Inconsiderate Men on maternity ward!

[busylifebusywife]

I've had a placenta abruption and I'm currently on bed rest on the maternity ward that women go to for induction and when the are poorly during pregnancy.

My hospital has new rules where partners can stay over night which is fine I don't really mind, what I do mind is that some of the men especially seem to be so inconsiderate! Having their mobiles going off on loud constantly playing there devices at full wack, getting there male friends to visit. Yesterday two guys in the cubical next to me decided to lift the curtain completely up and go underneath it exposing me and just laugh about it.

Now I'm not a midwife but I do know for a women's labour to progress nicely they need to feel secure and relaxed. How is this creating that environment?

I really don't mind male visitors or males staying on the ward over night I just wish they would be more courteous of others.

I'm starting to get really upset by it as I'm in a lot of pain and supposed to be on bed rest.

AIBU?

Managers don’t care there is nothing the staff can do only patients can complain we aren’t allowed

All my managers care about is giving them whatever they demand so that they don’t make a big complaint. Let me tell you that when the cqc visit.... it’s all a show. We aren’t allowed to tell the truth when questioned because our boss is standing next to us. I’ve told my manager about women being left with no water and their call bell wasn’t shown to them and is out of reach... my manager has said that is a lie and isn’t true... it’s not an issue and she is not worried about it. I told her I’ve witnessed this every day and she still doesn’t believe me. Also staff eating patients food is a bad thing in my ward... they eat and drink whatever they want and sometimes take stuff off the trolley before the staff have finished serving... in full view of patients but the managers just allow it. Staff argue in the corridor in front of patients, needles are left lying around the corridor, we run out of stock constantly as we are not allowed any more so we have to sneak some from another ward and hope we don’t get caught. Managers ignore emails and hide in their office. I absolutely hate the nhs maternity wards. All of this is because of the ward managers... they set the rules on the ward such as visiting times etc and won’t budge on anything. I’ve had women miss dinner because they cannot physically move to collect their food. Staff who bully patients and make them cry then play the victim when questioned about it.

Daily mail if you are reading I hope this gets picked up as this is my only way of speaking out as staff can’t complain only a patient can...

I think from reading this is would be a good idea to give all fathers a printed guide on what to expect

No food or tea
Toilets are for patients only
Quietness is mandatory
Snorers will be asked to leave
Beds are for the mums
It’s not all about you ( someone could word that better)
Etc, etc.

I’d make them sign it as a condition of staying over. Even your lovely Nigel.

However, I am firmly in the camp that no dads should stay over. Apart from adding to the noise and general chaos it must be a huge infection risk.

@Christmastree1989

You can complain to CQC directly. You can even do it anonymously. You only have to name the hospital. That's it.

My husband isn't here with me he's at home with our 4 children and a work during the day. We run our own business so it's very difficult to take time off especially as some of our staff are new. He came in for half an hour yesterday and even tho I'm in a lot of pain I'm fine, I actually think if husbands weren't here women would talk to each other more.

I think what tipped off my stay was last night a male cleaner cleaned down the cubicles and changed the beds when 4 lady's went to delivery. He was like a bull in a china shop banging, crashing and turning on he main lights on.

I really want to go home but by the sounds of it I think it will be a while longer yet.

Sorry about the spelling and typos I'm exhausted and on strong painkillers so it's not my main priority!

This wasn't a thing when I had mine and I'm so glad, reading some of these experiences. I do think hospitals in general though are a lot more slack about visiting and rules nowadays. When my Mum was dying, she was on a gynae ward for a while, 8 bed bay and a woman was admitted, her partner was with her, fair enough. He disappeared, then came back about half an hour later with a shit ton of fast food, put the main bay television on loud and settled down with his feet up on his partners bed to watch the football. My Dad politely asked him to turn it down, said something like "My wife is very sick and needs rest" This guy just looked at him as if he was being completely unreasonable and carried on as he was.

I feel like such an old fart but surely people should realise that hospital wards are not an extension of their living rooms and just, I dunno, show basic courtesy to others??

Oh OP you poor thing.
I would have raised hell if somebody did to me what these guys did to you. I hope it doesn’t happen again, if it does, call a nurse and demand that either they are removed from the ward or you go to a private room, this behavior is disgusting.

Speaking of a private room, would it help to keep complaining so they give you one?
Must be a nightmare to be in your shoes

Hugs and

We have got a thing that they sign... we hand it out it explains the rules and they need to sign... they still do what they want... a piece of paper won’t change that. Also we are scared to enforce any rules... they are really intimidating I’ve had the dad start an argument with me, then the wife joins in then the sister etc...

Speaking from experience, I couldn't agree more.

This is so strange. In our local hospital, they have very strict visitor rules. Visting hours only from 6pm to 8pm on maternity. Fathers are allowed in during the day however they must keep very quiet and follow the rules. The dorrs are even locked and you have to be buzzed in outside visitor hours. It used to be differnt but they spent a year getting votes and opnions from previouse patients and this is what patients want, so they can get their rest etc. What you are gong through is shocking, i would complain to every manager you can find and request to be moved. Am so sorryyou are going through this

I'm shocked. As said, never had babies in the UK (and not in a country where you have to pay before they do anything either). So you're being intimately examined and expected to discuss stitches, bowel movements and nipples on an open ward full of random men, just behind a thin curtain?

What can we do? There must be something. Could we have a campaign? This is just unbelievable in (almost) 2020 that women at one of the most vulnerable points in their lives are being subjected to this Male behaviour.

The posts on this thread alone are overwhelmingly negative regarding open access visitors. There must be hundreds of thousands out there who feel the same.

So I just checked the rules, they are one person can stay 24 hours then visiting times are 2-4 and 6-8 but these are extremely laxs.

This is the size of each bed space for anyone interested.

So you're being intimately examined and expected to discuss stitches, bowel movements and nipples on an open ward full of random men, just behind a thin curtain?

Yes. But people want a man (in the last hospital I gave birth in, 11 years ago, it was no overnight visitors but the midwives referred to my husband as 'your man' and told me it's because a lot of patients' other half was not even the father of their child so they didn't use 'Dad' or 'partner' but 'your man') there so women are expected to put up with them.

No men should be allowed to stay overnight in postnatal wards! I didn’t know they did?

I last gave birth 2 years ago, and visiting hours for the father were 9-8 I think.

And I’d had a c section and broken leg, so needed quite a bit of help.

Ridiculous!

Just to be clear I’m saying that men shouldn’t be allowed to stay overnight. My first sentence in my above post looks a bit ambiguous.

This thread is so depressing. Story after story confirming again and again that women are at the very bottom of the pile. Their needs sacrificed to the wants of selfish fucking men.

Plenty of them want the guy there, GCA. The threads on this are legion.

I was lucky in my last birth there was no overnight visitors policy (with my first I had a side room due to having norovirus (great fun postnatally) and my second I went home straight off the delivery unit. It was bad enough 2 nights in those awful wards. The 'new' big hospital in Glasgow? Only one unit is a ward, the rest are all side rooms. Guess which one it is?

The 'new' big hospital in Glasgow? Only one unit is a ward, the rest are all side rooms. Guess which one it is?

I can also guess of which sex the majority of decision-makers were..
Another example of 'Invisible Women'. Man is the norm and if the issue does not concern men, they don't care.

dadbloguk.com/dads-excluded-maternity-ward-dadsexcluded/

This blog post is written by a dad about hi wife's stay on the maternity ward. The entitled attitude displayed in this post sums up what PPs were saying about even the nicest of men believing everything should revolve around them purely because they are A Man ("Why" can't I be fed? Why can't I have a drink? Why aren't there toilet facilities for me?).

Mixed sex bays are not the standard of care we should be aiming for in maternity services (or amy services). We should also not be accepting up to twelve people, plus babies, crammed into a bay designed for six.

Men do not go through the physical effects if giving birth, they do not need to rest and recover so that their body can begin healing, they are not patients and therefore have absolutely no need to be there overnight on a female-centric ward.

So you're being intimately examined and expected to discuss stitches, bowel movements and nipples on an open ward full of random men, just behind a thin curtain?

Not just that but many women, myself included, are forced go through actual labour in this situation.

I wasn't moved into a single room until I was fully dilated and ready to start pushing. Up until that point I had a rotating audience of male strangers though my induction and the first eleven hours of my labour.

HoHo [shocked] omg, that poor little man. He had to leave the ward to go to the toilet. And press the buzzer to get back in. One can only imagine his distress. His wife definitely had it easy by comparison, because she was offered tea. What. a. utter. arsewipe.

He reminds me of that insufferable fool who kicked up a huge fuss in the press because he accompanied his friend for a mammogram and wasn't allowed to wait for her in the room where actual women would be topless. It was all about him, and his rights to sit on a comfortable chair.

It’s a complete turn around from the 60s when my Gran had her children. Dad’s weren’t even allowed at the birth let alone to stay on the ward! She said they all sat outside nervously waiting in a row or they’d be in the pub.

I hope you complain about the louts in the cubicle next door, sorry you’re experiencing this. Sadly some people have zero common decency.

The man in the blog sums up everything that is happening in maternity wards. All so so wrong, bloody men’s loo in the female space.

When my DM had me and my siblings. In the 70’s and 80’s. Men didn’t attend births so much. My DF waited at home for news.

Then strict visiting times, so the women could rest. Mum said they all chatted together and it was a friendly ward, all comparing notes and being there as women together.

When DM came to visit me on the postnatal ward 2days after I’d given birth, she said oh, go you still get a glass of milk and a biscuit before bed? I said no actually it’s hell here.