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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think you are very lucky if you dont have to work?

473 replies

malificent7 · 09/12/2019 16:13

Dp is amazing but not a high earner and also i want to be a bit independent howver i haul my butt out if bed to work a 12 hour shift where i get told off as i havn't been trained properly...i am very jealous of those who don't have to work.

OP posts:

dottypotter · 10/12/2019 13:13

Its not luck if you dont need to work. As already said further up its a combination of good choices and circumstances.

I dont work and i love it. (Do Voluntary work) There is so much out there today that you can do the world is your oyster. Never bored.

JellyNo15 · 10/12/2019 13:14

I would love not to have to work. I would provide all the childcare my DC need for my DGC. I would also be free to provide my elderly parents with lifts to doctors appointments and do their housework Tec on weekdays leaving my weekends and evenings free to spend with my DH.

LeopardPrintKnickers · 10/12/2019 13:18

I've always loved my own company and the very idea of having time to just pootle, enjoy my house, walk my dog, read books and relax is my idea of absolute heaven. However, I've never been in a position financially where it's been doable, and while I still dream of it, I also see it from two sides now.

My best friend gave up work when her eldest was born and he's now 10. She's had more children, all of whom are at school now and while her life looks fantastic from the outside with a beautiful home, high-earning husband, incredible holidays and lots of time to herself, she's struggling. She spends most of her time alone and she admits she doesn't enjoy the time she has with the kids. In her words, she 'drifts' from day to day and has little purpose, but has no desire to find anything to fill her time or that makes her happy.

In contrast, I work longer-than-full-time hours and we run our own business and with that there's a lot of stress, but I love it. I also live for the time I get to spend with my husband and my kids and I treasure the weekends, evenings and holidays where we're together. What strikes me is the big difference in our lives is drive. While I might get knackered and overwhelmed at times, I have huge pride in my work and the work of my team, and the sense of purpose to succeed is what energises me.

loulouljh · 10/12/2019 13:31

I think its the other way round...I am lucky to be able to work..albeit part-time. I earn money, do a job I enjoy, mix with other people, have a sense of job satisfaction and actually achieving something. I would hate to not work at all.

dottypotter · 10/12/2019 13:53

You do mix with other people if you dont work.

What do you think people do stay at home and dont mix.

I play sport alot which is great and keeps me fit. We also mix together as a group. Definetely a social thing.

dottypotter · 10/12/2019 13:55

She spends most of her time alone

Why there is so much out there today. I could be out doing something every day if i wanted too. Perhaps she needs to explore more.

FettuciniAlaFagiola · 10/12/2019 13:56

If you are a multi millionaire yes but if you rely on your husband hell no.

Bansku19 · 10/12/2019 14:06

I feel lucky that I don't need to work. I have been working when my mental health was bad and I dreamed of being just at home and recover. But I had to work to get money. My mental health isn't great atm but at least there isn't any other stressors to make it even worse. If I would be well I would be working. I am not getting any benefits because dh earns enough.

Oliversmumsarmy · 10/12/2019 14:33

I am in the position that I haven’t had a job working for other people for many many years.

I have run various businesses and ventures which meant that I could make my own hours up around dc.

After Ds was born I really did lose my mind.
It wasn’t PND but more post natal happiness but my brain went to mush.

I would get in the car some days and not be able to remember how to drive.

I stood in front of the kettle trying to find the instructions on how to make a cup of coffee

I couldn’t even remember how to pay a bill.

Dp took over all the admin type of stuff.
It took me 2 years to actually get back my thinking

By that time Dp had got us in some real financial problems.

He said I needed to go to work and get a steady income so we could afford to live.

Within 2 weeks I had reduced our outgoings by £1200 per month just by using comparison websites, phoning up the mortgage company and asking for a better deal and getting rid of unnecessary expenses that he had signed up for but rarely used

The only thing I have any experience in is office work and I really couldn’t face going back into an office environment.

I am probably ADHD and doing what I do which is flitting between various pursuits I think suits me and brings in the money.

On the surface I am a SAHM to working children but my life isn’t boring

flirtygirl · 10/12/2019 16:57

LaurieMarlow I'm not saying that they are not contributed by tax, I'm saying that the proportion of tax generated from pointless jobs does not equal the cost in services from work stress, illness and the loss of community services and jobs that are done by volunteers.

Thats in response to the viewpoint that only paid workers are contributing to society.

BlackeyedSusan · 10/12/2019 17:08

I am lucky I don't have to go out to work. Just as well as two disabled children, lots of appointments to attend, lots of extra care, two conditions myself which make life harder work just to keep up.

There are prices to pay, bringing children up in a flat, having to be careful with money.

It is not as great as it can seem from the outside, but I am still lucky to not have to work.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 10/12/2019 17:23

I would never want to rely on someone else for money. I would rather work than rely on a partner.

If I won the lottery though I would quit work tomorrow!

ilovechocolate07 · 10/12/2019 17:34

The independence you get from working outweighs the pure boredom you feel not. It is more of a juggle and some days I don't want to go to work but I'd be lost without it having two kids in full time school.

Figamol · 10/12/2019 17:37

There's many days I wish I wasn't in work but then what would I actually do all day. Really, I think it's just lucky if you can have the choice.

wallowinwater · 10/12/2019 17:49

I’d love to be able to go bk to work, currently have mental health condition which means I can’t. Agee though- find a different job that you get more out of it.

CuppaTeaPlz · 10/12/2019 17:52

I’d do ANYTHING to be able to go back to work... 9 years now I’ve been off due to severe pain, and I still miss my job. And to go from being surrounded by people every day and making a difference in someone’s life, to barely leaving my house and using Netflix to fill my days, it’s a shitty position to be in.
I’d probably feel differently if I was wealthy and could get driven everywhere (I can’t drive and rarely use public transport bcoz of pain) and do things out of the house but that’s not possible atm 😕

Harvestsquirrel1 · 10/12/2019 18:05

I’ve been fortunate to have been able to be a stay at home mom, but I can assure you, I’ve got a brain, and I use it.

FettuciniAlaFagiola · 10/12/2019 18:05

Sounds from the replies that a lot boils down to what you consider as dont have to which I can see varies wildly between people here. I can easily afford to stay home but the judgement I got as a sahp was very strong even before dc was in reception and certainly very strong views of my ambition, values etc were made on me by the fact that we could and suited us to have me at home. I was always askes what i will do what my plans were etc. Part of it is because i am much younder than dh i guess.

ReanimatedSGB · 10/12/2019 18:08

Again, people are fetishizing waged work (which is often pointless bullshit. People contribute to society in a variety of ways: caring for children (or adults who cannot care for themselves), making art, improving the environment, various types of volunteering. As all the writings on the bullshit-job industry state: we could live in a world where most people in paid employment only did that for about 15 hours a week. That is all the work time needed to keep society functioning. The issue is that a small number of people hoard all the assets and have decided that everyone else needs to jump through hoops to be allocated any of them.
Do all you 'waah, work is essential' dimwits never even think about that fact that the most essential jobs (cleaning, caring for the sick/the very young/the very old, waste disposal etc) actually don't pay at all well? Why do you think that is?

squooz · 10/12/2019 18:08

Yup sahm cos my son developed epilepsy on top of autism so lots medical stuff but not my preferred option I do loads for his special school fund raising etc so that makes me feel bit better. I’m not so much of a lady who lunches unless it’s getting together with other ASD mums who just get how different this type of parenting is. We don’t manage that too often.

Sandaled · 10/12/2019 18:12

I don't think people are fetishizing waged work, I think they like having money to pay their bills and put a roof over their heads . Carers should absolutely recieve more support, and of course there is plenty of important and valuable work to be done outside of employment; but it's snidey to insinuate that everyone who works is blindly following the herd and has bought into the notion that work is amazing. It's just the reality that many people can't afford to not work.

newbingepisodes · 10/12/2019 18:13

I would love to have the choice not to work. I love my job and would always work but I'd love to know I could walk out at any time. I'd still work if I won the lottery but just knowing I didn't have to would be wonderful!

FelicisNox · 10/12/2019 18:16

YANBU.

Most households can no longer cope on one wage and it takes it's toll on all concerned.

Tiggy321 · 10/12/2019 18:17

I work full time and v much enjoy it. Had several years off when kids were small and loved that too but now kids are all teens. I have friends with all kids at school who don’t work and then say they are too busy to arrange things, sort out the washing etc, too tired to go out in the week etc...... that really annoys me!!!! They don’t work, no kids from 8-4 . Working mums esp do a great job juggling all those balls. And I know for a fact I cram more into my day than my non working friends. Some of them do unpaid work for charities etc which is great but others literally do nothing !!! And do not even go out oft lunch, help out at places etc.... I would go mad without that adult company. Rant over!

LisaD76 · 10/12/2019 18:23

Absolutely I only took two weeks before giving birth then two after and went back 1 day a week till she was old enough for childcare. She is now 11 and some days I just want to burrow under the duvet for about a month or so, have really had enough of constant slog to rush home to cook and clean, then wake up and do it all over again

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