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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you are very lucky if you dont have to work?

473 replies

malificent7 · 09/12/2019 16:13

Dp is amazing but not a high earner and also i want to be a bit independent howver i haul my butt out if bed to work a 12 hour shift where i get told off as i havn't been trained properly...i am very jealous of those who don't have to work.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 09/12/2019 19:23

Not all teachers are classroom teachers and not all teachers teach school subjects

roiseandjim · 09/12/2019 19:23

I'm very lucky and I know it. I don't have to work I choose to work- when we have kids I'll be reducing my hours for sure. I had 5 months off whilst waiting to start a new job and I hated it though!

BennyTheBall · 09/12/2019 19:25

I didn't work when mine were babies, then only 2 days p/w until they were at secondary school.

I can't imagine not working at this stage, even though we don't 'need' the extra wage.

LadyCordeliaVorkosigan · 09/12/2019 19:26

I was desperate to escape my job when dc2 was in preschool, but it wasn't financially feasible until a year later - and the job wore me down so much I wasn't successful in applying for others.

Thankfully a voluntary redundancy deal came round just as I was about to take sick leave for stress - so then I had the luxury of not working. It was great for a few months, but didn't make as much difference to my health as I'd hoped. Or to the kids.

After about a year I got another job, went back to having a cleaner as quite simply I'm better at earning money than cleaning, and generally better at buying many things than doing it myself.

If I stopped work again, money would be tight but workable, and knowing that if work got bad again, I could simply quit, makes all the difference.

Thankfully, my current colleagues are lovely and conditions pretty good, so I'm quite content.

PineappleDanish · 09/12/2019 19:26

Gosh it must be what.... 48 hours since we had a thinly disguised SAHM bashing thread?

All those "oh i'd be SO bored / my brain would rot" people - are you not super embarrassed that you are so lacking in imagination and interests that you can't think of things to do which aren't going to work?

QuietCrotchgoblins · 09/12/2019 19:27

I feel lucky to a job I love part time. It's the best and worst of both worlds in a way. I feel like I'm constantly failing in life, family and job juggling it all. I really need some local willing grandparents to help with the kids, a cleaner, gardener and PA to feel I'm on top of things.

Elbels · 09/12/2019 19:30

I always wonder in these threads what a 'high earner' is classed as.

I can't imagine not working but then my boyfriend and I are both equally ambitious and determined to succeed in our respective careers. My aim is one more promotion before hopefully we try for a child. And then we'll hopefully both drop to 4 days working each.

thisisthetime · 09/12/2019 19:31

I don't need to work but I freelance a few days a week as after 3 years as a SAHM I needed something else. I do agree it's amazing to have the choice though and I'm very grateful for that. I think most people would choose to work though, it's just having the choice that's the main issue.

Nextphonewontbesamsung · 09/12/2019 19:31

@Irishgene - you're tired after working 17 years including 1 maternity leave?

How long do you think people should work for?

I worked for 17 years straight before I even had my first child.

Surely most adults in good health should expect to work for 40 years at the very least? Or else how are we going to fund our society?

I am in my mid 50s and was shocked to find that some people at an old school reunion last year were retired already. They were in the kind of job that paid an amazingly generous pension, but still the thought of being 55 and welcoming being put out to grass ... just no!

charm8ed · 09/12/2019 19:31

Elbels My DH earns 163k a year and I’d class him as a high earner.

FeckArseMerlot · 09/12/2019 19:31

YANBU but... not working can be rubbish too. I’ve seen people who’ve found themselves in a situation where work isn’t necessary and it’s struck me that it’s been more of a curse than a blessing. I.e. becoming a bit lost and directionless, lacking a sense of purpose.

I work for myself from home and really enjoy my work but find the home aspect quite isolating. For that reason I’m actually considering a change to employment as I miss the interaction, the support, the teamwork, the fixed routine, etc. I wouldn’t like not to work, and the times when business is a bit quiet I find I become lethargic, unmotivated and a bit depressed.

I have had jobs in the past though that have been absolutely miserable and from that perspective the grass definitely looks greener.

Doing something you enjoy, with decent people, and having some degree of autonomy and recognition for the work you do all make a massive difference.

Is there any possibility of changing some aspect of your work OP? Do you feel trapped where you are?

Swirlygirl · 09/12/2019 19:32

I was at home for six years with my two girls and got fed up of being a ‘stay at home mum’ or my best - ‘a home maker’. Dh was happy for me to as we could afford it.

So eventually i managed to escape and find work and it’s the worst thing I’ve done!

When I get in with both kids at 6pm I have to start all the shit I would have done during the day. I’ve not bought a single Christmas present as my head is so fried.

If I give up work I’ll never hear the last of it....

TheGirlFromStoryville · 09/12/2019 19:32

I feel very lucky not to have to work.
I never returned to work after Ds was born, he's 12 now.
DH took very early retirement and we have a fine time. It worked out well for us as we qualified for a bursary on DDs school fees for a few years - she's now at uni.
Ds just attends the local (very good) boys school - they've been super in arranging extra help for him as he has SN.

Our house is paid for and we have no debts so I don't anticipate going back to work anytime soon.

SleepingStandingUp · 09/12/2019 19:35

the thought of being 55 and welcoming being put out to grass ... just no! that's just a lack of imaginstio5tho surely

doublebarrellednurse · 09/12/2019 19:35

I guess it's what you define as lucky. I would hate not to work it's a massive part of my life but would love more time off then I get.

I'd be bored at home

Picklypickles · 09/12/2019 19:35

I'm jealous of people with jobs, but after 8 years of being unable to work because of illness I'm having no luck at all. I can't say its been great spending all that time in and out of hospital tbh, I'd rather have my kidney back than all that time off.

BritWifeinUSA · 09/12/2019 19:36

My husband doesn’t work in the sense of going out to do a paid job. My income is in the 6 figures so we decided he wouldn’t go out to work. He does everything around the house and also volunteers at a dog shelter. I am very much aware of how lucky we are. We haven’t always been this fortunate and we have been unfortunate on other aspects of life (we were unable to have children, despite our very best efforts and those of several hospitals, for example).

crispysausagerolls · 09/12/2019 19:36

@Elbels

For my situation personally I mean 300/400k+ a year

But I think realistically anyway in the highest tax bracket is a higher earner.

crispysausagerolls · 09/12/2019 19:36

*anyone! Not anyway

blue25 · 09/12/2019 19:37

I love my job. It’s something I’ve always wanted to do and It pays well.

I’d hate to just be at home, not working. I know I’d go stir crazy. Pottering/lunching will be great in retirement but in your 30’s/40’s? No thanks!

billy1966 · 09/12/2019 19:38

"Crafts" 🤣

I love being at home and thoroughly enjoy it, despite the lack of crafting!

CinderellasSecrets · 09/12/2019 19:41

I'm a stay at home mum to two young children (one in nursery 2 days a week and the other a baby). My partner isn't a particularly high earner but I can't actually afford to go back to work right now, childcare costs means it just isn't feasible. I don't have 'nothing to do all day' I don't 'lie in bed all day' and I don't have time to 'get bored'. I cannot wait to be able to go back to work; at work I get breaks, I get to go to the toilet without an audience, I get to eat/drink when I'm hungry or thirsty, I get to not be touched by any one else for more than 2 seconds and I am valued. At work people recognise that I am doing something worthwhile, at home I get judged. I hate answering the question of "what do you do for work?" Because I get judged so heavily when I say I'm a SAHM. I've been told "must be nice to have so much free time" - my day starts at 4.30am when my youngest wakes up and doesn't end until 11pm usually, I do all the housework, all the cooking, all the childcare, I don't get breaks when my partner is home because he's been at work mon-fri and therefore deserves the rest more than I do apparently. It is monotonous, I am viewed as having low intelligence, it is incredibly lonely I can go a full week without adult interaction and that is hard. I do think if you have the choice to be a SAHM, and maybe if your children are school aged, and your husband/partner earns enough money to give you a decent lifestyle then yes your lucky. But the average SAHM, no. I know I certainly don't feel lucky - I feel trapped, undervalued and miserable frankly. I love my children to bits but everyone needs time to themselves sometimes and that is something that I, and many other SAHMs I know simply don't get because there is a common misconception that we get all the time in the world.

crispysausagerolls · 09/12/2019 19:44

@cinderellasecrets

I just wanted to offer you a virtual hug and to say that, even though they cannot articulate it, your children DO value you! Absolutely they do!

SerenDippitty · 09/12/2019 19:47

I no longer have to work.But I did work, full time with no breaks, for close on 40 years so I reckon I’ve earned it.

SleepingStandingUp · 09/12/2019 19:48

@cinderellasecrets i think the bit missing is *your husband/partner earns enough money to give you a decent lifestyle isn't a dick. The issue isn't his income, it's his attitude.