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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU why do women have more than 2 children

300 replies

Gin96 · 09/12/2019 12:45

2 children, Now we have the benifit cap? I see so many women struggling after having baby number 3 after the cut off date in 2017. I don’t agree with the cap but it is what it is. Men should pay towards their children but i’m afraid a lot don’t and it’s left on the shoulders of women. Why do women put themselves in this vulnerable position?

OP posts:
Topseyt · 09/12/2019 13:49

I had three because I wanted three, as did DH, who was the eldest of three himself.

Mine were all born before the benefits cap, with the youngest arriving in 2002. Things have been tight at times, but we have managed without claiming benefits.

I'd say that it is none of anyone else's business.

justasking111 · 09/12/2019 13:49

On FB this morning there was an article a woman with seven children her OH says he helps out with childcare, bemoaning their cut in benefits and needing foodbanks. I was taken aback by that complaint. I have had three children and never needed benefits.

www.dailypost.co.uk/news/north-wales-news/liverpool-couple-seven-children-left-17385244

ForalltheSaints · 09/12/2019 13:49

GrannyBags well put. Do we criticise the Prime Minister for the number of children he has fathered? We only criticise him for allegedly not acknowledging all of them and for the way he has treated the mothers of the children.

justasking111 · 09/12/2019 13:53

This reply has been deleted

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Canyousewcushions · 09/12/2019 13:53

What @littlecaf said Xmas Grin

As many different reasons as you could possibly imagine I reckon!!

More seriously, I am in a good financial position and can afford to look after my kids. The likelihood of me ending up dependent on benefits is so low it's not something I really needed to consider.

The chaos levels on the other hand... now that really has been something else Xmas Grin

Verytubbycustard · 09/12/2019 13:53

I got pregnant with number 3 at the same time as I got pregnant with number 2. That's why I have 3 kids. It was never my plan, but there you go.

notnowmaybelater · 09/12/2019 13:54

Tinies not to tinnies - they weren't cans of Australian beer...

Marylou2 · 09/12/2019 13:54

If you rely solely on benefits when you decide to have a child I imagine you are thinking about yourself and not the child. If you pay your own way it's no-ones business how many children you have. Do agree that fathers should be forced to pay for their children though. It may make many of them more careful about randomly procreating in the first place.

OrangeZog · 09/12/2019 13:55
  1. They can afford their children.
  2. The benefit cap is irrelevant because it’s not applicable due to their income or circumstances.
  3. They wanted a second child and had twins.
  4. Their first pregnancy was triplets.
....
ElluesPichulobu · 09/12/2019 13:55

You do get that not everyone who gets pregnant with a 3rd child plans to do so, and that all types of contraception fail sometimes?

You get that not everyone who gets pregnant with a 3rd child is already on benefits at the time of conception, and people's jobs and financial situation can change dramatically without warning?

You get that the enormous number of women being dominated by controlling partners means that a lot of women don't have the control over their fertility they would like, and that keeping a woman constantly either pregnant or looking after a young baby or both is a recognised tactic of abusers to make sure their victim can't plan to get away?

You get that a 3rd child is still a human being with needs and rights, who doesn't deserve to live in poverty just because they happen to have 2 older siblings?

It must be so nice, to be so comfortable that you feel you can judge everyone else for not having your life.

summersherewishiwasnt · 09/12/2019 13:57

Absolutely none of your business.

JeffreeStar · 09/12/2019 13:58

Why don’t you agree with the cap? Are you happy to fund all these children? Because I’m not, if you can’t afford it don’t have kids.

IaIa3 · 09/12/2019 13:59

Um because we can afford our third child without help from the government and as for people who can't there could be a whole host of reasons why.

Hefzi · 09/12/2019 14:00

At this point in time, we live in a free society where people can make their own choices.

Personally, I think it's irresponsible for a wide variety of reasons, but people are allowed to make different choices than those I would personally make - we're not in Maoust China yet.

rwalker · 09/12/2019 14:01

To many variables for one size answer fits all.
But think I know where you are coming from there is a story in the paper today a couple 29/27 been together forever they have 7 kids and say they are skint relying on food bank and ground me page.
We had 2 due to the fact we would of had to move change/give up car and basically couldn't afford it .
can't understand why you would choose to have 7 kids with no way of providing for them then complain your skint.

JacobReesClunge · 09/12/2019 14:01

Wanting a third child enough to be willing to be that much poorer because of it, which based on the people I know is commonest. Contraceptive failure, or not using it/using it properly, for all kinds of reasons. Not needing benefits at the time the decision to have a third was made, not having a choice in the matter, not being aware of the rules on the benefit cap. The latter is surprisingly common, I have come across quite a few women who didn't claim CB for their 3rd as they wrongly thought they couldn't.

People do things for lots of different reasons, basically.

CornishMaid1 · 09/12/2019 14:02

I presume you are more meaning why do women/families in receipt of benefits have more than 2, rather than just a general why have more than 2 (answer : because they can afford to and want to).

I do think if you are on benefits and have 2 children, unless something happens to cause the third (multiple birth, product of rape etc) then it is something that should be thought about. However, I assume that some people in that situation are so used to not having much money that struggling a bit more does not cross their minds.

The one thing I have always struggled with having a third child is how you cope with them. There are two of us. If we had 3 children and they all ran off in different directions how do you pick which 2 to chase? I think the same for single mothers with more than one having to pick which to chase.

PepePig · 09/12/2019 14:02

Is it child benefit you're talking about?

Honestly, (I have one child, currently pregnant with number two), and while I'm more than happy with two, I don't think the cap would put many people off having a third child. An extra £55 a month, in all honestly, is a piddling amount of money. I think (most) people with planned pregnancies would never be depending on that amount of money to have a third child.

Don't get me wrong, every little helps, but it isn't a mindblowing amount.

Surfskatefamily · 09/12/2019 14:03

I dont understand people who judge others based on their family size buy heyho its life right? 😉

Billben · 09/12/2019 14:03

I don’t agree with the cap

Well, I do. If you can afford the children without any assistance from the taxpayer, then have them if you want. Otherwise don’t.

xChristmasJumperx · 09/12/2019 14:04

In part, Because they are literally left holding the baby to use old fashioned terminology. Men aren't asked why they had sex when they already had two children.

Whyjustwhy23 · 09/12/2019 14:04

Because I earn too much for child benefit all alone as a single parent anyway?

NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace · 09/12/2019 14:05

Nobody can rely on someone staying with you, anyone can end up on benefits.

Probably wise to not bother having any children then: just in case, like Shock

xChristmasJumperx · 09/12/2019 14:05

No way should I have had the second child but it is what it is. One child per person is a manageable interruption to a life where you have to earn and support yourself. Two makes it so hard.

Billben · 09/12/2019 14:07

I dont understand people who judge others based on their family size buy heyho its life right?

Probably because they are fed up of having to support people who just keep on breeding when they have to rely on the taxpayer to feed their kids in the first place.

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