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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you are very lucky if you dont have to work?

473 replies

malificent7 · 09/12/2019 16:13

Dp is amazing but not a high earner and also i want to be a bit independent howver i haul my butt out if bed to work a 12 hour shift where i get told off as i havn't been trained properly...i am very jealous of those who don't have to work.

OP posts:
Nousernamefound · 10/12/2019 18:24

I was lucky to have the luxury of having two years off of work and it was a real luxury. I spent a lot of time with friends and family and didn’t have to worry financially at all. I am back at work now as financially I need to be and I do enjoy it. But anyone who doesn’t appreciate being able to stay at home and not work is foolish. I would never take that for granted.

Hedgehogblues · 10/12/2019 18:24

Not everyone has the choice to work.

ReanimatedSGB · 10/12/2019 18:28

I'm not insulting people who have to do a boring, pointless badly paid job in order to eat. I'm saying that we need universal basic income and to do away with all the pointless bullshit jobs. Then people doing the necessary jobs could get paid fairer wages, for a start. And no one should have to waste their lives doing stuff that serves no purpose at all but to keep them 'occupied' - and give them the means to eat and be housed as a reward for compliance rather than for producing anything of any worth.

Realitysucks · 10/12/2019 18:36

Omg to not have to work what a lovely life errr really?!? Lol! I’ve worked since the age of 16 ( now 41) have been in my current career for over ten years. I love my job and yes it’s stressful with deadlines but I still get job satisfaction. I’ve had one 6 month break when I had my son 17 years ago. I went back soon as I could not afford to be off longer, I was devastated. I am now 6 months pregnant, counting down the weeks till my maternity leave and looking forward to 9 months off. But to call it a break errr no, to say I’ll be lunching again sadly not. I will be raising a child, keeping a home, looking after my 2 men ( son and partner) all whilst bringing a new life into the world and making us a 4. My partner and I earn a significant wage between us, but to give up work ...... it’s just not enough, we’ve still had to save 10k for my maternity leave and that’s just to have 9 months off. How I wish to spend a couple of years at home with my baby but unfortunately my salary is higher and we simply can’t live on one wage. 😩

DonutMan · 10/12/2019 18:37

Presumably, though, the 'pointless' jobs are catering to some kind of market or they wouldn't exist.

LaurieMarlow · 10/12/2019 18:37

What is a ‘pointless’ job?

Waxonwaxoff0 · 10/12/2019 18:40

What qualifies as a "pointless" job?

Jack80 · 10/12/2019 18:41

I would love to just do one job I'm in one job 7.15-8.45 then 11.45-1.15 yes I have a break inbetween jobs but it's the travelling. I wish I could work in one school.

Parttimers · 10/12/2019 18:44

I spent 6 years at home with my dc!! I went back to work as soon as my youngest was 2.5 and could attend the local Montessori/play school. It’s not all it’s made out to be!! As I said upthread it can be lonely at times. I am lucky yes because I choose to work!!

DonutMan · 10/12/2019 18:49

Forgive me if this is a personal question (and feel free not to answer), but do those of you who support high earning husbands harbour any resentment or often feel that you're oppressed?

The reason I ask is because I often encounter the view (mainly on the women's rights section) that the wives of rich businessmen are oppressed and it's a male privilege to be able to go to work. I was quite surprised to read this.

My experience has always been that my wealthy bosses wives that don't work are quite a privileged bunch (certainly more so than me or my partner who both earn about £35k).

Of course, I can understand the boredom/isolation aspect, but this question is more about whether women resent their husbands for earning £100k and facilitating them not having to work.

BlaueLagune · 10/12/2019 18:53

I would love to be a lady who lunches Well I sort of am but I have to work for a living as well. I would not, however, want to be dependent on a man, so I'd need to win the lottery first. Which even without the poor odds, has the downside that I never play it...

Skinnychip · 10/12/2019 18:53

I have friends with all kids at school who don’t work and then say they are too busy to arrange things, sort out the washing etc, too tired to go out in the week etc...... that really annoys me!!!! They don’t work, no kids from 8-4 . Working mums esp do a great job juggling all those balls. And I know for a fact I cram more into my day than my non working friends. Some of them do unpaid work for charities etc which is great but others literally do nothing !!! And do not even go out oft lunch, help out at places etc.... I would go mad without that adult company. Rant over!

I know quite a few SAHM of teen children. It slightly grates when they "don't know how they're going to fit everything in" when they mean they have to wait in for a delivery and might miss their exercise class, or are ferrying their privately educated child to a rugby match in the next county. (When they have obviously chosen to send them to a school some distance away) Their choice to stay at home but comparing exercise (and shopping in some cases) to work is a bit Hmm

BlaueLagune · 10/12/2019 18:54

the wives of rich businessmen are oppressed and it's a male privilege to be able to go to work

I imagine there are some very happy, some who feel a bit like they're just their husband's appendage and varieties of inbetween.

twinklenicci · 10/12/2019 19:00

I think people assume being at home is lovely ! I stay at home as i became ill and can't work , I hate the fact i have no adult conversation during the day . Lost friendships as they don't understand what its like living with a chronic illness . I'd love to be well enough to work again , I miss having something to do and someone to speak to

Harvestsquirrel1 · 10/12/2019 19:05

How lucky for your daughter to have you there. But it sounds like you’re not happy -she will pick up on that:(

gingergittable · 10/12/2019 19:05

I haven't worked in 8 years and bloody love it! I got to go shopping without ds today and have a long lunch with a friend. Going to the gym now.

We have a big house and massive gardens and lots of animals. Everything we eat is cooked from scratch and I grow lost of our vegetables when it's warm enough. I have more than enough to keep me busy, I find it hard fitting time in to see friends and do the little bits of writing I'm paid for.

I absolutely know I'm SO lucky. I'll never take it for granted.

ElinoristhenewEnid · 10/12/2019 19:07

I finished regular work in April and just work a few casual hours as and when - I love it!! Have enough income to pay the bills and save a bit so extra money is for extras.

Am on my own but still love it - get out and about quite a bit to various social events - cannot imagine having to regularly work!
Several of my friends have done the same - we all love it!!

gingergittable · 10/12/2019 19:07

@DonutMan I'm extremely grateful to my hardworking husband. I'm always there to drop off or pick up ds and he's had quite a few health problems so I feel even luckier that he's been able to be off school as much as he has without worrying about work.

Oliversmumsarmy · 10/12/2019 19:23

Forgive me if this is a personal question (and feel free not to answer), but do those of you who support high earning husbands harbour any resentment or often feel that you're oppressed

Never.

Dp earns the money then gives it to me

Why would I feel oppressed

CallmeBadJanet · 10/12/2019 19:23

Not if you've lost your job

makingmammaries · 10/12/2019 19:27

I love my work. Would also love to cut down my hours to spend more time with DCs but it’s financially unfeasible. Getting them to medical appointments is a struggle, as are school concerts, getting the car serviced, and many other things. In that respect, SAHPs have it easier.

That said, the only people I don’t understand are healthy adults free of caring responsibilities who choose to rely on someone else’s income instead of earning their own.

Sandaled · 10/12/2019 19:32

I can't think of many pointless jobs to be honest, and universal income is a ridiculous idea that will absolutely ruin professions like teaching and nursing (more so than they are now). Why would you teach for example, when you could work in a supermarket for the same money? Both are equally important in many ways, and working in a supermarket isn't necessarily easy, but there is absolutely no incentive to do further study, a job with a huge affect on your personal life and work life balance, and with huge levels of responsibility. The key is to make some careers more accessible perhaps, so that funding etc isn't a barrier rather than pay everyone the same, which wouldn't work.

Runnerduck34 · 10/12/2019 19:34

Being a SAHM is not all a bed of roses, it means you are often financially dependent on someone else and that can backfire terribly. Society has very little respect for SAHM and can be hard relentless work with no time off if you're sick or even for 5 minutes peace,
More often than not it also requires financial sacrifice, older car, once a year camping holiday, not eating out, limited new clothing for adults, no home improvements etc.
I stayed at home until my youngest started school it was a privilege to be able to do that, to spend quality time with them , to be there to see their first steps , a colleague at work recently received a text from her DH telling her DC had taken their first steps, personally I would have been upset to miss something like that, so yes there are definite advantages to being a SAHM.
However I think the grass often looks greener but the reality may not be as rosy as you think

Thoughtlessinengland · 10/12/2019 19:48

a colleague at work recently received a text from her DH telling her DC had taken their first steps

Something that might equally have happened with the same DH if SAHM was out shopping/getting a haircut/in the shower.

Albatross123 · 10/12/2019 19:58

I don't have to work now as I retired a few years ago on health grounds but I choose to work for myself part-time from home doing something I love that also gets me out meeting new people. Other than that I volunteer for three different charities and that takes up quite a lot of my time. I couldn't sit around doing nothing at home as I would be totally bored. My grandmother was a stay at home mother but did a lot of charity work as did my own mother. If you are fortunate to be in a position where you don't need to work, I think it is only right that you do something useful with your time.

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