To think you are very lucky if you dont have to work?

[malificent7]

Dp is amazing but not a high earner and also i want to be a bit independent howver i haul my butt out if bed to work a 12 hour shift where i get told off as i havn't been trained properly...i am very jealous of those who don't have to work.

Would you really want to be totally financially dependent on someone though?

I'm just not that into craft and housework.

Neither am I. But I hate my job. Its relentless and no matter how hard i work I will never catch up. I dread Mondays and often fantasise about how great it would be to walk out the door for good. Not quite close enough to retirement age though and they keep shifting those goalposts

@Parttimers what do you do that's 12.5 hours a week and brings home £1400?! I barely earned that full time and considered myself reasonably well paid! (Self employed now so income is a movable feast 😂)

Sorry have actually read the thread now 😳

Yanbu - I'd hate not working at all because I love my business, but the only work I do enjoy is working for myself so that's what I do now - it's precarious but brilliant x

I imagine it’d be nice to have the choice but I could never not work. It’s just not for me. For one thing I spend too much, I’d class us as ‘struggling’ on a £75k income in the north in a standard 3 bed semi (for mortgage reckoning). But it’s only because I spend so much and don’t actually want to change that. For me to be at home DH would need to earn £150k I reckon to be happy, although then I’d want a bigger house, nicer car so probably £200k.
I think after a couple of months I’d be bored. In our community and social circle there are no SAHM’s so I’d be quite lonely. And I actually enjoy my job. I would however like to be able to work less hours, again I know I could if I changed my spending habits but I guess I don’t want it enough.

My SIL is lucky enough to not have to work due to DB’s income. She has nice things, goes out for lots of lunches but I think it must be a pretty miserable existence really, DB is rarely home in the week and often works weekends and holidays. Their children imo are missing out on so much family time. I love that me and DH are both home to all eat together and put the children to bed together and I wouldn’t trade that for any amount money.

YANBU - I am really lucky that I have the choice. After having a few years off when my children were small, I chose to retrain and work 4 days per week with school holidays off. It’s brilliant, really challenging and I love using my brain again. It’s great for my self esteem as I think not working when your kids are school age isn’t great for you mentally.

I do know how lucky I am to have the choice.

I'd hate to not work, work gives structure and meaning to life and provides social support and status

Ha! You ever lived in a deprived area whereby there are no "careers" or anything mentally stimulating except menial low paid work? "Meaning to life", believe or not, doesn't come.soley from the things we are paid to do.

I have the choice which bluntly feels to me like a very good deal and I hope I remind myself often enough about how lucky I am (of course I don’t because human beings rarely do . I have a really good job which is flexible - has taken me 30 years to find it. But I think luck plays a lot more role in this than most of us want to admit . Most people I know (Sahm, part time or full time) actually have quite limited choices and make the most of the choices they have. I hope I pass on some of this flex to others but it easier in some lines of work than others. Lots of work is very meaningful; lot really isn’t - and isn’t only about money
Also I think random things like how close you are school, how healthy and happy your child is by nature (not nurture) play a bigger part than we admit ...

(though a lot of high-earning men are not very nice people, because being 'nice' doesn't bring in the high wages),

Well, that’s the best sweeping generalisation I have ever heard!!! Be careful now ladies, you don’t want your dh to earn too much or else he’s got to be an asshole!! He’s got to be a low earner so he can keep his nice personality hmm.

I’d agree with the original statement to a certain extent. I work in an interesting and competitive industry and there are plenty of decent people. But, the men at the top? Those earning in the hundreds of thousands? They’re almost without exception arseholes. They’re bullies and they’re cheaters. You simply don’t get to the top without being ruthless.

I work and love it. I know a lot of rich women who don't work and are less happy than me.

However sometimes I am shattered and would love to be them, just for a week.

I enjoy working but given the chance would prob do a 3 day week. I live in a pretty mc town with lots of SAHMs who do lots of gym/fitness, shopping and lunching. I think I'd be bored doing that every day though.

@Solitaryradiator - that’s sad and depressing about your high earning colleagues. High earners I know and am friends with/related to are not at all like that. Not in London though so maybe less intense.

Reasons I haven't worked full time over the last 14 years:
Too expensive childcare to afford
Child with additional needs (now ok without me)
Chronic ill health
The person that called me lucky last claimed she had to work as she could afford not to had been on an all.inclusive holiday and had a brand new car.

I'm lucky in that I didn't have to carry on working until it broke me and my family.

I wish Michael Gove hadn't fucked up my profession so that it was incompatible with family life when you both work long hours and have no external support.
It turns out that DS was struggling with the childcare environment because of SNs although superficially he is high functioning.

I miss the social and mental variety of working. I keep busy with voluntary roles and enjoying some time to myself. It would be nice if DS could enjoy childcare settings though.

I'm not sure how green the grass is on any side of SAHM/ FT/ PT work having tried them all. On balance SAHM is best in our package of family life, but it's not as open a choice as it seems. If DH's pay and expectations were different then the whole costs and benefits of my (non) working life would shift. Hopefully I have enough useful voluntary experience to keep myself employable longer term.

@CountFosco "Which jobs do you think are unnecessary because the only truly unnecessary jobs I can think of are the type of 'creative' job that most people think are wonderful and want to do as a hobby job if they don't have a proper job. You might not think some jobs are necessary but I bet a lot are, you just don't know enough about them to realise that."

Nope. These are unnecessary, pointless jobs.

Are you one of those people who think that artists, performers and writers should not be paid for what they do? Because they usually enjoy their work yet it isn't 'necessary'? I can't find the exact quote but I read something a while ago along the lines of 'people who think that artists shouldn't expect to be paid, shouldn't complain about low pay and should have gone into computing or corporate law instead of the arts should be sentenced to 30 days with no reading material, no music, no pictures to look at, no radio or television or Netflix, no computer games....and then see if they still think artists are unnecessary.'

I am retraining and i love it but i have a care job to support retraing and thay is tough. I love art and crafting and if i didn't work id spend all day doing that.

Art is amazing and necessary.

But we live in a culture in which waged work is promoted and worshipped

Should everyone in the country stop working then? That sounds like an amazing plan

2 adults here but neither "work"as we are both full time carers to 2 disabled children with many complex separate disabilities each
boys are 9 and 15 (but years behind mentally) and been disabled from a very young age

BUT we work and are on call and needed 24 hours a day as thats how much care they both need and neither are in school so we are litrally my user name as neither sleep

we are not poor by any means as between the 4 of us we get full rent paid full CT and work it all out monthly its roughly £780 a week

but we dont use the school system as there is no place for them to be,not severe enough for special school which dont existent here anyway and way to severe for mainstream

we get no professional help with either of them

we are left to deal with it all our self

I wish I worked outside the home.
I dont have to but most times I want to, just to get a break. From the time I'm out of bed around 9 I dont usually even sit down until around midnight.

I can’t work due to a chronic illness. Very lucky to be able to do that without having to claim benefits. Thanks DH- he worked really hard to get a promotion when he saw how much I was struggling with even p/t work, and how my remaining health was nose diving as a result.

Wish I could work though. Partly because it would mean I had my health back, partly because I miss being around other people so much. I find plenty to occupy my mind, but I struggle to get out enough to see people. Even if I could, everyone I know is working.

The richest people are those with choice.

When I became a SAHM it was a choice. It was for the benefit of our family, but my pension contributions have continued to future proof things, plus some money coming in came directly to me so I had my own cash etc

It was a really good time because I could spend time with the kids, the stress of working in the education system cane off my shoulders and I could give more time to a voluntary project I’ve been involved in for years. It was both good fun and rewarding because I was doing the things I wanted to be doing. DH was also relaxed because he’d taken a promotion that he loved, plus had the knowledge that we could afford for him to step back if needed.

Now my youngest needs pretty much full time care. I spend my life now dealing with her, fighting for the services she needs, worrying sick about school places because locally the SEN school isn’t set up for children who are seriously physically disabled, but mentally capable. Yet the mainstream schools are not set to cope with her level of physical disability.

She’ll never live alone so I know and with cut backs to everything I now spend my life worrying about what will happen to her. We need to pay for services privately that previously wouldn’t so DH now knows he must keep that job no matter what as we need the income

How and why someone is not working is absolutely key to how good it is. I miss having the choice

But, the men at the top? Those earning in the hundreds of thousands? They’re almost without exception arseholes. They’re bullies and they’re cheaters. You simply don’t get to the top without being ruthless.

There are a whole load of arseholes at the bottom end too. And middle management. And Deliveroo drivers. And there are plenty of decent people at the top. Sorry if that doesn't fit the MN narrative!

Some ridiculous and meaningless generalisations on here!

I think it’s impossible to generalise. From the outside we have an amazing life, with lots of travel, me at home, etc.

Reality? I gave up a good career to support my spouse when we moved abroad with a young baby.
I feel guilt about being that person ‘stupid’ enough to lean on their partner financially.
I worry about what job I’ll be able to go back to eventually. Essentially I’ve gone to the bottom of the ladder again. It was this or essentially live as a single parent while my spouse travelled abroad weekly for work.
I’ve lost several friends whose barbed ‘more jetsetting! I could do with a bit of that!’ got fucking tedious.
My life is on hold for now.

As this thread’s shown, it’s not always as simple as flouncing around in a nightie drinking coffee and choosing a outfit for lunch.

I'm a SAHM who has teenage children and is fortunate to be married to a high earner so I haven't needed to work since having kids. We do have a lifestyle that most people would find impressive.

I didn't really have the choice because his high earning job was long hours and inflexible and I couldn't earn enough to pay for childcare of three young children and it seemed sensible to protect his high earning career with leaving all the childcare and household responsibilities to me.

As my kids get older I'm finding it harder being at home. I'm lonely a lot of the time and I feel a bit pointless. I've been out of the workforce so long that I doubt anyone would hire me. I also am find it hard to maintain friendships with people because of it. I've had 'friends' be very rude to me about it - It can be hurtful. Also I feel like being a 'kept' woman means my opinions/wishes get overridden as he earns the money.

Anyway I haven't written this for sympathy. I know I'm very fortunate. But it's not all roses!