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Original poster

Dropping out of Masters so embarrassed and lost

283 replies

KnuckFows · 08/12/2019 23:12

Realised my dissertation is simply not good enough. It absolute won't pass, it would be ok for undergrad but not this. DP is exasperated says I'm being too hard on myself and negative, that's not it though it really is not relevant and only realised what the problem is today and can't fix it in a couple of days.

I'm so depressed about this, and my family will be a bit contemptuous. I've dropped out of a postgrad degree before but really thought I could do it this time - and I have done well in my assignments so there's that. I will have a certificate.

My family all take for granted I can just do this level of academic work, I grew up being told how bright I am and im clearly bloody not!! I feel like that is (unintentionally) a set up for feeling like a failure when I can't deliver? Which I honestly can't.

I have an adhd diagnosis but not even really sure I have it, I have several medical conditions which can possibly interfere with concentration and stamina, and mean I could not try the adhd medication anyway.

The thing is it doesn't even matter what the reason is for failing, the reasons why become meaningless, just that oh look KnuckFows has failed again smirk smirk.

At a loss, not sure what direction to go in now without this degree. More fool me for thinking id get it.

.

OP posts:
arethereanyusernamesleftatall · 09/12/2019 19:18

But I'm just plodding on with the writing. Have edited a reasonable size part of a chapter too

Well done, this is excellent. Keep going, you can do this! Flowers

SevenStones · 09/12/2019 19:52

Give the person you emailed a ring in the morning.

Is it tomorrow you have to submit? What time?

Might be a good idea to work out everything adminny you have to do and work back from the cut off time to see when you can feasibly still keep working on it up till.

It's going to be fine. Smile

mathanxiety · 09/12/2019 20:10

Tell the emotions and the fear that you will deal with them later, and to stop 'knocking at the door'.

Crack on with writing.

Original poster
KnuckFows · 09/12/2019 20:16

I want to check my email again, to see if there is a reply, but honestly so anxious I cant open that inbox. Well obviously I can but it has my heart thumping every time I go to sign in.

Going to have a beta blocker I think.

OP posts:
Potterurotter · 09/12/2019 20:22

Hi OP

I did a meta analysis for my masters after my tutor suggested it, then turned out he didn’t know how to bloody do it or help at all which caused me so much stress I can’t tell you. To top it all off he then used aspects of mine to publish himself.

But, I think you can do this. If you can’t do it in the time you have, can you change it to a systematic review?

When you say you’ve got no results what do you mean? How have you done it? With effect sizes? Here for moral support oP Flowers

StepAwayFromGoogle · 09/12/2019 20:27

@KnuckFows - you sound like me when I was doing my Masters. I was so anxious I didn't know what to do with myself. On the day I was meant to hand in my dissertation I called my tutor in hysterics. The uni gave me an extension until the following May so I graduated the year after I should have. Can you do that?

Original poster
KnuckFows · 09/12/2019 20:35

Well nobody has replied and likely they won't now at this time of the evening.

I banned myself on clicking refresh on the email obsessively, then got anxious realising it had been a few hours since I checked. But I think I cannot obsess on whether anyone will reply, need to keep going.

OP posts:
StepAwayFromGoogle · 09/12/2019 20:38

@KnuckFows, you have had some great, great advice on this thread. Do what you can, keep going and see if you can get a further extension in the morning. I know this seems like the end of the world right now but it really, truly isn't.

Orchidfeed · 09/12/2019 20:46

Does the uni know you have anxiety (diagnosed)? I would expect you to be able to get a further extension if so

But also you need to show it to someone. I’ve marked tons of MA & UG dissertations and getting help from yr supervisor must be worth 10% - mainly advice on general stuff like thinking through aims & objectives and organising your material.

Btw secondary research is still valid research - just that you are interrogating existing data (rather than collecting it yourself) in your unique way

Good luck - you are in the home straight 😊

SaveTheTreesPlease · 09/12/2019 20:46

You’re doing so well OP - keep going, you can do this! Please don’t underestimate the unique despair that academic pressure can cause - I felt like I was losing my mind in the run-up to my MA dissertation deadline, and like you I very nearly didn’t hand it in as I was convinced it was a total pile of shit (and am prone to self-sabotage). I actually did OK in the end, and I bet you will too Flowers

tava63 · 09/12/2019 20:47

Keep on going - and if no extension comes through hit the send button at the time you need to. You may, like me, just get it over the line - but it will be over the line. This dissertation is a learning assignment, and you will have learnt so much from having had the courage to keep on going over the next few hours and the courage to then let this piece of work go.

newbingepisodes · 09/12/2019 20:47

A meta-analysis is the top of the research hierarchy. The results come from the analysis of the paper that have been included in your meta-analysis. You are drawing all the papers together to draw a stronger / new conclusion.

Onelovelyone · 09/12/2019 21:18

University lecturer here! For what it’s worth, I don’t think anyone thinks their dissertation is good enough. There always feels as though there is more to say, or a different way of saying it. To be honest, the fact you are feeling the way you are suggests to me that actually, your dissertation will be very good: you are aware of it’s limitations, and you have time to make final tweaks. Please don’t drop it now, keep going and know that you have worked really hard for this and that will be evident. Believe in your work and be proud of your submission. Hugs and good luck! x

arethereanyusernamesleftatall · 09/12/2019 21:40

KnuckFows I have ADHD; my dissertation for my degree (which I did as a mature student) was terrible. I spent too long on research, then procrastination, left it to the last minute and wrote the main section of it in the last 2 days before the deadline, I stayed up for nearly 2 days, drinking energy drinks.

I ran out of time and the final thing was TERRIBLE! I'm so embarrassed by it.

I got a low B for it. And, combined with my other marks, I scraped a first, literally by the skin of my teeth!

No one will ever know how bad my dissertation was. I really thought I'd fail completely. I was so embarrassed. I even wrote an email to my tutor apologising for how bad it was on the day I handed it in.

You will hand it in, won't you? It might not be the top marks material you could do with a bit more time, but it sounds to me like you have a large chunk of marks there, a very good chance it's enough to pass.

arethereanyusernamesleftatall · 09/12/2019 21:41

Or, more than enough to pass, even!

fanniboz · 09/12/2019 22:20

You're doing great OP, keep going! You got this! Brew

HerewardTheWoke · 09/12/2019 23:47

Hey OP. I was in exactly the same place as you when I did my masters degree. I was convinced I had nothing to say and was in despair the night before submitting. In the end however, I only just missed out on a distinction for the dissertation.

HerewardTheWoke · 09/12/2019 23:50

Meant to say you are doing brilliantly for facing your fears and ploughing on - best of luck with it. You're going to make it!

IdblowJonSnow · 09/12/2019 23:54

I doubt it's as bad as you think. No point giving up now...
Push on.
Do you even have to tell your family?

livefornaps · 10/12/2019 00:17

Thinking of you!! Keep going!!!

Peasplease21 · 10/12/2019 00:31

Keep going OP! I have been in your shoes so many times with my masters and phd, it physically hurts thinking about it. I really do understand. Everything turned out well for me in the end against what all my instincts told me. It will be okay in the end for you also. Never give up, never surrender!

AngryFeminist · 10/12/2019 03:47

Another academic here!

OP, before every single deadline I have ever had, EVER, I have, in the final wrek before submission, been convinced of the following:

  • my central argument is actually utter tosh
  • come to think of it, I have no argument at all. It's just an extended lit review!
  • everything I am saying is truisms and guesswork
  • it reads like a 4 year old wrote it
  • I should quit academia and work in a tea shop
  • everyone is laughing at me from their positions of elevated cleverness

98% of academics also go through this same process. There is zero chance they are laughing at you, and if they've not flagfed any issues with the dissertation before sumbission, you must trust that it's ready to go in.

A master's is like a training programme - you're learning to write in this style, to this length. No one expects it to be perfect. Just like a PhD is your first crack at writing something like a book - you're learning and the markers are working on that basis.

Hand the fucker in and pour yourself a hefty wine. Mumsnet academia salutes you!

PhoneLock · 10/12/2019 04:18

That isn't right. Other students on my course have failed essays. Im sure they don't like to fail people but if the work isn't good enough, what choice do they have?.

Deciding whether or not postgrads fail is part of my job so please ignore the pp's ill-informed advice. I can assure you that it can and does happen.

I don't understand what you are saying about not having a supervisor because you have been given an extension. Your supervisor remains your supervisor until you submit... that could mean an extra day, month or even a year. It makes no difference, they are there to advise.

Have you submitted a draft for review and feedback? That is part of a supervisor's role.

cordeliavorkosigan · 10/12/2019 05:01

Sounds like you have a bad case of imposter syndrome coupled with some anxiety. Relax. Hand it in. No one ever fails a master's for being some kind of weird innately inadequate with no prior indication! These are just phantoms and fears.

Original poster
KnuckFows · 10/12/2019 07:52

Thsnks everyone for the supportive posts, its really helpful.

Am having a (small) glass of wine to try to relax and wind down before getting some sleep. Its about 10% short of the word count after editing but I think it will have to do, as don't think there is any point having padding. The padding only makes it look more clunky and shit, and that's what I'm trying my best to minimise. Will do a read over after a nap and I guess, hit send. Deadline isn't until 6 o 9 pm, must check before I sleep.

No reply from uni but fuck it, at this point.

OP posts: