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Original poster

Dropping out of Masters so embarrassed and lost

283 replies

KnuckFows · 08/12/2019 23:12

Realised my dissertation is simply not good enough. It absolute won't pass, it would be ok for undergrad but not this. DP is exasperated says I'm being too hard on myself and negative, that's not it though it really is not relevant and only realised what the problem is today and can't fix it in a couple of days.

I'm so depressed about this, and my family will be a bit contemptuous. I've dropped out of a postgrad degree before but really thought I could do it this time - and I have done well in my assignments so there's that. I will have a certificate.

My family all take for granted I can just do this level of academic work, I grew up being told how bright I am and im clearly bloody not!! I feel like that is (unintentionally) a set up for feeling like a failure when I can't deliver? Which I honestly can't.

I have an adhd diagnosis but not even really sure I have it, I have several medical conditions which can possibly interfere with concentration and stamina, and mean I could not try the adhd medication anyway.

The thing is it doesn't even matter what the reason is for failing, the reasons why become meaningless, just that oh look KnuckFows has failed again smirk smirk.

At a loss, not sure what direction to go in now without this degree. More fool me for thinking id get it.

.

OP posts:
Original poster
KnuckFows · 10/12/2019 22:50

Thank you sorry I should have updated but was preoccupied when I woke up t my midday alarm. Had email back from uni asking me to call them. It is tricky regarding the exam board committees and such like but the upshot is i can have up to the weeke extension with no problem, with noneed for committee review. I have taken this up.

You may all think I'm mad for not submitting, but i asked for the help, and although I just want it to be over and done with...there is a little extra time now and felt I should grab it with both hands to give myself a better chance of scraping over that pass line.

Why is has done is shone a big light onto the fact I need to get some counselling for my self esteem in the New Year. It's so frustrating to fall apart in this type of high pressure situation and then beat myself up for falling apart. How do other people's minds cope without doing this? Believe it or not I am actually very good in the emergency kind of high pressure situation, quick thinking and calm. Anyway that is a thread for another day.

Thanks everyone.

OP posts:
Original poster
KnuckFows · 10/12/2019 22:51

Went back for another sleep afterward Blush I am so tired.

OP posts:
Reallybadidea · 10/12/2019 23:03

That's great news @KnuckFows. Will they also be giving you some advice about the general direction of the dissertation?

Glad you're going to be getting getting some counselling - don't feel like you have to stick with the first person you see, it can be worth 'shopping around'.

Please, please come back and tell us when you have submitted though! And keep posting in the meantime if it's helpful Smile

SurpriseSparDay · 10/12/2019 23:24

A week or until the weekend - a typo makes this unclear? What is your new deadline?

Glad things seem more hopeful.

Original poster
KnuckFows · 10/12/2019 23:28

Will they also be giving you some advice about the general direction of the dissertation?

I have a phone call with one of the tutors tomorrow about that, so that is helpful.

I will definitely keep posting until it's sent. It's great to have a place to write down all the jumble of crap in my head, especially when very anxious. Reading through the replies helps me keep a bit of perspective.

OP posts:
SourAndSnippy · 10/12/2019 23:29

Glad you got some more time to finish. 🤞🏻🤞🏻

TiredLongDay · 11/12/2019 00:08

I worked for a uni and have marked many dissertations. It's v unlikely you will fail the MSc if you've submitted something and have put at least a little effort into it.

FantasticButtocks · 11/12/2019 00:17

Well handled! 👏 Phew!

PapayaCoconut · 11/12/2019 01:52

How do other people's minds cope without doing this?

I don't know, I react exactly like you. Many people do and still have very successful careers!

mathanxiety · 11/12/2019 03:41

How do other people's minds cope without doing this?

This is the question of a person with self esteem problems and a case of impostor syndrome who imagines that everyone else sails through life.
Smile

Dear KnuckFows, the vast majority of people are in the same boat as you.

notnowmaybelater · 11/12/2019 06:47

KnuckFows everyone (ok can't speak for everyone, certainly most people) with any capacity for self reflection and self awareness at all feels like you describe sometimes. It's the flip side of not being completely devoid of imagination... Those unable to reflect can't improve, but the trick is finding the positive middle ground of course!

It's a lifelong balancing act for most thinking human beings, and mini identity crisis like this (because this is probably different from the crises you handle better than other people because it's about who you are - it really is an existential crisis) throw all our demons into sharp relief.

I'd bet you're actually a perfectionist are you? The reason I'm able to work through the kind of crisis you're having (and I have them regularly atm as I'm trying to complete a course of study which challenges and frustrates me in ways I've never had to deal with before) is that in the end I'm able to say "it'll have to do" and let it go before I'm happy with it - because for most of us our big pieces of work are never as good as we thought they'd be setting out. I also always have a plan B "If I fail I'll do X" (sometimes try again in some way, but sometimes see it as a positive and move in a different direction) which helps with stoicism!

Well done for getting un-stuck and doing something to get yourself out of the big. Don't let the drop in adrenaline sink you though, get something ready to submit now!

TheMShip · 11/12/2019 15:27

How did it go with the tutor today?

Original poster
KnuckFows · 11/12/2019 17:04

How did it go with the tutor today?

Well, not so good tbh. They think my ideas are generally good but very gently said it's not a finished piece of work. So it's like I've gone off on tangents and the signposting isn't good enough to make my more abstract points relevant, I think was the core problem?

I also get the sense that I've covered too much ground and not been specific enough. That was framed as "I can tell you have red extensively but..." so they really are trying to be kind and mindful of my anxiousness, I think.

My takeaway is to work on the signposting, that's the most productive use of the remaining time. The good news is there IS. second attempt for a capped grade.

OP posts:
Original poster
KnuckFows · 11/12/2019 17:05

Read, not red.

OP posts:
Original poster
KnuckFows · 11/12/2019 17:09

Keep suddenly bursting into tears since last night which isn't like me. I don't even feel that bad emotionally, just keep having intense waves of panic and cry and then am ok for a bit. It's like taking a lid off a pot that's overboiling and the steam comes rushing out.

OP posts:
ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 11/12/2019 17:48

Do you have a clear structured plan for your work? Now that you have written the draft take a step back and think through logically your structure. What is your conclusion and what are the logical steps you have taken to reach it.

I suspect you are drowning in detail and need to step back and work out how to best focus your material into a step by step progression.

Original poster
KnuckFows · 11/12/2019 18:04

Thank you, yes I agree with that. What I've just done is the suggestion where I write it out in one line per point, to try to see can I get a sense of where to step in and make it more logical.

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 11/12/2019 20:08

I was taught to write the introduction last so that it would contain major signposting and a thesis statement that I had already worked out, and to edit subsequent chapters in a way that underlined the relevance of material in them to the intro.

TheMShip · 11/12/2019 20:13

Yes, always write the intro last. Methods, results, conclusions, intro.

Your outlining will really help.

Original poster
KnuckFows · 11/12/2019 20:23

I've taken out all the stuff that was too tenuously linked and now it's far too short. I don't have it in me to bash out another couple of thousand new words. My brain is short circuiting.

I'm giving up, not panicking just accepting reality of situation. I'm happy with postgraduate certificate, that's fine and still an achievement. Thanks all for the support.

OP posts:
TimeForNewStart · 11/12/2019 20:27

Fair enough.

OstrichRunning · 11/12/2019 20:34

Is the stuff you cut definitely too tenuously linked? Can you try making the link more explicit, or even try acknowledging that it's perhaps slightly tenuous but give a clearer justification for its inclusion?

Op you sound overwhelmed and I get it, I've been there. It's so hard. But I wouldn't give up yet.

If you want to pm me I'd be happy to look over a couple of thousand words. Extra pair of eyes and all that ...

mathanxiety · 11/12/2019 20:39

Take a little rest. Sleep overnight.

Then put all the tenuously linked stuff back.

Try to link it a bit stronger. Or use it to highlight why the stuff you have included in your argument belongs there.

You could write several pages making an argument based on tenuous material, then stop and demolish it based on your strong material.

kenandbarbie · 11/12/2019 20:45

Submit! Don't give up now! You are having a bad reaction to what your tutor said. They were trying to give you a few pointers but have inadvertently set you back. But even with them having said that you might pass. You definitely can't if you don't submit. You have nothing to lose. You get the post grad cert anyway. The feedback will help in the event you do fail.

EC22 · 11/12/2019 20:48

You need to use the tutor.
When I did my masters I met with mine pretty regularly, he kept me right, and although he didn’t read the whole thing he read sections and gave feedback. The uni stated you should not be submitting something that won’t pass if you use your them correctly.