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AIBU?

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Original poster

Didn't see this one coming - 8yo dd and mobile phone....

259 replies

Whatsername177 · 09/12/2019 17:45

My lovely little girl has just sat me down and asked me if we can talk about when she will be allowed a mobile phone of her own. Confused She was really polite and respectful, but stated that lots of her friends have phones of their own and use YouTube and Tick Tock and she is starting to feel left out. I praised her for being so grown up and stalled her by saying I'd talk to her dad. However, I just can't get my head around her classmates already having mobile phones. She is 8! Surely that is too young? I know dh will say absolutely no way and I agree with him. However, I do worry she is feeling left behind her peers because dh and I are fairly anti social media for young kids. Are we just old fashioned? I am 99.99% certain she is too young, however, I want to know how out of touch I am with the rest of the world, which is why I'm asking her. Her friends and their parents are lovely and they are happy for their kids to have a phone. What am I missing?
YABU - 8 is old enough for a phone and SM. YANBU - you are a completely correct old fashioned fuddy duddy.

OP posts:
lisag1969 · 09/12/2019 21:34

How about a compromise and get her a tablet. So she can go on tic- toc and u tube. Like her friends.

pugparty · 09/12/2019 21:37

@ThisLittlePiggyWentTo Yeah, you wouldn't be the first parents to inadvertantly teach your kids some computer programming skills Grin

undercoveraessedai · 09/12/2019 21:37

I haven't rtft but tiktok is rife with some very unsuitable things - 8 is definitely too young. There's an excellent No Filter podcast episode related to this, well worth a listen but a bit eye opening: open.spotify.com/episode/0fSTEcAd7yeGNyAY1Wmulk?si=IFxkhRLdQdmG9GAtrGaENA

Echobelly · 09/12/2019 21:42

I was planning on getting for DD at 11, but then she got into a school with a 'no smartphone even in your bag' policy, so we're holding off until 13/14 I think. 3 or 4 of her friends had smartphones at 8, but it wasn't everyone by a long shot, and those who did tended to be limited to a few apps and only a short period of using them so they couldn't operate them early in the morning or near/after bedtime.

ShinyGiratina · 09/12/2019 21:45

I have a 8-9 yo and see no healthy purpose in him having a phone before going out independently. The y6/7 age sounds reasonable as a minimum.

DS accesses youtube on the TV/ computer/ tablet, and while endless witterings about Minecraft is not my cup of tea, the great thing about it on the main TV is I know what he is watching. Tech is for use in communal parts of the house.

I am aware of one classmate who has a mobile at 8 which is the person I am least surprised by. He was asking me if DS1 could have Fortnite and got a resounding "No, not happening. It's not even a discussion". It is a minefield to not culturally isolate them, but they are our children and our responsibility, and just because something is there, and others permit it, it doesn't make it right.

melj1213 · 09/12/2019 21:48

My dd is 11 and has had a phone since she was 8 but only because her dad and I are separated but have 50/50 custody where she spends every other week with each of us. Having a phone meant she could contact the other parent at any time and she only ever used it in emergencies but could take it with her when she went out to play with friends etc so she was contactable.

She has a basic PAYG smartphone now that she got for her birthday but before that she had a basic dumb phone that had family phone numbers preprogrammed and she could only call/text us.

kateandme · 09/12/2019 21:52

course she is being nice.an 8 year old have it down at knowing how to get mum to give her stuff.act gorwn up.act calm and nice.boom.
dont stall her tell her no!

Original poster
Whatsername177 · 09/12/2019 21:54

Dh said exactly the same after dd had gone to bed. We tried to justify it - what will she use it for? Why does she need it? We couldn't come up with a single reason. She doesn't need it. Her aunt is a teacher at her school, dh picks her up and drops her with her aunt most days. On the days he doesn't, I do. She doesn't go anywhere alone and wont go into town alone until she is much older (our town centre is rough). I think my issue is, I am so morally opinionated and convinced I'm right most of the time that sometimes I just need to step back and consider other POV. So I did and the fact that 95%of people agree with me makes me feel better. Shee was so lovely though, even when e said it's a no until she's olde. Its things like this that make me realise just what a good kid she is. I've struggled with dd1, I'm always the disciplinarian and our relationship has been hard work, but we are coming through it now and I'm so glad she can talk to me openly about things like this.

OP posts:
Anoisagusaris · 09/12/2019 21:55

Awful palaver over something you really have decided on already. No discussion needed with your Dh. Why should she get something unsuitable just because she asked nicely?

TempestHayes · 09/12/2019 21:56

No. Youtube and TikTok and unsupervised web browsing is not for 8 year olds. Some in her class might be doing it, and that's very sad at that age, but it doesn't mean you have to go along with it. I don't think it's the norm.

My DS's class are 10 and 11 and none use social media. We've been really lucky that they're still quite a young group.

I'd consider seeing what the school think. At times we've had letters home reminding parents about certain gaming titles and Facebook use not being age-appropriate and to keep an eye on kids online, and I feel this would be a good time to remind the parents of 8 year olds that maybe social media isn't the best place for them.

kateandme · 09/12/2019 21:56

she should be on a supervised laptop or tablet for internet at that age.its not just about needing them because kids are going out age anymore.its so much more dangerous and unhealthy online now.some parents so oblvious to this!
on tik tok and you tube.not on her own.

Original poster
Whatsername177 · 09/12/2019 21:57

She shouldn't, but she deserves to be listened to when she asks the question and she deserves to have an answer given. Not really a palaver. Like I said, I tend to question myself and wanted a consensus. Everyone has been really helpful.

OP posts:
Constantbronchitislaryngitis · 09/12/2019 21:58

My nearly 10 year old has been begging for two years
The answer is just no - thank goodness most of her friends don’t own one
A friend of mine ; her daughter in a different school has been addicted to what’s app and tick tick for years as parents stupidly gave all the kids phones in year 3 (I know! What on earth)

56Marshmallow · 09/12/2019 21:58

I've just let my yr 6 one have one. Very strict rules in place:

  • never upstairs.
  • use 1 hour a day
  • phone goes off at 6.30pm
  • no calls/messages to people you don't know
  • no social media, including Tik Tok
  • I can check it at any time and know her password.
  • she must earn half her allowance by taking more responsibility around the house. Old enough for a phone, then old enough to start doing more around the home.

She said all if her phones had one and had Tik Tok etc. I messaged all.of her friends parents. Only one out of 6 had them and no Tik Tok.

Year 5 child - no way! 2-3 in the class have one but definitely not the norm!

stickerqueen · 09/12/2019 22:06

dd got a phone once she turned 11 but shes not allowed tiktok, watsapp etc til shes 13 has most of them have an ages restriction

kateandme · 09/12/2019 22:07

i felt really left out at the age all my friends had one.my parents stuck to their guns.i am now so glad they did this.didnt like em at the time for it lol.but now.wow thank goodness they gave me a few more years grace.without that shit in my life that started the moment i was online.

DecemberSnow · 09/12/2019 22:11

No way for tiktok. Google it. The results will shock you!

thunderandsunshine01 · 09/12/2019 22:15

I remember getting a mobile when I was in year 5 (age 9 or 10) but this was back in the day where phones didn’t have mobile internet of social media and £5 credit was all I had for the month Grin

My dd is 7 and a lot of her peers have iPod touches instead, not sure what difference that makes? (My dd does not have one)

We are probably going to do a basic phone at 9 and go from there

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 09/12/2019 22:15

You can use Tiktok safely
But an 8 year old wouldn't understand why or how
Elder 2 had phones summer term Y6 which was when they started travelling home from school alone. Will be same for younger
They had access to f/t and messaging/some apps from 8+ on ipads/tablets.

SunshineCake · 09/12/2019 22:17

It's a sad day when someone thinks there primary school child not having a mobile means they will be left behind and also that you'd let someone else's parenting decisions make you change your own. Phone from secondary is soon enough ime.

IndecentFeminist · 09/12/2019 22:20

Secondary school here. My eldest is 9 and a fair few have smart phones already. We have an old phone here that has no SIM that they can use for games, music etc but she has no need of one for her own until she gets to the point where she is going places without us. Bus to school etc. Doesn't stop her asking, bit I think she understands our logic.

DecemberSnow · 09/12/2019 22:20

I went onto tiktok. Private account blah blah....

But i still saw a penis ejaculating !

No, just no!

converseandjeans · 09/12/2019 22:22

DS got iPod touch when he was similar age to that. It's really good - takes photos, can play games, look on internet, FaceTime etc. He had to buy himself with birthday money. We've had no drama with it tbh. He plays roblox, messages friends and my Mum & I can message and FaceTime him,

https://www.currys.co.uk/gbuk/apple-ipod-touch/audio/ipods-and-mp3-players/55042755319532677ba00011135-bv00309084/xx-criteria.html?srcid=198&cmpid=ppc~gg~0002+(DTP)+iPod~iPod+Touch+6th+Gen+(E)~Exact&mctag=gggoogg7904&kwid=GOOGLE&device=m&dskids=43700014387764287&tgtid=0002+(DTP)+iPod&gclsrc=aw.ds&&&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIxP3pzcyp5gIVCLrtCh2INwQzEAAYASAAEgK0IPDDBwE

GetUpAgain · 09/12/2019 22:22

She sounds very sweet and like this has been a good discussion. I think I would set up one of the apps on my own phone and let her go on it for tiny bits of time now and then, e.g. when you are waiting for a bus, as a way of starting to go online with supervision. And learning to be critical of things. Or show her some of your own social media. So it's not a big deal that she needs to beg to be allowed in future, it's more something she can take or leave.

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