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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you are very lucky if you dont have to work?

473 replies

malificent7 · 09/12/2019 16:13

Dp is amazing but not a high earner and also i want to be a bit independent howver i haul my butt out if bed to work a 12 hour shift where i get told off as i havn't been trained properly...i am very jealous of those who don't have to work.

OP posts:
crispysausagerolls · 09/12/2019 18:42

Panicmode1
Your set up sounds just like mine!!

Verily1 · 09/12/2019 18:43

Work is a pain at Rome’s but it’s much better for my mental health than not working.

People are confusing different types of not working-

  • ft studying- fine
  • unemployment- hell
-dependent on a dp can be heaven or hell but is always risky
  • independently wealthy- fine
Nuttyaboutnutella · 09/12/2019 18:45

I'd love to go back to work but I have two very young children (technically still on maternity leave with my youngest) and my 2.5y old is on the pathway for ASD, so next year will be taken up with appointments for paeds, speech and language, etc. Plus he's starting school next year so want to get him settled. It just makes more sense for me to stay home until he's in school full time. Sometimes circumstances warrant one parent not working.

Judemahmoodid · 09/12/2019 18:45

I’m a stay at home mum. Child at school from 8.30-4.30 every day.
In theory it’s amazing, I play tennis every day, meet friends for lunch, hop into bed to read the papers with the electric blanket on (on horrible days like today) or read a book in front of the fire, watch TV.

In practice, let’s say, I’m a bit bored and looking to restart my career.
I think what’s good about it more than anything is that I have the choice, and I don’t take that for granted.

Cordial11 · 09/12/2019 18:47

I wouldn’t want to not work but afford part time when I have children, hopefully possible.

Had a few times off this year for one reason or another and was so bored and missed conversation/interaction from working.

NorthEndGal · 09/12/2019 18:48

@JustDanceAddict I think being bored only happens if you dont have options.

I have time to bake, and garden, and go to the beach most days. I do what I can where I can to help out.
I've launched a small business selling my art, and have written a guide book (on Amazon now). I've had a chance to travel, and teach small classes.

I am able to look after the family admin stuff, the house, and keep things rocking along when DH is gone.

No time to be bored!

ItsAPleasureSwingYouFuckNut · 09/12/2019 18:49

Where has the OP mentioned wanting to be a stay at home parent? Everyone assuming OP is a) female and b) a parent. Why?

Impossible to actually have a proper discussion about this because it just turns into pages and pages of people spouting their own individual circumstances, and of course the inevitable SAHPs work sooooo hard vs no they don't it's harder being a WOHP.

xChristmasJumperx · 09/12/2019 18:52

It depends what age you are and what age your kids are.

I didn't work for years but I was a single parent with low earning potential and 2 kids, one with SN. So at that point I felt so envious of Mums who were married and therefore it was acceptable to be sahm.
I was always apologising for my existence...

Roll on about a decade and I feel in a much stronger position than some of those married sahms I felt inadequate next to. It'd be hard for them to get back in to the workplace (although it's never impossible). Their husbands are nothing to write home about but are doing well in their jobs. Their kids are about to leave home. What's their role? Are they supposed to be grateful their mediocre husbands don't leave them for a younger woman?
I think that is the situation a lot of women find themselves in. So thank goodness i was forced to be independent.

Thefaceofboe · 09/12/2019 18:54

@Parttimers £1,400 working 12.5 hours a week? Can you get me a job Grin

meow1989 · 09/12/2019 18:55

@Parttimers what do you do that you earn 1400 for 12.5 hours a week? That's just under my 24 hours a week salary!

In some ways I would love the time off but find it would be better if you had someone else to hang out with too. Now my maternity leave is over I do have to think more about what I can do when off if a friends days off doesnt match up.

MrOnionsBumperRoller · 09/12/2019 18:56

I haven't been able to work since misdiagnosis/medical negligence several years ago. I would dearly love to be in control of my finances and future rather than having to rely on a government who despises my kind for handouts. There is someone who always envies you OP no matter how bad you think things are.

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 09/12/2019 18:57

I'm a sahm. I don't find it boring at all. I'm out all the time, I do a lot of voluntary work and I'm studying for another degree part time. I've been away from work for nearly 5 years and whilst I miss certain aspects, my charity work and my studies helps to compensate for that.

I also like doing crafts with my kids...less keen on the cleaning though.

For us, it was a joint decision before we had children that I would give up work for look after them during the preschool stage. Dh is very much on board with that and would prefer I stayed at home for the first few years of primary school as well. I'm less keen on that however and intend on applying for a Masters in the field I wish to work in once my youngest turns 4. Ideally our intention is that within the next 10 years, we both work four days a week.

He has a decently paid job plus he gets around £1000 from his family every month so we have plenty left over every month.

Across our relationship (20 years in less than a weeks time) I've been the high earner before, I've been the only earner before as well when the company he worked for went bust. It's swings and roundabouts.

TryingAndFailing39 · 09/12/2019 18:57

Depends on the job. I love my job and it pays really well. There is no way I’d not work, especially now all my dc are at school.

666onmyhead · 09/12/2019 19:00

Trust me, there's only do much lunch with a bunch of stuck up women you can stomach. I work even though I don't need to. The alternative nearly drove me insane !

Irishgene · 09/12/2019 19:05

Yes, I've worked full time (with one mat leave a few years ago) for the past 17 years and would love to not have to work. I'm tired.

SleepingStandingUp · 09/12/2019 19:09

I think what’s good about it more than anything is that I have the choice, and I don’t take that for granted
This is the crux of it.

I live in an area with high maternal unemployment because most people can't afford the child care on a minimum wage job. I have up a decent job as DS has complex needs and we spent 18 months I nand out of hospital and even now I'd struggle getting suitable wrap around care and holiday cover plus I'm about to have two more babies arrive so the extra costs of an inexpected mouth.
I have friends who can't not work as their wages outstrip childcare costs but are needed towards the bills.
Not having the choice in either scenario is where potential unhappiness lies

SleepingStandingUp · 09/12/2019 19:10

Trust me, there's only do much lunch with a bunch of stuck up women you can stomach I think that's more of a reflection in the company you keep...

tomboytown · 09/12/2019 19:12

I don’t work
I doubt anyone would want my life though

PrinnyPree · 09/12/2019 19:14

YANBU The key here is choice, many parents love their job and want to work and many parents would love to stay at home especially in the early years. It's not being unreasonable that society has unfairly evolved that it takes two average salaries to live comfortably nowadays.

What should have happened when women were emancipated and joined the workforce was that you either had an increased amount of disposable income or you and your partner could work but less hours/part-time, or as before one partner could stay at home.

Unfortunatley the system took advantage of the extra productivity of the workforce by supressing wages and increasing living costs (notably housing), diverting it to the pockets of the few. We should all find this extremely unreasonable.

I say this as someone who is lucky enough finacially that I could be a SAHP if I wanted.

Countryescape · 09/12/2019 19:16

I told my friend it was a luxury to be able to be a SAHM as most people couldn’t afford to. I think she got a bit offended it it’s a true!

Parttimers · 09/12/2019 19:17

@meow1989 I’m a teacher (already stated in the thread)

SleepingStandingUp · 09/12/2019 19:20

I told my friend it was a luxury to be able to be a SAHM as most people couldn’t afford to but how is it a luxury if you are a SAHM cos you can't afford childcare? Or can't manage childcare cos of your caring responsibilities?

Singlenotsingle · 09/12/2019 19:20

I'm retired. It's lovely and I wouldn't have it any other way. I did make 44 years worth of NI contributions though so I don't feel guilty. I potter, spend time with the dog, do a bit of housework, pick dgc up from nursery and school, read, lunch with friends.

Reallybadidea · 09/12/2019 19:21

£60k fte is quite unusual for a classroom teacher though I would have said?

maxiflump1 · 09/12/2019 19:23

I'm currently a SAHM with two little ones following the birth of DS2 in February. My job was shift work with often crazy late finishes and a long commute and we agreed that we would take some of the pressure off ourselves by me staying at home.

We are very fortunate that we are in a position to do this and I certainly don't take it for granted. I'm enjoying being able to take DS1 to and from school every day and I see a lot of friends and family. I can see me lasting for another year or so but think I will go back as I will need that interaction.

I'm lucky though in that I took a career break and so have a job to go back to whenever I want. I don't think I would have been so keen to resign completely without having that fall back.

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