To think you are very lucky if you dont have to work?

[malificent7]

Dp is amazing but not a high earner and also i want to be a bit independent howver i haul my butt out if bed to work a 12 hour shift where i get told off as i havn't been trained properly...i am very jealous of those who don't have to work.

I don’t work currently though not through lack of not wanting to. I’m seriously struggling to find a job during school hours, that will allow me to have off the ridiculously long holidays my kids have. 8 weeks over summer, and 3 x 3 week blocks during the year. Add to that my resume is currently very dull as I haven’t worked in a few years and my references are rubbish. I have one who is a little old for child care but a little young to be left alone for extended periods of time, and a teenager who would probably be willing to stay home with him sometimes, but is still a teenager with a life and friends and I don’t want to put that on her.

DH works away on a 4 weeks on/1 week off roster, so can’t even arrange a job around his hours. Plus I’m not overly thrilled about the idea of working full time + doing 100% of the cleaning, household maintenance, child duties etc. I know single parents do it but I’m not a single parent.

I think DH would really like me to work and bring in a little extra money, but he would have to find a job locally to make it viable IMO and share the load. And local jobs don’t pay as well as his current one so the extra income would probably be negligible.

In any case, I’m not a lady who lunches, I can’t afford to.

I daresay that this thread explains the pay gap pretty well...

Be careful what you wish for.....

I have worked since 15, only having 6 weeks maternity with the children (that was the norm then). I am now 40 and a carer for my amazing dh who has stage 4 bowel cancer (terminal, 🤞 12 months prognosis). Thankfully he still has a reasonable quality of life so we can pop out for coffee a couple of times a week around hospital visits.

Some days I miss the routine of work and the interaction with my colleagues. The money is starting to become an issue as we are going through our savings very quickly and the benefits (pip & carers allowance) we receive are nowhere near what our wages were. Currently fighting with our life insurance to pay out which will help.

The fingers crossed 🤞 is for more than 12 months, it looks odd in my post.

I'd hate not to work. I enjoy the adult conversation, the routine and challenge of it. I'd be bored out of my mind without it

I also am a SAHM - not my choice, though, as I’ve had to medically retire very very early. Luckily, my DH is a relatively high earner, and both our children are almost out of school.

I do find it an odd debate, though. Why should any woman have to defend her position in life? If we remember we only work to live, not live to work, why should this question even exist? I am not desperate to work. I’d like it, yes, for the extra money and the social outlet, but other than that - I’m not desperate. And I shouldn’t have to defend this position, like I feel I do - it’s out of my hands.

I would love to just be a part timer. Full time work and kids is just too hard. And I don’t see it changing.

I wonder what the future will bring. I can see people moving onto second jobs and side jobs like America. So I appreciate being able to pick my dc up at 5pm and having a few hours with them in the evenings.

I don't find it lovely or boring. Love hanging with my kids (not at school yet) and am out doing activities of lunch with others in my situation most days, Won't do forever but bloody love it!

OR lunch, doh

Aargh and Lonely not lovely, should not post when I have just woken up

I’m currently not fit to work. I’m surviving on benefit of around £290 per month, where I used to take home around £1900. I used up my savings to live before I claimed benefit. I can’t go for walks, or do anything active; I don’t sleep well because of pain, and I find it difficult to focus my mind.

I’d give anything to be able to work!

Also sorry to anyone who is sick or a carer but the OP was clearly not talking about that kind of situation!

People will judge whatever you do regards to working or being a stay at home parent ( if you have children)
I have done both and the comments from people were not nice sometimes' not committed to my child' when I went back full time when ds1 was 6 months old , or ' lady that lunches' when caring for older parents. People have to make choices in life and it hurts when those choices are ridiculed or seen as the easier option etc. Sometimes it's not!
I envy women who stuck at their jobs and forged a career ; I gave on on mine and I do regret it sometimes, but it was the only option at the time for loads of reasons.
Don't make others make you feel bad.
I've spent too many years worrying about others and what they think! Plus the one at home doesn't always have it easier , believe me. They can be discriminated against as much as a working mum!

@ReanimatedSGB this is simply not true. My husband is a very high earner in the city and is the sweetest man ever. As are his friends. Sad for you

I am a sahm now and feel so, so lucky! I worked with my first and found it hard!

I'm a SAHM and I am very thankful that I'm able to be with my children every day but I would definitely like to get back to work when they start school.
Working again would be a breeze compared to this lol

Yes you are lucky if you don’t have to work in a job that you hate.
I have always worked, but would love to have my own business working from home.
Btw volunteering is work

Disagree OP. I would have to be prised from my career with a sharp knife. It’s my identity, it makes me feel passionate and gives me a wonderful social circle. Which then feeds into my role as mother etc.

I was a SAHM, and while I loved it, and think it was of huge benefit to the children because I was very good at it, it really wasn't a life of ease and luxury. There was certainly no money for regular lunches out, (often there wasn't enough money for me to have shoes that kept my feet dry) and I was with the children pretty much all the time, which was hard. If I'd had the choice, I would have worked part time, but the childcare costs were just too high.

I'm with you OP. I'm a single mum to 3 kids, one still in primary. I work full time, constantly knackered and juggling. I have no choice. ExP pays not a penny maintenance for the youngest, his child, so all down to me.

I have been in my job 20 years, it's a good job, well paid but I hate it, tedious and i don't enjoy it, I never really chose this carer as such, just sort of feel into it and then never left. I've still got probably another 20 years before retirement, so I'm constantly trying to work out, could I go part time, etc. I can't afford to take time off to retrain. I sort of feel stuck. Will be 10 years before DD has finished A-levels, and then she may go to univ, so I'm just churning along like a hamster in a wheel.

I'd love to be a stay at home mum for a few years. I'm not yet on maternity leave but a few colleagues have asked me if I'll be going back to work afterwards, as if I have a choice saying that I don't know how I'd feel about relying completely on my OH financially. My brother and his fiance have two children aged 9 and 5 and his fiance has never worked (oldest child born when she was 18) and chose to stay at home with the children whilst my brother works. They seriously struggle on one wage and I worry that when she does decide to work she will struggle to find a job when she has no past working experience. Not sure if that would be the case but that's always scared me about being a stay at home mum - having lots of time out then struggling to get back into work.

As previous posters have said, it’s the choice to either work or stay home that makes someone lucky. There are people on both sides of that fence wishing they could be one other side but financially they are unable to make the jump.

There's nothing wrong with being SAHM I have done this for years but now my last child is of to uni I have got myself a job which has given me a new purpose. I had purpose being a SAHM and now I have a purpose being at work. We adapt as our circumstances change. As long as we and our families are happy that's really all that matters.

There's nothing wrong with being SAHM I have done this for years but now my last child is of to uni I have got myself a job which has given me a new purpose. I had purpose being a SAHM and now I have a purpose being at work. We adapt as our circumstances change. As long as we and our families are happy that's really all that matters.

This. Especially the last line.

It's so utterly boring and tedious having to justify the choices made to others - whether that's to be a SAHP, WOHP, work FT, PT or whatever one chooses to do. Can't we just support one another's choices and accept that people do things for different reasons at different life stages - which if they don't impact on you, are really none of your business?!

OP, 12 hour shifts sound miserable! I work but have a cushty office job. Stressful sometimes, but lots of perks and it's normal 9-5 with lots of flex to work from home or take long lunches. Plus I actually find the job stimulating and interesting. I hope at some point life throws you the opportunity to retrain and do something more fulfilling.