Inconsiderate Men on maternity ward!

[busylifebusywife]

I've had a placenta abruption and I'm currently on bed rest on the maternity ward that women go to for induction and when the are poorly during pregnancy.

My hospital has new rules where partners can stay over night which is fine I don't really mind, what I do mind is that some of the men especially seem to be so inconsiderate! Having their mobiles going off on loud constantly playing there devices at full wack, getting there male friends to visit. Yesterday two guys in the cubical next to me decided to lift the curtain completely up and go underneath it exposing me and just laugh about it.

Now I'm not a midwife but I do know for a women's labour to progress nicely they need to feel secure and relaxed. How is this creating that environment?

I really don't mind male visitors or males staying on the ward over night I just wish they would be more courteous of others.

I'm starting to get really upset by it as I'm in a lot of pain and supposed to be on bed rest.

AIBU?

@ShiveringCoyote - I think particularly on maternity wards, mothers were considered to be A. too busy with baby and B. In need of nutrition, so the notion of having to queue up for food after giving birth is unheard of in Ireland. Like elderly patients, nutrition would be considered a priority.

After blood loss, tending to a new-born, breast feeding etc., I'm really surprised that they don't just bring a tray to your table.
Or maybe the logic is to get them up and mobile asap. Fuck knows. Cost-cutting measure most likely!

@DoTheHop

It's like you're deliberately refusing to understand

That was your experience. But can you understand that hospitals can be shit, understaffed, busy? Can you understand that not all hospitals do their best by patients. And when you're stuck in a ward in one those, then you need someone. You ignored my post above when I explained what happened to me. They ignored my buzzer. They ignored my shouting. I knew they'd be bringing tea soon so I would have a chance to beg for help then, but my mum came in so she went and dragged them in to help me. If she hadn't, I'd have still been in that bed shouting for help. Do you understand that?

It shouldn't be that way. But it is. And women shouldn't be left like that whilst we fight for change which will not come. I dont want men on wards, but I understand why some women need them.

If you'd asked for analgesia but they refused were you able to stand up for yourself and argue to get it? If they didn't get routine medication prescribed, didn't administer antibiotics when they were due, ignored the fact you hadn't passed urine for more than 24 hours, had no staff available to help you to the toilet when you were unable to walk by yourself - you were capable of dealing with all of these situations yourself were you? Even when physically unable to get out of bed and go and fetch help?

Yes to all, and when there were failures in my care, I was capable of writing to the CEO of the hospital with a formal complaint and copying my MP in........

If your Mum is having to roam a ward in search of nursing staff, then that is a complete failure on the part of the hospital, should not be tolerate and should be highlighted and rectified. Bringing a man in, isn't going to help that situation.

- I think particularly on maternity wards, mothers were considered to be A. too busy with baby and B. In need of nutrition, so the notion of having to queue up for food after giving birth is unheard of in Ireland. Like elderly patients, nutrition would be considered a priority.
After blood loss, tending to a new-born, breast feeding etc., I'm really surprised that they don't just bring a tray to your table.

Right, so now that you're acknowledging the reasons why new mums may not be well enough to go and get food how do you suggest she obtains food then if she hasn't got a visitor there to do it for her? Waive her magic wand?

Perhaps she complains to PALS, CEO, Nurse in Charge, MP?
Or maybe she shuts up, starves and complains futilly on a discussion forum.........

Center the women and bring meals to their bed so they and not their visitors are getting fed.

Yes to all, and when there were failures in my care, I was capable of writing to the CEO of the hospital with a formal complaint and copying my MP in........

Great. As do I when I've witnessed utterly appealing treatment.

However, if I'm about to wet the bed it's not much good waiting until I'm able to write to the CEO or my mp is it? Equally if I need analgesia or am fainting from heavy blood loss I need help immediately nit 6 weeks later.

Are you being deliberately obtuse?

I don't think men should need to stay on the wards but I do think that more staff are needed immediately because care just is not good enough and women and babies are suffering because of it.

I don't think men should need to stay on the wards but I do think that more staff are needed immediately

And finally.........

Perhaps she complains to PALS, CEO, Nurse in Charge, MP?

How does that help at the moment where the patient needs assistance?

We've formally complained every single time serious errors have occured in the hope that it changes things for future patients but it doesn't help the patient that needs help now.

Wait until you're in danger of wetting the bed because no one will come and help you. You can console yourself with the knowledge that you can write to your mp to complain.

Though reading through the complaints here, it's more HCAs rather than nurses that are required.
And food delivered to new Mums' bedsides. What new level of fuckery is it having patients queueing up for food.
Often you're on strong pain relief, on drips, with catheters in etc. How the F can you queue up for food. You could collapse at any point. Stupid policy that might be a place to start for you guys rather than having men encroach on the comfort, dignity and privacy of women around them.

And finally.........

And finally nothing. How long until these extra staff are provided? Only my examples are from 25 years ago and they still haven't materialised. So you think that women should be left without food, not being able to.pick up their babies and not able to go to the toilet for another 25 years do you, while we wait for things to change?

I've also complained loudly and critically to consultants I'm under etc. DURING my stays. I've found the level of care I received has improved considerably thereafter.

What new level of fuckery is it having patients queueing up for food.
Often you're on strong pain relief, on drips, with catheters in etc. How the F can you queue up for food. You could collapse at any point. Stupid policy that might be a place to start for you guys rather than having men encroach on the comfort, dignity and privacy of women around them.

Yes but this has been happening for 30 years to my knowledge. Is it any wonder that women have demanded partners be allowed to stay when the care has been so shit for 30 years at least? It isn't a new thing.

If you're on a regular, standard post birth maternity ward after giving birth, then you're not unconscious. You'd been on an altogether different ward.
You can speak for yourself, you can ring the bell yourself. In my experience, if you're being refused pain relief, then you're not getting it, you can ask til you're blue in the face, crying in pain. Some bloke demanding it, won't make a difference. Unless he is staff. God, it all comes down to men saving the day as usual. They're really not indispensable in this scenario.

I'm afraid the solution you're looking for is allowing male partners on wards............. But you appear happy with that, so as I'm unlikely to be giving birth in a British hospital in the remainder of my lifetime, it's not my battle to fight.

*is NOT allowing male partners on wards

I've also complained loudly and critically to consultants I'm under etc. DURING my stays. I've found the level of care I received has improved considerably thereafter.
And good for you.

You do understand that not everyone is you don't you? What about the woman who can't speak English or is simply to unwell or is scared about recriminations? So many reasons why people feel unable to speak up in hospitals. It is a well recognised phenomena that happens amongst patients.

What about the woman who can't speak English or is simply to unwell or is scared about recriminations? So many reasons why people feel unable to speak up in hospitals. It is a well recognised phenomena that happens amongst patients.

Well isn't it wonderful that they all have competent, capable, vocal, articulate husbands............

@DoTheHop

It was a real failure. But that doesn't change that fact that it was happening in real time. I did all the complaining after and as soon as I was mobile on the ward, I was right in there "not accepting it". But during that moment in time I needed someone there. It didn't need to be a man... it was my mum... but I needed someone. When the standard of a care falls, all the complaints you raise afterwards wont change the care you actually received. Step outside of your own experience and accents that sometimes women after a trauma need help, when they dont get it from hospital staff they need somewhere there in that moment to help them.

If these men weren’t on the ward, demanding the midwives’ attention for food, the toilet, more comfortable chairs, if they weren’t getting in the way of patient checks and care, if they weren’t gawping at women trying to feed their babies, and encroaching on the cubicles of the women around them etc then perhaps the women would feel happier having their curtains fully opened so that midwives could see them when they needed help, and then patients could see each other and call for help, and the midwives would age more time to actually provide that help instead of showing a man to the toilet.

In this Utopia of yours zebra, where men advocate on women's behalf, what about the women who don't have a man? Or who have a blundering buffoon for a husband?

It's like saying you, as a woman, should accept sub-standard care from a mechanic, unless you have a man with you. It's unacceptable.

Hear hear Cheesecake!!!!!

Exactly, hop.

When the standard of a care falls, all the complaints you raise afterwards wont change the care you actually received.

I never said that. I've argued that men on the wards is NOT the solution.