I hate my cat

[thegirlfrommars]

I'm really disappointed and ashamed that this is the case but here we go

I got a kitten about 6 months ago, my DC really wanted a pet and with the hours we work we felt a dog was too much of a commitment, my DP really wanted a kitten and I've had cats before and had no issues so we decided this was what we would do!

Fast forward 6 months, me and my partner have split up and I know this is dramatic but the cat is ruining my life!

I'm so angry all the time, it literally just attacks me and my DC when we try and interact with it, it's constantly stealing food or managing to knock bins over or eating toilet rolls etc, I've obviously moved things to prevent this but it's getting to the point where there's nothing left to move! It knocked out tv over the other day and thank god it didn't break because we couldn't afford to replace it

It's not only that but even things that aren't 'it's fault' are making me so stress I'm angry all the time that there's cat hairs everywhere, it's litter box litter gets everywhere, it always does a poo immediately after I've cleaned it out

I'm aware that a lot of this stuff is normal cat owner problems and like I said I've had them before and not been bothered by these things but I can't tell you how much I resent it and wish i never got it, I'm obviously not mean to it and I look after it how I should but god I hate it!

It's a Male and is due to be neutered soon which I'm told will help, and once it's recovered from that it can go outside which should help too but I've honestly got to the point where even if it spends the majority of its time outside I will resent the time it does spend inside

We've just put our Xmas tree up and I can't even let it into the room because obviously it's knocking all the baubles off. which again I expected and know is normal

I honestly just get no pleasure from it, my DC is scared of it, I've really tried to love it and done all the things I should have but it's just making me so miserable

I really do not want to be one of those people that gives up a pet, I've had many before and it's not how I've been brought up, but I'm getting to the end of my tether and spend most of my days fantasising about someone else taking him!

I don't know what I want really other than maybe some reassurance that I'm not an awful person and any advice anyone can off

(For anyone thinking the obvious it's not an option for partner to take him)

Thanks :(

You're not an awful person. Maybe it's also the fact that you and your partner split up. You dont hate the cat but the situation is obviously affecting you all and causing stress. Do you think it would be kinder if you gave your cat up to a rescue centre and maybe get another pet in the future when you're more able to cope.

Was just thinking 'sounds like it might be an unneuteted male'.

Maybe a controversial opinion but (if neutering doesn't help) could you take it to a shelter and swap it out for another cat? Tell them it really needs to be an outdoor cat and you just don't have the access. But that you have room if they have a wee old/lazy cat that wants to take its place. Sometimes pets would be a great fit for someone else, just not us.

Poor cat. It sounds as though it hasn't been socialised. Was it a nice kitten when you got it? If so, then I'm afraid it's down to the people it interacts with, ie you and your DC.

Are you sure you're not angry with the cat for your partner leaving? Stranger things have happened.

Sounds stressed to me. Try a Feliway plug in which may calm him. Do you have toys for him? Can you get different cat litter that clumps and doesn't go everywhere? A better litter tray with higher sides? How old exactly? Do you all spend time with the kitten? Play with him? Could you buy some climbing toys? I'm not judging, it's hard work with kittens.

Poor kitten and poor you!

He’s just a kitten at the moment. Most kittens are like that and then they calm down a lot when they grow up. And neutering will probably help a lot.

I think there could be an element of me projecting my feeling towards my ex on the cat, I do resent the fact that he was so keen to get a kitten and I was really not bothered either way and now I'm 'stuck' with it!

To be honest since the first day we brought it home it has attacked us constantly, we've played with it with toys and interacted kindly with it, basically it's either running around playing (causing trouble) or it will come and lay on one of us, when it does we will stroke it or whatever like you naturally do when a cat sits on you, it will either attack us straight away or tolerate a stroke for a few seconds and then attack us, even if you don't stroke it when it sits on us just moving around will cause it to attack us!

I'm just so sad and disappointed in myself because either I've got this thing in my house for the next 10+ years that is causing additional stress and work and misery to my life or I'm going to have to give it up which is just so far away from the sort of person I am! I feel like I've got myself into a situation where whatever I do I will feel totally shit :(

Our cat massively improved after being able to go outside and burn some energy off and get the playfighting done with other cats. It'll settle down (although ours still poos right after a litter change too!)

Oh we also had a feliway diffuser which did appear to help, may be worth trying until he gets the snip

The cat is not "this thing". It deserves a lovely safe home. You and your dd get no pleasure from owning a pet and the poor cat will know this. Do what's right for everyone and rehome puss.

He has a completely enclosed litter tray, a big one, I've tried lots of different litter and found a good clumping one but it's stray bits of litter that I think maybe get on his feet and then fall off when he comes out, also sometimes he stands at the door of the litter tray with his backend holding the door open and just scatters the litter! 😡

Yes we've all played with it, my little DC bless him was so in love with him as a kitten and has spent loads of time playing with him but he's just got sick of been bit and scratched!

I know some of these issues will be resolved when it's neutered and goes outside but I a lot of the things I'm angry at are things that won't change, the cat hairs on everything are driving me to despair for example!

"Normally" the kitten would be playing with its litter mates for all its waking hours. It doesn't have any, so it's playing with you and all the "toys" round the house.

Wouldn't you hold your poo until after someone had cleaned the bathroom for you

Maybe it's sensing your anger and that's making it feel insecure -so "play" is becoming defence against an angry animal that is many times his size.

I think it'll calm down Our kittens are nearly 9 months and are no longer climbing curtains or walking along the delft rack. And they're spending a lot of time outdoors, so most of the time they're inside, either they are asleep or we are asleep!

Maybe people are right that it's picking up on my 'anger' I'm not dismissing that as a possibility and I'm aware this is my issue and not the cats fault at all, but I do care for it and am an animal person so I do honestly feel like my 'anger' has come after all it's behaviours and not the other way around.

Does the cat have high up places where it can go to observe and relax? Do you have plenty of scratching posts/scratch pads? Are you playing with it, especially with those cat wands that have ribbons or feathers on them? They really help to expend their energy and stress.

Cats can live for 20+ years. Our 9 month oLd kitten plays insanely for short bursts and then sleeps then it starts again. She hassles my bed bound DD and I have to shut her out of that room for a couple of hours most days but then she plays around the house. We have various robot things for her to play with and alternate toys a lot. She also has 2 adult cars and two dogs to play with. Cats are very social and do love to play.

If you cannot cope, rehome via cats protection or blue cross. Someone will love the cat and have more time for him. It's sometimes the best thing

HappyHammy is right. You do not like the cat. You refer to the cat as 'thing'. Your child does not like the cat, probably because of you. You should do the responsible thing and find a proper home for the poor cat, with people who are patient and understand cats. You clearly do not understand cats and you have made no effort to learn about them. Do the right thing instead of looking for sympathy here for your misplaced resentment of an innocent creature.

you can get mats on amazon that you put next to the tray and it catches the litter and stops them tracking it through the house. All cats use the tray as soon as it's been cleaned.

He will calm down when he's had his op. Not straight away, but it will happen.

It will get an awful lot better when he is neutered. It's also still possible to socialise him to be friendlier. I have a male cat who used to go for my face when I first got him, and is now a big soft lazy lump who loves a cuddle.

Feliway and a read of some books on cat behaviour will help enormously if you are committed to keeping the cat. Otherwise please enlist the help of a rescue to rehome him safely.

Also, wood pellet litter is least likely to spread and get on your toes.

Poor puss - he’s only a kitten, I’m sure when he’s neutered and can go out he’ll be completely different.
Get Feliway and kitten proof the home more. Not sure how a kitten could knock over a TV!

@Wereallsquare I've literally said once 'this thing' and that was in the context of what I was trying to say

You're very entitled to your opinion but please try and stick to facts and don't pick out little things I've said to prove your narrative and ignore all the other things I've said that don't!

as I have stated multiple times I have had many cats before, and not felt like this, I have done everything you're supposed to do with a kitten, played as much as possible, bought lots of interactive toys for us to use and for it to use alone, not left it alone, loved it, provided it with scratch posts, the right food, appropriate areas for it to relax/play/eat/sleep

I have spent time with my son and the cat and showed him how it is appropriate to treat it, my son is the most gentle kindest little boy and was absolutely in love with him, he's just got sick of getting scratched and bit, still when the cat comes to sit with him his face lights up because it's been loving towards him, then inevitable he will move a bit or try and stroke it to 'love' it and it will scratch him

I'm not an idiot, I do feel like a bad person for this not working out, and I'm not saying I'm blameless, but I didn't walk into this naive or blindly, previous experience led me to believe this would be a positive thing, it just hasn't turned out that way this time for some reason, and if I was such a bad person surely all of my pets would have 'picked ' up on this and all acted like this one 🤷🏻‍♀️

@JustDanceAddict firstly it's basically a cat now size wise, it's a flat screen and is on a cabinet and the cat got behind it and tried to jump on top of it, it didn't quite make it and was clung on to the top and must have tried to push up with its back legs which mean it's back was on the wall which meant it was pushing against the wall on to the telly which made it fall over

Poor kitty, and poor you. And poor DC as well, who wanted a playmate, but is getting scratched and bitten instead. It's really better to adopt an adult cat, especially for inexperienced owners (even if you say you've had cats before you sound inexperienced to me), to avoid these kind of personality mismatches. Also, people underestimate the work that goes into socialising kittens! Since yours is still so young, he has a good chance of finding a new home if you take him to a shelter. I wouldn't get another cat now, though. Sounds like you might resent it anyway.

Resenting a helpless animal doesn't deserve a gold star, but we all go through rough patches and have feelings we aren't proud of. You could try and work through it, which is normally the most mature and responsible thing, but from I hear you have enough on your plate for now and you need space to breathe. I honestly think you'll both be better off if you separate.

I have two to rehomed cats and one has taken three years to even have her head touched, she’s the loveliest cat but too much touch can make her react. That’s normal. It’s been on my cat from hell about how it is like a build up of static in a cat so they go a bit nuts

Your cat sounds bored and stressed. This may well calm down after neutering, but it will take time.
You say that once it’s neutered it can go out so presumably it’s never been outside. Your kitten sounds frustrated. See what happens after neutering for a few months and then decide whether to rehome it.
To be honest, from what you’ve already said, I’d rehome it as soon as you can. You clearly hate it.

Have you talked to your vet about the cats behaviour? How long do you play with him every day? Are you feeding him a good quality diet (not one filled with sugars).

What age was he when you got him? If he is over six months now he is overdue the snip, which could calm him down.

Your post contains no affection for this poor little kitten. You call him it.

A poster suggested swapping him, but if you do give up on this kitten hen please don’t get anymore pets. Please do take him to a shelter if you are thinking about leaving him outside for long periods of time.

I’m not going to tell you you aren’t an awful person , because to be honest you have come across as quite cold towards an animal you brought into your home. It will be hard to rehome him, but not impossible as he is still young. It would be nice if he had a loving and understanding home.

I hated my cat too! I got her at 3 months old. At around 6-9 months she was just a nightmare. Toilet rolls were big toys, we had to tether the christmas tree to the wall because she'd climb it, we're still finding destroyed soft christmas decorations from last year under beds and at the back of store cuboards etc. She was a nightmare.

Shes one and a half now and has calmed down a lot. She loves being outside and comes in when she wants loves or food.

I think its just the age of your kitten. Hopefully when he can go outside he'll be too tired when he's inside to cause mayhem and just sleep