To think you are very lucky if you dont have to work?

[malificent7]

Dp is amazing but not a high earner and also i want to be a bit independent howver i haul my butt out if bed to work a 12 hour shift where i get told off as i havn't been trained properly...i am very jealous of those who don't have to work.

YANBU. Having choices, actual viable choices, makes a person fortunate.

Oh, I am so lucky. I will try to remember that when I am battling my mental health or going to my next hospital appointment to make sure my heart hasn't deteriorated.

Again, the choice isn't between 'work' as in 'paid employment' and 'lunching and going to the gym'. SAHPs work in that they spend their days doing tasks - wiping arses, cooking, doing laundry, stopping small children from sticking their fingers in plug sockets etc. And an awful lot of SAHPs are working pretty much 24/7 because the WOHP has been 'working hard all day' and therefore feels entitled to rest (even though the WOHP has actually been drinking coffee, surfing the Net and occasionally walking to or from a photocopier.)
Yes, plenty of jobs are rewarding, interesting, worthwhile etc, but a whole lot simply aren't. The whole business of finding validity through waged employment simply doesn't function any more. Wages are too low in most cases, and vast numbers of jobs are unnecessary (in terms of producing goods or providing services that anyone actually wants or needs). A person who doesn't have to spend their day engaging in pointless tasks to line someone else's pockets could do all manner of useful, enjoyable, valuable things - campaign for a cause, make art, study something in considerable depth, grow vegetables, help the vulnerable... But we live in a culture in which waged work is promoted and worshipped (though it is often promoted the most heavily by people who are never going to have to do any of it). Part of it seems to be a matter of keeping the lower orders occupied so they are too tired to question why they have so much less than a handful of people who are no smarter or more diligent than they are.

I have always thought I'd love not to work but now it's possible I won't be able to work after March I realise how lucky I was. I might be lucky and get another job but I was out of work for a while before getting this job. Unfortunately the company are changing everything and becoming very inflexible so I won't be able to stay there.
We can manage on my husband's wage but I hate being seen as "lazy" or "not contributing" both insults I received last time I was out of work..

And those people (usually heterosexual women) who don't do a waged job because their partners (usually heterosexual men) are high earners... Well, your existence is a little precarious. If you're lucky, the rich man is also a decent man (though a lot of high-earning men are not very nice people, because being 'nice' doesn't bring in the high wages), who respects you, does his share of domestic work and childcare, and doesn't treat you as a servant simply because he is the person who brings the money into the household. If you're not lucky, that rich man might insist on you performing obedience and gratitude on a daily basis; he might ringfence the bulk of his money so that, if he feels like it, he can replace you with a newer model; he might be outrageously abusive and control you to the extent that you are too frightened to leave.
Or he might be a nice man and suddenly have an accident or become ill and therefore have to stop doing his well-paid job. And if you have had no waged work for years - even more so if you stopped work when you were very young - you will find it very, very difficult to get a job that pays a decent wage as you will have no current skills or experience - and if you have children still too young to eg get themselves to and from school, it will be even more difficult.

All those "oh i'd be SO bored / my brain would rot" people - are you not super embarrassed that you are so lacking in imagination and interests that you can't think of things to do which aren't going to work?

Agreed. Only boring people get bored.

@ReanimatedSGB

Just specifically to my situation: my DH IS a wonderful man who helps out, truly values my position as a SAHM. He’s also insured to the hilt in case of death or illness, and we have a document in place to insure if anything went amiss he would have to settle financially in a specific manner. So I have literally no concerns. I will be financially fine no matter what (also have a wealthy family to fall back on BUT I would still be employable up to a reasonable amount due to education and previous experience/happy to accept a pay cut).

@ReanimatedSGB

I am extremely fortunate and I know none of that is the norm. It just saddens me that people would judge me without knowing my particulars and assume im living so precariously/wouldn’t have thought all this through beforehand!

(though a lot of high-earning men are not very nice people, because being 'nice' doesn't bring in the high wages),

Well, that’s the best sweeping generalisation I have ever heard!!! Be careful now ladies, you don’t want your dh to earn too much or else he’s got to be an asshole!! He’s got to be a low earner so he can keep his nice personality .

I agree ReanimatedSGB. Being financially dependent on somebody else makes you vulnerable.

Would be lovely if we all had a choice.

Those jobs which are actually necessary would have to be better paid than they are now, and the layers of unnecessary jobs could actually disappear.

Which jobs do you think are unnecessary because the only truly unnecessary jobs I can think of are the type of 'creative' job that most people think are wonderful and want to do as a hobby job if they don't have a proper job. You might not think some jobs are necessary but I bet a lot are, you just don't know enough about them to realise that.

I'd hate to not work, work gives structure and meaning to life and provides social support and status. Never mind the money. And I wonder at what level of income a DH needs to earn before some women think they don't 'need' to work. DH and I both work PT, earn about the same (although I'm the higher earner by a small amount), and each earn more than some of the amounts people on here have said their DH earns so they don't have to work. Both of us find working easier than the household responsibilities so it makes sense that we both work and enjoy that so we can outsource much of the housework and can throw money at family life to make it fun (holidays, clubs and activities, theatre trips etc).

It depends on what you mean by lucky.

On one side, yes I'm lucky that DH earns enough that I don't need to work, we can afford a cleaner, DS goes to nursery five mornings a week, nice holidays etc.

On the other hand, I have two serious illnesses and I'm not able to work, or work much at all- perhaps in a good phase I'd be able to do 10 hours a week. I spend a lot of time at the hospital and I get very bad side eff

Posted too soon! Bad side effects from the medication.

DH and I would easily give up all the money we have for me to be healthy. So it might look like I'm swanning around but the reality is different.

I'd love to be able to not work. My sister spent years wishing she could work (couldn't find a job that fit into school/wraparound care hours). It's usually a case of the grass being greener.

It might be better if we all had a better work/life balance. So I could cope with working 40 hours a week, but can't really cope very well with the 60 hours I need to do to keep on top of my current work. My sister would like more hours so she has enough money to get off benefits completely.

We've got our finances set up so we could survive on one salary, mine! We can't survive just on dh's salary as I'm the higher earner in the couple (he's part time so he can do school runs some days).

@RefuseTheLies

Same here

I think I’m a high earner ‘for a teacher’! I earn over 50k and get 18 weeks holiday. I also genuinely love my job and it has lots of benefits such as gym membership, massive reduced fees fr my dc etc.
(But compared to some of the wages on this thread I’m clearly skint 😂 )

i think I'm better off working... it's better for my mental health. my DH would be quite happy if i didn't work but i'd be (have been) in a miserable rut if all i did was parent, loaf about and token clean/cook - even though i often think how appealing that looks!. i've found going on mat leave #2 quite... daunting and i've got big plans for RTW next year so mustn't let myself slump. but that's just me, I'm prone to depression and hiding away,
having a conventional out of the house job prevents me from becoming too much of a weird, agoraphobic, procrastinating recluse.

OP I retired 10 years ago, aged 50. I have not done a day's work since then (CS pension, zero benefits in case anyone's wondering)

Was I "lucky" that I studied hard and got sufficient qualifications to get a Civil Service job aged 17 and worked 33 years full-time?

It's not down to "luck"

I feel like I've never stopped working! In reality, I had a Saturday job from 14, worked full time from 16, had a baby at 26 then went to Uni when she was 4 months old, plus worked part time for the money. Started teaching full time at 30, had another baby at 35 and had 6 weeks mat leave, went down to 3 day's las time April and will retire after 30 years in 2 weeks time.
Can't bloody well wait!
For the first time in our relationship I will be bringing in less money than my DH. Do I care? Do I heck. I aim to reignite my love of cooking; look forward to having a clean, tidy house; read the shelf of books I buy but fall asleep as soon as I start reading one; and just sit and be in the moment instead of running round like a blue arsed fly all the time.

Was I "lucky" that I studied hard and got sufficient qualifications to get a Civil Service job aged 17 and worked 33 years full-time?

Obviously you were lucky to have gotten a job in an era where you could bag a decent pension after 33 years of working in a office.

Did you think differently?

The mind fucking boggles.

Luck always plays a part ....even people who have planned their careers meticulously have had some 'luck' along the way.
I study, research and teach theories related to career development and decision making. It's widely accepted that luck plays a part in everyones career.... alongside hardwork and planning of course

if all i did was parent, loaf about and token clean/cook but the point people miss is there's more to not working than that. People volunteer, support family, study etc. I wasn't able to return to work after DS was born but I got back into my volunteering, I'm studying for a 2nd degree distance learning. It's not like I parent or sit staring at day time TV eating my own booger for lack of choices. And that's us on a low income, I'm sure there's much more opportunities of there's also surplus cash.

Coming back to the topic. OP, you are obviously BU because having the choice is the key thing.

Lots of people love their jobs and get a lot out of them, but how liberating would it be to know that you didn’t have to do it? Or you could do it entirely on your own terms?

Equally there are many out there who don’t work who would love to be have the opportunity.

Unfortunately, not many are in the position of having a totally free choice.

Sometimes the idea of staying home with my lovely DD does appeal to me but in truth I have a job I really enjoy and I feel very lucky to be able to work. I am terrible at housework and organisation/household management type stuff. I know that I would be a truly terrible SAHM, and that the knowledge of this would make me feel useless and depressed.

Yes it's a nice position to be in and not have to work as its then a choice. It's always good to have that choice.