Inconsiderate Men on maternity ward!

[busylifebusywife]

I've had a placenta abruption and I'm currently on bed rest on the maternity ward that women go to for induction and when the are poorly during pregnancy.

My hospital has new rules where partners can stay over night which is fine I don't really mind, what I do mind is that some of the men especially seem to be so inconsiderate! Having their mobiles going off on loud constantly playing there devices at full wack, getting there male friends to visit. Yesterday two guys in the cubical next to me decided to lift the curtain completely up and go underneath it exposing me and just laugh about it.

Now I'm not a midwife but I do know for a women's labour to progress nicely they need to feel secure and relaxed. How is this creating that environment?

I really don't mind male visitors or males staying on the ward over night I just wish they would be more courteous of others.

I'm starting to get really upset by it as I'm in a lot of pain and supposed to be on bed rest.

AIBU?

I'll tell you what he'll do - he'll be a great big nuisance.

Or alternatively he'll go and ask staff for pain relief, call for help if woman is bleeding, advocate for the woman if she needs help breast feeding rather than her being bullied by over bearing midwives.

I've had family members admitted to hospital who have been put into life threatening situations due to shockingly abysmal care. I'm a registered nurse so I know what should and shouldn't be done. Sorry, but I'm now the squeaky wheel and I will complain when things are not being done properly. That's what men can do in these situations - speak up when often patients aren't able to speak up for themselves.

There is no need for them, they provide no added value to the experience and they're a pain in the hole for everyone around them.

Alternatively, a woman can ring her nurses bell.

If a woman is incapable of ringing the nurses bell and asking for pain relief etc, then I'd question her ability to function as a normal human being in society.

I'm sure women are quite capable of advocating for themselves.

Some women can, some can't.

I'm the person called upon to complain on behalf of family and friends and I don't take poor care for other people yet there have been many times where I've been the patient where I've not been able to speak up for myself because I've just felt too unwell and I'm very used to hospitals, talking to medics etc.

Well how did you communicate your needs to your partner if you're unable to speak for yourself? Telepathy?

DoTheHop

Have you actually been in a hospital?

A) some people literally are incapable because they are too ill

B) often buzzers simply are ignored because staff are too busy, or not that bothered to answer them.

My dad had a heart attack on a medical ward. He buzzed continuously for 1 hour until a nurse deigned to answer.

Well how did you communicate your needs to your partner if you're unable to speak for yourself? Telepathy?

Communicating to a sympathetic partner is entirely different to having to assert yourself to a belligerent nurse, standing up for yourself, complaining, escalating the complaint

YANBU. When I was in, a man in the cubicle next to us was complaining over and over that his chair was uncomfortable. The midwife said sorry sir, we are here for the comfort of your partner, not you. Perhaps you could concern yourself with making her feel comfortable?

My curtain opened a bit and he saw my husbands chair (identical to his) and he said to his wife, I’m going steal that chair. I am rather scary looking, after labour I must have looked murderous, I said touch the chair and I’ll gut you. He vastly improved after that!!!

Communicating to a sympathetic partner is entirely different to having to assert yourself to a belligerent nurse, standing up for yourself, complaining, escalating the complain

Then you need to complain. Not bring the menz in to do it for you. Jeez. You'd swear women were delicate flowers or something.

I've never had a birth in hospital (much to my sadness).

However I can't see any reason why men should be interfering in the most private life experiences of women.

I have spent a lot of time in mixed wards (which allegedly don't exist) and it is horrible. Men will force themselves on you even if you're on a drip. They have no sense of fear. Nurses never to be seen. Shared bathroom facilities mean sexual abuse occurs.

I would do anything to avoid hospital in future for my health condition. I've put my life at risk to avoid these men patients and visitors and will continue to do so until they learn some places should be sacred.

If a woman is incapable of ringing the nurses bell and asking for pain relief etc, then I'd question her ability to function as a normal human being in society.

Just seen this. Do you know that some women are unconscious in hospital? And ill? It’s hardly a calling for room service situation, often sick people are unable to even move their arms.

YANBU my husband stayed with me overnight on the maternity ward but if he'd done any of those things I would have sent him home.

Just seen this. Do you know that some women are unconscious in hospital? And ill? It’s hardly a calling for room service situation, often sick people are unable to even move their arms.

Then they shouldn't be on a common post-natal ward.

Then you need to complain. Not bring the menz in to do it for you. Jeez. You'd swear women were delicate flowers or something.

You know what, when you've been unconscious, having a heart attack, haemorrhaging, fainting from blood loss, in severe pain do bad you are throwing up, paralysed etc etc then come back and tell us all how well you stood up for yourself, contained, demanded a Dr come to see you. Or how well you managed to advocate for yourself when you were bed ridden and no fucker came to answer your call buzzer.

Then they shouldn't be on a common post-natal ward.

And yet they are. Post op after c section, pre eclamptic, pph - all serious conditions rendering patients more dependent and vulnerable.

@DoTheHop

Do you realise that we dont get to choose where they put us?

It was my mum who eventually got me pain relief. I couldn't get up, and I was buzzing the thing for an hour. I shouted for help. Then my mum came during visiting hours so I was able to ask her, and she went to sort it for me. I'm very vocal, I stand up for myself. I dont often need help. But I couldn't physically move, so when no one answered my calls, no one answered my shouting... what could I do? I needed help. So I can understand why women need a person there who can physically get them help.

As with some previous posters I gave birth in a Dublin hospital. One visitor was allowed in from 10am until 9pm. Other visitors were allowed in for two hours in the evening, two at a time. Security guards handed passes and checked wards after kicking out time. Midwives were no nonsense and any new mum with a phone going off at all hours were told to turn it off. All morning checks done before visiting and food served to the beds.
This is free by the way.

@ShiveringCoyote
Yes, this having to line up like Brown's Cows for food is a new one on me. Never seen it in Ireland, nor on any non-maternity ward in the UK.

Yes, to answer your question @hoovesandzebras. I've been on normal wards, in Resus, in A&E, in HDU and ICU. So extensive experience of hospitals unfortunately. Also on a gynae ward pre birth and on a maternity ward postnatally (albeit in Ireland).

So you were able to buzz for nurses, stand up for yourself, advocate for yourself were you?

I am really surprised that people have to go get their food. They always brought all food to our beds; breakfast, morning tea and biscuits, lunch, afternoon tea and biscuits, dinner and then a small thing for supper before bed. That's was an NHS ward in Scotland

On occasions where I was unfit, I was either in HDU or ICU.
On other occasions, on normal wards, yes, quite capable of pressing the bell.

I'm glad I'm not the only one bewildered by that DoTheHop . Even though I had fairly straight forward births my legs were a bit jelly like for a couple of days due to exhaustion. I also the physio and mental health teams attend my bedside due to previous pnd and incontinence. I'm not saying that Ireland is the holy grail of maternity care but showing that women and babies can and should be centred when it comes to maternity and gynae and not depending on health insurance or financial circumstances.

On other occasions, on normal wards, yes, quite capable of pressing the bell.

Lucky you then. Were you able to get out of bed and go and find help if no one came to answer your buzzer?

If you'd asked for analgesia but they refused were you able to stand up for yourself and argue to get it? If they didn't get routine medication prescribed, didn't administer antibiotics when they were due, ignored the fact you hadn't passed urine for more than 24 hours, had no staff available to help you to the toilet when you were unable to walk by yourself - you were capable of dealing with all of these situations yourself were you? Even when physically unable to get out of bed and go and fetch help?