Inconsiderate Men on maternity ward!

[busylifebusywife]

I've had a placenta abruption and I'm currently on bed rest on the maternity ward that women go to for induction and when the are poorly during pregnancy.

My hospital has new rules where partners can stay over night which is fine I don't really mind, what I do mind is that some of the men especially seem to be so inconsiderate! Having their mobiles going off on loud constantly playing there devices at full wack, getting there male friends to visit. Yesterday two guys in the cubical next to me decided to lift the curtain completely up and go underneath it exposing me and just laugh about it.

Now I'm not a midwife but I do know for a women's labour to progress nicely they need to feel secure and relaxed. How is this creating that environment?

I really don't mind male visitors or males staying on the ward over night I just wish they would be more courteous of others.

I'm starting to get really upset by it as I'm in a lot of pain and supposed to be on bed rest.

AIBU?

Yes, I understand why it’s convenient...for them.
But the example you gave in a previous post, girl in labour naked from the waist down. She shouldn’t even be on a ward with other people around, leave alone with curtains open.
It proves IMO that they really don’t care about women’s dignity and therefor I would not feel bad even for a second to insist that mine stayed closed. But I understand that if you’re in pain and agony, you can’t always stand up for yourself and therefor women shouldn’t even be put in the situation where they have to fight for even the smallest bit of privacy.

Maybe our shiny new government might be persuaded to take a look at this policy? There's a need to revisit the mixed sex hospital wards as there are certain very dodgy people in power in the NHS currently removing women's rights to same sex intimate care / wards etc.
Maternity care has often been a dismal story in so many hospitals as so many of us who have been through the experience can attest. But what is being disclosed on this thread by women and by nursing staff is an utter disgrace and it needs to be raised at the highest levels.

Yes it’s utterly shocking.
One of my thoughts was that I’m so happy that I had a very good and respectful birthing experience in a (private) hospital in another country but feel really guilty for having that thought.

Let’s say I wish that every woman could have a similar birth experience

Maybe our shiny new government might be persuaded to take a look at this policy?

HA! Tories? Prioritising healthcare for women?

Maybe our shiny new government might be persuaded to take a look at this policy?

HAHAHAHAHAHhaha....help..

This is the other side of all the mummy’s bleating ‘i cant cope without my DH, he HAS to stay’ generations of woman didn’t have their DH glued to them 24/7, back to visiting hours, you can survive overnight; it’s a hospital not a hotel.

So even women who actually want a home birth and it would be medically possible for them are actively discouraged because the insurance doesn’t cover any medical unexpected situations?

No, it doesn't work like that. The reason why some who want a homebirth may not be able to get them is if they have any sort of condition in addition to the pregnancy, centralisation of hospitals means more than a few of us live too far away from a hospital to have a home birth (risky if something goes wrong) and some areas do not have the number of midwives able to support it.

Private health insurance in the UK doesn't cover a lot, including most care considered emergency and you'll be transferred to an NHS unit. Or your baby if he/she needs SCBU or NICU.

I just wanted to add my voice for balance. I received brilliant care for both births in an NHS hospital- at at time when the CQC found the hospital to be severely lacking, so not a hospital without its issues. I had extra health needs both times. Yes I did have to patiently wait for them to answer the buzzer at busy times, particularly for pain relief. I just kept pressing it as the staff suggested. Lack of continuity of care is an issue in maternity services for sure, but a nice to have. We have to be realistic as hospitals are not hotels and I think some people have too high expectations. But some of the stories of poor care on here are truly shocking.

The men were very annoying and affected my experience much more than the quality of care. I could see staff were trying their best but some of the patients and families were very inconsiderate of other patients.

Why feel the need to add in your positive experience? It doesn't minimise OP's shit time or mean anyone else sharing their stories aren't telling the truth. Can you point out examples of high expectations, please? Blue.

Yes I did have to patiently wait for them to answer the buzzer at busy times, particularly for pain relief. I just kept pressing it as the staff suggested.

See this is wrong. How did they know why you were pressing the buzzer? Ok, you wanted pain relief (important enough) but maybe you needed the toilet and weren't able to mobilise, maybe you were feeling unwell, or there was a problem with baby or you were haemorrhaging. There should be adequate staff available to answer buzzers promptly. You shouldn't have to keep pressing the buzzer.

As for it being a hotel, I certainly didn't expect that. What I do expect is for patients who are unwell to not have to schlep into the dining room in order to get their food. I could barely walk after my 2nd baby. My Hb was so low that they wanted to transfuse me and I felt awful. They made me walk down to the day room for breakfast having got onto the ward at 5am from labour ward. Literally the minute I sat down an HCA came in to tell me that the baby was crying and I needed to go back so no food for me.

I phoned my DH and told him to come and pick us up as soon as visiting started.

*Can you point out examples of high expectations, please? Blue.(

Read the blog linked! The 'dads' feeling hard done by they don't have their own special toilet, aren't served tea and coffee, have to go get their own food. The bed's not comfy, the WiFi doesn't work well, men getting pissed off their sleep is being interrupted by the healthcare staff having to look after their partners.

Fruitcake I thought that PP was saying women's expectations of care are too high! She didn't mention men until the last paragraph.

Yeah, the go and get your own food but don't leave your baby. What are you supposed to do if you don't have anyone staying with you. It should never be expected that a patient requires an additional adult 24/7 who is not staff or patient to care for them. That's FUBAR! Then they don't tell you you have to go get the food so you miss the meal. No food for you.

And the menz grouse they don't have a comfy bed or get served tea.

This is the other side of all the mummy’s bleating
Lovely attitude that.
It’s fascinating that “no one is thinking Of the women” but woman who want or need their partner for their peace of mind are also shamed for not thinking of the women.

We don’t need men to divide us, we do it quite well enough on our own.

Over 20 years ago I ended up choosing a home birth as our local “home from home” maternity home shut down while I was pregnant, and my care was transferred to a consultant-led large hospital unit. I had the misfortune to be admitted there ante-natally for blood pressure monitoring and the care I received was so dire, I swore I was never going back. The lack of food, privacy and basic hygiene care was not how I expected a group of heavily pregnant women to be treated.

I figured the only way I had any chance of getting the care I wanted was from my amazing community midwives in my own home. My births were textbook and the aftercare was fantastic.

It breaks my heart that young women these days will never experience that level of community care, and that hospital care hasn’t improved in 20+ years, and has in fact got far worse.

@LovePoppy women don’t need their partners with them though. They want them, because they’ve been conditioned that nothing is sacred any more. Nothing is allowed to be just for women, even childbirth. Even using inflammatory language like “shaming” comes from the default position that men should be allowed to be there. No, they bloody well shouldn’t.

Men should not be in a space where women are at their most vulnerable, partially clothed, emotionally fragile, bleeding, toting catheters and drains around and all the other pre- and post-childbirth issues. Women have a right to absolute privacy at this time. If they need their man so badly, then they need to discharge themselves and go home.

@gingersausage, some women do need the extra help, and we can’t tell them they don’t.

The solution to this is private rooms, but telling a woman she can’t have what she wants (men or no men) and putting them down for their choices is shaming, and has nothing to do with “default man” and a lot more to do with women telling other women they aren’t being women properly.

It’s never my or anyone else’s place to tell a woman that she doesn’t “need” a man. Stop pretending to stand up for all women, when it’s only about the ones you feel are doing it right.

Do I think there should be over night visitors on wards? Probably not. But I think wards are antiquated, and staff is stretched too thinly to actually help people. Fight instead for better services instead of making women feel badly for doing it “wrong”.

What actual use is a man on a ward postnatally though?

women don’t need their partners with them though.

Well they either need partners there or staff who are available to give the level of care required, so which is it to be?

How the hell is someone paralysed from the waist down expected to be not only self caring but also caring for a baby too?

I posted earlier that I sympathised with and was shocked at care OP was describing

I was simply balancing out all the negativity about maternity services posted by follow on posters. I was not minimising their experiences or questioning these. There have been comments from posters outside the UK saying they are shocked by the poor care in our maternity hospitals. I was simply saying that isn’t the case for everyone.

What's this 'extra help' that the men provide?

In my experience they're more likely to be an extra nuisance and get in the way of patients (e.g. using the toilets, encroaching on patients' privacy) and get in the way of nurses doing their jobs e.g. preventing the nurses moving freely about the bed to take obs and such.

If a woman needs pain relief, what is the man going to do?
If she's bleeding heavily, what is the man going to do?
If she can't latch her baby on, what is the man going to do?

I'll tell you what he'll do - he'll be a great big nuisance.

What actual use is a man on a ward postnatally though?

Advocating for the patient - to get whatever help they need.

Caring for baby as much as possible so that mum can rest

Fetching food and drink if mum unable to do.it herself

Supporting mum during early stages of labour if in antenatally or supporting mum after birth if baby is unwell, in scbu etc

My dh never stays with me other than for active labour. I am always the odd one out. But he's really annoying. Moaning, taking over the TV and being a pain in general. Plus I can't sleep if he's there. I've seen other people's partners and they are just as annoying. So why are they there?

I think there is now an expectation that the men stay. When they are really just in the way. Especially after. Meet baby, let mum and baby settle then go home and get some rest. You don't need to sleep in a chair.

Its almost like, everyone has their partner there, so noone wants to be the odd one out and not have the dad there. I must admit I did look like a lonely single mum at times.

If he can't do those things, and might perhaps be useful in lifting a baby into bed to the mother if she's post c-section or something, then perhaps it's more Health Care Assistants that are needed, rather than nurses.

I'm sure women are quite capable of advocating for themselves.
I've never seen a man care for a baby on a ward while Mum slept.
Anecdotally, the men are more likely to be demanding food for themselves, than fetching food and drink for their partners.