I hate my cat

[thegirlfrommars]

I'm really disappointed and ashamed that this is the case but here we go

I got a kitten about 6 months ago, my DC really wanted a pet and with the hours we work we felt a dog was too much of a commitment, my DP really wanted a kitten and I've had cats before and had no issues so we decided this was what we would do!

Fast forward 6 months, me and my partner have split up and I know this is dramatic but the cat is ruining my life!

I'm so angry all the time, it literally just attacks me and my DC when we try and interact with it, it's constantly stealing food or managing to knock bins over or eating toilet rolls etc, I've obviously moved things to prevent this but it's getting to the point where there's nothing left to move! It knocked out tv over the other day and thank god it didn't break because we couldn't afford to replace it

It's not only that but even things that aren't 'it's fault' are making me so stress I'm angry all the time that there's cat hairs everywhere, it's litter box litter gets everywhere, it always does a poo immediately after I've cleaned it out

I'm aware that a lot of this stuff is normal cat owner problems and like I said I've had them before and not been bothered by these things but I can't tell you how much I resent it and wish i never got it, I'm obviously not mean to it and I look after it how I should but god I hate it!

It's a Male and is due to be neutered soon which I'm told will help, and once it's recovered from that it can go outside which should help too but I've honestly got to the point where even if it spends the majority of its time outside I will resent the time it does spend inside

We've just put our Xmas tree up and I can't even let it into the room because obviously it's knocking all the baubles off. which again I expected and know is normal

I honestly just get no pleasure from it, my DC is scared of it, I've really tried to love it and done all the things I should have but it's just making me so miserable

I really do not want to be one of those people that gives up a pet, I've had many before and it's not how I've been brought up, but I'm getting to the end of my tether and spend most of my days fantasising about someone else taking him!

I don't know what I want really other than maybe some reassurance that I'm not an awful person and any advice anyone can off

(For anyone thinking the obvious it's not an option for partner to take him)

Thanks :(

Mine was like this until I got him a friend, he was hand reared though and didn't spend enough time with mum/litter mates.

I wouldn't advise another though if you are that unhappy with him. My youngest kitten has massacred 6 toilet rolls this week

Once he's able to go out and ober the next 6 months you should find he calms down

I got my youngest kitten from someone who realised very quickly that she couldn't cope with kitten behaviour!

I understand what you're going through. A few years ago we bought a kitten. It came from a cattery, really dilapidated place, and the cats inside looked ill.

Fast forward 6 months and the cat was practically feral, never settled, attacked the DC etc. I spent months stressing over it, feeling guilty about it. Used my entire house as it's toilet.

I rehomed the cat. The relief was immense, so my advise would be to stop torturing yourself and do the same. My DC were upset for about a day.

I think you know yourself, it's not the cat, it's you. Cats are also very sensitive to moods and situations and get stressed out when there's stress around them. They love their routine and security.
If you feel like, you can't cope, please find him someone who will love him for what he is, not for what you want him to be. Take a break from having pets for a while, at least for as long your head isn't in the right place - on the other side, if the stress of splitting with your partner is making you so stressed out you can't even cope with a pet, maybe it's time to decide not to have any pets till you sort out your own anger and frustration issues.

We had a young male rescue cat - he was 10 months old when we got him and he was very much as you describe. At some point I was crying about what a horrible cat he was. Now he is 3 and soppy as anything, the kids can pick him up and he would never hurt them. But I remember that feeling at the start...

I think if you continue to be gentle and calm with him your cat will calm down, especially once he's been neutered, but it could be a while. If the emotions are tangled with your separation too that must make it a whole lot harder.

Why the fuck didn't your ex take the cat if he was the one who wanted it in the first place?
Tell him to take it back.

There's no shame in not wanting a pet. Kittens are arseholes, you really have to love them.

Cats aren't great tbh, whatever anyone says they don't give a shit about you just about you feeding them. Thousands of cats fuck of every year as they get fed else wear they don't care that you've offered a reward, that you've made posters or you are "pining" that's just cats.
They stink and when they get old piss all over your house.
If anyone has a dog you will see the difference...your dog is just happy to see you and be with you..your cat will come up to you purring and all that shit...cos they want FOOD. Why anyone chooses to have a cat is beyond me. I do have a cat a rescue cat I got when she was 6 and it took me years to turn her from the devil cat yes I love her but I would never get another when she's gone. Anyway back to the point I'd honestly find a good home for your kitten as you resent him and it doesn't get much easier, if will get slightly better when he's had the snip but cats live on average 17 years and when he starts going outside you will have the dead shit being brought in, the fleas the puking etc and you will start resenting him all over again.

He sounds stressed. Have you tried Feliway? (Pheromone plug in , really works). It will be loads better after he's nuetered and can go outside. Hang in there.

You refer to the cat you have had for six months as ‘it.’ You are furious with the cat for using his litter box, you got this cat with zero thought about how you would take care of it and you thought it would be low maintenance. Do you play with him? Does he have toys? Do you show him any affection? Why did you get him in the first place? If my reply sounds judgemental? It is. I feel very sorry for this poor kitten and think he should be rehomed. You got a kitten not a cuddly toy. You should have thought about what that entails.

I agree with others in that I think it would be best to rehome the cat. Please do it responsibly though and only to a properly vetted home.

In the meantime I'd neuter and watch some Jackson Galaxy, he can give lots of ideas for transforming behaviour and seeing things from a cats perspective. I'd avoid stroking and fussing completely for the time being, just a nice head stroke when he wants one, some cats are very sensitive and it can feel like they are getting electric shocks when they are stroked which can be why they attack.

Once he’s been done and can go out, things will improve.

The kindest thing to do is rehome the kitten. He is in an environment with an angry person who hates him. No wonder he is so stressed

I would get the cat neutered before doing anything else.
My cat was an absolute butthole his first 6 months. He was 9 weeks when we got him, and all the kitten behaviour drove me mad sometimes. Especially when he climbed over the tv and knocked it off, resulting in some lightning fast ninja reflexes from me to catch it before it hit the floor. He climbed the christmas tree and knocked it over so many times i threatened to turn him into a tree topper if he did it again. He would have mad moments of running about and would attack me constantly, all of which is normal behaviour. Constantly scattering cat litter all over the floor so walking around barefoot was a minefield of sharpstones. My final straw with the attacking was when he attacked me while I was walking through the living room, and tripped me up running straight under my legs, resulting in my breaking a bone in my foot from landing funny. I seriously considered rehoming him at this point, because I was constantly covered in bites and scratches. We stuck it out a little longer, and had him neutered at a little over 6 months old on vets advice (to give him a growth boost). Within a week he had calmed considerably. He started going out as soon as he was healed, and within a week of that, he was no longer using the litter tray, except when he is caught short at night. He is now 18 months old and a very loving affectionate creature, who will happily spend most of the day outside doing his own thing, returning home every couple of hours to bring us feathers and leaves that hes found on his travels. He always comes home at 6pm when im due home from work to check i got home okay, and is always home for 10pm for bedtime, where he happily sleeps on a radiator bed in our bedroom until I get up for work at 7am, which is when I reopen the window for him. We have just learned we are expecting, and know he will make an excellent big brother.

Sometimes pets fit certain owners and homes more than others, there’s no shame in admitting that as its best for the pet.

We got a kitten a few years ago for the exact same reasons and it kept peeing in the house. It peed/sprayed on absolutely everything from door mats and bath mats through to clothing and DC’s toys. We had to get rid of it after trying every possible solution first. It was sad but the cat just wasn’t fit for a home with children I think.

For the love of god, please ignore the previous poster suggesting you should get another cat. Doubling the traits already annoying you is the opposite of a solution.
The fact that you are annoyed by a poor cat shedding hair and using the litter suggest that you are exaggerating your experience as a cat owner, and reading your posts, I think it’s clear that you are projecting your hurt over your break up on the poor cat.
I know rescues are overrun as it is but this is not going to work in the long term. This cat needs a new owner and you need not to give into begging for a pet from your child in the future because you aren’t cut out for it.

I’ve said it before but people saying ‘just rehome ‘it’, rehome ‘it’ to a rescue’ etc. don’t actually mean ‘rehome’, they mean ‘add him to the overrun animal charities who have no room and no funding and no interest in animals already dumped there.’

Having worked with rescues*, I wholeheartedly disagree with this. Far better to hand over a young, healthy cat who will be easy and quick to re-home than either to persevere and end up with neither the cat nor the owner being happy, OR (far worse) end up throwing the cat out, who ends up coming to a rescue later in life with multiple problems and in far worse health (costing the rescue much more money and making it harder to re-home - as well as risking infections such as FIV etc). (Not saying the op would do the latter!!).

A pen is not the end of the world in the short term, and far better than unhappy cat and owner.

*worked with in the sense of doing voluntary vet runs/ helping transport trapped feral cats for TNR etc.

And don’t advertise your can on gumtree/ Facebook etc. People acquire cats in this way for dog baiting etc

The fact that you are annoyed by a poor cat shedding hair and using the litter suggest that you

Should never have got a cat in the first place and are unsuitable to look after the poor kitten. I feel very sorry for him being in such an awful environment

I got my lovely, gentle rescue cat at 11 months old from a rescue. I don’t understand how anyone could have given her up as she’s so sweet, but I am glad they did because I got her 🤷🏽‍♀️. She was in the rescue only just long enough to get her first set of vaccinations and to get neutered (I had to take her back to get her second round of jabs). Barely any time at all and she’s a lovely happy cat and I’m sure her old owner was glad to have her gone. I don’t understand continuing a bad situation 🤷🏽‍♀️

Your circumstances have changed. You have tried. You need to be happy for your dc.

This sounds exactly like one of my cats. I remember calling my husband one day on the way home from work and saying I would rather be at work than at home with the cat! BUT he was neutered, we were having to keep him in for 6 weeks as we just got him from the shelter. As soon as he was able to go outside and burn off all of his mad energy he was honestly a different cat. He’s so affectionate and loving - I just think some cats are made to be outside more than others. I understand if you have had enough by now but I really think you will see a difference once he’s been neutered and can go out for more of the day.

Ex can't have him, there's nothing else to say it's just not an option!

No, there is a LOT more to say.

He's just as much the owner of the cat as you - if not more so as he was the driver in getting it. He CANNOT simply walk away. If he moved to a place where he cannot have the cat then that is a problem he has to solve.

Love it that you, who didn't really want the cat, are tying yourself in knots about it but the Bloke With The Dick simply walks away - suits himself with regard to housing - not a thought given to the fact that HE HAS A PET - and there's 'nothing more to say' on that. Just flat out sorry, it's your problem now I've left.

No.

You get in touch and you tell him you can no longer house the joint cat. It's his turn for the responsibility.

It's as much his cat as yours.

I'm pretty sure he'll just shrug and say get rid of it then which will sum him up perfectly.

OP I hope the advice from everyone above has been helpful. Don't feel bad if you end up giving the kitty away. I'm not a pychologist but I suspect one might have some thoughts about why you're crying about the cat more than over your ended relationship (I'm not sure what they'd think, just that there may be a connection - maybe kitty in some way represents your partner (since he wanted the cat), the relationship and the family unit that are now gone?).
If you can find a way to find peace with the kitty (stop stressing about the litter, get a lint brush for the shedding, accept that cats are wild and demonic at times, learn proper ways to nurture the cat and encourage good behaviours / discourage bad behaviours etc) maybe you can find a way forward. Maybe your ex could take him. But if neither of these are possible, kitty will be happier somewhere else; and you need to streamline your life to deal with only the essentials, no extra non-essential stresses, and try to practice some self-care, to navigate yourself and your DC through the extremely difficult time of a separation. Good luck OP.

I've literally said once 'this thing' and that was in the context of what I was trying to say

A person with any affection would NEVER refer to her pet that way. You are making my point.

A person with any positive experience with cats would not be angry at their pet for doing normal things, like god forbid, using the litter box and playing with Christmas baubles.

Don't you think your son is picking up that resentment toward the poor cat from you? Children do absorb what we do, not what we say. You are modeling behaviour towards animals for him right now by resenting the cat. How is that in any way healthy or normal?

I'm not an idiot, I do feel like a bad person for this not working out, and I'm not saying I'm blameless, but I didn't walk into this naive or blindly, previous experience led me to believe this would be a positive thing, it just hasn't turned out that way this time for some reason, and if I was such a bad person surely all of my pets would have 'picked ' up on this and all acted like this one 🤷🏻‍♀️

I do not think you are an idiot. I do not think you set out to hate/resent your pet. I do think you need to do the responsible thing and let the cat go to a home where he will not be resented. Stop looking for people here to tell you that you are not a bad person or to absolve you of your inability to deal with the completely normal behaviour of a young cat. I am genuinely sorry that you have your own emotional problems to deal with. Take care of yourself. Get some help -- we all have times where we need some guidance/counseling.

Do right by that young cat.

Thank you for everyone's practical and emotional advice, I've already explained multiple times that I'm didn't take this kitten on with no forethought, the very fact that it is normal cat behaviour that is stressing me out is exactly why I created this thread and exactly why I don't know what to do, I have never felt anything but love for an animal so it is alien to me that this kitten is stressing me out

I was feeling very low and sorry for myself and the cat yesterday when I posted this and really felt at my wits end, and despite certain people purposely focusing on things like me calling it 'it' and implying that I'm some sort of cruella character because I'm frustrated, a lot of your replies have actually made me feel so much better, and actually last night and this morning I feel like me and IT 🙄 the cat have maybe turned a corner, it knocked some baubles off the tree and instead of instantly feeling annoyed and sorry for myself because I'd just sat down, I got up and put them back and got him his toys and he played, when he came to sit with me I stroked him a little, he nipped me after a while and instead of being pissed off I just moved my hand away, and after a couple of seconds he moved further up and nuzzled into me more! I genuinely think just having a rant and getting it all out of my system have probably made me feel better and instantly more tolorent!

I do agree it was my attitude 100% I was/am obviously resentful at the situation feeling like I now have to do all this work when I wasn't me that wanted it in the first place.

He's booked in next week for the snip and I am feeling more positive about the whole situation, fingers crossed in a week or 2 when he's running around outside we will all be much happier