To think you are very lucky if you dont have to work?

[malificent7]

Dp is amazing but not a high earner and also i want to be a bit independent howver i haul my butt out if bed to work a 12 hour shift where i get told off as i havn't been trained properly...i am very jealous of those who don't have to work.

My husband is a very high earner in the city and is the sweetest man ever. As are his friends. Sad for you

Same!! And actually his colleagues are all fantastic and they have a wonderfully family friendly culture too! Lots of sweeping statements on here

I am going to retire this time next year after nearly 40 years of working. Luckily I will have a decent pension and we are downsizing our house. When people ask me what I am going to do with my time, I am delighted to say "absolutely nothing". I am looking forward to it, but realise I do need to think a bit more seriously about what I am going to spend my time doing....

I was a SAHM for 12 years and have now been back in work for 8 months. Had to start at the very bottom and the job is underpaid and hard work. I went back to work after a difficult time with my husband and realising that if we split up I'd be in alot of trouble financially. We could easily afford for me not to work but I had to do it for myself

I'd be such a happy lottery winner, i really only need £2m. I'd never be bored.

@ReanimatedSGB

My husband is lovely. Being an arsehole to get to the top of your game isn't a prerequisite. Just working hard to be excellent at your job and taking a few risks is usually enough.

I used to work as a PA, most of the high ups were rude, entitiled and spoke to people like dirt. However, without exception they all spoke highly of their families, and would make a point of making sure their diaries were clear if at all possible for family events. So I have no doubt they weren't like that at home, not that their behaviour at work is acceptable necessarily, but I guess a mixture of stress, being pulled in 20 different directions at any one time and the level of responsibility can turn the nicest into arses. I don't think they're like that at home though, and don't think it's necessarily their character.

I think OP's question depends on so many things:

If you enjoy your job
If you have provisions in place should the earner up and leave
If you have been forced into it or have the choice
The money you would have to spend and the people you would have around you during the week

I personally wouldn't fancy it as I enjoy my job, but I can see the appeal if it's a choice and you have things you enjoy to occupy your time without stressing about money.

@Shmithecat2 No thanks, my pride wouldnt let me.

itstrue I could have written your post!! Except my children are younger (youngest is 4)

We don't have loads of spare cash, although are quite comfortable. It is bittersweet as I love being totally available for my children but I feel lonely and a little bit lost tbh.

So yes I do feel very lucky and glad that we have this life but its not always as perfect as people assume.

I can't afford to work because childcare would be more than my salary by a few hundred pounds. We can't afford to give that up every month. I would love to work and would see it as a luxury.

I choose not to work. Well, not exactly choose I suppose but I do love it and don't take it for granted that I can stay home. DH works really long shifts and odd hours so can be out of the house either days or nights, with each week being different. In order for me to work I'd need childcare for three kids for irregular times and days (unlikely) or pay for week long care and maybe only use it for a few hours one week and a full week the next. So as a minimum wage worker I'd be throwing all my wages away. DH fully supports me being at home and we receive no government money other than Child benefit. When the kids are grown I'll go and get some post-sahm work. Maybe in a shop, factory, cafe or something similar. I was self employed before my childrearing days so other than that (which I can't really go back to) I'm not able to go and get non Nat Min wage job. And that's fine. We're not rich but our home is happy and we have everything we need and some of what we want.

‘Something is pushing them
To the side of their own lives’

(Philip Larkin, Afternoons)

That’s what made me go back to work after ten years at home. And I loved it so much.

I think the huge, massive mistake we made as feminists was to fight for women to work full-time alongside men instead of fighting for men and women in partnerships to work three days each.

We got the work but didn’t ditch the other responsibilities in many cases. So we feel exhausted and torn between professional and home work. Men don’t do half overall, not in many homes. No wonder there are women wishing they could give up work - but part-time work for all parents who want it would be a fabulous fantasy! It’s all about balance.

I agree op. I think the luckiest are those who work part time though and living comfortably.

Considering early retirement at nearly 60 after deciding a challenging and stressful late career change is not for me.

It will feel odd to do nothing, as I’ve always been busy and I suspect I’ll have a short break then look for pt job or volunteering

The key thing is choice, and in that, I know I’m lucky as I have reasonable pensions and won’t have to work in stressful jobs till 66.

I think it’s really bizarre to not want to work. Don’t you feel you should contribute to society in some way? I love my job and the opportunities it has bought me.

I disagree. Currently a SAHM and I miss my job.
If I had won the lottery/ received a huge inheritance before I had DS, I probably would have stayed in my job albeit part time (perhaps for 2 days per week).

Im just about to hand my notice in to be a sahm. I am worried about feeling reliant on my husband but id rather that than my son bekmg at nursery so young

I don’t think if it’s you work or don’t work that makes you lucky, having the choice is the lucky bit.

GrapefruitGin, so small minded and unoriginal.

Sahp and carers and the sick, the disabled and retired can all contribute to society without paid work. In the cases of carers and volunteers, they are actually contributing far more than a lot of so-called pointless jobs. In the cases of sahp, how can looking after your children ever be seen as not contributing to society?

This is why all these roles are underpaid, because of narrow minded ignorant viewpoints. If we don't value carers at home, of course we are never going to pay social work carers adequately. If we don't value child rearing, of course nursery workers will be low paid.

But anyway, even without a paid job, it is possible to contribute to society and your community. I think that is what has been dying out over the last 20, 30 years as more women moved into paid employment. The communities and the unpaid jobs done by these women and men have disappeared. All adding to the treadmill like constantly working, brittle society we see in 2019. Community organisations dead and dying. Working in this way is leading to the breakdown of society and definitely not contributing to it.

Also the extra taxes raised from the extra people in work, is not used for these organisations that aid communities.

It is not even being used for the health service to help with the increase of work related stress disorders and other problems when people use things that are bad for them to medicate their lives due to stress and time spent working hard.

It also not currently being used to help nurseries stay open and provide the free childcare hours so that more people who want or need to work have adequate childcare.

And this extra tax is certainly not being used in the schools that will aid children and the future tax payers.

Hence what was the point of that extra tax revenue? When schools, health, social care etc ad infinitum aren't receiving it?

The uks working culture has changed and not for the better.

I had a paid 3 months off last year due waiting for a new position to start & notice pay & I absolutely hated it. Honestly felt like I had no purpose.

One of the things I missed the most was that Friday feeling & looking forward to a weekend as every single day is exactly the same. Actually became really very low & can honestly say it's really not for me

I’m a SAHM with two children and a third on the way... I’m so jealous of you 😂 I adore my children and would never change them but some days I dream of going to work, with actual real life adults, and having normal adult conversations with hot drinks (that haven’t been microwaved) and doing something that doesn’t involve bing or paw patrol 😂 however I think I’d miss them terribly if I did go back to work right now! I don’t think there is often a right answer here, but I hope you get to find a balance in life that is better suited to what you want!

I dont work as I receive a very decent pension ( worked since 16 and did all exams part time ) and did a few timely investments all by myself but I would never ever want to be reliant on someone else working so I didn't need to. I judge women like that. Always have and always will and nothing will change my mind.

I think it’s really bizarre to not want to work. Don’t you feel you should contribute to society in some way? I love my job and the opportunities it has bought me.

I think it’s very bizarre to assume the only way you can contribute to society is through paid work

flirty schools, NHS, nursery care are all funded by tax.

You may disagree with the proportion allocated to them, or the amount of tax generated, but they are funded by tax.

Agreed. A childhood friend’s sister got married in the last five years and is a SAHM of two little ones. They have a nanny three days a week (8 am
to 4 pm) and the dc go to crèche two days a week, nanny also baby-sits every Saturday night so they can go out for film/food/friends. They holiday in Mexico for two weeks every winter, have a cleaning company weekly to do a deep clean and someone who mows the lawn. They live in a middle class suburb, not mega wealthy, most of the neighbours are professionals. I believe his income is around £100k, but his parents gave them the money for an interest free mortgage and they had a 75% deposit on a £500k house (inheritance was a big portion of that), so it makes all the difference. He’s also a few years older than her, and had remained single so quite a bit in savings.

The funny thing is, I can see how their circumstances benefit her - so much help at home, she is forever posting about wishing they could afford the nanny full time and how it’s unfair her dc don’t routinely sleep through the night, but my friend says at this point despite dc being almost 4 and 2.5 (and another on the way) she can’t see how the money situation has helped anyone but her sister. The dc are both boys and the crèche isn’t known to be a great one it’s okay but not the ones that are truly lovely and a bit dearer, she dresses them in cheap clothing from supermarkets and buys all value range food for them (nothing wrong with either, it’s just she had the money and won’t spend it on them for things often parents with more prioritize like a healthier diet), they don’t do activities really beyond childcare, both have serious speech delay and they have resisted some of the private recommendations made over cost which drives my friend (her sister) batty. If she worked their income would go up significantly but she has no plans to return to work even when dc are in full time school. It isn’t that she is frugal with her dc which both my friend and I would deeply respect, it’s that their income = supporting her lifestyle and corners are cut everywhere else.

The funniest post was Monday morning when she started by posting “it’s going to be a long week, hoping the nanny isn’t late” followed by “anyone know a place I can get nails done, not happy with the place I’ve been going as I think they overcharge and wanting a day to pamper myself a bit.”

Can’t say that is how id spend my time or money if I could stop work. But it does make for some Facebook posts. Funnier still is she is so so unaware...