadn't been brought to me.

I was borderline needing a transfusion too as I had haemorrhaged a lot.
A childhood neighbour had brought in a box of Ferrero Rocher. My DM coming in to visit absentmindedly picked one up and I gave her a telling off that I was starving and they were the only chocolates I would eat. Poor woman. I honestly was somewhat demented post birth. Think starving, raving lunatic in pain! Haha.
Come to think of it if there had been men on the ward, I'd have eaten them alive.

I'm not stating any such a thing. I'm stating that at no point were my legs paralysed while I was on the ward. I have no idea how long I was in recovery for.

I can't understand either why they would leave a woman who is still paralysed from epidural etc. with a baby to care for? Surely that's not what you accept as standard?

Well it would have been long enough to recover from a spinal, if you were recovered. 1 hour is not enough and that’s how long I was in recovery before I was left to fend for myself on a ward, with no DH coming back till 10am. Countless women here have said the same. The spinal isn’t even the main issue in terms of capability, I couldn’t walk but I was recovering from preeclampsia and a hypertensive crisis so buzzing anyone wasn’t on my agenda, even if I had needed to.

It isn’t. I’ve said I complained loudly once I got my mental capacity and legs back. But before that I was in full charge of feeding myself and my newborn for at least 5 hours.

It didn’t happen to me again because I knew their game after that. But for first time mums who have nearly had a stroke during their ventouse delivery, your baby isn’t massively on your agenda because you can barely function. You can’t just “buzz” if you need help, you’re drooling.

As I said before and I'll repeat again, this is not my fight to fight.
Perhaps just consider linking this thread to your MP?

It's ridiculous that you're prepared to put up with sub-standard first world healthcare and demand men at your bedsides instead. Your man at your bedside is upsetting a lot of other women which is what this thread is about.

OP - I hope you're OK?

I can't understand either why they would leave a woman who is still paralysed from epidural etc. with a baby to care for? Surely that's not what you accept as standard?

It is standard here, yes. That is what we have been trying to tell you. As for tea and toast, well that's hilarious. After a vaginal.delivery on the.labour ward maybe but you won't be able toe at list c section until up on the labour ward and then you are expected to be self caring.

Maternity care is in crisis here.

You shouldn't be telling me. I've no horse in this race.

hop I've complained to.multiple people - MPs, secretary of state for health, CEOs of health authority, PALS,newspapers. As have a good many other people. Very little.is changing apart from.the current solution of letting partners stay. It's cheap you see. The NHS doesn't have to.pay for.more staff if they rely on volunteers instead.

I've volunteered with the.pre eclampsia charity to support women recovering from pre eclampsia and who are embarking on subsequent pregnancies. The stories are remarkably similar as to what is posted on here.

Women are doing what they need to.in order to.get through. Everyone needs to be complaining about the real.problem here - under resourcing in maternity services rather than complaining about a symptom of that - men on the wards.

You shouldn't be telling me. I've no horse in this race.

Then why come.on here attacking women for not being assertive enough or being too dim.to.push a buzzer or ask for help?

If you're not interested what's the point in berating those who have had a very different experience to you?

It's ridiculous that you're prepared to put up with sub-standard first world healthcare

Hilarious when I’ve told you 2 posts ago that I did complain to pals and it never happened to me again because I did and do shout loudly when I have sufficient mental function.

It’s ridiculous that you continue to blame me and other mothers for not being able to stand up quickly enough (yet still within medical expectations) after a spinal block just because you have wolverine healing powers/a good team of midwives. People are just telling you because you’re being a bit of a bitch about it.