Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Didn't see this one coming - 8yo dd and mobile phone....

259 replies

Whatsername177 · 09/12/2019 17:45

My lovely little girl has just sat me down and asked me if we can talk about when she will be allowed a mobile phone of her own. Confused She was really polite and respectful, but stated that lots of her friends have phones of their own and use YouTube and Tick Tock and she is starting to feel left out. I praised her for being so grown up and stalled her by saying I'd talk to her dad. However, I just can't get my head around her classmates already having mobile phones. She is 8! Surely that is too young? I know dh will say absolutely no way and I agree with him. However, I do worry she is feeling left behind her peers because dh and I are fairly anti social media for young kids. Are we just old fashioned? I am 99.99% certain she is too young, however, I want to know how out of touch I am with the rest of the world, which is why I'm asking her. Her friends and their parents are lovely and they are happy for their kids to have a phone. What am I missing?
YABU - 8 is old enough for a phone and SM. YANBU - you are a completely correct old fashioned fuddy duddy.

OP posts:
Teateaandmoretea · 09/12/2019 20:42

My dd is y6 and is getting a proper phone for her 11th birthday (well an old one of mine with a contract). We'll be strict about apps though.

She has a really really shit one that is payg right now that literally just texts and calls to take with her if she goes to call for a friend etc.

I wouldn't even entertain getting a mobile phone for an 8yo personally.

Bearintheknow · 09/12/2019 20:42

What about an iPod touch?
A lot cheaper and they can only be used when connected to WiFi (this also means you can add blocks to sites you really don’t want her on)
Then set the boundaries that it’s not a phone that she will have all the time just at certain times that you determine?
I don’t think an 8 year old needs a phone but something like this would meet half way and perhaps stop her feeling left out.
It is a shame that so many kids have them so early now but I think if used and monitored wisely it’s OK.

Symbollove · 09/12/2019 20:46

I have seen alot of of what look like year 4/5 kids in our school with smartphones! My DC already is saying when he's in year 5 he would like an iPhone (lol dream on child)
Far too young. Year 7 to be able to make calls in emergency, a basic one but I would want to keep a chevk on the phone

Original poster
Whatsername177 · 09/12/2019 20:47

Thanks for that @Okki that is really helpful. Dh and I do need to be more tech aware and social media smart. I've just spoken to my silly (our dds are in the same class) and she has confirmed that 4 out of the 7 friends have phones - the latest being the twins who got them for their birthday. Me, SIL and one other are holding out. I'm glad sil is too. It makes it easier!

OP posts:
Deliqueen · 09/12/2019 20:50

The earliest most children here have them is year 6 in readiness for secondary school. I think 8 is way too young and incidentally none of mine(youngest is year 6) are allowed tik tok. I've not let any of them have Instagram yet although they do have WhatsApp and older one has snapchat.

alwayscauseastir · 09/12/2019 20:51

I gave my daughter my old mobile when she was 10, including a PAYG SIM purely because she goes to dancing and gymnastics and often pick up times would change. No social media. But I can honestly say it's been hard work. Due to whatsap or the ability to text, often playground arguments spill out after school. Group chats are a nightmare. I've lost count of how many times I've had to message the mums to highlight what exactly is going on in this conversations.

Thankfully things have improved over the last year, perhaps down to maturity and perhaps down to all parents monitoring things more carefully. So any younger would have just been much worse. I have an 8 yo and she knows it's a no until she is older. It's not necessary and can cause more hassle than it's worse.

Lollygaggles · 09/12/2019 20:53

Secondary school is what we've agreed for DS (currently nearly 10)

PupsAndKittens · 09/12/2019 20:55

In my opinion 8 is too young for a phone, but not a Tablet (as a previous poster said amazon is a good make for kids). When I have children they will not be getting there first phone till begging of year 5 (that is when children are usually allowed to walk home from school with consent). 8 is definitely too young for tictok and other SM, hence why the legal age is 13!

MerryDeath · 09/12/2019 20:56

😱 horrifying thought. i'd definitely be hoping to wait until secondary school. the only other scenario i can envisage would be splitting up with his dad and then would want to be in contact.

Drizzzle · 09/12/2019 21:07

There seems to be lots of posters saying it's too young and lots also sayomg that a lotmod their young children's friends have them. So how about we stop worrying about what everyone else's children have and do what we think is right? Then very few primary school aged children would have phones!
Of course they don't need phones.

ThisLittlePiggyWentTo · 09/12/2019 21:10

You can give her one without social media but that might not tick her boxes. Use google family link - for under 13s and has loads of restrictions. I use it and it is great. They can still play games on it but age appropriate ones and I do allow whatsapping relatives. They're educated to know you dont read messages from unknown senders and I'm with them when whatsapping anyway.
At 10 I'd expect a child to be out and about alone at times so you're not far off that, and then a phone comes in very handy, maybe going in gently with a restricted one is a good idea, as above.

ThisLittlePiggyWentTo · 09/12/2019 21:11

Oh and tik tok is a load of crap. All I've seen is inappropriate stuff and kids being mean to each other. I'd stay clear for sure

pugparty · 09/12/2019 21:14

Good call, far too young.

Although my fave things about these threads are all the parents thinking their kids aren't on x, y or z apps because they said no or discussed and agreed between them Grin I can't wait for 10 years time when those kids are on here talking about all the things they got up to and their parents had no clue!

Drizzzle · 09/12/2019 21:15

Ewwsprouts are the children over 16? If they're under 16 and you have to be over 16 it's definitely not good safe guarding practise to add them on there, even if the parents are on there as well.

ThisLittlePiggyWentTo · 09/12/2019 21:16

If you use the right software @pugparty they cant. Unless my kids have become hackers unbeknownst to me. But without the software, yeah I'm sure some are doing things they shouldn't/say they're not.

MsAwesomeDragon · 09/12/2019 21:17

My 9yo has a phone. It's not actually got a sim card in it, so she just uses it as a small tablet. That's what a lot of her friends have as well, but they all talk about their phones just like their older siblings.

Dd uses hers only in communal areas, watches YouTube (only channels we have checked out and agree to), plays Roblox. She can message her friends on Roblox, but we regularly check the messages she's been sending. She's had tiktok, but she doesn't understand it any more than I do so she deleted it.

Notso · 09/12/2019 21:18

My younger two are 7 and 8 and I can't see them having a phone before secondary school.
I just don't see the need at this age. School have had to ban phones from discos and film nights because the children are just sitting on them instead of participating. Maybe a basic thing for use if they're out without parents but it really doesn't need to be a smartphone.

DC1 got a bog standard phone in year 6. She got her first smartphone in year 8.
DC2 wasn't bothered by phones at all until year 9. He only has Facebook as it's how a couple of the groups he's part of organise things.

ThisLittlePiggyWentTo · 09/12/2019 21:18

Probably controversial but I dont really see whatsapp as being 16plus. It was only raised from 13 due to the introduction of GDPR. The risk is strangers in a group really but you have that on other platforms too like instagram/facebook - all of them really. Interested to know thoughts on it.

Foghead · 09/12/2019 21:19

We agreed on secondary school start too and I’m feeling even that is too early! Legal age for smart phone should be 16.

lilgreen · 09/12/2019 21:20

The year 6s that have phoned have had many fillings out due to WhatsApp and being too immature to deal with the ramifications of making groups that exclude some. Takes up far too much of the teacher’s time.

lilgreen · 09/12/2019 21:21
  • phones Fallings out
ThisLittlePiggyWentTo · 09/12/2019 21:24

Good point @lilgreen

Hepsibar · 09/12/2019 21:28

I agree with the messages which said have for secondary school.

ThreeLittleDuckies · 09/12/2019 21:28

Absolutely not. I saw some children who must of been about 8 or 9 posing in the park posting on Instagram Shock maybe this is normal these days but I was horrified.
Mine can have a basic calling/text phone at secondary school. A smart phone once they buy themselves one...

Magnificentbeast · 09/12/2019 21:33

My DC1 is 11. They will be given a phone towards the end of Y6. They will then be able to gather contact info to stay in touch when they move on to high school.

Some classmates already have phones & a WhatsApp group. I think my DC does feel a bit left out but we're sticking to our guns.

Swipe left for the next trending thread