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AIBU?

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Original poster

Didn't see this one coming - 8yo dd and mobile phone....

259 replies

Whatsername177 · 09/12/2019 17:45

My lovely little girl has just sat me down and asked me if we can talk about when she will be allowed a mobile phone of her own. Confused She was really polite and respectful, but stated that lots of her friends have phones of their own and use YouTube and Tick Tock and she is starting to feel left out. I praised her for being so grown up and stalled her by saying I'd talk to her dad. However, I just can't get my head around her classmates already having mobile phones. She is 8! Surely that is too young? I know dh will say absolutely no way and I agree with him. However, I do worry she is feeling left behind her peers because dh and I are fairly anti social media for young kids. Are we just old fashioned? I am 99.99% certain she is too young, however, I want to know how out of touch I am with the rest of the world, which is why I'm asking her. Her friends and their parents are lovely and they are happy for their kids to have a phone. What am I missing?
YABU - 8 is old enough for a phone and SM. YANBU - you are a completely correct old fashioned fuddy duddy.

OP posts:
WalkAwaySugarbear · 09/12/2019 20:03

She has WhatsApp at 12 only but no social media, Instagram, tik tok, Facebook etc.

voddiekeepsmesane · 09/12/2019 20:05

when DS was in year 5 we got a basic phone, He had that for the year where he proved to us that he would keep it safe, charged and answer it it appropriately. Year 6 so 10 going on 11 we got him his first smart phone ( still a relatively basic one) then for his 13th he got his first all bells and whistles iphone. 8 is too young IMO

Vellichor · 09/12/2019 20:13

My niece is a similar age and does not have her own phone but enjoys making videos on Tik Tok with her mum or dad’s phone. Just singing and dancing videos with her best friends which they edit and share with each other. Would you be comfortable with your daughter using your phone sometimes, under supervision, so she can have some access to apps like that?

Morgan12 · 09/12/2019 20:13

I'd get her one.

My son is 7 and he he is getting one at Christmas. He will use it for YouTube and some games and to text me and other family members. Won't allow him internet access though.

Stompythedinosaur · 09/12/2019 20:17

I feel this, dd1 is 8yo and has been the only the only girl in her class without a phone for more than a year (it's a tiny rural school and I know all the families, so I know this is the case).

I'm not hugely keen, but we are getting her a basic payg phone for christmas. We decided that we could live with it (with clear rules about what she can do and when she cam have it) rather than her keeping missing out on the socialising going on with the other girls.

lilgreen · 09/12/2019 20:18

Let them hold on to the last few years of childhood.

brighteyeowl17 · 09/12/2019 20:20

Having seen the issues my
School is having with Tick tock I’d keep her off it for as long as possible!

SunsetBoulevard3 · 09/12/2019 20:20

Senior school gets my vote too.

MsTSwift · 09/12/2019 20:21

Easter of year 6 which was when they went off to town with friends. Depends on the crowd your dd with there’s a group at dds school who all had phones and social media from 9 our group waits until 11. It’s undeniably tricky if your child is in a friendship group whose parents have different views. We were ok as broadly no one else had phones that young either but if your dd is the only one that doesn’t she will feel left out.

atomicnotsoblonde · 09/12/2019 20:22

My son had one from year 6, when they started to walk home alone. Waiting for secondary is fine, but - there were children who made mistakes using their phones eg name calling, regrettable pics, unpleasant chats etc. It was better in my view for this 'education' to happen in the safety of primary school, rather than at secondary where pupils are a lot less forgiving.

mathanxiety · 09/12/2019 20:23

A smart phone is probably not a good idea. But one with fewer bells and whistles might be a good idea. She can develop the good habit of answering when you call, and calling you at s prearranged time when she's with friends. You and she will feel the better of having these habits in place in a few years.

As an aside, you and your DH need to start paying attention to social media. It is going to be a feature of your lives for the next 10 years regardless of your feelings about it.

Don't be the parents whose child has to patiently explain stuff to. Your child needs to know you are part of this world even if she gives the impression she doesn't want you in hers in her teen years.

Don't be the parents who are 'against' things that she can't avoid. You are going to have to compromise on lots of ideals.

Saltandsauce · 09/12/2019 20:25

I’m gonna be unpopular here, but my 8 year old daughter has a phone. There’s no SIM card in it though, so she can only use WiFi, but can FaceTime and text family members with iphones. She mainly uses it for this, and playing games. She’s none the wiser that she needs a sim to work the phone correctly, but feels very grown up having one! Could that be an option for you?
I would t let her have tiktok yet though, too young for that. Xx

mathanxiety · 09/12/2019 20:27

Agree 100 percent withCauliflower.

mathanxiety · 09/12/2019 20:29

As an aside, you need to become more familiar with social media.

It worries children when they have to patiently explain stuff like tiktok to their parents.

TheFuzzyStar · 09/12/2019 20:29

Mine got theirs in year 6.

TheFuzzyStar · 09/12/2019 20:30

And they are y7 and y8 now and I still won’t allow tiktok or snapchat

EwwSprouts · 09/12/2019 20:34

Lots of misinformation here - Whatsapp age is 16. DS sports club use it for teams but no child is added to a group without a parent/carer also added. Good safeguarding practice.

WinifredTorrance · 09/12/2019 20:35

My son is 5 and in a mixed Y1 and 2 class. He recently told me ‘X has an x-box’, ‘x has an iPad’, ‘I want to play fortnite’. I’ve told him he’s not playing fortnite until the legal age (whatever that is) and just because other children have things it doesn’t mean he can. It’s really surprised me how young children are when they get introduced to unnecessary tech and SM. Controversially, I often think these gadgets are used as childcare. Frightening, really. (Now who’s an old-fashioned fuddy duddy?!)

TiddlersGone · 09/12/2019 20:35

My 6 year old asked me when he was getting an iPhone. I just laughed.

Apparently all his friends have one. I know many parents and I think I can safely say "no they don't!"

desperatehousewomann · 09/12/2019 20:37

I didn’t get a phone until I was 13

TemporaryUsernameAIBU · 09/12/2019 20:38

She’s just trying her luck, seeing if you’ll believe her fib that ‘all her friends have phones’.

Junior school won’t allow her to have a phone in school anyway.

You can set restrictions, but they don’t always work.

Tik Tok nor YouTube are safe for kids really. If you want to expose your kid to headless kittens and road crashes age 8 in her YouTube searches though ....

Wait til she starts secondary school. We did, and now our 12 year has her face in her phone all the time, and never wants to visit her friends anymore as they all ‘meet’ on WhatsApp videos.

fishonabicycle · 09/12/2019 20:39

Mine got one for secondary school.

Ostagazuzulum · 09/12/2019 20:40

It does seem far too young however our 8 year old has one. It was my old phone that wasn't worth much and we put a payg sim in it so she can only use it when she has WiFi (ie in the house). All her friends at school FaceTime each other and whatsapp and play roblox. She's not allowed Facebook or instagram or anything like that and before I gave it to her I ensured that I locked the phone and the apps down (fairly well versed in cyber crime). Also Apple have a child set up so if she tries to buy anything like an app, even if it's free, it sends me a notification and asks for my permission.
My husband was very much anti allowing her a phone but we talked about it and decided that opinion was based on our own childhoods in 80s. It will seem odd to us because we didn't have them, but had mobiles been commonly used in 80s, would 8 year olds routinely had one? Possibly. What was the same for kids back then was that the kid who was last to get anything (usually me, always fell left out and we decided we didn't want her to be left out from her friends. She has restricted time on it and uses it responsibly. As I work shifts it's nice for me to send her a quick good morning message when I know her dad is rushing about sorting breakfast and a goodnight message. I know lots of people will say it's wrong having a phone that young but it actually seems very common and it works for us. Whatever decision you decide will be right for your family, but I totally understand the need to canvas opinion. Good luck x

Okki · 09/12/2019 20:40

@Whatsername177 have you heard of the NetAware app? It was developed with the NSPCC and it tells you about any apps your DC's may want - age limits, risk of exposure to sex, violence, bullying etc. My DD 12 was allowed a phone in the last term of year 6 to get used to it before secondary. DS will be allowed the same. DD has the NetAware app on her phone too, so if she wants something she can look at it and see if I'm
Likely to let her have it.

Berrylove · 09/12/2019 20:41

Just stand your ground, yes she may feel like she’s missing out but I’m sure she’ll thank you for it in the long run when she realises you actually let her enjoy being a child and didn’t let her get sucked into the world of social media before she was ready.