I hate my cat

[thegirlfrommars]

I'm really disappointed and ashamed that this is the case but here we go

I got a kitten about 6 months ago, my DC really wanted a pet and with the hours we work we felt a dog was too much of a commitment, my DP really wanted a kitten and I've had cats before and had no issues so we decided this was what we would do!

Fast forward 6 months, me and my partner have split up and I know this is dramatic but the cat is ruining my life!

I'm so angry all the time, it literally just attacks me and my DC when we try and interact with it, it's constantly stealing food or managing to knock bins over or eating toilet rolls etc, I've obviously moved things to prevent this but it's getting to the point where there's nothing left to move! It knocked out tv over the other day and thank god it didn't break because we couldn't afford to replace it

It's not only that but even things that aren't 'it's fault' are making me so stress I'm angry all the time that there's cat hairs everywhere, it's litter box litter gets everywhere, it always does a poo immediately after I've cleaned it out

I'm aware that a lot of this stuff is normal cat owner problems and like I said I've had them before and not been bothered by these things but I can't tell you how much I resent it and wish i never got it, I'm obviously not mean to it and I look after it how I should but god I hate it!

It's a Male and is due to be neutered soon which I'm told will help, and once it's recovered from that it can go outside which should help too but I've honestly got to the point where even if it spends the majority of its time outside I will resent the time it does spend inside

We've just put our Xmas tree up and I can't even let it into the room because obviously it's knocking all the baubles off. which again I expected and know is normal

I honestly just get no pleasure from it, my DC is scared of it, I've really tried to love it and done all the things I should have but it's just making me so miserable

I really do not want to be one of those people that gives up a pet, I've had many before and it's not how I've been brought up, but I'm getting to the end of my tether and spend most of my days fantasising about someone else taking him!

I don't know what I want really other than maybe some reassurance that I'm not an awful person and any advice anyone can off

(For anyone thinking the obvious it's not an option for partner to take him)

Thanks :(

September still wasn’t 6 months ago though

@ShinyNewNameTime no he was 8 weeks in September so he is 6 months now, I've really confused my self and everyone else I thought it was 4 weeks in sept but it's 8

So he was born in June, I got him in sept so he is 6 months ish now!

Is he only four months old????? Of you got him in September and he was only four weeks.

I think if he is still so tiny you should let him go to a better home.

Cats are expensive and need love and attention. Is he insured, will you get him vaccinated, will you take him to the vet when he needs it. My little monster is insured and has still cost be several hundreds of pounds in vets bills, it’s always under the excess☹️.

@Dollymixture22 he is insured, I enrolled him in the pet plan thing at pets at home too so he gets all his working and fleaing, he has been to every appointment and check up he should have and I am buying the right food etc

I know what I'm saying makes it sound like I'm neglectful but That's not the case, outwardly you wouldn't know I was feeling like this, and that's why I've posted on here, I'm ashamed of how I feel and I am a compassionate person and I care about him and feel sorry for him that I feel like this

This thread is weird. You start off saying you got a kitten 6 months ago, then say actually you’ve only had it 8 weeks . If you’ve had a cat for barely 2 months and you’re already at your wits end please just rehome the poor thing.

Just take ‘it’ to a rescue and don’t get any pets ever again

Kittens need friends - that's why you get two so they have each other to play with and don't destroy your house 😂

However it's too late for that so you need to look into some constructive ways you can all play with the cat. A flirt pole or laser pen is great and it means the cats attention and claws aren't focused on little arms and legs. Mine would spend hours chasing a flirt pole with a shiny blue fish stuck to the end - we also had loads of catnip mice for them to play with.

Does the kitten have a big scratch post? Maybe invest in one of the ones with multiple platforms and hidey holes and put dreamies or treats there for him to find and eat.

With a young unneutered kitten you'll need to play with him for a while everyday so he gets rid of all his energy. You can also try training them - mine are three and four and have been trained to sit for their meals, will give paw (reluctantly), high five (one of them!) and miaow on command! Mostly they do it for dreamies but it's a fun way to pass the time.

When she was a kitten my youngest also liked a game of football 😂

Please rehome him now - someone, or another family, will adore him. There’s no point continuing in this situation for either yourself, or for him.

I think you're transferring your anger about your ex leaving onto the cat which is causing problems - your ex just upping and leaving can't be helping either as the entire situation has now changed for you at home.

Focus on play and maybe getting the cat to trust you enough so you can hand feed him would help build up a bond. We rescued an abused cat a few years ago (he's four now - nearly five) and he went from biting us to eating out of our hands in just a few months. Now he will literally put his paws around my
neck and asked to be picked up - and he is 17lbs of Maine Coon!

You are very cold and unfeeling towards this poor mite. Worse, you are angry and blaming the kitten for totally normal cat behaviour.

In the kindest way, OP, i think perhaps you are not in a suitable emotional state to deal with a pet, your emotional reserves are running low and you're touchy and stressed about things that are not the kitten's fault. Litter shouldnt cause you so much stress. You resent the kitten because your ex wanted him and now you're the one "stuck" with him. Do everyone a favour and rehome the kitten, and wait until your resilience has come back and you're in a suitable headspace to care for a pet (or just stay pet-free). You've been through a lot, a separation is unbelievably stressful, so minimising stressors is useful. Take care of yourself OP.

@ShinyNewNameTime on my first post I wasn't really concentrating on the time because I had a lot of things to get out, so I just put 6 months because that was the time in my head as he is about 6 months

That added to me confusing getting him at 8 weeks with 4 has confused everyone!

June: cat was born (she never told me this but I worked it out because I knew it was 8 weeks when I got it)
*
September*: I got cat

Dec: now - cat is approximately 6 months old

adeline I trained mine to sit too - partly because DP said I couldn’t, but I knew she was smart! She also chats back if you say “hi hi”.

I believe young cats are easier to rehome than older so the right thing to do is take him to the rescue centre now. It's kind of people to give advice on litter and playing with him in a different way but I think from reading your posts you don't have the emotional headspace right now to do that (you must have recently split from partner going by the timeline) so the kindest thing to do is let him be rehomed, you can always pay the shelter a donation to cover his care until he gets a new family which will hopefully make you feel less guilty.

I don't think you're heartless but I think having a cat is not the right time for you. You need time to deal with what you have been through with the separation, without the distraction of having a kitten. It's not its fault that you and your partner split. It must be hard on your child too, of course to deal with his parents splitting up, without other stresses adding to it.

Kittens need gentle nurturing and training in a loving home, and it's probably picking up on your negative energy instead. Perhaps he wants his mother. I think you should rehome him and get another kitten when you're ready for one.

I’ve had lots of 2nd hand pets over the years, and it is perfectly possible to have a personality clash with an animal. We’ve had 2 dogs who have needed a new home and both been perfect for us and very much loved, but just didn’t work out for their original owners. If they had been kept out of a sense of guilt or duty, they wouldn’t have had the chance to be really special to someone. I honestly do think if you don’t get on with the cat ; rehome. You and the cat both deserve the chance to be happy.

The op got the cat at 8 weeks old . Born in June, so barely 6 months old. The op has had him for about 4 months.

Op, please try not to take the mad animal obsessives too seriously. I think you might be a bit depressed. You are dealing with a separation so I imagine things are very emotional and stressful right now. It is very likely you are feeling resentful of the cat because you have enough on your plate at the moment and you probably feel tricked into getting a cat and being left to deal with it on your own, along with everything else. Added to that the cat is probably on the high end of maintenance needs, which is.a bit unlucky as some cats are more trouble than others

I think you are misdirecting your anger though and the cat is likely to calm down in time.

However if it were continuing to scratch and bite my child (ssuming it's is not being provoked by yours) I would be considering getting rid of the cat anyway, regardless of anything else. Your children are also dealing with a trauma if you are separating from their father , they don't need a pet that attacks them or a resentful mother.They need as much consistency, calm and routine as you can manage. You need to look after yourself so you can support your children. The cat is quite frankly neither here nor there in that comtext

He always hand feeds, I give him bits of chicken sometimes and cat treats and he will happily come and get them out our hands, he's not displaying scared behaviour in that sense, he doesn't run away from us or cower away or anything, I'm not saying he's not inwardly feeling anxious if I'm projecting feeling on him but he isn't acting like a scared animal In that's sense iyswim

@QueSera thank you, I think you have hit on the point of my thread, I am confused because I know these things I'm getting so upset about are normal cat behaviour that have never bothered me before, and that I was prepared for, so I can't understand my feelings now! You are probably right I do feel anger towards my ex as I wouldn't have been bothered enough to get the cat had it not been for his excitement and enthusiasm towards it and I do feel like he's just bogged off and left me to deal with it

I have cried more over the way I feel about the cat than my ex leaving! I know it doesn't sound like it but I do care about it and love it, a few months ago i thought it had got out as I couldn't find it in the house after I took my son to school, I was in tears running around the village like a mental person stopping people almost hysterical that it was too young to be out on it's own and I it would get hurt or not come back, and I think the reason I feel so sad is I know it's not his fault and I don't blame it and it's not fair on it to have to either live with me feeling stressed and mad all the time or be shipped off somewhere else for just being a cat!

I understand peoples opinions of me and they're not wrong but I'm just a person who is struggling with something who feels ashamed and mad at themselves for the situation they have put another living thing in.

Take it to a cat shelter or vets say you can't keep it anymore

Rehome the cat (with a proper rescue) and let him have the life he deserves.

Get him neutered asap. They are teething at around 6 months, that plus the hormones and the fact that he is bored inside might make him bite. Mine was biting a lot at that stage, got neutered, lost his milk teeth and has calmed down a lot since then (he is now 7-8 months).

He's probably bored witless, does he have toys that he can jump after to burn off energy. And don't ever play fight using your hands & feet as they then go for them ever after, it's probably playfighting not real attacking. Attacking is ears back, low growls, low to ground, tail lashing side to side. Once he can go outdoors it will change, hell only want to sleep or a 5min play then a sleep. Watch some Jackson Galaxy on You Tube, he's not called the Cat Daddy for nothing re behaviour issues.

For some people there's never a "right time".

I don't think you sound like an experienced cat owner either OP.

Do you like using the filthy portable loos at festivals? Nope? Well guess what, cats like to have a clean toilet to use too. So a clean litter tray is a basic requirement.

Do you have any of those lint rollers to pick up the cat hairs? Vacuum often?

I agree with PP that the kindest thing you could do for the little fella is to have him rehomed. I wouldn't get another pet either, you are coming across as having a cavalier approach to pet ownership. The cat has done nothing wrong, please remember that.

From my own experience, cats can be so different in character. I had two male cats from kittens and it was clear that one was a big cuddly softie and the other one was more aloof - once they were neutered the latter one was far less hyper. Also once they venture outside it really does change things - no more cat litter tray or getting under your feet etc. The thing is there are downsides too such as them bringing “toys” inside (dead or alive), using the neighbours garden as a toilet etc. You are definitely not a bad person - we all think having a pet will be a joyful experience on both sides but when there is underlying stress (eg your break-up) it can add to it. I got a puppy not so long ago and my stress levels went through the roof - I absolutely love her to bits now but went through that stage of “what was I thinking” and feeling completely at a loss - it does pass though!

I don't believe in re-homing pets myself unless you cannot financially provide and it will suffer greatly .
Or if it is dangerous (and then you PTS)

I have two Rescues (M+F) . Yes they take over and they wreck things .
I have no tree up (yet) , they might be ok, they might not .

I have the mat that kimlo mentions . I'd like it bigger TBH but it does catch stray litter (we use Cats Best) which is brilliant .

Have him neutered .
Get him a microchip door so he can allow himself out and keep other cats out . He will be loads happier when he can choose how much time he spends with you (but do make sure he is in at night)

My cats lie under the sofa and attack feet (little buggers) but I literally threw myself to save my cat falling off the tale onto a glass bowl that hit the floor seconds before she would have . She did not appreciate being grabbed under her armpits (and caught me with her claws) but she was not getting injured on MY watch.

There is no guarentee he will be rehomed easily Rescues are bulging with cats and after Christmas there will be more .
Not trying to guilt trip you , but seriously - you can help him.

@Boireannachlaidir

I think you missed my point, my point is I am getting mad at the cat doing totally normal cat things, like pooing in his litter tray!

I have said many times he has lots of interactive toys, we play with him with one of those things on a fishing rod type toys, he has scratch posts, a proper bed, a litter tray I clean out multiple times a day and change regularly, proper nutritious kitten food etc

My whole point of the post is I am getting wound up by things I have experienced before and have not bothered me

Yes to previous poster who said he's not actually attacking, it is 'playful' not angry but still hurts